Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 My ex MM told me I would never talk or see him again. Why is this so hard to let go? I reached out by email several times got nothing back.Of course! He said he neither needs me or wants me in his life. Why so harsh? Broken hearted and don't say told you so-I know. Give me strength to move on cause I'm struggling. I know I have to do the work of grieving it. My fear is I get strong again and somewhere down the road he reaches out and will I be strong enough to resist? I hope so but...Probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 My ex MM told me I would never talk or see him again. Why is this so hard to let go? I reached out by email several times got nothing back.Of course! He said he neither needs me or wants me in his life. Why so harsh? Broken hearted and don't say told you so-I know. Give me strength to move on cause I'm struggling. I know I have to do the work of grieving it. My fear is I get strong again and somewhere down the road he reaches out and will I be strong enough to resist? I hope so but...Probably not. Yes, move on. Harsh? I don't know what happened and how it ended. When someone goes that far, the offender must have committed a doozy! By the way, he is married? So, could he have returned to his wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 Yes, move on. Harsh? I don't know what happened and how it ended. When someone goes that far, the offender must have committed a doozy! By the way, he is married? So, could he have returned to his wife? No 'doozy'. Shouldn't assume without knowing the facts....Moved back for work, and yes we are both married... to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 No 'doozy'. Shouldn't assume without knowing the facts....Moved back for work, and yes we are both married... to other people. Okay, but you are on an online forum full of strangers asking for opinions based on a couple of sentences. You are, by definition, inviting conjecture, assumptions, etc. Well, something happened that was serious enough for him to leave like that. If there wasn't anything that you can think of, then I'm "guessing" that his previous life was calling him back for one reason or another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 Okay, but you are on an online forum full of strangers asking for opinions based on a couple of sentences. You are, by definition, inviting conjecture, assumptions, etc. Well, something happened that was serious enough for him to leave like that. If there wasn't anything that you can think of, then I'm "guessing" that his previous life was calling him back for one reason or another. Yes I wrote he moved back because his job changed same company but different job. He is from the country and his wife is also, I'm sure she missed living there. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 (edited) Not sure what you're asking? You were a toy in his chest box he got tired of. I just feel sorry for your hubby. Edited August 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Rude~T Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 My ex MM told me I would never talk or see him again. Why is this so hard to let go? I reached out by email several times got nothing back.Of course! He said he neither needs me or wants me in his life. Why so harsh? Broken hearted and don't say told you so-I know. Give me strength to move on cause I'm struggling. I know I have to do the work of grieving it. My fear is I get strong again and somewhere down the road he reaches out and will I be strong enough to resist? I hope so but...Probably not. You block him now and make it impossible for him to contact you. There's NO point in any contact. The A is over, he's moved and any communication at all is too painful for you. Hate to say it but on his end, he's moved on and hasn't reached out to you so I doubt he will contact you in the future. You have to let go and leave him alone. He's being an ahole to you so you'll stop contacting him. don't waste time on someone who doesn't give a crap about you. No more pining! Please, try your best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 No 'doozy'. Shouldn't assume without knowing the facts....Moved back for work, and yes we are both married... to other people. LL, all the more reason to let go and forget him. Focus on yourself and reconnecting with your husband. Put effort into him and your family, make life better at home so you won't need another man other than your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 You block him now and make it impossible for him to contact you. There's NO point in any contact. The A is over, he's moved and any communication at all is too painful for you. Hate to say it but on his end, he's moved on and hasn't reached out to you so I doubt he will contact you in the future. You have to let go and leave him alone. He's being an ahole to you so you'll stop contacting him. don't waste time on someone who doesn't give a crap about you. No more pining! Please, try your best. Yes thank you. I know he's being that way because it's over -I do t think he doesn't give a crap about me because he has apologized begore. It just turned into more than it wa supposed to be. I led a sheltered life didn't date much before I got married. It was curiosity on my part-what would it be like to kiss someone else, feel those butterflies again. Too bad I got too emotionally involved. We talked every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 For the most part women establish an emotional connection but for men it's just sex. Genders are wired differently 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 For the most part women establish an emotional connection but for men it's just sex. Genders are wired differently Um, ok. You're saying men can't love huh? Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 (edited) Um, ok. You're saying men can't love huh? You're just hoping one of us will tell you that it's ok to cheat. Breaking news; cheating is not the answer. Stop contacting MM. Edited August 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude ~T Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Um, ok. You're saying men can't love huh? No, in the case of affairs most men will not leave their families for various reasons some being the financial impact of alimony, child support, etc. There's not enough emotional connection in an affair to warrant that. Although nothing is 100% but for men it's usually the thrill, sex, etc. women are different it usually turns into a deeper emotional connection. Which is what you're experiencing. You don't understand why he could just walk away and never look back. This is why. Once you're out of the denial phase and figure out what this was. A short term fling/affair for him you'll move on quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 No, in the case of affairs most men will not leave their families for various reasons some being the financial impact of alimony, child support, etc. There's not enough emotional connection in an affair to warrant that. Although nothing is 100% but for men it's usually the thrill, sex, etc. women are different it usually turns into a deeper emotional connection. Which is what you're experiencing. You don't understand why he could just walk away and never look back. This is why. Once you're out of the denial phase and figure out what this was. A short term fling/affair for him you'll move on quicker. It wasn't a short term fling... it lasted longer. But I understand what you are saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 It wasn't a short term fling... it lasted longer. But I understand what you are saying. Good, it's tough to understand the other side since you aren't on it but that's why you're here. These are generalities as nothing is 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 What you should try and understand as well is this. If your marriage is worth having/saving the time you spent on an affair if you applied that to your marriage will it become what you want/need. We all only have so much energy to spend. Even an EA sucks the life out of any marriage. The thing is an affair is all good. There is no day to day life to interfere. No distractions, etc. it's just good times. That's why in most cases even if the affair partners get together it's an awakening to reality of real life. A lot find the only thing they had together or in common was the affair. All affairs are fantasy based. