LDR: What is going on?

[AlexG42]

Several moths ago, I met another guy who is close in age to me. We met through social media. In the beginning stages of everything our communication was primarily through text messages and snapchat. After about 2 weeks of non-stop texting we both came to the conclusion we were very interested in each other and he had provoked the question of us meeting in person. We live in what I believe it a reasonable distance, only 3 hours apart. He lives in a large city, whereas I live in a large town. We made arrangement to meet in the following weeks. Up until we had met in person we continued to stay very well in touch with each other. We both began to snapchat frequently as we constantly wanted to see one another. We also began complimenting one another, continuing to express our feelings. We also grew to realize how many things we had in common. Then it came time to meet and what a wonderful time we had. He took me around the city, we spent several lunches and dinners together, insisting he pay for everything. We later became intimate and our love for each other grew drastically. Weeks later I had asked him, if things continue what does he want from all of this. He said he'd love to date me and possible even be in a relationship with me. After my stay I returned home and we continued to stay closely in touch. I visited him just 3 weeks later and everything was still going great, however there was a small concern to me. I had noticed he had several condoms in his nightstand. I also noticed an open condom wrapper, although the condom wrapper was a different brand. This raised some concern to me, although I didn't provoke any questions. He knew I had seen it, and never became nervous and uneasy as to what I had found. I kind of forgot about it and moved on. About 2 months in, the communication began to decrease. Text messages took longer to get replies, the compliments and affection slowed down as well as the pictures of him he sent with snapchat. The good morning and good night texts had also become slowly non-existent. The behavior to me was alarming. I let it continue for a while keeping an open mind, thinking maybe his life was just a bit hectic lately. I started to notice during this time that while he was not as active in communication with me, he was still frequently on Facebook and Facebook messenger. After a few weeks, I provoked the question curious as to why the sudden change in behavior and figure out what is it we are? From what he tells me he is still very interested in me, just as much as I am to him, although he claims the "reality" of our situation finally sunk in. We also agreed that we are "dating". We still continue to visit each other and when we do it's almost as if these problems never existed. In person he will compliment me, kiss me and still want sex. He still holds the door open and pays for me and we enjoy having a good time together. The communication when we are distant still remains poor. I've been trying to understand the situation, but I feel like there's more the the story. I hope the members of this forum can see something that I can't or relate to the situation and offer advice.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think this one is going to last, OP.

 

He likes your company but it seems he knows it isn't going to work well. That much was clear from his comment about reality sinking in. His level of interest is already waning and if you've found open condom wrappers, I think it's safe to say he is not having sex only with you. I have a feeling it's only a matter of time until he meets someone local and he fades completely.

[clmckenzie]

Oh, I am so sorry.

 

I think a part of you knows that this is not going well at all. I think you should start to consider that this may not be what's best for you and you may be in a dishonest relationship.

 

I'm sorry.

[justwhoiam]

Hi AlexG42,

 

Welcome to the LS forum.

 

So, is yours a man-man relationship? If that's the case, do you know what places he goes to at night? Is he a regular in some clubs in his city? That would be your clue that he's seeing (& having sex with) other guys during the week or when you're not around.

 

Just remember that condoms are not 100% safe, so get tested. If you're OK with him dating multiple partners at the same time, you can continue the current menage. If you're not, cut him off. Him not being nervous might be due to the fact that in the large city he lives in, it's normal to have multiple partners in the gay scene. So maybe no one would complain about that.