Would you date an escort?

[Shanex]

As said before there are different type of escorts, those who do ''full time'' and have 6-7 clients a day and do nothing else for a living.

 

Then there are some women selling their bodies as extra bucks in the evening and weekends yet have 'normal' jobs during the week. We are in rough times, economically speaking and some will do that.

 

For the anti prostitution crowd, I agree with you, ''escort'' is a more classy word than ''hookers'' but in the end they open their legs to a random dude (which they independent escorts have every right to choose and ask for a picture before the date). But it's still prostitution, yes.

 

Many men sadly treat escorts poorly when they deserve much respect. It's an arrangement. You need sex, I need money, let's do it.

 

Yes there's the issue with STD as of course escorts who've done that for a number of months or years are probably positive to quite a few stds.

 

I could date one, to answer the OP question but she'd have to stop doing the thing. And I won't ask about her past or numbers, it's her business not mine. If she got her life back on track and a normal job why not... and yes as rightly pointed out by Smartdude before they are very open minded and great great in the bedroom.

Edited August 10, 2016 by Shanex

[Shanex]

Those epically long threads waxing lyrical about the delirious joy of life and love with a paid escort were quite terrifying at times. I'm not sure I'd see them as a recommendation for the lifestyle.

 

Ah, I was also reminded of Rob Z threads.. he wasn't an idiot and wasn't only posting about these experiences.. Oh well, I'd rather not badmouth him behind his back since he's left. I do miss him a bit, he wasn't a bad guy.

[Els]

Also, you have to realize that these people didn't select sex worker as their occupation of choice because hours and benefits were better than traditional employment like nurse, waitress, bookkeeper, or clerk of the court. The choice is integral to their personality and self-concept. I couldn't find any credible research via a quick google search, but I'd betcha a public tantrum that the incidence of severe personality disorders in sex workers is off the charts. If anyone has a study please post a link.

 

I just don't understand that the appeal would be. I like to have a bit of intellectual intercourse with a woman before we get down to biznuss

 

While I've said that I personally wouldn't date a male escort due to my preference re: numbers, this is just a bunch of malarkey. Very, very few people CHOOSE to be prostitutes out of 'personality and self-concept', the vast majority who do so do it because they had no other choice at the time. They had to put food on the table and they needed something with fewer hours and no skill requirement because they were either a single parent or going to college (or both), and this fit the bill. It was a matter of survival for them.

 

Nor is it mutually exclusive with 'intellectual intercourse'. For instance, several doctors have turned to prostitution to put themselves through med school. So even if you date a doctor, lawyer, architect, or whatever... it's not a guarantee they never had to do it.

 

When i date someone seriously i disclose my past......i dont give numbers because i cant.....and i have had serious committed relationships on my behalf anyway..... since my escorting days....i do understand the stigma....the red flag of it all....and i woudltn want a guy i was dating to find out by anyone but me....it also gives him a chance to walk away before intimacy occurs....

 

i have pretty much turned my life around since escorting.....and it wasnt easy to get out and it was a decision to escort i wish i hadnt had to make..

 

i dont think anyone should lay all escorts to not be able to change or stop what they do ...or be deceitful junkies or disease carriers......i was tested on a weekly basis while working......most good escorts keep their sexual health in check and house rules are normally compulsory regular..... std checks ....

 

it seems like a different life to me now...so different..so...not me......like a bad dream

 

im not surprised by the responses in this thread..a bit disheartening though....deb

 

Deb, I understand entirely, and I definitely wouldn't judge you or anyone else for it. I would happily be friends with someone who has been a prostitute, or help them, etc. But for dating... you just gotta date someone compatible, y'know? It doesn't mean you or they are bad people, it's just a personal preference.

 

Please don't think all of us are looking down on people who had to do what they needed to do to survive.

 

FTR, if I had to choose between a man who had sex with 100 women just for the fun of it, and a man who had sex with 100 women because he needed to do so to take care of his ailing mother/support his child/put food on the table - I'd take the gigolo for sure.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Elswyth

[PogoStick]

Deb I never heard any of that about you before. Thanks for being open and sharing with everyone. I think it was a surprise that people weren't expecting. You just gave it a real human, close to home, twist. The theoretical is so much different than considering a real person with feelings and dreams of their own.

[todreaminblue]

Ah, I was also reminded of Rob Z threads.. he wasn't an idiot and wasn't only posting about these experiences.. Oh well, I'd rather not badmouth him behind his back since he's left. I do miss him a bit, he wasn't a bad guy.

