After years of reading this forum, dumped in an instant. Heartbroken

[TexasGuy12]

Curious for those of you in this thread who have have similar BPD ex stories, is it normal for BPDers to constantly talk about their past partners in a way that makes them inferior to you?

 

For example, she would constantly talk about how I finally made her feel like her again, how she felt love again, how she is never one to open up her feelings but I made it so easy for her, how she never chased anyone like she chased me, etc etc.

 

Is that how they usually are?

[aloneinaz]

Curious for those of you in this thread who have have similar BPD ex stories, is it normal for BPDers to constantly talk about their past partners in a way that makes them inferior to you?

 

For example, she would constantly talk about how I finally made her feel like her again, how she felt love again, how she is never one to open up her feelings but I made it so easy for her, how she never chased anyone like she chased me, etc etc.

 

Is that how they usually are?

 

Yup.. mine did the same. They methodically manipulate you into thinking you're their rescuer. I remember my BPD ex told me early on how her life was rough as a kid, her husband was abusive and ultimately cheated on her. All her short (3 months hint, hint) relationships were terrible after her marriage ended. She said I was the only one who really understood her. I was the best she ever had as a lover, friend, BF, blah, blah, blah.. She finally found the love of her life..

 

Basically, she played me like a Baldwin piano! lol.. It's just how the folks who have those strong BPD tendencies act. They seduce us w/their over the top sex, compliments, agreeable to everything (in the beginning) and seem like our soul mate. They are simply masters of getting people to fall head over heals w/them very early in a R/S BEFORE the infatuation phase ends and all hell breaks loose.

 

This is why most partners who've been w/a person with those traits feels shocked and horrified when the train starts going off the rails. We're like "WTH? where did the gal I fell for go"? We then ask how we get her back? By then, it's too late. We've swallowed the hook and the only way out is when we realize it's not worth it anymore is to go through hell while healing from it for a few months. As you experienced, you can't have any contact once it ends. You have to have a clean break and absolute NC to break free and regain your life and sanity.

 

Glad to hear you're dating. I remember I still thought of my ex on the drive home from the dates. I knew it was normal. I also didn't think of her on the dates at all. I was focused on the person I was with. The distraction of dating, texting and flirting kept my mind off her. I also came to peace knowing that I'd still think of her a lot for several months post break up and not make a big deal out of it.

 

By the time she started contacting me again 5-6 months post break up, I was in a new relationship with the woman I'm engage to now. I didn't think of that ex much anymore. I was over it and grateful that I escaped it and found normalcy w/my new gal again.

Edited October 3, 2016 by aloneinaz

[TexasGuy12]

By the time she started contacting me again 5-6 months post break up, I was in a new relationship with the woman I'm engage to now. I didn't think of that ex much anymore. I was over it and grateful that I escaped it and found normalcy w/my new gal again.

 

Did her contacting you bring back feelings that you thought you were over? Did any part of you want her to contact you prior to her doing so, and were you happy when she did, or you genuinely didn't care?

[Frozensushi]

I remember my BPD ex told me early on how her life was rough as a kid, her husband was abusive and ultimately cheated on her. All her short (3 months hint, hint) relationships were terrible after her marriage ended.

 

Yes, these women are masters at making men fall in love with them. I had fallen for her charms hook line and sinker. I too thought I had found my "soulmate". I didn't even believe in that term till my Ex came along.

 

My Ex told me how her father abandoned her as a child and how she felt her mother chose her abusive step-father over her. She also told me how she bounced from one failed relationship to another for many years. She told me how her last BF cheated on her and it was the most devastating thing to happen to her in her entire life. When my Ex told me about all those failed relationships, I knew it would be different with us. I was determined not to be just another statistic in her dating history. I was in for a BIG surprise!

 

After the R/S started going south I would ask her why she gave her other Exs a pass for the same things she always got on my case about or even broke up with me over. Of course, her passive aggressive nature always flipped it around back on me. I could never win.

 

There was also a few cases, during the honeymoon phase, of abandonment by Ex-boyfriends and family members. I had brought up a few of those stories she told me up months later, during a devaluing period, to which she denied it ever happened and that I had imagined it all. Caused a big fight of course. Looking back, I see all those "Distortion of truth". As my Ex was very proud of how 'honest' she was.

