Affair partners marriage last or doomed for failure?

[Tonofbricks]

Think I'll post this here...

 

Wife cheated on me with another married man... They are together now with no lag from either failed marriage... It's only been 2 months and they say they are madly in love. Both intend on divorce...

 

The om is an affair down as far as I'm concerned ... And he was a left behind as om wife decided to end their marriage.

 

Will this last ... ?

[elaine567]

Think I'll post this here...

 

Wife cheated on me with another married man... They are together now with no lag from either failed marriage... It's only been 2 months and they say they are madly in love. Both intend on divorce...

 

The om is an affair down as far as I'm concerned ... And he was a left behind as om wife decided to end their marriage.

 

Will this last ... ?

 

NO idea, it all depends on the participants and how they view what appears to be an exit affair.

So whilst the odds are probably against it lasting, some do last.

I know of two couples who both left their spouses due to their affair and they moved on to happy marriages. One older couple who actually both lost "everything" in the divorces but are seriously happy living in a two bed apartment and they just glow when you see them together, the other couple are a lot younger and now have a new family and seem perfectly happy,

I know you want Karma to bite, but you need to move on with your own life and not focus on what your wife is doing with hers.

[AngeliqueC]

Flip a coin, ask a Magic 8 ball, consult a psychic.

 

The answer is probably not, but it really just depends on the two people and how committed they are to making it work and sticking it out thru thick and thin.

 

The real question is, why do you care if it does or not?

[DKT3]

Not likely... Om being left and not being the one that make the decision is a huge factor. It likely means she will be able to yank his chain. In that event he would likely drop your wife quickly.

 

Add in the element that the two if them likely has no true understanding of who they are with.

 

But honestly, you should do your best to not allow it to dominate your life. She made her choice, now time for you to focus on yourself heal and move forward. The pain goes away, your happiness will return.

[l8estnews]

Sad reality of LIFE:

 

Things we see in movies, things we read from books, when someone gets hurt "unfairly," the universe will surely get to them. But in reality, it's not the case.

 

I've read a post here with similar issues wherein the advice given was for the betrayed spouse to prepare to see the possibility that his ex-wayward husband and other woman to be on their way to happiness, and be happily married with 3-5 children for 20, 30 or 50 years.

 

Some people can handle that situation. I simply couldn't. Thus, I remain single and avoid putting myself to possible scenarios like loving someone deeply only to be betrayed like this.

 

I live in fear. The question is, are you going to allow yourself to be like me?

Edited August 6, 2016 by l8estnews

[Arieswoman]

Tonofbricks

 

Wife cheated on me with another married man... They are together now with no lag from either failed marriage... It's only been 2 months and they say they are madly in love. Both intend on divorce...

 

The om is an affair down as far as I'm concerned ... And he was a left behind as om wife decided to end their marriage.

 

Will this last ... ?

 

Who knows?

 

2 months is a very short space of time and reality hasn't hit them yet.

 

However, the most important thing is what you plan to do?

 

The best revenge you can have is making a happy life for yourself without your cheating wife, so make a start now.

[Tonofbricks]

Tonofbricks

 

 

 

Who knows?

 

2 months is a very short space of time and reality hasn't hit them yet.

 

However, the most important thing is what you plan to do?

 

The best revenge you can have is making a happy life for yourself without your cheating wife, so make a start now.

 

I am not dwelling a lot on this ... But know deep down anyone who jumps in a relationship they soon is destined for trouble...

I am focused on my kids and improving myself , but on the down time still think about how nice it would be if that whole house of cards tumbled down before my very eyes..I'm certAin that it would just not as messy and as fasted I would like.

[Arieswoman]

Tonofbricks,

 

Nah, you've got this wrong ;-

 

but on the down time still think about how nice it would be if that whole house of cards tumbled down before my very eyes..I'm certAin that it would just not as messy and as fasted I would like.

 

Don't wish for that ^^^^

 

Hope that they stay together and then have to live with their crappy selves. Now that's punishment !

 

This "being in love" stuff only last for about 2 years at most, then the blinkers come off and they see what they've got.

[Lady2163]

Think I'll post this here...

 

Wife cheated on me with another married man... They are together now with no lag from either failed marriage... It's only been 2 months and they say they are madly in love. Both intend on divorce...

 

The om is an affair down as far as I'm concerned ... And he was a left behind as om wife decided to end their marriage.

 

Will this last ... ?

 

I'm also adding to the chorus of "it depends".

 

They could be serial monogamists of a sort. I've known a lot of people who don't move on from one relationship until they have the next relationship on the hook. I'm not saying they ALWAYS cheat sexually, but they often leave a wake of betrayed partners.

 

This happened to me. I dated a man for two years. He would not take the next steps to building a relationship. I wanted to go away for a weekend. That never happened. I wanted to join him for lunch at his workplace (my former workplace) that never happened. I wanted to move in together, he thought for a full week and told me "no".

 

He broke up with me on a Sunday and supposedly went out on his first date with a woman on Friday....and spent the entire weekend with her. Three weeks later he moved her into his house. Four months after that they married.

 

Come to find out, they'd been having lunch together several times a week for seven years. They worked for a large company and never had any work interactions, just had a fluke conversation one time and then a few days later she joined him at his table in the cafeteria.

 

They've been together for 14 years now. I think. They both have ridiculously common first and last names. Smith, Jones, Johnson, etc. So I can't do much cyber stalking.

