xMW came back. Feel horrible.

[jar9558]

I was the OM in a 6-month A that started 2 years ago. MW dumped me for her husband's best friend, also married. Both her (now ex) H and her new MOM are from wealthy families, and that MOM is married to a daughter of a wealthier and moderately powerful family in our area. xMW's husband found out and they divorced about a year ago, with her agreeing to receive zero alimony and child support (they have a 4yo), as the new MOM wanted to keep that affair secret because of his family's reputation.

 

He had since been keeping her as his mistress, paying her a rather large monthly stipend and traveling around the world. Their dday happened recently, and OW contacted me last week with all of the above info, none of which I knew about before last week. We had not been in touch for over a year.

 

That same day we met and had sex. Only small communication since. I found out later she is in debt (she took out a mortgage on her house that her mom lives in to invest in some project with her MOM...with no legal documents of her involvement, of course). That money is pretty much never coming back. She now has no income, debt, and 50% custody of a young child. She has pretty much never worked a day in her life because, well, she is gorgeous physically and has always been with wealthy men.

 

I feel absolutely horrible for her. She literally has no one to turn to right now. Obviously I'm not going to take care of her money problems (I think she knows I technically can, but it would be a moderate hardship with my financial situation, so I don't think that's what she wants from me.)

 

Rereading what I've typed rationally it's so obvious I should run the h*ll away as fast as possible. And, well, I probably shouldn't have had sex with her when she came to me.

 

But she has absolutely no one to turn to right now. I think she may lose her child because she won't be able to take care of her, financially.

 

And I don't know what she wants with me. She knows I won't be with her. And after all that I just learned, it's impossible now, for me.

 

The crappy thing is, I thought I was over her and then this. I care so, so much for her right now. I want to be a shoulder for her to lean on, but I know I'll get pulled in. I know my feelings are coming back. Rationally, I have no desire to be in a relationship with her...well, except for sex if I were honest, but I can't do that either because I just feel so horrible for her potential future right now. I don't think I'm in a position to do anything positive for her life, right?

 

Thank you for reading. I lurked here a lot when we first broke up to try to understand why As hurt so much when they end. This community has been a godsend.

[angel.eyes]

Sorry you're in pain. From what you write, you clearly know what to do. That is to walk away completely from the situation. I'll add that you need to block her on your phone, email, and social media. Otherwise, you'll continue to have erratic contact that causes setbacks and slows down your ability to recover and ultimately move forward in your life.

 

Best of luck!

[Shadowburn]

I am sure this physically gorgeous woman who never worked a day in her life, can find another wealthy shoulder to lean on. She really must be desperate for attention to reach out for you after a year and to have sex with you that same day.

She keeps creating dysfunctional mess around her, but you really don't have to be involved on her drama.

 

Walk away and don't look back. She is grown woman, she'll figure it out.

[dubliner]

OP, sounds like she's looking for a KISA to save her, poor little princess.

The kindest thing you can do for her is not be her saviour, as horrible as it sounds, she needs to take some responsibility for herself instead of running from man to man and making poor choices along the way.

I would guess if you were to reconnect and get drawn back in it wouldn't be too long before she found another wealthy guy looking for a pretty shag and you'd be dumped on your butt.

 

Look after yourself. Put the one off sex down to a mistake, an error of judgement, block her from contacting you via all means and get your focus back on you. She is not your responsibility, no matter how 'bad' you feel about her situation, be logical- getting involved now is just going to bring you a whole ton of pain.

[sandylee1]

What a mess she is.

 

When people cheat and maintain they are wonderful parents, this is a prime example of how they aren't. Now because of her sleeping around, she's struggling to bring up her daughter.

 

The gravy train from MOM is over now.

 

This is a woman who cheats with you.

Then goes for her husbands best friend.

 

She's got no morals and no shame. Why you feel sorry for her is beyond me. She uses people and leaves a wake of devastation in her path.

 

Her Ex H must be delighted he's got rid of her at no cost.

