MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 (edited) Here's my story- I am a 20 something college graduate, unmarried (been single for 3 months now, was in a 2 year relationship), no kids.... I have a pretty decent job, a brand new car, and great credit... But there is one thing I can't seem to shake & has been lingering on my mind for a while now... A man (married) 15 years my senior initiated a friendship with me almost 3 years ago now... He failed to tell me he was married within the first few months of him texting me everyday (mind you, I had to ask him about it). Me being younger and a bit more naive, I thought I could have a friendship that was purely platonic BUT on the contrary it turned flirty pretty fast, he then said the flirting has to cease but he still wanted to stay in contact dally, I ended up in a relationship of my own, he gave me space for months but then came back and started with the sweet words again... Our "friendship" had never turned into a PA even after we were alone at my home before chatting for hours we NEVER took it there although we both expressed the desire was there.. I am at a point I have good days and bad days. Haven't really conversed with him for a week (this is when he got provocative pictures and videos of me, in which I feel like I could kick myself for). These feelings are inappropriate but it feels like it feeds something in me... I'm a young woman with many goals, hobbies, and interests BUT this man seems to linger in the back of my mind.... He has even said he enjoys being in a person's mind.. Impregnating one's thoughts. I've told him, I really want to cut this "invisible cord" between us and he asked did I really want to do that He said he respects me too much & feels I am too important to him to have sex with me although the attraction does exist. He said he feels like he'd be making me a side piece of he had sex with me. Never in a million years did I think I would adore someone that isn't mine.. To those out there that are even contemplating on having a friendship with a married man w/o knowing his wife, PLEASE RUN! Proximity will cause you to fall for this man.. Wish I would've known before now. I feel like I have an addiction that's hard to shake. There are many times I keep my cell at home or out of my bedroom at night so I won't be tempted to reach out. I keep backsliding & feels like this won't end. Emotional affairs are way more powerful and hard to let go than a purely physical affair.... Don't buy into the notion you can JUST be friends with a married man when there is attraction between the both of you & he won't introduce you to his wife... He claims the wife knows about our friendship whether I believe him or not... Who knows, but I just really wish we could have started our connection off properly... We have so many common interests & are similar in many ways. Sorry for the rant but I am feeling particularly emotional today about this situation.... This "friendship" or better yet EMOTIONAL AFFAIR has been an emotional rollercoaster. I just want to be FREE. Edited August 7, 2016 by MsHopeful0208201689 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 He's playing you like a little fishie on a line. Do not degrade yourself by giving him suggestive pictures or having anymore to do with him. Big lesson... if he is married, walk right on by. Poppy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Is there a reason you can't block him and act like he doesn't exist ? There's another forum I am a member of and some of the BSs admit they had affairs with MM when younger. Now they know how it feels, whereas at the time it was all good fun. Karma is a b**ch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 You want to be free? Ask to meet his wife and bring the "friendship"'out in the open. When he declines, BLOCK entirely (phone numbers, social media, etc) and go No Contact. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 Thanks all these post are giving me motivation to go FULLY NC. I actually left my phone at home today focused on my work & hung out with a new older female friend after work. Noticed how much better I felt when disconnecting from having a way to be tempted to connect with him... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 There you go.... you feel better already. You don't want the stress of a MM with baggage, when you could be with a younger single man and not have to sneak around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Girl, you are a 20 something young lady, a college grad with a good job who has a whole life ahead of her. Do not waste one minute of your youth being *friends* with a married man who is 15 years your senior. The reason the both of you want to sleep with each other are different; you want to sleep with him because you like him a lot as a result you are attracted to him, he wants to sleep with you because he wants a little action outside of his marriage. Is he leaving his wife? Is he getting a divorce? Has he moved out of his matrimonial home and has started a life as a single man? Then, the only reason why he's even spending time with you is because he wants to sleep with you but stay married. He came back to you because he wanted to stay in contact. Huh-uh! Yeah! Not!!! He came back to you because he wasn't able to sleep with you the first time around. You know the saying "If at first you don't succeed try try try again." Girl, you know exactly why he came back... He respects you too much to sleep with you? If you sleep with him he will disappear so fast he will put Houdini to shame. Please! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 "Freedom is just a blocked number away" lol. That should be on a coffee mug. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aj2124 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It's always easier for someone else to tell you to end a relationship but being the one to actually do it is another matter. However, really consider the long-term consequences of letting this continue. We all want someone to confide in, someone who knows you on a deep level. There's something comforting and convenient about carrying on a relationship/friendship online or through texting but it cannot replace the joy of having a real friendship that you will not feel guilty about carrying on long-term. Do you have people in your life who you are really close to and have a deep connection with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 It's always easier for someone else to tell you to end a relationship but being the one to actually do it is another matter. However, really consider the long-term consequences of letting this continue. We all want someone to confide in, someone who knows you on a deep level. There's something comforting and convenient about carrying on a relationship/friendship online or through texting but it cannot replace the joy of having a real friendship that you will not feel guilty about carrying on long-term. Do you have people in your life who you are really close to and have a deep connection with? Agreed. Easier said than done, especially when the person giving the advice is not in the situation nor has experienced a similar situation... I agree with you wholeheartedly that in the end the heartache isn't worth it no matter how "connected" you feel to the person. I do have several good friends I am connected to in my life as well as parents that love me dearly & would do anything to me.. But for some reason the man I am speaking of effects me in a different way from those in my life... Not better, just different and I enjoyed the feeling and connection we have/had. I have many things to look forward to within the next year, so I am just staying focused on my goals and seeing what happens.. It's funny this man got to me deeper than my most recent ex-boyfriend... It's strange. BUT from here on, I can try my best to keep my distance and to keep in mind we are NOT FRIENDS and probably NEVER could be at this point.. unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Agreed. Easier said than done, especially when the person giving the advice is not in the situation nor has experienced a similar situation... I agree with you wholeheartedly that in the end the heartache isn't worth it no matter how "connected" you feel to the person. I do have several good friends I am connected to in my life as well as parents that love me dearly & would do anything to me.. But for some reason the man I am speaking of effects me in a different way from those in my life... Not better, just different and I enjoyed the feeling and connection we have/had. I have many things to look forward to within the next year, so I am just staying focused on my goals and seeing what happens.. It's funny this man got to me deeper than my most recent ex-boyfriend... It's strange. BUT from here on, I can try my best to keep my distance and to keep in mind we are NOT FRIENDS and probably NEVER could be at this point.. unfortunately. They are really great at getting to you deeply and quickly. MM don't have time to mess around. They have to get to the prize quickly. He will tell you how special you are to him and blah blah blah but all he wants are side benefits. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Never in a million years did I think I would adore someone that isn't mine.. To those out there that are even contemplating on having a friendship with a married man w/o knowing his wife, PLEASE RUN! Proximity will cause you to fall for this man.. Wish I would've known before now. I guess we all have to learn the hard way. Welcome to the club. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 So what your question??? And thank you for your advice. This guy is "sick" he just like the kick of using and play and manipulate you emotionally and mentally. His is one more married idiot that gos out to look for someone to play with. In this case this one is just there to test his sick mind and enjoy seeing how it effects you. And he probably is building trust and you feeling special now by saying he dont want sex blah blah, but later try to have sex with you. That way you will be more open because you think he did it a "special"way again. At 20's even thou you younger im sure it ddnt felt rigth when you knew this guy is not single. You should have left him for what he is back then. The longer you stay the more messy it will get. If you say you educated and got all of those things going on, why do you waste time on this guy and not busy with your stuff?? You need to get over yourself and get out of your emotions, tell him its over go bother his wife, and block him. And start planning your days with activity's from morning till night. Even if its reading a book put it on your list to do so instead of texting this guy. Soon you will be over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 He respects you too much to sleep with you? If you sleep with him he will disappear so fast he will put Houdini to shame. Please! whahahhahahhahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :lmao::lmao::lmao::laugh::laugh::laugh: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Inspiredone Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 There is no part of this friendship that is good for you. Not when you weigh it against the inevitable chaos and heartache it will bring into your life. He is not openly, fully pursuing you. He is completely disregarding your best interests and if you continue this so are you. As difficult as this is, it could have been so much worse. I applaud you for trying to get out of this situation and put some honest perspective on it. I am rooting for you girl! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 As others have said, this man is no 'friend' to you dear girl. He might think he's clever but he's just a manipulative and dangerous man in a position of ultimate trust. He's going to ruin your education if you let him. Tell him to buzz off or you'll tell his wife. He's a dirty b*****d who'll move onto some other poor girl....just step away and see for yourself. You have your whole future ahead of you darling, don't let him have ANY of that. Cuckoo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aj2124 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Agreed. Easier said than done, especially when the person giving the advice is not in the situation nor has experienced a similar situation... I agree with you wholeheartedly that in the end the heartache isn't worth it no matter how "connected" you feel to the person. I do have several good friends I am connected to in my life as well as parents that love me dearly & would do anything to me.. But for some reason the man I am speaking of effects me in a different way from those in my life... Not better, just different and I enjoyed the feeling and connection we have/had. I have many things to look forward to within the next year, so I am just staying focused on my goals and seeing what happens.. It's funny this man got to me deeper than my most recent ex-boyfriend... It's strange. BUT from here on, I