I do not want money to get in the way

[KellyJellyBelly]

Dear posters,

I would appreciate your advice/experience in money matters.

I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. Happiest I have ever been.

My take home salary is 50% higher than his.

We are buying a house together and we are both paying equally so each will own half of it. We are not married.

How would you split the bills/daily expenses?

so far, we have shared restaurant bills, holidays etc ( we still live separately).

As we are both using the same things, would you split bills 50/50 or should each one pay a % of the salary which means i would pay more?

What would you consider fair and how do you deal with this stuff in general.

I need ideas.

after all, the money i save will be for both of us but i also like to spend money on my nieces, nephews and siblings. We do not have children so this will change if we decide we want kids.

We are both in our early 40s.

 

Thank you in advance

[SaveYourHeart]

I would split it 50/50. A man's masculinity is fragile.

[KellyJellyBelly]

What if he is the one who suggested the percentages? but when I asked if this is fair, he said 50/50 is fine then. He does not seem to mind very much.

He also saves the rest of his money for us the future.

[SaveYourHeart]

That changes everything, as long as you are okay with paying more, I'd go for it. If you're hesitating because you do want to split it down the middle, then just split it down the middle and if it becomes a problem later, address it then. I like that y'all keep your finances separate, money has been a huge problem in my marriage since we opened a joint account.

[KellyJellyBelly]

SaveYourHeart

May be it is not too late to fix things in your marriage. All it takes for us is to sit and be straightforward.

We may get a joint account to make things easier ( shopping, bills etc) but we will be keeping separate accounts for savings.

I am happy to pay more but i think i will start with 50/50 and then if i feel things are not fair i will increase my contribution. It is always easier and nicer to contribute more later than reduce the contribution.

Thank you for the advice.

[TrustedthenBusted]

50/50. And not because of anyone's fragile ego. You just do it that way because that's what is fair.

 

Except when it comes to groceries. When my wife and I were still dating we bought a house together, but still bought our own groceries because I eat 10x more than she does and I didn't think it was fair to split such a big bill down the middle when I was clearly the cause. .

[aileD]

maybe I'm old fashioned.

 

But if you're not willing to pool your money into one account and become one with your finances, it shows a lack of commitment in the longevity of the relationship which says to me you probably should not buy a house together.

 

I'll probably get bashed for this. And that's ok, i realize my views might be antiquated

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Dear posters,

I would appreciate your advice/experience in money matters.

I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. Happiest I have ever been.

My take home salary is 50% higher than his.

We are buying a house together and we are both paying equally so each will own half of it. We are not married.

How would you split the bills/daily expenses?

so far, we have shared restaurant bills, holidays etc ( we still live separately).

As we are both using the same things, would you split bills 50/50 or should each one pay a % of the salary which means i would pay more?

What would you consider fair and how do you deal with this stuff in general.

I need ideas.

after all, the money i save will be for both of us but i also like to spend money on my nieces, nephews and siblings. We do not have children so this will change if we decide we want kids.

We are both in our early 40s.

 

Thank you in advance

 

 

 

Yeah, you let-on that you're the happiest you've ever been... and you let-on that you are not married...

 

 

but you don't spell-out that you want and expect to BE married to this person in the future.

 

 

IF "happily ever after" is the goal from here on out, then it probably makes the most sense to split the bills 60/40.

 

The home, it being a larger and more concrete investment (even if you break-up tomorrow), is such that it makes more sense as a 50/50 thing.

 

 

If you're not willing to give your all to the future of the relationship, then it doesn't matter what math you use to split today's bills.

 

 

But say you fast-forward 10 years, and you ARE married and moving forward...

 

And, randomly, say $10,000 a month is coming into the household... (@ 60/40)... maybe you STILL do the house payment as a 50/50 thing... and with all else, it still plays-out that, whether you use a joint account, or have two separate accounts of community property... that the "60/40" split is effectively in practice. SO you might as well do the 60/40 now IF indeed you are in it for the long haul/big-picture.