 

"WTH? where did the gal I fell for go"? We then ask how we get her back? By then, it's too late

I hung in there till the bitter end. I really thought I could bring that amazing woman back. Such denial on my part. She was just going through the motions near the end. One day she loves me, the next she hates me. She pushes me away then comes crawling back, just to push me away again. Just awful.

[aloneinaz]

Did her contacting you bring back feelings that you thought you were over? Did any part of you want her to contact you prior to her doing so, and were you happy when she did, or you genuinely didn't care?

 

I didn't think I'd EVER hear from her again, I really didn't. It was a complete shock when she reached out. She apologized all over herself for her behavior during that catastrophic R/S.

 

The feelings that were dug up in me where of anger more than anything. I'd figured she was suddenly single again (which BPD's hate) and potentially saw me as a quick fix to that problem. More of her selfishness. I learned later I was right as another of her emails said that she'd had just ended a short, bad R/S after me and it only made her realize what a great BF I was to her. Uh huh..

 

I shared her email with my gal and she said "you should feel validated that you were a good BF to her by what she's writing". She'd heard the stories about her.

 

The anger did quickly pass though and was replaced by indifference. I would of preferred to never hear from her again. From the day we ended till today, my mind was at "f-her, I'll NNEEVVEERR date her again".

 

And no, I NEVER had any desire to contact her again after she ended it. There was no point. I'd FINALLY come to my senses after she ended it that she was simply too damaged. I was furious as myself for putting up with all that I did with her.

[TexasGuy12]

I didn't think I'd EVER hear from her again, I really didn't. It was a complete shock when she reached out. She apologized all over herself for her behavior during that catastrophic R/S.

 

The feelings that were dug up in me where of anger more than anything. I'd figured she was suddenly single again (which BPD's hate) and potentially saw me as a quick fix to that problem. More of her selfishness. I learned later I was right as another of her emails said that she'd had just ended a short, bad R/S after me and it only made her realize what a great BF I was to her. Uh huh..

 

I shared her email with my gal and she said "you should feel validated that you were a good BF to her by what she's writing". She'd heard the stories about her.

 

The anger did quickly pass though and was replaced by indifference. I would of preferred to never hear from her again. From the day we ended till today, my mind was at "f-her, I'll NNEEVVEERR date her again".

 

And no, I NEVER had any desire to contact her again after she ended it. There was no point. I'd FINALLY come to my senses after she ended it that she was simply too damaged. I was furious as myself for putting up with all that I did with her.

 

That's awesome for you. I will admit that at no point did I get to this point yet, not even in the times I was going well. It's hard for me to picture a time that I wouldn't want her to contact me, even if I was over her and knew I didn't want to go back, I feel like I'd still want the validation and to know that she still actually did still care a bit and think of me.

 

Really hoping I can get to the point that you got to and are still at.

[Frozensushi]

I shared her email with my gal and she said "you should feel validated that you were a good BF to her by what she's writing". She'd heard the stories about her.

 

After learning so much about BPD, I realize it was never really our fault because we thought it was a normal R/S. I found an article about how to communicate with a BPDer. I was doing all the things the article said not to do. All the thing the article said to do was like a checklist of how what my Ex expected of me. It's like she wrote it.

 

Reading all the things needed to make a relationship work with a BPDer sounded exhausting and one-sided. You are pretty much their therapist, shoulder to cry on, sympathetic beacon light, etc. You have to constantly validate their irrational behavior/feelings/pain and don't dare have an opinion. You need to acknowledge the issues their dealing with, never interject your own, never be defensive and always agree with them. Their needs always come before your own and your feelings should never be considered in any part of the R/S, no matter how unfair they may be.

 

I agree with the article, but who the hell wants to live like that???

[TexasGuy12]

After learning so much about BPD, I realize it was never really our fault because we thought it was a normal R/S.

 

I remember one of the last phone calls we had, after I had found out one of her BPD lies (a very big one) but before I knew anything about BPD. It was at this point that I knew she had some very big issues but again, had no idea about BPD.

 

I said something like "I'm a pretty normal dude and I felt like you were normal too. I didn't know you had all of this going on in your mind. If I did I would have understood more."

 

So yeah, I thought I was in a normal relationship with an emotional but relatively normal woman.

 

It's one of the reasons that I'm having such a hard time, and I checked out another BPD board (BTW - it's totally insane that every single BPD trait and quality fits her precisely) and it seems like many on there have the same issue.

 

"I just want one more chance knowing what I know now, with eyes wide open."

