Tuutuu22 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 I was in the truck with my boyfriend and we were arguing. He slammed his fist down on the middle console but didn't know my elbow was there and i was in shock and jumped out of his truck. I grew up watching domestic violence my mom kicked my dad out and made him get help. My dad is better now but my mom still worries about my sister and I. I am very sensitive when it comes to violence and my elbow is really hurting me now. he kept trying to follow me home, he gave up eventually. he also kept calling me and now he has stopped for an hour about. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. 1
kendahke Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Why are you arguing in the first place? What required a discussion to go from a discussion to an argument? Does he lash out like this when you disagree to this degree? 2
CollegeKid101 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 I was in the truck with my boyfriend and we were arguing. He slammed his fist down on the middle console but didn't know my elbow was there and i was in shock and jumped out of his truck. I grew up watching domestic violence my mom kicked my dad out and made him get help. My dad is better now but my mom still worries about my sister and I. I am very sensitive when it comes to violence and my elbow is really hurting me now. he kept trying to follow me home, he gave up eventually. he also kept calling me and now he has stopped for an hour about. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I would talk to him..I doubt he tried to actually inflict any pain on you if it was by accident. However, if he gets like this often, run far far away. 2
Author Tuutuu22 Posted August 7, 2016 Author Posted August 7, 2016 Why are you arguing in the first place? What required a discussion to go from a discussion to an argument? Does he lash out like this when you disagree to this degree? We don't communicate well. I've tried to get better in this area but i feel because he is so un-self aware... me trying to communicate doesn't get any better. I will admit it didn't even start as a discussion I was very nasty to him. I'm getting my period and i think that is why. I'm not saying thats an excuse. I went for a run he came to ride his bike. I told him to ride infront of me and i'd follow him. i don't like him to watch me while running.. I'm not as good as I used to be and its embarrassing, I look horrible when I run. He kept riding back to me and saying, "you're not even running, you've just been on your phone walking you lack motivation." i told him to get away from me. I was on my phone for a little looking for this song i like running to.. then i was behind him running. I told him I'd run home to leave without me. He waited at the bottom and he was in the midst of driving me home and he said, "I'm so sick of your attitude." I tried to explain why i didn't want him near me while i was running he just raised his voice and I forget what he said then he slammed the console and my elbow is very swollen and black and blue. He kept following me, at one point her got out of the car and tried to hug me because he knows i have zero tolerance for violence and he kept saying it was a mistake I pushed him off and ran. This happened a few months back we were arguing in the car and i grabbed his phone he grabbed it back with force and dug his arm into mine. at the time he said he didn't realize it either.. 1
No_Go Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 I was in the truck with my boyfriend and we were arguing. He slammed his fist down on the middle console but didn't know my elbow was there and i was in shock and jumped out of his truck. I grew up watching domestic violence my mom kicked my dad out and made him get help. My dad is better now but my mom still worries about my sister and I. I am very sensitive when it comes to violence and my elbow is really hurting me now. he kept trying to follow me home, he gave up eventually. he also kept calling me and now he has stopped for an hour about. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. C'mon OP, by accident??? Black and blue? EVERY abuser says it was by accident, they didn't mean to do it etc. Since you've seen abuse in the past, you know what I'm talking about. Go no contact and never look back. P.S. It is very common children that grew in abusive households to be drawn subconsciously to the same. Don't be one of these people. 5
DramaInPajamas Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 We don't communicate well. I've tried to get better in this area but i feel because he is so un-self aware... me trying to communicate doesn't get any better. I will admit it didn't even start as a discussion I was very nasty to him. I'm getting my period and i think that is why. I'm not saying thats an excuse. I went for a run he came to ride his bike. I told him to ride infront of me and i'd follow him. i don't like him to watch me while running.. I'm not as good as I used to be and its embarrassing, I look horrible when I run. He kept riding back to me and saying, "you're not even running, you've just been on your phone walking you lack motivation." i told him to get away from me. I was on my phone for a little looking for this song i like running to.. then i was behind him running. I told him I'd run home to leave without me. He waited at the bottom and he was in the midst of driving me home and he said, "I'm so sick of your attitude." I tried to explain why i didn't want him near me while i was running he just raised his voice and I forget what he said then he slammed the console and my elbow is very swollen and black and blue. He kept following me, at one point her got out of the car and tried to hug me because he knows i have zero tolerance for violence and he kept saying it was a mistake I pushed him off and ran. This happened a few months back we were arguing in the car and i grabbed his phone he grabbed it back with force and dug his arm into mine. at the time he said he didn't realize it either.. End this horrible relationship. What do you get out of it? 2
introverted1 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Hmmm. So either: 1. It really was an accident and somehow he did not see your elbow (seems hard to miss, imo, but you are saying it happened) - in this case, you should carry on as usual. 2. More likely, he knowingly hit you and is now in the remorse phase of trying to win you back - in this case, end things now. They will only escalate. 2
