Instead of asking them out, mention a group event

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was talking to a male friend of mine, and his method of asking women out is somewhat unorthodox, but not entirely uncalled for. If he has taken an interest in a woman...when first getting to know her, if he knows of a group event with friends that they are both familiar with...he'll say something like,

 

"I'm going to a pool party coming up this Saturday, so if you're interested in checking it out it starts at 1 p.m."

 

So instead of asking her out one on one, he sets it up this way.

 

Now, when I think about it, this does seem to take some pressure off the situation, but others might suggest may be the one way ticket to the friend zone or something a non-confident guy would do.

 

I knew of a woman that did this to a guy, he showed up and she had her married couple friends with her...he was turned off by it thinking it would be an actual one-on-one date...so he never called her again.

 

Thoughts?

[normal person]

I think indirectness is usually a good move. It puts less pressure on someone and serves as an equally good gauge of interest. Let's say you're at a bar with your friends, and you meet a girl who's out with her group of friends. If you get talking to the group, it can be quite intense and out of left field to address just the one you've got your eye on and ask for her phone number or whatever. And if you can't separate her from the pack for whatever reason (like her friend doesn't want to be left alone and is "blocking"), then it's really not a bad idea to invite the group with you to the next bar or somewhere at a later date. If they're into it, you're golden.

 

I think being indirect with someone at first, and acting more and more direct until you meet resistance is a really good way to about things, actually. It makes people feel less "on the spot" and gives more time for organic growth of a relationship.

[MissBee]

I think this may be fine, as an initial move, and then you try to be more direct and gauge interest. However, an unending series of group invites or indirect stuff will cause me to just assume you like me as a friend.

 

I personally hate having to guess if a man likes me and prefer directness. I don't mind an initial icebreaker invite to a party or some such, but at the party, talk to me, flirt, up the ante, invite me for coffee, then at coffee, up the ante, invite me for dinner...

 

But if you keep inviting me to group stuff or ambiguous things that seem friendly, I will simply assume it's friendly and may set my sights on others.

[SevenCity]

This is a technique I recently read about in a couple PUA books I read. I don't buy into everything but a lot of the ideas / principles are sound. I've done well with women in the past but it's been a long time since I dated so I need to brush up. There's also room for improvement with a thing in life.

 

One of the ideas is that women fall into three categories:

- High interest

- Netrual interest

- No interest

 

For high interest women this would not be the correct approach. She likes you and is giving you signs. Setting up a one on one date will be accepted enthusiastically.

 

For No interest women there is no point. Either she has a bf or has already friend zoned you. No need to waste time

 

For the neutral interest women who may show luke warm intentions this method is perfect. Doing a cold approach on a girl might not convince her how awesome you are if you are not within her top 10% of looks. It puts her at ease that she is not committing to being alone with you, and you get to show her your awesomeness.

 

It's also a good plan if you can't tell if she is No or Neutral interest.

 

So reading the signals correctly from her may lead you to this approach.

 

Most guys (myself included) only go for high interest women. There is a lot less risk and a lot less work. However, you are then waiting around for a girl you find attractive that also finds you attractive.

 

Going after neutral girls opens up your options exponentially (according to the books). I'm going to have to give it a try.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is a technique I recently read about in a couple PUA books I read. I don't buy into everything but a lot of the ideas / principles are sound. I've done well with women in the past but it's been a long time since I dated so I need to brush up. There's also room for improvement with a thing in life.

 

One of the ideas is that women fall into three categories:

- High interest

- Netrual interest

- No interest

 

For high interest women this would not be the correct approach. She likes you and is giving you signs. Setting up a one on one date will be accepted enthusiastically.

 

For No interest women there is no point. Either she has a bf or has already friend zoned you. No need to waste time

 

For the neutral interest women who may show luke warm intentions this method is perfect. Doing a cold approach on a girl might not convince her how awesome you are if you are not within her top 10% of looks. It puts her at ease that she is not committing to being alone with you, and you get to show her your awesomeness.

 

It's also a good plan if you can't tell if she is No or Neutral interest.

 

So reading the signals correctly from her may lead you to this approach.

 

Most guys (myself included) only go for high interest women. There is a lot less risk and a lot less work. However, you are then waiting around for a girl you find attractive that also finds you attractive.

 

Going after neutral girls opens up your options exponentially (according to the books). I'm going to have to give it a try.

 

With some of the Meetup groups this is common. I see men asking women if they plan on going to "X event"...hoping they'll say yes, but it's usually, "I don't know yet...I'll have to see what I got going on that weekend."

