Caught girlfriend (12yrs) emailing another Female on Craigslist

[Northwestern]

I once caught my girlfriend looking at lesbian porn when i ran back into the house to do a quicky with her. I didn't get mad, she said she thought she saw a dick but it wasn't. I told her bs I know ur curious. She said ok its just porn i watch all kinds of porn.

 

Recently again I caught my gf sending a female on Craigslist for a casual encounter. She said she was curious to be with another girl because her friends all have already have done it and she wanted to 'surprise' me with a threesome if the encounter with her and the female went well.

I asked her why she didn't tell me. She said she thought you would get mad and also wanted to 'surprise' you. I told her a 3some isnt something I'm too worried about, I'd rather go skydiving or do other things. That isn't on top of my to do list. Why didn't you tell me, now I consider that cheating because you didn't tell me about it and if it happen between u and her would you tell me?

 

She says she thought I would of gotten mad, she was bored at the time, its another woman not a guy and says shes not sure if she would tell me if them two did indeed meet up. I'm not really mad but hurt because I understand but just now suspicious because she never told me about emailing this chick after us dating for 12 years. What else is she hiding from me? she told me in the past that she's curious with another girl but isn't something she's worried about trying to accomplish.

 

She says sure maybe a threesome but wants to be with another girl without me first since it would be her first encounter with another female and me being there could make things awkward. okay i understand, but she kept changing her reasonings for not telling me. thought she wanted to surprise me, then she says she thought i would get mad, then she says it was just a one time email because she was bored. (well which is it?)

i looked at her search history and it shows she was looking for m.f.4.m.f. and f.4.mf. so i guess maybe she was trying to 'surpise' me with a three some but i kept asking her why why why why she never told me, she gave me 3 different answers.

 

Well should I give her a pass or is this a sign she's getting bored of our 12year relationship and its time to leave? In my previous relationships i was cheated on id say about 90% of them and left with no problems. But witj her i want to leave but at the same time i dont.

 

Update: I asked if she wants out of the relationship. She says no she loves me and wants to have kids. i asked her why she wants to be with me. she says im supportive, il be a good father and shes come a long ways from knowing me.

Now I'm wondering if she's just using me for the stability and for a sperm donor. once that baby comes, she could kick me out.??

 

We have sex maybe once a day or every other day and i think its good sex. some of it is really good. Idk I feel she's hiding something and is using me because she knows other guys are d-bags and doesn't want to go back into the dating world

Edited August 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Grammar

[BluesPower]

This situation is worrisome, at the very least.

 

You have to sit her down and really talk to her and lay this out. Something like, "Look when I caught you, you said this..., the next time, you said this..., and the next time you said this. Dear which is it, you need to tell me the truth or we are going to be over."

 

You may need to go to counseling with her and really sort through this.

 

But understand this, Swinging and threesomes are only for healthy relationships. It is always a bad idea in the type of situation that you are currently in.

 

In unhealthy relationships, they almost always end in disaster.

 

 

Good luck

[sandylee1]

She wants to try sex with a woman. It's as simple as that and maybe she'd genuinely like to have a threesome once she's given it a go.

 

She knows that it is cheating and that's why she hid it from you.

 

Maybe 12 years is getting boring for her. Is this the final stage of your relationship? As in are you planning on marriage or sticking with being boyfriend and girlfriend for ever.

[jen1447]

I won't comment on what she may be up to or not but please be careful w the concept of experimenting w women and thinking it's harmless. It's not. A woman can be just as much threat to you and your relationship as another man, believe me. Sometimes even more. :-/

[sugarpuss]

She wants to try sex with a woman. It's as simple as that and maybe she'd genuinely like to have a threesome once she's given it a go.

 

She knows that it is cheating and that's why she hid it from you.

 

Maybe 12 years is getting boring for her. Is this the final stage of your relationship? As in are you planning on marriage or sticking with being boyfriend and girlfriend for ever.

 

 

This. I'm not sure how old you guys are but if you've been dating exclusively for 12 years, she might have been with you when other people her age are out experimenting/finding out their likes and dislikes. She probably doesn't want to have any regrets.

 

I guess you have to decide what's more important here...her basically admitting that she was going to cheat on you, or the relationship overall. I'm not sure it's something I could get over, but hey, that's just me. Just because it's another girl doesn't mean it's not cheating...

[bigman1]

12 years and she wants to be with you because you'd be a good father?! She's trying to hook up with other girls and lying about it?

 

You all are together because its familiar. This is not healthy. If you bring a kid into this relationship, its going to be bad...for the kid. Just end it. It has run its course. No one's fault, just time to be mature about it and smart about it.

[NopeNah]

you should watch the full movie of this clip. It shows how a "surprise" for you turns into your girl switching to the other team.