 

I'm not afraid to admit that part of me feels the same way. I was always walking on eggshells and so on edge that it made me become someone that I wasn't. I didn't want to go out and have a night of fun because 50% of the time, it would end in destruction and dysfunction. So I think she started to look at me as lame and not into her, when in reality I was trying to prevent bad things from happening.

 

In the past couple months I've gone out at night more than I did in my whole relationship with her. And she loved to drink and go out and have fun. Problem is it would ALWAYS end horribly. I can literally only think of like 5-10 nights in our whole relationship, after the honeymoon phase, where we had a smooth night without anything going wrong. And that would always come immediately after a bad period.

 

Had I known that she had a real issue, and understanding the issue, I would have been more proactive instead of always wondering.

 

In some ways, I feel like I could be more myself now than I ever was with her, aside from the first couple weeks, because I wouldn't be on edge wondering what the issue was.

 

From doing some reading and research, the problem seems to be that once you are onto them and finally understand they have a problem, they feel shame or feel that it is too far gone, so at that point they aren't likely to give you the time of day again. I truly feel like that is a big reason why my ex has turned her feelings off so quickly and run away to someone who doesn't know so much about her past.

 

So once you finally realize what you're dealing with, there's no hope.

 

I realize the above indicates that I'm not even close to being healed or moving on, but that's why I'm here Just thinking out loud.

Edited October 3, 2016 by TexasGuy12

[TexasGuy12]

I'm not deeply religious and in general I find sayings like this corny, but I have to admit, I do feel like I stumbled upon this board many years ago so that I could come back here this time around and get through this. Without this board, specifically Downtown's posts, I never would have been exposed to BPD and understood that I was dealing with a very severe case. Understanding that is really going to help me in this process. Can't thank you all enough for your help and support. I hope one day to be someone that can be a regular here and help others going through the same ordeal.

[aloneinaz]

Texas, you need to reach acceptance that's it over with her and that you deserve a relationship that's healthy, mutually rewarding, loving, etc.. You'd never achieve that with this ex of yours. You need to have daily affirmations to that point. If you do, you'll tire of discussing her on this board and with others. You'll just be exhausted about talking about her. It's what I did as well. I participated on this site for several months post break up and then moved on to thinking about the gals I was dating and then to my now fiance.

 

If you read your last couple of posts, you're describing withdrawal symptoms from that R/S. You REALLY are breaking a bad addiction. It takes time and you have to have your head in the right place to achieve it. I smoked years ago and it's the same thing. I LLOOVVEEEDD to smoke but I knew it was ruining my health. It takes time to overcome the addiction whether it's drugs or a toxic relationship. You can't have an occasional cigarette nor can a recovering heroin user have just a hit every once in awhile. That's why a clean break of absolute NC is necessary.

 

Think rationally here. You know if she came knocking on your door tonight, crying, begging and pleading for you to come back to her that you'd go through the same hell. The "fix" you got would not last long. Within a very short time, she'd be right back to acting like she did before and you'd have to start all over again. I think you've bought that ground a few times already.

 

Don't for a minute think some new guy will come into her life and she'll suddenly be normal for him. It's simply not true. Like Downtown says, unless they have years of intense therapy with a specialist, they are not going to change. It's just not possible. Look at her past of lots of failed relationships and marriages. It would be like me thinking my ex who got married to a guy after a year is suddenly perfectly normal and they are enjoying a perfect, happy marriage w/out all the drama she brings.. LMAO.. Yea right.. I've said it before. I honestly REALLY, REALLY feel bad for that guy. I'm sure he's not living the dream at all.

[TexasGuy12]

Texas, you need to reach acceptance that's it over with her and that you deserve a relationship that's healthy, mutually rewarding, loving, etc.. You'd never achieve that with this ex of yours. You need to have daily affirmations to that point. If you do, you'll tire of discussing her on this board and with others. You'll just be exhausted about talking about her. It's what I did as well. I participated on this site for several months post break up and then moved on to thinking about the gals I was dating and then to my now fiance.

 

If you read your last couple of posts, you're describing withdrawal symptoms from that R/S. You REALLY are breaking a bad addiction. It takes time and you have to have your head in the right place to achieve it. I smoked years ago and it's the same thing. I LLOOVVEEEDD to smoke but I knew it was ruining my health. It takes time to overcome the addiction whether it's drugs or a toxic relationship. You can't have an occasional cigarette nor can a recovering heroin user have just a hit every once in awhile. That's why a clean break of absolute NC is necessary.