 

 

But you won't... as you are still looking out for numero uno

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

IMO the splitting of bills doesnt matter as long as the left over money is used responsibly by both parties. For example if he is paying in his share (40%), and saving the rest while you are paying your share (60%) and blowing the rest on useless crap, then there will be a problem. Everyone needs fun money, but if all of your leftover money goes to fun money he will resent you for it. Or vice versa. How the split works out doesnt mean much as long as both parties are happy with their fun money and responsible with the rest.

 

Also this issue can be fluid and change with different situations that might come up in life. You might very well put forth 60% for a few years, then something changes and he needs to put up 60%. Just talk through it. Set up a system and stick by it for a while. Like a year or so. Then you can both address concerns with the current situation and see if its still working or needs to be tweaked.

[BettyDraper]

I feel like whoever earns more should be responsible for more household expenses.

It's only fair, right?

[Els]

Splitting by % is fair I think, but it depends on whether you are comfortable with that.

 

How do you split the housework?

[Arieswoman]

I don't want to rain on your parade OP but when I saw this ;

 

We are buying a house together and we are both paying equally so each will own half of it. We are not married.

 

(my italics)

 

I became concerned.

 

If you don't plan to get married soon I would strongly suggest you see a solicitor and draw up a Cohabitation Agreement.

 

These pages have had several posts from couples who have parted company and are now involved in unpleasant financial wrangles.

 

just my 6 penneth......

[Gr8fuln2020]

maybe I'm old fashioned.

 

But if you're not willing to pool your money into one account and become one with your finances, it shows a lack of commitment in the longevity of the relationship which says to me you probably should not buy a house together.

 

I'll probably get bashed for this. And that's ok, i realize my views might be antiquated

 

I don't believe this idea is antiquated, just not entirely relevant right now in their relationship. They are not married yet. Still bf/gf and about to play house. Much can go wrong before the proposal and marriage, so 50/50 sounds right.

[CarrieT]

You aren't married?

 

50/50. With a *really* good contract on how to settle the assets of the house if the relationship ends.

 

Open a shared joint account into which you both put in 50% of the household bills.

 

When/If you decide to marry do incomes become pooled together.

[Lois_Griffin]

How do you split the housework?

I'll be real curious to see the answer to THAT. It's a blue moon when true 50/50 actually exists. The woman usually gets stuck doing A LOT more.

 

And if that's the case OP, then I'd be contributing LESS than 50%.

[Mr. Lucky]

You aren't married?

 

50/50. With a *really* good contract on how to settle the assets of the house if the relationship ends.

 

Open a shared joint account into which you both put in 50% of the household bills.

 

When/If you decide to marry do incomes become pooled together.

 

Agree 100%. Until you decide to marry, you're just roommates with benefits.

 

We are buying a house together and we are both paying equally so each will own half of it. We are not married.

 

Will both of you be on the deed?

 

Mr. Lucky

[CarrieT]

Agree 100%. Until you decide to marry, you're just roommates with benefits

 

Repeated for emphasis.

[KellyJellyBelly]

We are not married yet. We are just about to settle in this new house hopefully and focus more on ourselves. So far we have lived in separate cities due to my work committments.

He is divorced and he had great financial difficulties with his ex wife who contributed nothing to the household.

We are like a married couple and when and if he proposes, i will accept .

I think of him as my life partner and see myself grow old with him and he says the same thing so we are committed to each other.

[KellyJellyBelly]

maybe I'm old fashioned.

 

But if you're not willing to pool your money into one account and become one with your finances, it shows a lack of commitment in the longevity of the relationship which says to me you probably should not buy a house together.

 

I'll probably get bashed for this. And that's ok, i realize my views might be antiquated

ailD

Your views not old fashioned. We will have a joint account and i was thinking of putting 60//40 but then i thought why not do 50/50 and see how it goes and increase my contribution later after we buy the furniture and other house related expenditures.

I did not have a job for 4 months and lived with my boyfriend. I had some savings and did not want him to pay for both of us so was contributing to shopping ( but no bills or his mortgage).

