Financial Question - To lend or not to lend

[scooby-philly]

Ok - here's my quandry - my oldest brother just hit me up for money. I'm usually the type of person to say yes to something (not just talking financial) when I can do it. Honestly - I say yes though even when I shouldn't or don't want to.

 

Here's a summary

 

1. Older brother is early 40's. Wife. Daughter going to soph of college. 17 yr old son - suffers from severe mental disorder. He's a govt employee and his wife runs her own small business.

 

2. - Me - mid 30's. Corporate guy. Probably make a little more than my brother does 5-10k before taxes (but that I'm not sure of) - we could be even. I'm not married, no kids. Car payment, car insurance, phone, and life insurance is all I got on my bills.

 

3. I've given both this brother and another older brother money before. The other one never paid me back the first time, and started to the last time but then stopped when his wife got laid off. This one, I've loaned him twice - the first time he didn't pay me back and the second time he did - though not always on time (we spread the re-pay back).

 

My quandary is this - I'm trying to save money to move out and buy a home. I spent a number of years as a missionary, left in my late 20's had two bad relationships that cost me money so I'm living with my parents. I've had some unexpected bills this year, which really dented my savings too - but hopefully - my goal is that by this time next year I will have enough in the bank in case I find a home I can make a down payment, and then move out and find an apartment for the short-term. I can afford to give him the amount he's asking for - but if he doesn't pay me back then that's another month or more I fall behind.

 

I guess my quandary is that I was unintentionally raised/conditioned to be the savior to play the hero, to be the "good guy". I've learned a lot and started re-conditioning myself away from that - but I don't know in this case if I'm being selfish or am really respecting myself saying that I can't take the risk. The thing is - this bro and wife go out all the time. I mean 3-4 nights a weekend 8/9 out of every 10 weekends they're doing something. Sure, they get a lot of free tickets to stuff - but even 2 free tickets to a baseball game - it's 15-20 for parking, 20 per person for food/drinks. etc. And they've always been like this. That's my concern - I can't be the baby in the family and be the one helping everyone else out.

 

Any who - I'm probably going to say no, but for now I'll take any insights or ideas.

[basil67]

You're making exactly the right decision here. I would possibly have a different answer if they had a history of paying you back, but the fact that you've lost money to them in the past - and had issues with timely repayments - means that you're likely to be throwing this money down the drain.

 

I found this piece online - it has some great suggestions for your situation How to say no when a sibling requests money

[JewelD]

Don't lend money you can't afford to lose. You should certainly say no in this case since you will need the money and there's no guarantee he will pay you back.

[NTV]

If you do give in and lend him the money, then I'd like to give you a word to use: collateral.

[Offspring]

You don't have to say no: all you have to say is...

 

"I'm not in a position to lend money".

Edited August 10, 2016 by Offspring