 

Think rationally here. You know if she came knocking on your door tonight, crying, begging and pleading for you to come back to her that you'd go through the same hell. The "fix" you got would not last long. Within a very short time, she'd be right back to acting like she did before and you'd have to start all over again. I think you've bought that ground a few times already.

 

Don't for a minute think some new guy will come into her life and she'll suddenly be normal for him. It's simply not true. Like Downtown says, unless they have years of intense therapy with a specialist, they are not going to change. It's just not possible. Look at her past of lots of failed relationships and marriages. It would be like me thinking my ex who got married to a guy after a year is suddenly perfectly normal and they are enjoying a perfect, happy marriage w/out all the drama she brings.. LMAO.. Yea right.. I've said it before. I honestly REALLY, REALLY feel bad for that guy. I'm sure he's not living the dream at all.

 

Well in my mind I'm totally committed to NC now.

 

She dumped me in July, committed to NC, emailed her mid August, talked to her on the phone, she coldly rejected me.

 

I broke NC 50 days later and she more coldly rejected me.

 

I think I've learned my lesson.

 

Although I thought that before the 2nd NC break as well.

 

But each time you touch the stove, as BC said, you learn a bigger and bigger lesson.

 

Hoping I touched the stove for the last time.

 

NC isn't my biggest worry - it's getting my mind right.

[aloneinaz]

 

NC isn't my biggest worry - it's getting my mind right.

 

That's what NC, out of sight, out of mind and time passing will allow you to do.

[Frozensushi]

Think rationally here. You know if she came knocking on your door tonight, crying, begging and pleading for you to come back to her that you'd go through the same hell. The "fix" you got would not last long. Within a very short time, she'd be right back to acting like she did before and you'd have to start all over again. I think you've bought that ground a few times already.

 

^This! Texas, I went through about 15 breakup/makeup cycles with my EX. I was only with her for a year. She always came crawling back and I always eagerly took her back. Yes, for a moment it was happy. The first day back together she acted like she did in the honeymoon phase, and yes the makeup sex was incredible. Over the course of a week, 2 if I was lucky, she would slowly pull away and regress back to her 'real' self. Then boom, I'd say the wrong thing and it was over or she needed "space". I'd always walk away highly confused, hurt, and asking "WTF just happened?".

 

It kept happening over and over again. It never got better, NEVER, no matter what I did to fix things, it only got worse. Literal nightmare for me. It had such a monumental effect on my mental and physical health.

 

There's a part of me still that yearns to go back. Now, my rational side slaps the S*** out of myself anytime those emotions pop-up.

[Frozensushi]

In some ways, I feel like I could be more myself now than I ever was with her, aside from the first couple weeks, because I wouldn't be on edge wondering what the issue was.

 

Isn't crazy we couldn't be "ourselves" around them?? It's no way to live and it certainly isn't a healthy relationship to have with anyone. You should be HAPPY, not fearful, not having to tiptoe around her. Not worried about rapid unpredictable mood swings. Not having anything you say or do twisted around and used against you. Not always feeling misunderstood whenever you try to explain or reassure them, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.....

[TexasGuy12]

^This! Texas, I went through about 15 breakup/makeup cycles with my EX. I was only with her for a year. She always came crawling back and I always eagerly took her back. Yes, for a moment it was happy. The first day back together she acted like she did in the honeymoon phase, and yes the makeup sex was incredible. Over the course of a week, 2 if I was lucky, she would slowly pull away and regress back to her 'real' self. Then boom, I'd say the wrong thing and it was over or she needed "space". I'd always walk away highly confused, hurt, and asking "WTF just happened?".

 

It kept happening over and over again. It never got better, NEVER, no matter what I did to fix things, it only got worse. Literal nightmare for me. It had such a monumental effect on my mental and physical health.

 

There's a part of me still that yearns to go back. Now, my rational side slaps the S*** out of myself anytime those emotions pop-up.

 

When you say 15 breakup cycles, do you mean like days/weeks, or longer periods?

 

Like we certainly had fights where she would kick me out, etc, and call me the next day or 2 days later and want to make up. That would happen pretty much every time she had one of her mountain out of a molehill arguments.

 

Is that kind of what you're talking about?

 

I don't feel like I'm currently in a cycle. I feel like it's completely over in her eyes.

 

Better question would be what was your longest period of not contacting each other?

[Frozensushi]

Like we certainly had fights where she would kick me out, etc, and call me the next day or 2 days later and want to make up. That would happen pretty much every time she had one of her mountain out of a molehill arguments.

