Lunch with Ex bf and friends?

[Cephalopod]

Yes, and that works. Ask the husband if he is all right with it.

 

The big sticking point was going behind the husbands back, with the friends suggesting such. Things that are open and discussed between spouses, are usually good, things hidden and done in secret, are just bad, and do not lead to any good place in a marriage.

 

Rule of thumb, if you have to hide it from your spouse, then it is the wrong thing to do. This applies to MONEY as well as relationships.

 

My 2 cents......

 

Your two cents are worth a dollar.

[Cephalopod]

I think this is weird...all of this bc of a highschool boyfriend? Just be honest with your H or ask him to go too. He really can't get over a guy he didn't like in high school? this whole thing sounds like high school. You're friends that are married probably don't think it's a big deal just a catch up lunch & that's that.

 

Don't make a bigger issue where there isn't any. To H "I'd like to go with some old friends for lunch & Mike will be there too, would you like to go?" You've known your H for 19 years, if he doesn't trust you by now, you have bigger issues than going to a lunch.

 

Don't belittle the husband. He has a right to feel the way he feels about a man who mistreated his wife.

 

If the ex-boyfriend means nothing to her, then he means nothing and it should be no issue for her not to go...unless she is being dishonest about her feelings for that ex.

 

Bringing an ex-lover into a marriage is dangerous business.

[Whoknew30]

Don't belittle the husband. He has a right to feel the way he feels about a man who mistreated his wife.

 

If the ex-boyfriend means nothing to her, then he means nothing and it should be no issue for her not to go...unless she is being dishonest about her feelings for that ex.

 

Bringing an ex-lover into a marriage is dangerous business.

 

It was high school! If a spouse can't get over a highschool romance after 19 years, that's crazy! If one's mind is stuck in what happened in highschool they need therapy. A man didn't mistreat his wife, a teenage boy did.

[Cephalopod]

It was high school! If a spouse can't get over a highschool romance after 19 years, that's crazy! If one's mind is stuck in what happened in highschool they need therapy. A man didn't mistreat his wife, a teenage boy did.

 

Play with the semantics however you want, It is still not a good idea.

 

And if you were not noticing, she acted very interested in reuniting with said ex, and even gave brief thought to doing it behind hubby's back. Fortunately, her adult brain prevailed, she came here for advice, and decided not to go through with it.

 

Now she needs to lose the toxic friends.

[Whoknew30]

Play with the semantics however you want, It is still not a good idea.

 

And if you were not noticing, she acted very interested in reuniting with said ex, and even gave brief thought to doing it behind hubby's back. Fortunately, her adult brain prevailed, she came here for advice, and decided not to go through with it.

 

Now she needs to lose the toxic friends.

 

Toxic friends bc they're not still living in high school. I ran into my freshman boyfriend & really enjoyed seeing him...not bc I want him but bc he was part of my youth.some people like to create problems where non exist...& it's not semantics, they were kids, not adults.

[Whoknew30]

Hi All - Thanks for all the great responses. After some great advice & some time to think, i've decided not go meet them up. First and foremost out of love and respect for H.

 

I'm going to try and elaborate more on my though process. I've been BFF with H since high school. At the time, I was dating ExBF. The reason H never liked ExBF was because throughout our 4 year relationship, ExBF would flirt with ALMOST every girl he meets (might not be a deal breaker for some, but that bothered me a lot), on top of that, whenever he bumps into girls he knows, he would never introduce me (i would end up introducing myself, and that drove me nuts). Also, because of our age difference (he's 4 years older), when he turned 21, he liked to hang out at bars and I was always left alone and therefore had a lot of time to hang out with H and complain about ExBF. H ended up always feeling bad for me (he was my sounding board). Main reason I wanted to meet with with my friends and ExBF for a get together was because ExBF was my first love, and I always felt bad that I broke his heart (his words) when I broke up with him. My friends do not know H personally. I met them (husband and wife) at an Ex company and they knew ExBF from high school (ExBF went to a different HS)

 

H and I have a great marriage and I would be stupid to throw that away. Thanks again, everyone! Great community!

 

 

Lol your H didn't like your ex bc he wanted to date you! He was the "friend" that was in love with you...you're married so it worked...every guy friend that listens to your sob story about another guy is just waiting for his chance. It's cute that's how you guys got together but that's probably why your H would be upset bc he played the "friend" & he's thinking this guy is going to do it back to him. Your H wasn't feeling so bad for you...your H was waiting for his chance to actually "feel you".

[road]

Toxic friends bc they're not still living in high school. I ran into my freshman boyfriend & really enjoyed seeing him...not bc I want him but bc he was part of my youth.some people like to create problems where non exist...& it's not semantics, they were kids, not adults.

 

 

Running into an old HS BF is not the same as having toxic friends trying to set up a date with a WW and her old ex BF and hiding this date as a reunion.

[Cephalopod]

I see nothing wrong with getting together with old BFs/GFs as long as the spouse is present at all times.

 

But how often do we see wayward spouses come on here telling us that they hooked up with old HS flames through Facebook and Classmates, etc....

 

They never meant to do it. But once the communication is restored and reminiscing occurs, very often that opens up the floodgates for old feelings and angst. Then whammo! They are head over heels in an affair.

 

It happens over and over and over again. Reuniting with HS and college flames is a risky business.

[stillafool]

I

 

My friend (the wife) told me to just go and not tell James that Mike will be there....to be honest, I have thought about that; but alas, I would not like it if he did that to me...

 

You need to drop these friends. They are not good for your marriage. Why do you need to go have lunch with your ex knowing your history together and also knowing that your husband wouldn't approve. How would you like it if your husband were planning to sneak behind your back to have lunch with his ex and his friends were encouraging it?