CollegeKid101 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 We don't communicate well. I've tried to get better in this area but i feel because he is so un-self aware... me trying to communicate doesn't get any better. I will admit it didn't even start as a discussion I was very nasty to him. I'm getting my period and i think that is why. I'm not saying thats an excuse. I went for a run he came to ride his bike. I told him to ride infront of me and i'd follow him. i don't like him to watch me while running.. I'm not as good as I used to be and its embarrassing, I look horrible when I run. He kept riding back to me and saying, "you're not even running, you've just been on your phone walking you lack motivation." i told him to get away from me. I was on my phone for a little looking for this song i like running to.. then i was behind him running. I told him I'd run home to leave without me. He waited at the bottom and he was in the midst of driving me home and he said, "I'm so sick of your attitude." I tried to explain why i didn't want him near me while i was running he just raised his voice and I forget what he said then he slammed the console and my elbow is very swollen and black and blue. He kept following me, at one point her got out of the car and tried to hug me because he knows i have zero tolerance for violence and he kept saying it was a mistake I pushed him off and ran. This happened a few months back we were arguing in the car and i grabbed his phone he grabbed it back with force and dug his arm into mine. at the time he said he didn't realize it either.. Run. Run. Run. This is not how a real boyfriend treats his girlfriend. RUN. 2
elaine567 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Seems the bf gets a bit "clumsy" and "accidentally" hits the OP when he is angry... Once maybe, twice is pushing it. 3
sugarpuss Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Imo, just the solid fact that he got angry enough to actually inflict that much damage is troubling. Even if he just hit the center console, that's angry and somewhat scary behavior. I've punched walls, shattered glass, and slammed doors before when I've been mad, so I understand the need to physically let it out, but I never put anyone else in harm's way. My (now ex) BF pulled the same thing as this guy: he threw something that hit me, then said he didn't mean to. I call BS. If you're throwing things (or in your case, an elbow) in the general vicinity of you, I'd say chances are you're trying to inflict damage on the other person. Go with your gut here. I'd say if you're posting here, chances are you've got your doubts. Follow that. 4
Satu Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Never remain in an environment or relationship where there is violence. By *violence* I mean physical or verbal. Don't allow it to be perpetrated upon you, and don't perpetrate it on others. Banish 'nasty' speech from your own behaviour. Sermon over. Your boyfriend sounds unstable and aggressive to me, and the way he speaks to you is unnaceptable. Bear in mind that verbal violence is a warning sign of the likelihood of future physical violence. Its time you parted company with your 'accidentally' violent boyfriend. He's not safe. Take care. 4
basil67 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Taking away the anger for a minute, his behaviour while you were running was unacceptable. I strongly doubt you've asked him to critique your running style. And even if you have, the way he speaks to you is unacceptable. Then adding the violence back into it....Personally, anyone who hits anything would be a dealbreaker for me. Do you really want a partner who gets so angry that they need to thump stuff in order to feel better? Do you know that hitting stuff is not all that common? Perhaps it's something you've become to think of as "normal". But it's not not. 2
todreaminblue Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) satu has been the only one so far who mentioned you not using nasty talk in your communication.you must also have self control in this regard.....i would add also while the other person is driving...never...never argue..it takes two to communicate...takes two also to hold an argument...... your bf is in the wrong for what he did but so are you...if the relationship is worth anything...you both need help..your insecurities and past have a play in your communication......and this will happen...to you in every relationship....good or bad....seek professional help ..communication classes.counselling forthe domestic violence you witnessed young......one thing i know is that people who have been subject to violence need counselling not only to heal but to discover what they can do to keep communication and relationships...safe..to not cycle in violence or attract violence..........strategies to alleviate and stop an argumetn escalating....to work out problems communicating in the future in a calm and productive manner..please try to see what you can do for you......take care...i wish you well.......deb Edited August 8, 2016 by todreaminblue 1
preraph Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Look, let's look at the situation giving him the maximum benefit of the doubt. Even slamming your fist around anywhere is violent. He has a bad temper. Sounds like you could do a little work on yourself to gain some impulse control and better ways to express yourself too. I don't see this being a match for you because he was violent and because you know how that goes from having lived through your parents doing it. But if you think there's any hope of BOTH of you getting into anger management classes, you could at least try that. 1
phineas Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 If he gets so pissed off in an argument he is hitting inanimate objects (presumably his intended target) then he has anger issues & you should probably just end this. 2
Toodaloo Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 You need to get away from this guy and he needs to get away from you. There is no excuse for violence. There is also no excuse (including PMT, congratulations it will happen every month for years, deal with it like thousands of other women world wide do) for being plain nasty. You clearly have issues but have not yet worked out how to cope with those so I suggest you spend a bit more time on yourself working those things out before you start trying to date guys. 5
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Did you tell your mom? I know all about escalation of domestic violence. It starts with hitting the car console, then it's punching a hole in the wall, then it's sqeezing your arm or wrist. This man is violent. Break up before you find yourself in your mom's shoes. 2
kendahke Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 We don't communicate well. . Then stop wasting your time with someone with whom you can't communicate well. The rest of this was a bunch of unnecessary PMS drama. Pop some Midol or Ibuprofen. There is no need in 2016 to suffer when there are remedies at the drug store for you. The fact was: you weren't feeling well, you weren't good company and you shouldn't deal with him when you're in this place. (Actually, you shouldn't deal with him at all because it's nothing but silliness and stupidity that gets blown up into physical altercations.) You can certainly tell him "today I'm not good company--let's touch base tomorrow and hopefully my mood/attitude will be better" when this is the case. Pro tip: you can survive a day without dealing with him. This happened a few months back we were arguing in the car and i grabbed his phone he grabbed it back with force and dug his arm into mine. at the time he said he didn't realize it either.. It would help a lot for you to talk to someone about your anger issues, you instigating problems and your inability to discuss problems without escalating them to arguments. Why do you go to intense mode with this guy? What exactly is going on to where you're snatching phones and arguing with him to leave you alone?
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