 

It varied. Some lasted a few days, some weeks, some months. The breakups were real and had the same impact on me any other breakup would.

 

I had those same fights as you where she'd get upset over practically nothing then kick me out. I'd then have to wait for her to text me to either makeup or breakup (She was too much of a coward to ever call, she always broke up through text). So I would live in dread, daily bouts of anxiety up until she made contact because I never knew if it was over or not.

 

The texts I would get 4-5 days later would be "How are you?" or "I can't do this anymore". If she broke up it usually took her two weeks on the dot to send me her usual "I miss you, come over" or "How are you?" texts. After a while breaking up lost its actual connotation to me.

 

This time however, I hit rock bottom. I even thought to myself when we got back together "Okay, this is it, we will try our best, but if she dumps me again, it's over for good". I meant it.

[Downtown]

Is it normal for BPDers to constantly talk about their past partners in a way that makes them inferior to you? ...Is that how they usually are?

Texas, I agree with AloneInAz that this behavior is very common -- so much so that it appears in my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. Trait #12 is "Complaining that all her previous BFs were abusive and claiming (during your courtship) that you are the only one who has treated her well."

 

I hope one day to be someone that can be a regular here and help others going through the same ordeal.

Texas, that's one thing you don't have to hope for. Over the past two months, your thread already has attracted over 7,000 views. By sharing your story, you've already helped numerous other LS members and unregistered lurkers.

 

But, yes, I sure would like to see you become a regular here (as long as it doesn't interfere with your healing). Like AloneInAz and Frozen, you've acquired a deep understanding of BPDer relationships -- at a young age -- that few people ever achieve in a lifetime.

[TexasGuy12]

Texas, I agree with AloneInAz that this behavior is very common -- so much so that it appears in my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. Trait #12 is "Complaining that all her previous BFs were abusive and claiming (during your courtship) that you are the only one who has treated her well."

 

Texas, that's one thing you don't have to hope for. Over the past two months, your thread already has attracted over 7,000 views. By sharing your story, you've already helped numerous other LS members and unregistered lurkers.

 

But, yes, I sure would like to see you become a regular here (as long as it doesn't interfere with your healing). Like AloneInAz and Frozen, you've acquired a deep understanding of BPDer relationships -- at a young age -- that few people ever achieve in a lifetime.

 

Thanks for all of your help! Really appreciate it and I do hope that my story has helped others on here, even if some of you may be much farther along in the process than I am.

[BC1980]

You might want to see a therapist of buy some books on the grieving process after a breakup. Because you do go through a grieving process, and I had a very difficult time. I bought some books that navigated me through the process and let me know I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did. Even though I would never have broken NC, I still had a lot of work to do to feel normal again. I dealt with a lot of anger at one point.

[Frozensushi]

I think the phycological damage that I received from the idealization and then the devaluing is what's been the hardest part for me to get over. Looking back, that's when the relationship really ended.

 

Not sure about you, but I'm what you'd call a "Nice guy". I believe this personality type must be like a magnet for a person with BPD traits. It's the reason why I didn't cut my losses when I discovered my Ex's true nature. It's why I naively believed that if I could just give her what she needed, it would convince her my heart was true and things would go back to how they were in the beginning.

 

Most guys who meet women who are too good to be true see huge flags, they know better to trust on face value. These were the type of men my Ex bounced back and forth with over years of her many failed relationships. They dropped her like a bad habit as soon as her true nature was revealed. In me, she found the perfect pawn for her deception.

 

I've been reading/listening to some great books: -

• No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert A Glover
  
• How to Be a 3 Man - Corey Wayne
  

They're great. They're available on Audible too. I highly recommend them.

Edited October 4, 2016 by Frozensushi

[aloneinaz]

11 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

 

MSN is my home page and I saw this today. Again, none of us can diagnose an ex with any mental health issue obviously. We can however see our ex's traits in our experiences and the experiences of others that certainly can have us suspecting it in them.

 

This article states that less than 2% of Americans have this disorder to some degree. Lucky us to have run into a partner that possible suffered from it!

 

What hasn't been discussed much in these traits is some other prominent symptoms. My ex had major issues off/on with depression before me and off/on during our time together. She also had periods of anxiety as well though depression was more prominent.

 

Anyway, thought I'd share this with Texas and Frozen as they navigate through the healing process and move forward in their lives.

