michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 I need advice....BAD!!!!!!!!! I am currently living with my partner. Yesterday, news to me....we are now just friends. He no longer wants to have a relationship with me. To make matters worse, I am not working and have no income as a result of a back injury which resulted in back surgery 3 weeks ago. I won't be able to go back to work for 2 months. I am miserable. It has been an ongoing battle between us for so long, and I am at my wits end. We are supposed to go to the boat this weekend, but also news to me as of yesterday, his friends don't want me there. What should I do? If I don't go, then I am left home alone with nothing to do but wonder and worry about what is happening on the boat. I am madly in love with him still and I am so confused. I don't want to hurt anymore but I'm trapped. I have no family to turn to. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Gosh maybe since you are "just friends" you should QUICKLY move in with another friend. Get out. Get away from him now...make him realize that he really does love you and want you, and give him the space that he's apparently craving. In any case, move out now. Don't let him see you needing him. Apparently, now that this jerk has you dependant on him, he thinks he can just treat you any old way, and get away with it. He owns you in a sense. Don't let him own you. I know you love him and want to be with him, but it's not good to be with him right now. It will further his emotional abuse of you. Again, he thinks he owns you. Please, move in with ANYONE. Live out of your car. Take your clothes, and your toiletries, and put them in your car, and sleep on a friend's couch until you can get back on your feet...or until he comes around. If you do this; if you listen to me, I think he'll come to his senses within a couple of days. If he hasn't begged for you back within a week, then you have your answer...it's truely over, and you need to move on and become independant. You have become totally dependant on him, and now he thinks he owns you, and again, since he owns you, he can do whatever he wants and you have to put up with it. Don't let him do this. Become independant! Link to post Share on other sites
Author michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 I wish I could just move out. Unfortunately my group of friends is very very small. And the few friends that I do have are married with children. There literally is NO PLACE for me to go. I've been dealing with this BS for months. If I could get out I would have been gone already...believe me. My back was injured back in March....it's been months that I've been miserable. So I literally do not have anywhere to go....what now? Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 I think you are just being stubborn. I KNEW you'd say, "I have nowhere to go." If he kicks you out, where are you going to go? Now...why aren't you getting workers' comp? Can you get on welfare? Can you get HUDD for housing? Look into it! People with no money make it every day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 No workers comp, because it was not a work related injury. I tried to get soc sec disability, but they turned me down three times. The third time was the final decision because of surgery, they said I was on the road to recovery and didn't need assistance. I'm not familiar with HUDD housing, but I will look it up online right now. And, I'm not being stubborn, all of my friends are very well aware of my situation and none of them have offered me a place to stay...but I understand, their houses are full. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 can you sleep in your car with your bad back Seriously, I've always thought, "If I have to move out, but can't do it, I can live in my SUV. I'll get a gym membership ($20 a month) and I'll shower at the gym every morning. I'll watch tv and exercise at the gym every evening. I'll hang out in the gym jacuzzi and read a book if I get bored with everything else, and I'll live off fast food. Work during the day, hang out at the gym a few hours at night, and sleep in my SUV. I can dig it I just need a safe place to park my SUV every night so I won't get attacked...like right near the entrance of a 24 hour walmart, or in a friend's garage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 I appreciate your efforts, :-)....but even if physical limitations didn't prevent me from doing that, I'm not strong enough to do that. Physical limitations alone prevent me from doing that. I'm 6'4" and I have a little dodge dakota truck. lol..not exactly big enough for me to sleep in..plus it definitely wouldn't be good for my back 3 weeks after surgery. But I'll be honest...even if I had an SUV, I wouldn't be strong enough to go through with it. I'm at a weird and feeling very vulnerable place right now. I just graduated college finally..at 28 yrs old. I had a job lined up and everything, but then all of this crap happened with my back....and the kicker of it all. I injured my back remodeling HIS laundry room...I'm so foolish. I kept thinking the more I did for him and showed him how much I loved him he would turn around. All the while knowing that people don't change. Why is love so blind? Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by FolderWife can you sleep in your car with your bad back Seriously, I've always thought, "If I have to move out, but can't do it, I can live in my SUV. I'll get a gym membership ($20 a month) and I'll shower at the gym every morning. I'll watch tv and exercise at the gym every evening. I'll hang out in the gym jacuzzi and read a book if I get bored with everything else, and I'll live off fast food. Work during the day, hang out at the gym a few hours at night, and sleep in my SUV. I can dig it I just need a safe place to park my SUV every night so I won't get attacked...like right near the entrance of a 24 hour walmart, or in a friend's garage? What part of "back surgery 3 weeks ago" are you not understanding? A person who's recovering from back surgery needs a very good comfortable supportive bed to sleep on, to help with the recovery and decrease some of the pain they'll naturally be having. You're ASSUMING this person has an SUV, perhaps they have a small car? Do you have any idea what it's like to recover from back surgery? For most, particularly after 3 weeks, it would almost be impossible to get in and out of a vehicle. To call this poor person stubborn is really quite inappropriate. For all you know, this person lives in a tiny town that doesn't even have a gym. For all you know, they don't even have a vehicle or because they're not working, can't even afford gas to drive the vehicle. It doesn't seem you're being very realistic or understanding of this poor person's predicament. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Considering you injured your back as a result of doing home improvements on HIS home, I'd say you should just stay put where you are until you can return to work. If he considers you "just a friend" then fine, well his "friend" is in the predicament he's in as a result of trying to help him out....... you've gotta look out for #1 and focus on healing and taking care of yourself and then getting back onto your feet. I don't understand how soc sec disability would turn you down, under the premise that you're "recovering" - for God's sake, you're not able to work, how do they expect you to survive and pay rent and pay for the cost of food and such? Did they just assume that because you were living with your partner that your partner would pick up the tab for everything? If that's the case, obviously the situation is different now......... Why don't you consider talking to a personal injury attorney? If your partner wants to be suck a d*ck to you well, didn't you sustain your injury in his home while trying to help him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 LOL, well I appreciate someone coming to my defense, but I was not offended by folderwife's comments. She was offering advice, and I appreciated it. Truth of the matter is no matter where I go, I have to be in comfortable surroundings....for my mind and spirit. When something bad is happening in one's life, taking away a comfortable environment (housing, television, being able to relax in your own surroundings) is just going to make matters even more depressing. All of my things are in a storage unit except for clothes and my computer, oh and toiletries. I wouldn't need a lot of space, but I would need to be surrounded by a comfortable environment. I think anyone would. I've been with him a year and a half, so it's not like this isn't going to hurt terribly. It's already breaking my heart. I just wish i had a friend who was single and was able to share a living space with me....because I would go. But what do I do about this weekend? Should I go and try to have fun and ignore his assh*le friends? Or do I stay behind and be miserable wondering what he's doing? I think either way I'm not going to have too much fun. This sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyl321 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 sorry to hear that your partner decided to add insult to your injury. The only advice I could offer is just to stay until your back heals. There's no sense in trying to move things while you're in recuperation. If you do, it'll get worse and then you'll be staying that much longer. In regards to your partner going off onto the boat, just take it in stride. Perhaps all he is looking for is some "alone" time. Maybe he feels you two have gotten too close, or not close enough, or something else altogether. Either way, respect him for it. Stay where you are and just treat him as he does you. I know you stated you still love him, and if that's true, just make the commitment that you'll ride out this storm. If in the end, he still feels that you're no longer a partner, then so be it. Wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author michiganbud Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 Soc Sec turned me down because their definition of "disabled" is minimum of a year. That is why they turned me down. As far as a personal injury lawyer, I'd never do that. I'm not vindictive like that. My parents just divorced last year after 33 years of marriage. I would never get evil and try to destroy someone like they did to each other. I just feel so alone in all of this. After the divorce last year, my family just up and left the state. I'm left alone here. Just feels weird to not have someone to turn to. That is why I sought out this website. Hoping to be able to talk to others for advice, or just someone who understands what I'm going through. I dunno, I do appreciate the comments and suggestions though. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Why would you even consider going out on the boat with him and his friends when it's been made clear that you're not really invited? Hate to be harsh here, don't mean to hurt your feelings but why would you want to attend and then put yourself in a situation where it's awkward and you're not feeling wanted and you're stuck on a boat and can't even leave? It's not the end of the world that you'll have to spend the weekend alone - people all over the world do it, there's got to be thousands of people who are working this long weekend..working in horrible crappy paying jobs, some who can't find jobs, some who are dying and it will likely be their last 4th of July on this earth - get what I'm saying? Put it into perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Resurrection Mary Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 michiganbud, shygurl is absolutely correct. You've got bigger worries ahead of you than worrying about "being made fun of" by people who don't want you around, and what your "friend" is getting up to. I know it hurts, because (weirdly enough) you still love him. But you can't waste one single brain cell dwelling on him and your gutted relationship. Use this weekend to get yourself into a calm, rational space mentally. Put all your cards on the table and see what you've got to work with. Don't waste time crying, watching television or bombarding yourself with negative thoughts. Make a list of who can help you out. Doesn't matter how little -- who can you ask for a favor until such time as you can repay them? If your family is out of state and you have any kind of rapport with any of them, contact them -- if for nothing more than moral support. Canvass your small circle of friends for advice, counsel, brainstorming -- anything they're willing to help you with, even if it's just a friendly voice on the phone. Next, check out any social service agency which has resources to help you. Especially any special, short term emergency services to women. I know you can't contact them until after the "holiday weekend" (which, as shygurl points out, ain't much of a holiday for lots of people, including me), but you can get your ducks in a row in the meantime. Finally, give yourself a little comfort in the form of a favorite snack, or listening to some music, or anything which makes you feel as though the world isn't an entirely ugly place...after you put in some work on a game plan. I wish you the best of luck. You may come out of this a lot better off than you went in. Stranger things have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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