 

 

robert z...never agreed with him on the prostitution thing...i felt for him.....and he was or is a highly intelligent thoughtful man...smart as a whip...i always said he deserved better..like...real love.....each to his own i guess......deb

[todreaminblue]

Deb I never heard any of that about you before. Thanks for being open and sharing with everyone. I think it was a surprise that people weren't expecting. You just gave it a real human, close to home, twist. The theoretical is so much different than considering a real person with feelings and dreams of their own.

 

 

i feel its almost a given that prostitutes or ex prossies are often dehumanized.....its in the nature of the beast......thank you for your thoughts...i appreciate that i reached you and you felt it a little..posters on here have always been kind to me....and understanding...

 

 

.change is possible...people make and take wrong paths all the time..this particular path is a particularly dark one not only for the person involved...but for the family and potential partners to deal with.which off the bat...peopel dotn really think about the effects prostitution has on a womans future..as in marriage and careers...adn especially...children.....

 

i was outed to mychildren by a family member...who by the way ...i have forgiven and i will always love regardless.........and i have always been honest on here and in real life ...partly because being outed takes away my choice when and who to divulge my past too.....also really hurts the people i am outed to.....so i have always had an honesty policy in this regard...and i think partners i have dated appreciate my honesty..

 

i am glad i humanized it a bit for you........deb

[Toodaloo]

No.

 

Simple answer. Explanation of which is that it shows that they have very different values to me.

 

Wouldn't want to date someone who used escorts either. For the exact same reason.

[salparadise]

i feel its almost a given that prostitutes or ex prossies are often dehumanized.

 

i have always been honest on here and in real life ...partly because being outed takes away my choice when and who to divulge my past too.....also really hurts the people i am outed to.....so i have always had an honesty policy in this regard...and i think partners i have dated appreciate my honesty..

 

i am glad i humanized it a bit for you........deb

 

 

I think dehumanized is too strong a characterization.

 

Dehumanize is what the Germans did to the Jews, and the way soldiers used to be taught to view the enemy. I don't perceive that attitudes toward prostitutes are in that category at all. Disrespected is more accurate, imho.

 

But respect/disrespect is not the same as choosing not to date. One can have respect for someone (such as you) because they've reinvented themselves, yet still prefer not to date people of that background... and it's perfectly valid.

 

But yea, there's always going to be a certain stigma associated. People knowingly accept those consequences when they choose that profession, right? But that still doesn't amount to dehumanization.

[Els]

I would not date a current or former escort, no. I have had sex with an escort before, and a porn girl once too. Both were well beyond what I consider damaged goods.

 

If an escort is 'damaged goods', surely a person who willingly bought their services is similarly 'damaged'? Do you plan on revealing this information to women you date?

[xxoo]

.

 

But yea, there's always going to be a certain stigma associated. People knowingly accept those consequences when they choose that profession, right? But that still doesn't amount to dehumanization.

 

Many dont choose it, but rather are forced into it.

[SoleMate]

...dehumanized is too strong a characterization.

Disagree with you. Many examples here....I'll start with Deb's words above. She has first hand experience.

 

The U.S. government agrees with her. http://2001-2009.state.gov/documents/organization/38901.pdf "The U.S. Government adopted a strong position against legalized prostitution in a December 2002 National Security Presidential Directive based on evidence that

prostitution is inherently harmful and dehumanizing...."

[SmartDude]

Disagree with you. Many examples here....I'll start with Deb's words above. She has first hand experience.

 

The U.S. government agrees with her. http://2001-2009.state.gov/documents/organization/38901.pdf "The U.S. Government adopted a strong position against legalized prostitution in a December 2002 National Security Presidential Directive based on evidence that

prostitution is inherently harmful and dehumanizing...."

 

 

Well here is the strange thing. Selling sex in 2016 can still be a dehumanizing experience. I know because I have talked to many sex workers on these topics. Getting paid for sex is the LAST of their problems though as it turns out. The main damage comes from the judgment of others within society.

 

So the next time you hear of a "hooker" commiting suicide, look yourself in the miror, you may be partialy to blame.

[PogoStick]

Deb, would you share your general experience with dating? Did you try to have romantic relationships while escorting?

 

How do men react these days when you tell them about your past? How often are they accepting vs not? At what point do you bring this up? First date, not until sex is on the table, or what?