We go out together and take in turns. I frequently sped more because i earn more and very happy to dot his but again i want to keep the right balance. He is the man and he sees us as partners and a team.

[KellyJellyBelly]

SincereOnlineGuy

not looking for numero uno. He is there in front of me.

I think of him as my husband. Splitting the bills is important. We both work and need to do this.

I did not mention that he is actually paying his 50% for the house upfront and will be mortgage free. I have less asset and savings but earn more so will be paying my 50% over a few years so in fact, i will be living with him and he is taking a risk s we have a joint mortgage but we agreed that i will pay it.

Yes we will both own the house 50/50 each.

[KellyJellyBelly]

Agree 100%. Until you decide to marry, you're just roommates with benefits.

 

 

 

Will both of you be on the deed?

 

Mr. Lucky

Mr.Lucky,

I do not see us as roommates with benefits.I see us as a married couple but have not got the paper yet.

Both will be on the deed. In fact, our offer has been accepted today.

[alsudduth]

maybe I'm old fashioned.

 

But if you're not willing to pool your money into one account and become one with your finances, it shows a lack of commitment in the longevity of the relationship which says to me you probably should not buy a house together.

 

I'll probably get bashed for this. And that's ok, i realize my views might be antiquated

 

I feel the same way. My husband in the last few years decided he wanted to separate our accounts and split bills 50/50 because "he doesn't like me telling him what to do with his money" (Note, his favorite line though is, "I want to do what I want with my money, and I want to tell you what to do with your money)

 

As it is now for us, OP, and seems to work well is that we have a joint account, and separate accounts. My paycheck goes into our joint account because I am too lazy to switch it, and his paycheck goes into his account.

 

Each pay period, I calculate the bills we need to pay for the cycle, rent-carpayment-insurance-utilities, etc and we split the total for household bills 50/50.

 

He moves his portion into the joint account, I move my "extra" money to my own account, and then I pay bills out of the joint account.

 

I also cover 90% of the grocery expenses, things the kids need for school, and about 60-70% of our extra curricular fun stuff because I make more than my husband. This seems to work out well. When my husband has a lot of extra money from overtime, he contributes more to groceries, going out, etc OR he gives me extra money to put towards a credit card payment as we are trying to pay off debt. And if I have extra money and he needs help with his personal financial stuff, I'm happy to help. This way he gets to feel like he has most control over his finances outside of shared household bills, but we still contribute to each other as a team.

 

Perhaps a compromise like that would be more beneficial for you guys.

[KellyJellyBelly]

CarrieT

 

Yes, good contract will be in place for both of us.

We will open a joint account soon and put 50/50 for now. Subject to increase on my part

 

Lois_Griffin

 

Thank you for this question. I now have the opportunity to praise my boyfriend. He does a lot. I like cooking and i cook nice and new things on weekends. He does the washing up and cleaning.We share other house chores but he does the hoovering which i hate.

I have to say he became better with time. Months of training had paid off .

We spend weekdays in our respective cities. Meet on Wednesday and Weekends.

We are looking forward to finally living together in our house.

I work longer hours than him and work one weekend in 5. All his weekend are free.

so...50/50 contribution is fair for a start.

 

Arieswoman,

why do you think we should get married soon?we have the new house to sort and settle in first.

Marriage is a nicety...a luxury not a must. We will do at a time when we r more relaxed. we want it to be fun not a chore. As i said earlier...i am not bothered about marriage anymore for one reason. This man makes me feel secure and happy. I previously wanted marriage with my exes because they did not show the commitment i wanted and deserved. this is what i think has changed in me.

[KellyJellyBelly]

T-16bullseyeWompRat

Thank you for your reply.

We are responsible people. We are modest and what we save we spend on nice holidays or family or keep it for a rainy day.

With the house come more expenses like furniture etc and my share of the mortgage so this will have to take priority now

[KellyJellyBelly]

Splitting by % is fair I think, but it depends on whether you are comfortable with that.

 

How do you split the housework?

Elswyth

 

Housework is split fairly.I have no complaints or issues here ( i hope he does not either ).