 

But, my life is so much more amazing without him. I started a business that just exploded and made me enough money that I am retiring and buying a 3400 square foot house, free and clear. I'm around 50. He still lives in a hovel.

 

So, it can happen. I guess I consider their marriage a success since it has lasted as long as it has.

[Darren Steez]

It's shiny new, it's honeymoony, it might last for decades.

It's a relationship, they might get tired of each other, it might last for decades..or not

 

It's a relationship. Who knows what might happen. The basic instinct is to want their relationship to fail quickly. Best revenge is to have the best relationship with your kids and somewhere down the line meet their union with the indifference it deserves.

[dubliner]

I am not dwelling a lot on this ... But know deep down anyone who jumps in a relationship they soon is destined for trouble...

I am focused on my kids and improving myself , but on the down time still think about how nice it would be if that whole house of cards tumbled down before my very eyes..I'm certAin that it would just not as messy and as fasted I would like.

 

Why do you want it to fail?

Do you have hopes of reconciliation with your wife?

If not then you need to let go of the bitterness or you will never move forward with your own life and you will only cause damage to your relationship with your children. They love both you and their mother, being caught in the middle of so much bad feeling is what messes kids up in separations.

Your children need peace and stability during this time, whatever hurt your W and her AP have caused you, you need to be the better person. Your children will learn from you in the way you handle your own pain. Be a good model they can be proud of.

[Ahurtgirl]

Yes, second marriages as a result of an affair can last. I know of numerous ones that have. They have been remarried to each other for 20 plus years for the three couples I know and they all were affair partners to start. However, all of those couples went through a year or two after their affairs semi apart until they reunited. The pattern seems to be that things blow up pretty bad for awhile and then once things settle down and divorces are complete, then things fall into place. Another couple I know recently were together as affair partners for about 3 years and then her marriage fell apart, then he finally left his wife. They dated as a single couple for about five years and then married. From what I have seen in the past twenty years, almost all of the people I know who are remarried, did meet during an affair together. It really does seem to work out for most. I had hoped that for my affair as well, but unless this is the stage in between before it actually happens, I have my doubts right now.

[DKT3]

Yes, second marriages as a result of an affair can last. I know of numerous ones that have. They have been remarried to each other for 20 plus years for the three couples I know and they all were affair partners to start. However, all of those couples went through a year or two after their affairs semi apart until they reunited. The pattern seems to be that things blow up pretty bad for awhile and then once things settle down and divorces are complete, then things fall into place. Another couple I know recently were together as affair partners for about 3 years and then her marriage fell apart, then he finally left his wife. They dated as a single couple for about five years and then married. From what I have seen in the past twenty years, almost all of the people I know who are remarried, did meet during an affair together. It really does seem to work out for most. I had hoped that for my affair as well, but unless this is the stage in between before it actually happens, I have my doubts right now.

 

Can last, most likely won't. Second marriages fail roughly75%. Those starting as affairs fail a significant amount more. Them making a long run is about on par with winning the jackpot on a slot machine.

[cocorico]

Think I'll post this here...

 

Wife cheated on me with another married man... They are together now with no lag from either failed marriage... It's only been 2 months and they say they are madly in love. Both intend on divorce...

 

The om is an affair down as far as I'm concerned ... And he was a left behind as om wife decided to end their marriage.

 

Will this last ... ?

 

No BS ever considers the WS to be "affairing up" with the AP... but that is neither here nor there. Choice of partner is highly subjective, and people apply their own criteria and their own measures of what, and who, is "better" - for them. At that point in time.

 

Who knows whether their R will last? Some do, many don't. The less invested you are in the success / failure, the easier you will detach and move on, so that *if* it implodes and she comes asking for another chance with you, you'll be less tempted to consider it.

[Lobe]

It really does seem to work out for most.

 

I'm pretty sure the multitudes of APs who got dumped in favour of a) the BS or b) being single would disagree. Statistical data supports that approximately 3% of affairs lead to marriage and of those, they face 60% to 75% divorce rate based on it being a second marriage. While it's possible that people whose relationships begin as affairs is underreported, I feel confident disputing your assertion that "It really does seem to work out for most."

 

OP, while the odds are definitely against your wife's relationship succeeding, why are you wasting time thinking about it? Get on with your own life and stop investing energy in her - the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

[elaine567]

I think it may also depend on whether there has been a dday or not.

If no dday and the intention was to divorce anyway, then I guess more likely to work, than a dday and a kind of forced getting together.

 

In other words if the WS left of their own accord, as opposed to being pushed by the BS discovering the affair, I guess it may have more of a chance of success.

 

Of course some just need "someone" to give them courage to leave, and once left they dump that "someone" and they are then free to go find a more suitable partner.

[cocorico]

I think it may also depend on whether there has been a dday or not.

If no dday and the intention was to divorce anyway, then I guess more likely to work, than a dday and a kind of forced getting together.

 

In other words if the WS left of their own accord, as opposed to being pushed by the BS discovering the affair, I guess it may have more of a chance of success.

 

Of course some just need "someone" to give them courage to leave, and once left they dump that "someone" and they are then free to go find a more suitable partner.

 

I agree - if someone is pushed to leave before they are ready, unfinished business makes it less likely that things will work out. Whereas if they're ready, and disclose / leave on other grounds, they're asserting their own agency, making their own choices rather than continuing to be a victim of their own lives - and more invested in ensuring a good outcome.