 

Don't share anything you are uncomfortable with. I know you risk some judgement on these forums.

[Toodaloo]

If an escort is 'damaged goods', surely a person who willingly bought their services is similarly 'damaged'? Do you plan on revealing this information to women you date?

 

Personally I think the people who use such services are far more damaged than the people who provide them. The people who provide these services are just filling a market. No worse than prostituting yourself at a desk as admin staff or middle management really.

 

Its a touchy topic with me because I do not have any problem with anyone choosing to partake in this activity I just choose not to nor to be involved with people who do. Bit like one night stands, marmite, magic mushrooms, daily 10k runs... I couldn't date a person who tested on animals either... or someone who designed weapons of mass destruction... or someone who...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The problem, in my opinion, is not the dehumanization of the escort themself,

It's the reclassification of sex to a commodity, and then trading it for wealth.

Sex for a lot of people is a romanticized and intimate currency of passion,

Sharing that with someone you love or really like in some sort of fashion.

 

The problem arises when you get the ability to trivialize sex to sell it someone willing to pay,

It's a business transaction now, but the byproduct is the loss of passion for a prepaid lay.

When this happens multiple times in a day stretched out over the course of a few years,

It's reasonable to assume the escort will have problems connecting emotionally without fears.

 

Are escorts judged harshly? Of course they are, it's a profession that is viewed by many to be incredibly taboo,

In this cynical world, the people who use them the most often are the ones demanding it being hush hush too! (family men, married men, etc.)

I personally have known, met, and succumbed to a few escorts in my own past,

Some of them are amazing people and I cherished their friendship and sex and had a blast!

 

Other's are extremely manipulative, spread diseases like charity, and steal from you in a blink of an eye,

They are often drug addicts, liars, cheats, and so dishonest about their own profession, their "truth" is in the lie.

I remember once saying I'd rather be with a former escort who is honest and upfront about who she is,

Than a business woman who sleeps with everyone in the office and lies as easily as she fibs.

 

This holds as true today as it did when I said it then, based on what's important to me,

Although, I'd hope that I never got to only these 2 choices, for that would be a signal to break free,

Of course we all hope to meet a woman who is honest and open, who doesn't sleep with your friends,

But rare are those diamonds in the rough, and often, most people don't find them in the end!

Edited August 11, 2016 by DrReplyInRhymes

[PogoStick]

I've only (knowingly) conversed with one escort, so it's a small sample size. She said her longest relationship was 3 weeks. It was an interesting conversation because she talked about having no idea how to date "normally". She was asking me questions like you see on these forums, when is it ok to have sex with someone, what is a normal date activity, etc. It was a really interesting dynamic because I assumed escorts have a 6th sense about men and how they operate, but in reality she was clueless!

[Taramere]

But respect/disrespect is not the same as choosing not to date. One can have respect for someone (such as you) because they've reinvented themselves, yet still prefer not to date people of that background... and it's perfectly valid.

 

But yea, there's always going to be a certain stigma associated. People knowingly accept those consequences when they choose that profession, right? But that still doesn't amount to dehumanization.

 

Right. It's always painful to be judged or stigmatised, but the other side of it is that people will tend to judge/stigmatise certain behaviours as part of providing guidance to young people in their care - or whose lives they have an influence over.

 

I would guess that most people would not want their kids to end up dating or married to somebody who had a history in the sex industry. Some people might well say "I genuinely wouldn't have a problem with it" and mean it...but I suspect a whole lot more would be extremely concerned about such a possibility. It's not something I think most people would be prepared to shrug off for the sake of being broadminded and nice. Not when the matter of helping their own kids to make positive choices is at stake.

 

So they face the task of trying to provide clear and useful guidance about positive and negative choices, while at the same time emphasising to their kids the importance of not bullying and dehumanising others for their choices or lifestyles.

[Inflikted]

Speaking as a 27, almost 28 year old guy, that's never had sex, nor dated or been in a relationship...

 

Eh, I don't really know. I've come to accept that I will never date, nor experience intimacy, and while that bothered me for quite some time, I just accept it as a plain fact, these days.

 

But of course, I can't help but have constant curiosities about what it would be like to be with a woman. I've pondered looking into the idea of hiring an escort. Heck, internally, I've even said to myself that if I ever take a trip to Vegas, I'm definitely going to visit one of those "establishments" in the area.

