Me (F, 26) Ended it with my bf (M, 31) of 7 months. I want him back so much.

[sxbmb3388]

Hi,

I'll give you a little back story to our relationship.

Firstly, my ex bf, suffers with anxiety, bi polar and Aspergers. I know it would never be an easy ride, but I was prepared for that, and that was ok.

 

These are the factors which contributed in me breaking up with him:

 

He had been diagnosed with bipolar whilst we were together. I was so proud of him for going to the doctor, as there were frequent occasions I would feel tense and on edge around him and had to leave because he got so angry and worked up. (I will add that none of his aggression was ever aimed at me, but I didn't like it). He skipped his medication frequently though and his mood swings became pretty bad.

 

He could be extremely petty:

We were talking about going for a little holiday in Spain, I got so excited and started planning for it. We ended up having a little argument where he didn't speak to me for two days, I got worried and just wanted to make sure he was ok. I get a snapchat of him in the place in Spain where we had planned to go. I was devastated in all honesty, but was just so happy to hear from him as the silence panicked me.

 

When he was depressed, it was awful:

He would usually have a period once a month where he wouldn't speak to me, usually for a week. Just shut himself off to the world. I knew that was his depression, but it would make me panic and give me anxiety.

 

he would never accept my help:

I would always offer to help, and I don't know if it was pride ow what, that would never let him accept my help. It would annoy me because it would be a way for me to both see him, and hep make things more comfortable for him and the relationship better for both of us.

 

When he was pissed at me, times were hard:

The straw that finally broke the camels back for me was when he didn't speak to me for two weeks. I sent him several texts but heard nothing back. Eventually I got a text telling me that he wasn't good enough to be with me, and that he had seen my picture on a dating site (I had been on this site but haven't used it in about a year). It really bugged me because if he had just spoken to me about it, it would have been cleared up really quickly.

 

His dog:

He has this huge dog which literally tears his house apart. When we would leave the house and come back, the house would be trashed and this would make him angry- resulting in me leaving sometimes. I totally understood his anger, but at the same time, I couldn't understand why he kept the dog. He had to be in his house 24/7 meaning we couldn't do anything, and that he was always home- I thought this was really bad for his mental wellbeing.

 

Of course this all sounds bad, but when things were good, I felt on top of the world. He also had this really lovely naivety to him which would just make me melt. He's posted things on Facebook since our breakup which tugs at my heartstrings. It's been 1 month of NC. I would have loved to have him in my life, but I left it up to him as I was the one who ended it.

 

For me, I sometimes felt like maybe I was an enabler for everything, and allowed him to be this way so I thought he's not going to change if I stay. He needs to do well on his own.

 

It's hard, I miss him a great deal, and would love for us to still be together because I'm still obsessed with him.

 

I feel like things won't have changed much in a month. But I feel constantly anxious because I feel like the more time we spend apart, the more unlikely it is we will ever get back together.

 

I just needed to vent.

 

Thankyou.

[bummer]

It's easy to blame yourself for enabling when someone has so many bad behaviors.

 

Do you really want him back? Do you just want some ideal of him back? Are you just lonely?

[benpom]

If there is love, I can certainly imagine you are missing him. But it does not sound like you two can make a good couple, in my opinion. Talk to some friends here or in life if you feel lonely, but I recommend against running back to that relationship. Join a community activity or sign up for a class or something. Meet new people, and it will help the missing him phase pass. The only reason you should go back to him is that you two have found solutions for the major problems in your relationship. Love is not good enough reason, and loneliness is definitely the wrong reason.

[fireflywy]

To the OP, take what you just wrote and create a future diary where all of these things rinse, cycle, and repeat for year on end on a rollercoaster of anxiety. Is it worth it?