can try my best to keep my distance and to keep in mind we are NOT FRIENDS and probably NEVER could be at this point.. unfortunately. I've found that often times what I think is a strong connection is actually an attachment to who I imagine that person to be. When they're at a distance, this is even easier to do. I don't know if you can relate but I use to feel really lonely without a guy to text throughout the day or someone showing interest in me. It's so nice having someone show interest in your daily life. Even with close friends or family, it's just not quite the same. But prayer has helped me a lot with overcoming that sense of loneliness. And also, realizing that the kind of connection I desire isn't with another person but with God. I don't know what your personal beliefs are but that has made a huge difference in how I relate to men and also how I view myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedOlive Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 (edited) Right, the connection can feel amazing and intense. The 'true love', unicorns and rainbows for everyone (except the BS, I guess). It's all great feelings until something drastic happens in your life, like a serious illness in your family, and you are left on your own with no support from your supposed soulmate MM. That puts things into perspective rather quickly. Imagine you are in a situation like that. If MM was your friend, which for the record he is NOT, he'd be there to help you in whichever way he can. Jut like your real friends are. Do you think he'll do that? Most often then not, he may throw some empty words at you, as always, and that's the extent of his evolvement. This may sound bitter, but it happened to many OW here. I guess there may be some cases where MM really does support his AP, but that's rare. If you are single, that's an especially hard pill to swallow. It's far better for anyone's soul and practical well-being to cultivate real friendships and relationships with people who want to be there for you in the time of need. MM already has all that in his life, in spades. No matter what lines about bing lonely he feeds you. No room for you, so keep moving and don't look back. Edited August 10, 2016 by RedOlive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Here's my story- I am a 20 something college graduate, unmarried (been single for 3 months now, was in a 2 year relationship), no kids.... I have a pretty decent job, a brand new car, and great credit... But there is one thing I can't seem to shake & has been lingering on my mind for a while now... A man (married) 15 years my senior initiated a friendship with me almost 3 years ago now... He failed to tell me he was married within the first few months of him texting me everyday (mind you, I had to ask him about it). Me being younger and a bit more naive, I thought I could have a friendship that was purely platonic BUT on the contrary it turned flirty pretty fast, he then said the flirting has to cease but he still wanted to stay in contact dally, I ended up in a relationship of my own, he gave me space for months but then came back and started with the sweet words again... Our "friendship" had never turned into a PA even after we were alone at my home before chatting for hours we NEVER took it there although we both expressed the desire was there.. I am at a point I have good days and bad days. Haven't really conversed with him for a week (this is when he got provocative pictures and videos of me, in which I feel like I could kick myself for). These feelings are inappropriate but it feels like it feeds something in me... I'm a young woman with many goals, hobbies, and interests BUT this man seems to linger in the back of my mind.... He has even said he enjoys being in a person's mind.. Impregnating one's thoughts. I've told him, I really want to cut this "invisible cord" between us and he asked did I really want to do that He said he respects me too much & feels I am too important to him to have sex with me although the attraction does exist. He said he feels like he'd be making me a side piece of he had sex with me. Never in a million years did I think I would adore someone that isn't mine.. To those out there that are even contemplating on having a friendship with a married man w/o knowing his wife, PLEASE RUN! Proximity will cause you to fall for this man.. Wish I would've known before now. I feel like I have an addiction that's hard to shake. There are many times I keep my cell at home or out of my bedroom at night so I won't be tempted to reach out. I keep backsliding & feels like this won't end. Emotional affairs are way more powerful and hard to let go than a purely physical affair.... Don't buy into the notion you can JUST be friends with a married man when there is attraction between the both of you & he won't introduce you to his wife... He claims the wife knows about our friendship whether I believe him or not... Who knows, but I just really wish we could have started our connection off properly... We have so many common interests & are similar in many ways. Sorry for the rant but I am feeling particularly emotional today about this situation.... This "friendship" or better yet EMOTIONAL AFFAIR has been an emotional rollercoaster. I just want to be FREE. Since you didn't ask a question - I'll tell you how to be free... Imagine you are his wife! Imagine him spending all this time and energy flirting with a gal you have no idea about. Imagine how he must feel connected to HER while pretending to be married to you - saying he loves you and planning a life together... Imagine a man you think you know but is a total stranger due to his lies and deceit. You don't know this man - you ONLY know what he wants you to know/what he's willing to disclose. Notice he lied by omission right from the start by NOT TELLING you he is married? What a complete user! Is that what YOU want FOR YOURSELF? Run - run fast! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Thank you all for the insightful and supporting responses... He actually texted me a couple of days ago and when I didn't respond within like 4-5 hours he texted again referring to me not texting him back... It's funny how when people see you aren't entertaining them anymore they come back stronger with their BS... Seems like he has some type of insecurity and wants me to feed whatever he is missing within himself in which I am not interested in doing anymore... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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