 

However, I'm very flip-floppy and I tend to psych myself out on things, and there's another, loud voice in my mind that says that that kind of sex is "dirty" and wrong.

 

So, on the one hand, it's literally the only way I'll ever have sex with a woman. But on the other hand, I'm just not sure if I could bring myself to go through with it. I dunno. Perhaps I'll eventually find out for sure one way or the other.

[salparadise]

Speaking as a 27, almost 28 year old guy, that's never had sex, nor dated or been in a relationship...

 

Eh, I don't really know. I've come to accept that I will never date, nor experience intimacy, and while that bothered me for quite some time, I just accept it as a plain fact, these days.

 

But of course, I can't help but have constant curiosities about what it would be like to be with a woman. I've pondered looking into the idea of hiring an escort. Heck, internally, I've even said to myself that if I ever take a trip to Vegas, I'm definitely going to visit one of those "establishments" in the area.

 

However, I'm very flip-floppy and I tend to psych myself out on things, and there's another, loud voice in my mind that says that that kind of sex is "dirty" and wrong.

 

So, on the one hand, it's literally the only way I'll ever have sex with a woman. But on the other hand, I'm just not sure if I could bring myself to go through with it. I dunno. Perhaps I'll eventually find out for sure one way or the other.

 

 

I commend you for not defaulting to that, even though the temptation must be extreme at times. I'm much older and have had a variety of experiences, and can tell you that sexual satisfaction is not obtained from the physical act alone. Knowing that a woman is only interested in my cash and not me as a person would push it into the realm of a negative experience. Not everyone is the same, obviously.

 

I can't imagine that your chances of finding a girlfriend are as dire as you seem to have resigned yourself to. I realize I'm not you, and I can only try to empathize from a differing perspective... but I'd say don't give up. Having consensual sex with an enthusiastic partner is what you really want to experience, and paying for a prostitute is so far removed that I suspect that you may have regrets.

 

Based on how your seem to view it, I say keep trying to be an eternal optimist, and consider the other as not a possibility for you.

[SmartDude]

Speaking as a 27, almost 28 year old guy, that's never had sex, nor dated or been in a relationship...

 

Eh, I don't really know. I've come to accept that I will never date, nor experience intimacy, and while that bothered me for quite some time, I just accept it as a plain fact, these days.

 

But of course, I can't help but have constant curiosities about what it would be like to be with a woman. I've pondered looking into the idea of hiring an escort. Heck, internally, I've even said to myself that if I ever take a trip to Vegas, I'm definitely going to visit one of those "establishments" in the area.

 

You may be surprised like I was. The actual experience of "hobbying" as it is called these days is a lot of fun. It goes beyond just the sex. It can be a guilt-free adventure, and a way to meet interesting women you may have never had the opportunity to meet otherwise. Don't think of it as being dirty and it won't be. sometimes it is that simple.

 

It has definitely gotten less sleazy with the Internet. Pimps are becoming a rare thing now in metro areas. And you don't want to deal with that type of girl either. That is the "wrong type of escort". The independent, hotel working escort is becoming the most common type in western civilized societies..These are the desirable type. The ones who have normal lives and are generally good people who don't mind the work of putting their clients in a good mood

[todreaminblue]

I think dehumanized is too strong a characterization.

 

Dehumanize is what the Germans did to the Jews, and the way soldiers used to be taught to view the enemy. I don't perceive that attitudes toward prostitutes are in that category at all. Disrespected is more accurate, imho.

 

But respect/disrespect is not the same as choosing not to date. One can have respect for someone (such as you) because they've reinvented themselves, yet still prefer not to date people of that background... and it's perfectly valid.

 

But yea, there's always going to be a certain stigma associated. People knowingly accept those consequences when they choose that profession, right? But that still doesn't amount to dehumanization.

 

 

no i think dehumanized in my opinion is the right word....your opinion is that it isnt ..this is the meaning of the word.....

 

verb.....to deprive of human qualities or attributes;divest of individuality

 

it might nto be to the extreme fo what hitler did...doesnt make it any less more real.....to the people or groups where dehumanization occurs....