 

So they even get blown off for something neutral even, but I think the woman is catching wind of HIS interest...even if it's a group invite.

[SevenCity]

With some of the Meetup groups this is common. I see men asking women if they plan on going to "X event"...hoping they'll say yes, but it's usually, "I don't know yet...I'll have to see what I got going on that weekend."

 

So they even get blown off for something neutral even, but I think the woman is catching wind of HIS interest...even if it's a group invite.

 

That to me would fall into "No Interest" and a clear indication to move on.

[GemmaUK]

This is a technique I recently read about in a couple PUA books I read. I don't buy into everything but a lot of the ideas / principles are sound. I've done well with women in the past but it's been a long time since I dated so I need to brush up. There's also room for improvement with a thing in life.

 

One of the ideas is that women fall into three categories:

- High interest

- Netrual interest

- No interest

 

For high interest women this would not be the correct approach. She likes you and is giving you signs. Setting up a one on one date will be accepted enthusiastically.

 

For No interest women there is no point. Either she has a bf or has already friend zoned you. No need to waste time

 

For the neutral interest women who may show luke warm intentions this method is perfect. Doing a cold approach on a girl might not convince her how awesome you are if you are not within her top 10% of looks. It puts her at ease that she is not committing to being alone with you, and you get to show her your awesomeness.

 

It's also a good plan if you can't tell if she is No or Neutral interest.

 

So reading the signals correctly from her may lead you to this approach.

 

Most guys (myself included) only go for high interest women. There is a lot less risk and a lot less work. However, you are then waiting around for a girl you find attractive that also finds you attractive.

 

Going after neutral girls opens up your options exponentially (according to the books). I'm going to have to give it a try.

 

Much as I hate many PUA ideas - yep - this does hold water.

Breaking it down a little bit more for the high interest woman:

 

For high interest women this would not be the correct approach. She likes you and is giving you signs. Setting up a one on one date will be accepted enthusiastically.

High interest women could well think - 'Oh, OK, he's not interested in me enough to invite me on a date and only sees me as a friend or potential FB/FWB - so she might write the offer of a group event off for that reason.

 

 

With some of the Meetup groups this is common. I see men asking women if they plan on going to "X event"...hoping they'll say yes, but it's usually, "I don't know yet...I'll have to see what I got going on that weekend."

 

So they even get blown off for something neutral even, but I think the woman is catching wind of HIS interest...even if it's a group invite.

 

This isn't a neutral response though, it's a definite 'No, I am not interested in you' response - so it's a No Interest and not worth wasting time on.

[preraph]

I think for someone you don't know well enough to know much about, it's a good safe way to open the door. It is by no means a date. She is more than likely going to at least bring a friend or her boyfriend if she already has one. It's not a bad thing that she showed up with someone else. It's a good way to find out someone's status without sticking your neck out and getting it chopped off.

 

In the case where the woman WAS interested and was hopeful that you might like her, which she really doesn't know just because you invited her to a group event as she can assume you invited others as well, then she may show up alone or with a girlfriend and come up and talk to you and be friendly enough that you can offer to buy her a drink and hang out with her. Either way, you should greet her and whoever she brings when she comes since you told her about it. I've certainly asked a lot of guys if they were going to gigs and events to see what happens. If nothing else, you are now acquaintances, and hey, if they're not available, they might have a friend who is.

[RecentChange]

Even if I was highly interested I would be hesitant to go to an event, like a pool party with all of his friends - and nothing but strangers to me for a first meeting.

 

And who wants to introduce their friends to a first date?

 

"Hi all, this is Kelly, I talked to her online and invited her over"

[GemmaUK]

Even if I was highly interested I would be hesitant to go to an event, like a pool party with all of his friends - and nothing but strangers to me for a first meeting.

 

And who wants to introduce their friends to a first date?

 

"Hi all, this is Kelly, I talked to her online and invited her over"

 

Must admit I wouldn't think someone would invite a dating prospect to a group event where she didn't know anyone else. That didn't even cross my mind and absolutely not a good idea IMO.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Even if I was highly interested I would be hesitant to go to an event, like a pool party with all of his friends - and nothing but strangers to me for a first meeting.

 

And who wants to introduce their friends to a first date?

 

"Hi all, this is Kelly, I talked to her online and invited her over"

 

This wasn't some stranger from an online dating site, in fact, I know them (in real life) through previous Meetup events.

 

Maybe people should clarify in their posts "this is IRL by the way" lol