[anika99]

I concur with everyone else. Not sure why you feel so bad for this narcissistic train wreck whose only accomplishment seems to have been to spread her legs. I don't know if the stories she is telling you are true. She is a self serving individual who uses men so I wouldn't be so quick to believe her sad tales. However if she is telling the truth about giving up alimony and child support for the sake of protecting her MOM then she is really a disgusting excuse for a mother. She gave up money for her child to protect a lying cheat. She chose a lying cheater over her own child's well being. If you are going to feel bad for anyone feel bad for her kid who got stuck with this mess of a woman for mother.

[jar9558]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I should say that I wasn't exactly an angel in our original affair, either. I knew she was married, and I was the initiator. I was also her first affair, I'm pretty sure, so in some sense I feel like I started it all. I know, of course, this is not my responsibility now. She made her own decisions after our split.

 

This comment by anika99 really opened my eyes:

 

However if she is telling the truth about giving up alimony and child support for the sake of protecting her MOM then she is really a disgusting excuse for a mother. She gave up money for her child to protect a lying cheat. She chose a lying cheater over her own child's well being. If you are going to feel bad for anyone feel bad for her kid who got stuck with this mess of a woman for mother.

 

I never even considered thinking about it this way. It is indeed sad for the kid. She is the one I should be feeling truly bad for.

 

Rationally, things are so clear. But truth is, I can't really stay rational when I hear from/am around her, though. NC NC NC NC...thank you everyone again.

[loveisanaction]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I should say that I wasn't exactly an angel in our original affair, either. I knew she was married, and I was the initiator. I was also her first affair, I'm pretty sure, so in some sense I feel like I started it all.

 

She had her first affair with you then dumped you for her husband's best friend. Wow! She learnt pretty quickly.

 

Then, she comes running to you and at the drop of a hat has sex with you without a care in the world.

 

She's definitely a cheerful giver that's for sure.

 

Jar...You have to know that there are women who hold themselves to better standards than this.

 

The scales are tilted in you favor hon, there are 25 women to 1 male.

 

Why are on earth are you pinning away for a woman who has no problem taking off her clothes and giving her body to any man who wants to have sex with her? Whether she's married or not...she gives it up.

[Ruffian1]

She has pretty much never worked a day in her life because, well, she is gorgeous physically and has always been with wealthy men.

 

Don't worry, in the group she is running with, she will find another wealthy man the sleep with. She seems to have a lot of experience finding them. She should have stayed with her H.

 

I think you know there is a high probability she would drop you for a wealthy guy if she got the chance if you got into a R with her.

 

Oh, and don't use her for sex, she needs to stop prostituting herself like that. She is only hurting herself (and her daughter).

[sandylee1]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I should say that I wasn't exactly an angel in our original affair, either. I knew she was married, and I was the initiator. I was also her first affair, I'm pretty sure, so in some sense I feel like I started it all. I know, of course, this is not my responsibility now.

 

Of course you're no angel. You had an affair with a MW. Lots of married women get hit on and pursued, but they don't all drop their knickers for OM.

 

She had a wealthy husband who I'm sure loved her, but it wasn't enough. At the time you were with her, she had a little toddler, but she still found the time to have an affair with you.

 

Don't be sure you were her first A and even if you were, she had her husband suffer a double betrayal by having an A with his best friend. She's nothing but a loose woman, who thinks good looks will take care of everything.

 

If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. She's shown you that way back then.

[SnowBaby]

You were wrong to pursue a married woman, and she was wrong to have followed through on it.

 

I do feel sorry for the child, but the saunter may be better off with the father then with a mother who basically uses her body to get someone to pay her way in life. That is not a great example of a functional parent.

 

The thing that strikes me is that she actually left her marriage to a married man to pursue being only a mistress. So that means that the exOM was her first choice until he didn't want her.

 

Why would you ever choose to be the second or last choice.

[sandylee1]

 

The thing that strikes me is that she actually left her marriage to a married man to pursue being only a mistress. So that means that the exOM was her first choice until he didn't want her.

 

 

I think after finding out, her husband divorced her and with no money, and to save MOM from exposure, she settled into the kept mistress role.

 

What a life.

[jar9558]

So some crazy stuff. My guess is someone on one of the BSs's side told the tabloids, and their whole affair made the news. (I live in a smallish non-English speaking country, and yes, this is the kind of stupidity that passes for news here). Amazing.

 

I've also found out that she's still receiving money from the MM. And yes, I'm coming to my senses here. Thank you everyone for your comments.