 

when you are forced to do things you wouldnt normally do and forced to act in a way that is demeaning and degrading ...it is dehumanization.....and over all....prostitutes are degraded and though of as unsafe....."damaged goods".....goods arent people...or women...they are objects....posessions....damaged goods is often used as a way to describe ex prossies another word for damaged is degraded.....so ..yes...dehumanization fits..........deb

Edited August 11, 2016 by todreaminblue

[dichotomy]

Those epically long threads waxing lyrical about the delirious joy of life and love with a paid escort were quite terrifying at times. I'm not sure I'd see them as a recommendation for the lifestyle.

 

 

Not a ton of people (especially men) posting here that are happy with their "love" and sex lives....he was one.

 

Again not a life I could live or understand...and I worried what awaited him later, but happy he was.

[carhill]

This got me thinking about some of the guys I've read about on here who are considering using a prostitute to gain sexual experience.

Worked amongst them for a few years in my 20's. Never considered it, even as a virgin. Sweep up enough condoms and, well, never mind

 

To anyone willing to answer, how would you feel about:

 

1. Would you date an escort? I saw this good looking, clean, family man on the tv show Intervention who basically looked the other was as his girlfriend slept with guys to get drugs. Strange situation IMO.

 

Active? Nope, not ever. It's illegal here. Yeah, I know people glam it up with cool names but the basic sex for money thing is vice-central.

 

2. Would you date a "retired" escort? What if she tested clean now? Would you be able to trust her in general?

 

If her life demonstrated activities not related to illegal acts, no different than any other woman.

 

3. Would you have sex with an escort for free (example: you met at a party or night at the bar and she wasn't after your money)?

 

I don't have sex with any woman under such circumstances, so no. However, if she said, say as part of small talk, she was retired and I found her attractive I might ask her out on a date.

[Inflikted]

I commend you for not defaulting to that, even though the temptation must be extreme at times. I'm much older and have had a variety of experiences, and can tell you that sexual satisfaction is not obtained from the physical act alone. Knowing that a woman is only interested in my cash and not me as a person would push it into the realm of a negative experience. Not everyone is the same, obviously.

 

I can't imagine that your chances of finding a girlfriend are as dire as you seem to have resigned yourself to. I realize I'm not you, and I can only try to empathize from a differing perspective... but I'd say don't give up. Having consensual sex with an enthusiastic partner is what you really want to experience, and paying for a prostitute is so far removed that I suspect that you may have regrets.

 

Based on how your seem to view it, I say keep trying to be an eternal optimist, and consider the other as not a possibility for you.

 

Well, I've not written off the idea of hiring an escort. I can say with certainty that, unless I hire an escort, my only sex partner will forever be my own hand. While I think chances are high that I'd regret being with an escort and would probably feel bad about it after the fact for a long time, the main reason I've not yet pursued it is that I simply can't be bothered to go through the process of it (not to mention the legal issues of it). That, and i don't anticipate going to Vegas any time soon, if ever.

 

You may be surprised like I was. The actual experience of "hobbying" as it is called these days is a lot of fun. It goes beyond just the sex. It can be a guilt-free adventure, and a way to meet interesting women you may have never had the opportunity to meet otherwise. Don't think of it as being dirty and it won't be. sometimes it is that simple.

 

It has definitely gotten less sleazy with the Internet. Pimps are becoming a rare thing now in metro areas. And you don't want to deal with that type of girl either. That is the "wrong type of escort". The independent, hotel working escort is becoming the most common type in western civilized societies..These are the desirable type. The ones who have normal lives and are generally good people who don't mind the work of putting their clients in a good mood

 

Yeah, I guess. I dunno. On one hand, I'm uneasy and uncomfortable about being "just another paying customer". But, on the other hand, I'm completely disconnected from people on an emotional level, so I'll never have an emotional connection with someone, anyway.

[Toodaloo]

I know a porn star, she has also done some escort work.

 

Saw a bit of one of her films and have to admit so was more convincing than many of the women you see in porn so the girl has acting skills.

 

I don't know her well, just to stick my hand up to and wave at, but she is a sweet girl, I get the impression that she didn't feel all that great about herself and that is why she did it. She hasn't done it for quite some time and seems happier and more confident when I see her about.

 

I also know someone who did some non penetrative photo shoots for porn mags and topless pics. She is as miserable as sin, she was then and still is. Her Grandfather saw those pictures before he died. Broke his heart. The family are multi millionaires so she really does not need the money. Those pictures are the only time I have ever seen her smiling.

 

Who knows? I sure as heck don't. Each to their own. It doesn't bother me, I do not think any less of people who do it, their body = their choice. I just do not want to date it, or someone who was doing it.