[TexasGuy12]

11 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

 

MSN is my home page and I saw this today. Again, none of us can diagnose an ex with any mental health issue obviously. We can however see our ex's traits in our experiences and the experiences of others that certainly can have us suspecting it in them.

 

This article states that less than 2% of Americans have this disorder to some degree. Lucky us to have run into a partner that possible suffered from it!

 

What hasn't been discussed much in these traits is some other prominent symptoms. My ex had major issues off/on with depression before me and off/on during our time together. She also had periods of anxiety as well though depression was more prominent.

 

Anyway, thought I'd share this with Texas and Frozen as they navigate through the healing process and move forward in their lives.

 

Yep, my ex openly discussed her anxiety. She took anxiety meds and talked about being depressed and having anxiety over the years. She also would handle situations awfully. Like one time were having a fight, and she went over and sat on the steps like a little kid and just seemed to struggle processing everything.

 

Sounds like I'm describing a crazy person, although again, if you would meet her, you'd think she is the smartest, most beautiful, sophisticated young woman. Crazy stuff, man.

 

And thank you for sharing this. Honestly, my mind is racing pretty badly right now, as you can see in my last several posts over the last few days. I was doing well in a fairly linear line, but after I broke NC it's been a real struggle of emotions. Hoping once I get through these days that things will start getting better again.

[TexasGuy12]

I think the phycological damage that I received from the idealization and then the devaluing is what's been the hardest part for me to get over. Looking back, that's when the relationship really ended.

 

Not sure about you, but I'm what you'd call a "Nice guy". I believe this personality type must be like a magnet for a person with BPD traits. It's the reason why I didn't cut my losses when I discovered my Ex's true nature. It's why I naively believed that if I could just give her what she needed, it would convince her my heart was true and things would go back to how they were in the beginning.

 

Most guys who meet women who are too good to be true see huge flags, they know better to trust on face value. These were the type of men my Ex bounced back and forth with over years of her many failed relationships. They dropped her like a bad habit as soon as her true nature was revealed. In me, she found the perfect pawn for her deception.

 

I've been reading/listening to some great books: -

• No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert A Glover
  
• How to Be a 3 Man - Corey Wayne
  

They're great. They're available on Audible too. I highly recommend them.

 

I mean I definitely have an edge to me and I'm not the pushover nice guy, but deep down I'm definitely a nice, caring, compassionate person, and I'm sure she saw that early on with me. Definitely made me put up for it after the honeymoon where most guys would have pushed her to the curb, for sure.

[Downtown]

This article states that less than 2% of Americans have this disorder to some degree.

That figure greatly understates the problem. The only large scale study -- of nearly 35,000 American adults -- found that about 6% of the adult population have a lifetime incidence of BPD and 2% exhibited full-blown symptoms during the past 12 months. See 2008 Study in JCP.

 

Even that 6% figure understates the problem, however. The diagnostic criteria for "having BPD" (i.e., having full-blown BPD) are set at an arbitrarily high level -- largely under pressure from psychiatric hospitals (which cannot afford to house many people), insurance companies (which don't want to pay), and courts (which are reluctant to institutionalize people). Hence, a person satisfying 80% or 90% of the diagnostic criteria (thus "not having BPD") likely will be almost as difficult to live with as a person satisfying 100%.

 

As I noted earlier, BPD is not something -- like chickenpox -- that a person either "has" or "doesn't have." Rather, it is simply a group of behavioral symptoms that we all exhibit to some degree. This is why the APA is in the process of replacing its binary approach to PD diagnosis with a graduated approach.

[Frozensushi]

As I noted earlier, BPD is not something -- like chickenpox -- that a person either "has" or "doesn't have." Rather, it is simply a group of behavioral symptoms that we all exhibit to some degree. This is why the APA is in the process of replacing its binary approach to PD diagnosis with a graduated approach.

 

This is important to keep in mind. I realize my Ex doesn't truly qualify for this disorder. Just because she shows signs of having the character traits, does not mean she has BPD. She also suffers from chronic depression and extreme bouts of stress and anxiety. This might have also been a big contributing factor to our relationship problems. The only person who could really know is a mental health professional. It's not my place to say. The only thing I'm concerned about now is the state of my own personal mental health and happiness.

 

TexasGuy, it's time to focus on yourself. Take what you've learned from this experience and use it to improve yourself and your life so that when you are ready to love again, you won't make the same mistakes. That's what I plan to do.