JenP12 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 (edited) I've been married for about a year now. I'm normally not someone who likes to snoop, but I just recently came across my husbands stash of porn (not a lot, but not a little...)on his computer. I'm not sure how/what to feel right now as this feeling is rather new to me. I've never though of my husband as the type to watch porn, but i've also never though of him as the type not to. This topic has never crossed my mind until now...... This is also a new feeling because i've never dated anyone who watched porn (they probably have, i just didn't know) Not sure what to do/how to feel... Edited August 9, 2016 by JenP12 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Should a man be married if he finds his wife's stash of romance novels and old VHS tapes of soap operas in the back of a closet somewhere? She he feel threated that he isn't romantic and studdly enough for her? Should he worry that she will try to act the events of the novels she reads? Porn is kind of the same thing to men. Men are very visual and are visually stimulated and excited and there probably aren't too many men in existence that haven't taken a peek at some porn now and then. (and the one who have truly NEVER checked out some porn are probably the ones you really need to worry about) As long as he is giving you all the love and respect and compassion and attention and affection you need and as long as he is living a healthy, balanced and productive life, he is not being negatively impacted it and you are not being negatively impacted by it. Now if he is NOT giving you the love and attention and affection etc that you need, or if he is pressuring you to do things that you do not want to do that he is seeing in porn, or if his work or something is being negatively impacted by it - then there may be a problem. So I guess what I am saying is, is if there isn't a problem - then there isn't a problem. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Don't do anything. It's completely normal (unless you watched the porn and it was reaaalllyy out there or abusive in nature). Lots of people, married and unmarried, watch porn. Sometimes it helps them get off, sometimes it's just a fun thing to look at. Nothing to be worried about unless your husband is spending obscene amounts of time looking at it, but if he was, you probably would have noticed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 If you found his stash....and those are the ones he saved... watch them. Then do that stuff to him. Because that's what he is wishing you were doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 How ppl feel about porn is subjective. Personally, I'd have no issue with it unless he preferred dancing to the beat of his own drum while viewing it INSTEAD of being with you. Just curious, do you ever masturbate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenP12 Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 How ppl feel about porn is subjective. Personally, I'd have no issue with it unless he preferred dancing to the beat of his own drum while viewing it INSTEAD of being with you. Just curious, do you ever masturbate? Ive tried it when i was single. Never really did anything for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenP12 Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 (edited) Should a man be married if he finds his wife's stash of romance novels and old VHS tapes of soap operas in the back of a closet somewhere? She he feel threated that he isn't romantic and studdly enough for her? Should he worry that she will try to act the events of the novels she reads? Porn is kind of the same thing to men. Men are very visual and are visually stimulated and excited and there probably aren't too many men in existence that haven't taken a peek at some porn now and then. (and the one who have truly NEVER checked out some porn are probably the ones you really need to worry about) As long as he is giving you all the love and respect and compassion and attention and affection you need and as long as he is living a healthy, balanced and productive life, he is not being negatively impacted it and you are not being negatively impacted by it. Now if he is NOT giving you the love and attention and affection etc that you need, or if he is pressuring you to do things that you do not want to do that he is seeing in porn, or if his work or something is being negatively impacted by it - then there may be a problem. So I guess what I am saying is, is if there isn't a problem - then there isn't a problem. He's very attentive and our love/sex life is ok (at least once a week, usually more). I'm sure you're right that there isn't a problem. My problem is that ever since i discovered the porn, i've been feeling uneasy inside. I'm not sure how to deal with these feelings. I want to be ok with it, but i'm not sure how to. Edited August 10, 2016 by JenP12 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I've always believed that a huge part of REAL love, a TRUE relationship is communication & honesty. Try to identify how you feel about this. Have you ever watched porn for the fun of it? Would you? I believe that most men have a very private relationship with their porn. Hahaha! It's about getting-off. I actually disagree with the statement "that's what he wants to be doing with you". That can be very far from the truth. Some men would be thrilled to watch with you & do the things you're watching. Some would be mortified!! If it bothers you, figure out why & open a bottle of wine & have a good chat about it. If you've taken a peek to make sure it's nothing weird, nothing that would change your opinion of him & it doesn't really concern you at all just let it go. The invention of VHS made porn more commonly viewed. Now that we have the Internet a huge percentage of men (& many women) watch porn. My opinions on the subject really depend on the conversation. I've watched & enjoyed some kinds of porn. I can see it as fun. I can get into the objectification of women debate. I know that excessive viewing changes one. I know it can escalate & go to nasty places. I know that too much male masterbation can effect ones sex life. I know it can make us all hot & steamy. I also know that I don't like to mentally picture my H watching porn. It's a complex subject. I don't know if I think it's an important subject in most cases. Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 So what specifically is making you uneasy about it? Please shed some light, maybe we can help. I agree the guys who have never ever looked at porn are the ones to worry about. Pretty standard stuff for guys. Heck it starts in our teens when we check the mail and find a Frederick's flyer or Victoria's secret or something. Or someones dad has a stash of playboy and you snatch one from his stash. Kids these days have it made getting a smart phone at 10 and such. One last thing, i can say im 99.999999999% sure every guy you have dated has a porn stash or a favorite porn site (or 2 or 3) that he visits regularly. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 If it bothers you, figure out why & open a bottle of wine & have a good chat about it. What a crazy idea - actual communication! Ask him to pick one out and suggest you watch it together ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 He's very attentive and our love/sex life is ok (at least once a week, usually more). I'm sure you're right that there isn't a problem. My problem is that ever since i discovered the porn, i've been feeling uneasy inside. I'm not sure how to deal with these feelings. I want to be ok with it, but i'm not sure how to. what is it that bothers you and makes you feel 'uneasy?' Link to post Share on other sites
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