I'm Not "Sexy" Enough For Him.

[An Aussie Girl]

My husband dropped a bomb on me last week. He told me that I am "no longer sexy enough" anymore. He wants me to be "more of a slut."

 

By "slut" he doesn't mean dressing up in sexy lingerie and role playing games, which we used to enjoy. He means letting other men see me naked on the internet porn sites, and swinging! Cuddling and affection are all "too boring", he wants something "more erotic."

 

I'm so devastated that I'm having a hard time thinking straight, so I hope that I'm making sense. I always thought that sex was something special and intimate between us. Now I feel numb, and can't bear to be around him.

 

Please help.

[Ladyjane14]

Hmmmm.....I wonder if you took a poll among his extended family and friends what they'd say? Maybe his dear old Mum would approve? How about Grandma?....I wonder what her opinion might be?

 

You don't have to put up with this....REALLY. He might want to add a little spice to the bedroom, but there are better ways to do that than to pander your wife out on the internet.

 

You might try having a sincere discussion with him in regards to alternative ways to enliven your sex-life, but honestly....you should NEVER have to do anything sexual that you're uncomfortable with. He has no right to ask that of you.

 

Put a keylogger on his PC, and print off whatever evidence of misconduct that you find. Save all that for your attorney, just in case you end up needing one.

 

Then, put his shirts in a suitcase and set them next to the front door. Next time he even mentions pimping you out for the sake of his own sexual gratification....put it in his hand and open the door for him.

 

Don't be afraid to stand your ground on this. The worst he can do is to leave. And if that's how he is....who needs him?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by An Aussie Girl

 

By "slut" he doesn't mean dressing up in sexy lingerie and role playing games, which we used to enjoy. He means letting other men see me naked on the internet porn sites, and swinging! Cuddling and affection are all "too boring", he wants something "more erotic."

 

 

It's all about respect.. By asking you to do self defeating things he is disrepecting you. If you do them you will be disrespecting yourself.

 

He has issues that have nothing to do with you not being sexy enough.. He just chose to place the burden on you

[moimeme]

It's not that you're 'no longer sexy'; it's that he's no longer imaginative. Tell him he's pretty pathetic if that's all he can think of to 'spice up' your sex life. Then take him shopping to a sex store.

[Marshbear]

....you should NEVER have to do anything sexual that you're uncomfortable with. He has no right to ask that of you.

 

Put a keylogger on his PC, and print off whatever evidence of misconduct that you find. Save all that for your attorney, just in case you end up needing one.

 

Then, put his shirts in a suitcase and set them next to the front door. Next time he even mentions pimping you out for the sake of his own sexual gratification....put it in his hand and open the door for him.

 

Don't be afraid to stand your ground on this. The worst he can do is to leave. And if that's how he is....who needs him?

 

This is good advice and I think you should follow it. He is just trying to have an open marriage with you and wants you to give him permission to cheat. Don't fall for it. Tell him if you are not enough for him then he can be single to pursue his fantasies...

[RecordProducer]

I think you put the wrong title; it's not that he thinks you're not sexy, he just manipulates you by using the most delicate topic - your sex appeal. He wants to find the straightest way to convince you to do what he wants. If he had just suggested it, you would've said 'no.' But by accusing you of not being sexy, he opens a smooth way for you to drop in his hands and fulfill his desires. He wants to screw other women and wants you to be with other men as well (or simply feels that it would be just if you both had other partners in bed).

The real problem is: he wants to swing and you don't. It's either going to be your way or his. Or he might start cheating on you.

How long have you been married? Do you have children?

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

Hmmmm.....I wonder if you took a poll among his extended family and friends what they'd say? Maybe his dear old Mum would approve? How about Grandma?....I wonder what her opinion might be?

 

 

Ironically, this is not such a bad idea. The marriages that work are the ones that our grandmothers would advise us, not the ones where people "love" each other while screwing around. The old fashioned features like honesty, sincerity, loyalty, etc. still seem to be appreciated. Marriage is an old-fashioned type of community in a liberal modern society. Hence the number of divorces. We strive to have everything in our lives - women want careers, kids, money, fun, ideal love (things they knew they couldn't have all in one lifetime before); men want perfect wives plus complete sexual excitement and fulfillment. We are so obsessed with fulfilling all our needs that we forget about the ones that are already fulfilled. We want more. If a man is not ready to commit and be monogamous, he shouldn't be married.

[An Aussie Girl]

Thank you to all who responded to my problem; your advice was much appreciated, and I am beginning to feel more "normal" now, and not some "prude". (One of the names my husband calls me when I decline to do something sexual that he wants me to do.)

 

I am going to seek counselling, as he will not go with me, in fact he doesn't think that there is anything wrong with HIM. I have a horrible feeling that unless we sort this out, our 18 year old marriage is going to fizzle out.........he has again made threats to look elsewhere.