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 We're English living in the USA. I gave-up my very successful career to support my H in his. As a loving, supportive wife I believed that I was making the correct choice for my family. I was very aware that I was isolating myself from family, friends, everything I knew. It was a huge sacrifice on my part. Following d-day I informed my husband that I was now far too vulnerable to remain here. If he wanted to try reconciliation he had to return home with me & that is exactly what's happening. He initially didn't want to leave but there's simply no-way I'm staying here now that I have been given reason to doubt his loyalty & commitment to us. There are frequently necessary consequences for betrayal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 What you should try and understand as well is this. If your marriage is worth having/saving the time you spent on an affair if you applied that to your marriage will it become what you want/need. We all only have so much energy to spend. Even an EA sucks the life out of any marriage. The thing is an affair is all good. There is no day to day life to interfere. No distractions, etc. it's just good times. That's why in most cases even if the affair partners get together it's an awakening to reality of real life. A lot find the only thing they had together or in common was the affair. All affairs are fantasy based. The chemistry I had with him was so far above what I have for my husband. I understand the fantasy part. But physically, emotionally and intellectually I was more attracted to my MM than my husband. Not sure how I'm ever going to go back. He was beyond what I thought a relationship with a man could ever be.. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 We're English living in the USA. I gave-up my very successful career to support my H in his. As a loving, supportive wife I believed that I was making the correct choice for my family. I was very aware that I was isolating myself from family, friends, everything I knew. It was a huge sacrifice on my part. Following d-day I informed my husband that I was now far too vulnerable to remain here. If he wanted to try reconciliation he had to return home with me & that is exactly what's happening. He initially didn't want to leave but there's simply no-way I'm staying here now that I have been given reason to doubt his loyalty & commitment to us. There are frequently necessary consequences for betrayal. Good for you. It will have a much better chance of success with his commitment to you and your family. He needed to own it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 We're English living in the USA. I gave-up my very successful career to support my H in his. As a loving, supportive wife I believed that I was making the correct choice for my family. I was very aware that I was isolating myself from family, friends, everything I knew. It was a huge sacrifice on my part. Following d-day I informed my husband that I was now far too vulnerable to remain here. If he wanted to try reconciliation he had to return home with me & that is exactly what's happening. He initially didn't want to leave but there's simply no-way I'm staying here now that I have been given reason to doubt his loyalty & commitment to us. There are frequently necessary consequences for betrayal. I am sorry to hear that. I don't think his wife ever found out-he told me she didn't, but my husband did-there was a D-Day in my household. I think my MM was worried that (and he told me this) my husband would get to his family-as in tell his wife. He told me that if she ever found out she would divorce him. Also he told me they were never intimate-yeah I'm starting to think that wasn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 I am sorry to hear that. I don't think his wife ever found out-he told me she didn't, but my husband did-there was a D-Day in my household. I think my MM was worried that (and he told me this) my husband would get to his family-as in tell his wife. He told me that if she ever found out she would divorce him. Also he told me they were never intimate-yeah I'm starting to think that wasn't true. Hahhahsha, your eyes are starting to open. Nice!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 The chemistry I had with him was so far above what I have for my husband. I understand the fantasy part. But physically, emotionally and intellectually I was more attracted to my MM than my husband. Not sure how I'm ever going to go back. He was beyond what I thought a relationship with a man could ever be.. His depth was pretty shallow though you'll have to admit. He ducked and ran fast. You aren't looking at his true colors at this time. The word coward comes to mind. Be careful you don't look back and miss what you had after its gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely_lady Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 His depth was pretty shallow though you'll have to admit. He ducked and ran fast. You aren't looking at his true colors at this time. The word coward comes to mind. Be careful you don't look back and miss what you had after its gone. My husband threatened to beat him up. Not sure if he was smart or a coward there...what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 My husband threatened to beat him up. Not sure if he was smart or a coward there...what do you think? This conversation has taken a disturbing turn... 1. You were involved with a married man 2. You enjoyed your time with the MM than you do with your husband, so you have feelings for your husband that can be best described as underwhelming 3. The MM used his time to get involved with another MW while always knowing that it would not last 4. You seem to be turning this around the making efforts to assuage your loss by ridiculing this wonderful MM? 5. He's a coward?????! How?! B/c he didn't want to be a subject of physical violence? Or b/c he packed up and left??? I can think of another word, but coward is not one of them. You were used. You were lied to. You cheated on your husband. You still don't have respect for you husband now. Oh, how the illusion has changed.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 My husband threatened to beat him up. Not sure if he was smart or a coward there...what do you think?[/quote I wasn't there. Your thoughts? I've seen many who could talk the talk but when it comes to walking the walk it's another story. It's seems he disappeared fast though. Link to post Share on other sites
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