Author HurtHusband Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) My wife sent money back here over two years ago to my account ...over the last 6 months I have been down the bank almost ten times and she has send back thousands, paying for bills..cc bills..mobile phone etc. These are usually $2-3k at a time...she bought some stuff online for he kids but nowhere near the amount needed to justify this..she tells me it's for a cc card...she had a few cc cards...maybe she had unpaid amounts that built up ages ago. she also withdrew $5k for personal use afew months ago..one payment was for a dog which she got into a cc monthly payment deal to buy from a shop before we came back here and apparently could not cancel so had to pay the full amount ( that one cost about 4K ) and the neighbours mind that dog now.. I spent about 10k of her money last year paying her cc bills...I know this was wrong but at the time she was texting the OM and planning to hook up and I was very angry. I thought why the hell should I be paying your bills while your proclaiming your love for that bozo. She has added up all the money transfers, she knows it's not adding up. Right now there is a bill for $2k plus included about $800 for her phone ( the phone is from back there and only know is she realising this about bought a cheap local prepaid ) I told her the current balance, I am afraid to tell her the truth...also at the same time, I am being lectured about the apt. Maintenance fee back in J, 3 months is now owed and I also owe city tax...the apt back there is in her name, she owns it, we live here but there is a maintenance fee of about $400 p/month and apparently this is my responsibility...i stayed calm and wrote down the tax Center number and I have offered to call them and tie up loose ends..I am due some tax back money come April..as for the maintenance..she could go back and sell the car and rent out her apt. But she won't... She has no current plans to return (she said ) I know she visited a travel agency in Dec. she did see a solicitor last week but has said nothing and it's not like last month when she was confident and saying she would be back there in 2 months... Edited January 11, 2017 by HurtHusband Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Couldn't this come back to bite you if there's ever a legal fight? I don't follow that much of the accounting you've laid out, but "I am afraid to tell her the truth" I do understand. However, when it comes to YOUR wife, I pretty much am okay justifying whatever means it takes to get free of her (and your co-dependent situation). But you should get some reliable advice for both countries AND your ultimate goal (whatever that is at this point) regarding for these particulars. Btw: What IS your ultimate goal now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 legally it would be stupid to take me to court because I have zero savings and am currently not working..we walked down to the bank today and confirmed the balance. the money was in my account with my name on it, yes I used her money to pay her cc bills..the rest of it she spend on cc bills in the last 6 months.. I think I will just tell her the truth later, she went to see a solicitor now..i told her not to, but its her money..i don't know what she plans to do, she made me phone the city hall back in J this morning..i did not inform them that I was moving back here and everymonth you get charged for city tax and insurance..this is all piling up to. I will try to sort this out, but am i mad or what? i cant keep paying city tax and insurance for a country i don't live in...they can have my tax back money. I wish she would go back and sort out her own apt..thats not my responsibility, I get blamed for all this hassle etc. I am tired of it... I just want to stay in this country with my kids, and leave her go back and forth or rent nearby and see the kids whenever she wants... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Hi everyone, Christmas was uneventful and the kids enjoyed it...last Monday there was a knock on the door, I was issued an affidavit, summer need to the high court for weds 10am...short bloody notice! Wednesday all the way to Dublin, bewildered, sit at the back, don't stand, a group of barristers sat at a table in front of me and took turns standing up and updating the judge on various Hague cases... I got to speak to a free legal lawyer and a barrister afterwards..basically I have no defence and cause we have only been here 6 months and not 1 yr, they just base everything on 'habitual residence'...they don't want to hear about your relationship, the Laws in the other country, abuse, none of it matters and it's very hard to use as defence... I saw a private lawyer on Friday for 2 hrs, who basically told me the same thing...that afternoon while picking up the kids,mywifesaid shedid not want a long legal battle that would leave us bitter and bankrupt. We are not estranged and sleep in the same room. My wife first used a private lawyer,prices can seriously spiral out of control, if we both used private lawyers it could end up costing €90-100k I called a lawyer who wanted €25k upfront and that's probably just starting off.. I assume the cost was one factor, another thing is, living with your partner and having to go to the high court etc. It was driving me mad! I have mixed feelings about going back... 1. We are still together, she has no family or nasty in laws back there to turn her against me, we both love our kids and wont stop each other from seeing the kids. We never broke up, or abducted our kids or did anything stupid like that... So all of that reassures me, of course we can go on holiday and return here, and the kids could easily fit into school here at some point in the future... Our main concern is the really nice international school that our eldest will return to, and the younger one will also attend, I am hoping my dad will help support the younger child's education. I would prefer to return on good terms, Instead of fighting a losing battle in court,lose what little money I have and destroy our relationship. In Tokyo recently there was a landmark ruling, a non-custodial mother took the father of her daughter to court ( he would not share custody ) she won,Andrea's to pay $8k each time he prevents access...this is really good news, and shows that finally things are changing in that country.... As long as my kids go to international school, and we can come back here to visit etc. Than I am happy with that...I will see them everyday...we never mention divorce/seperating etc. I think i would prefer to stay married until the kids are 16 and get my kicks on the side..if necessary ....we have managed to repair somethings and have even been intimate..my wife would like to be pampered and needs to be in the mood and claims sex once a week will be enough for her.... I know with our history its not great,but we are both great parents and the children are our main focus....I don't want to be negative ...sending our kids to school here for free and my wife letting out her apt..and me working, maybe we would be better off here...but who knows...it's hectic back there, more slow life here...but why can't we experience both ? And being here 6 months we have...my wife has made some friends here ( Jp women ) kids have flourished at school and made friends...and thanks to their education always being in English have blended in seamlessly here...I am owed children's allowance and social support money as i received none or not enough for the past 6 months...and we pay no rent...so our stay has been subsidised and the back dated money will help us get back on our feet.... Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 All that matters is that you're fine with it. I would suggest you're fine with it because she's not cheating on you now. You joined the Infidelity forum for a whole different set of reasons. I hope you are talking to her about what you need to live happily in Japan with her. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 In other words, kids agreement ok going forward. Do you have an agreement about your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
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