Coping with end affair - trying to get on but it's so hard

[spideywoman]

What happened to Jemima? Are you here? Doing OK?

Edited October 5, 2016 by spideywoman

[Bryce0730]

Blues - Did I mention that I also have very strong feelings for her too. I pretty much have already decided to end it with the OW. In my heart and brain I know she is wrong for me on top of it being wrong period. But of all the women I have been with in my life, she is one of the sexiest ever. Her smile, lips, and laugh are just awesome. But she is wrong too. She has baggage that I cannot deal with. She is a flirt and when intoxicated she does more than flirt and I do like that. My wife on the other hand is nothing like that. She is loving, beautiful and very kind hearted.....that is the absolute truth!!

[Jemima1234]

So I am now completely heartbroken. I didn't do what I should have done and stop and now he has stopped it. Told me he wants to work at his family life and get out of this wrong situation. Says if I cared about him I would support him doing this. Says he is doing right thing and I should be ok with it.

 

But I am not. It may be right thing- but still breaks my heart.

 

Where now ??

[MidnightBlue1980]

So I am now completely heartbroken. I didn't do what I should have done and stop and now he has stopped it. Told me he wants to work at his family life and get out of this wrong situation. Says if I cared about him I would support him doing this. Says he is doing right thing and I should be ok with it.

 

But I am not. It may be right thing- but still breaks my heart.

 

Where now

 

Your child with him - same wife he has now? I mean, you had an A, right? Same woman?

[Jemima1234]

Your child with him - same wife he has now? I mean, you had an A, right? Same woman?

 

Yep! Horrendous to admit but yes. Same wife. Who is innocent and deserves none of this!!!! Child born from affair back then. Affair restarted this year (yep insanity I know!!!!)

[Jemima1234]

What happened to Jemima? Are you here? Doing OK?

 

Hi spidey woman - yep am here tho not exactly ok!!

[DKT3]

Yep! Horrendous to admit but yes. Same wife. Who is innocent and deserves none of this!!!! Child born from affair back then. Affair restarted this year (yep insanity I know!!!!)

 

You were married too when you conceived?

[Jemima1234]

You were married too when you conceived?

 

Yes. Husband knows about it. All been out in open for a long time. Well- Everything up to the past few months!

 

I write this and feel sick about how horrendous it is. I know. So please don't judge me too much.

[DKT3]

Yes. Husband knows about it. All been out in open for a long time. Well- Everything up to the past few months!

 

I write this and feel sick about how horrendous it is. I know. So please don't judge me too much.

 

I got nothing, you know it's messed up, no need to pile on.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Yes. Husband knows about it. All been out in open for a long time. Well- Everything up to the past few months!

 

I write this and feel sick about how horrendous it is. I know. So please don't judge me too much.

 

I am not one to judge but speaking from someone who has taken 10 long months to get over someone, I cannot imagine having his baby running around my house. There is no way I'd ever get past it so I really don't blame you for being emotionally hooked. Your husband raising another man's child....I can't really imagine what that would be like. Mine loves kids so he could do it but only if the mm was literally off the face of the earth.

 

You and the mm need to tell your spouses. The child should not be caught in the middle of this mess. Have you slept with this guy recently? Or just talking?

[ShatteredLady]

Think of the most romantic stories.... for a woman what's more attractive....

 

* Being pursued by a man who has been deeply in love many times?

* Being loved by a man who has never truly loved before? The 'bad boy' who has never found 'the one'?

 

Telling a woman that you will never love her, she will never be 'the one' is more enticing than easily falling head over heals repeatedly.

 

 

Reading these forums I'm very aware that nearly all (single) OW completely believe the following 'facts'....

 

* MM can't be deeply in love with his wife or he wouldn't be with me.

 

* His marriage MUST be a bad one.

 

* His wife must be withholding sex or affection for him to have an affair with me.

 

* For MM to stay in his marriage after d-day it must be for the kids, money or social standing.

 

I read these things so many times.

 

Even OW who know that they've been used, lied to, thrown under the bus etc STILL believe that things would be different if they were the wife. She must not be "taking care of his needs" or he would be faithful. He wouldn't cheat if they ended-up together.

 

 

Blues.

Even telling the 'Truth', saying you love your wife & will never leave her, never love the OW....let's be honest! You must of known that you were spewing catnip!! There's nothing more romantic than being loved by a man who says he could never love? Who wants to be loved by a man who falls in love with every woman he's ever with?!?

 

I believe that there are many different types of MM having affairs for a multitude of different reasons. Some love, some think they love, some love the fantasy but never want the reality, some are complete users, some would want to die if their wives divorced them, some are frightened of being alone, some love the ego trip of being wanted, for some it's an accident & they really never intended to be in an affair, some just can't keep it in their pants.....

 

At the end of the day just hold on tight to whatever belief helps you sleep at night. Rewrite your affair to whatever makes it easier to get over! Be strong. Know that (as an OW in a relatively short affair) chances are you'll be struggling to picture his face eventually. You're not going to be haunted by this until your dying day. It just feels like it at the moment

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Well I ended my 12 yr affair and haven't even heard from my mm since. I wished him well but it doesn't seem he can do the same for me even though HES the one that said he wanted me to get my own relationship with another man.

 

 

Really, they don't care.

 

As soon as he realised he wouldn't get anything out of me he couldn't even be bothered to email me a goodbye.

 

Disappear on him and you'll soon find out if they care or not[/QUOTE]

 

THIS IS TRUTH!!! Sorry that he didn't do better, Angel!

[BluesPower]

I make no excuses for what I have done. I know it was wrong for a lot of reasons, just maybe not the ones you would expect.

 

I also will not pretend that I did not enjoy being with the women that I was with, because I did. I do however sleep very well at night.

 

So, when my wife's addiction took a really bad turn for the worse, understanding that I was never able to really figure out what was going on, and the sex life died, well that was my queue to start seeing other women. I was not about to give up a sex.

 

I know a lot of people think it was terrible of me to do that and maybe it was. I am willing to take that heat.

 

What I feel bad about is that many of my partners chose to fall in love and ended up getting hurt. That is what I feel bad about. I mean we had a good time but they knew that "Love" was off the table, and they chose to be with me. It is not like I forced them to have sex.

 

However, when my wife became sober and woke up from her stupor I dropped all of my other women.

 

So, I really don't care what others think about me, I did what I did, it is in the past and I am moving on with a marriage that I waited 26 years for.