Scratches and bruise on his body

[basil67]

You were able to remove the "lipstick" with water? Lipstick doesn't dissolve in water.

[NomiMalone]

I wasn't able to entirely remove the stain, no.

 

I was lying in bed by myself when I discovered it, and he was in the study next to the bedroom. So I tried to quickly scrub it off with saliva and my finger just to see if it was a recent stain and to try to identify what it was in a hurry. It came off easily but there is still an obvious stain there, so no, it's not entirely gone.

 

Being a darkish magenta colour, I don't know what else it could possibly be.

[basil67]

I wasn't able to entirely remove the stain, no.

 

I was lying in bed by myself when I discovered it, and he was in the study next to the bedroom. So I tried to quickly scrub it off with saliva and my finger just to see if it was a recent stain and to try to identify what it was in a hurry. It came off easily but there is still an obvious stain there, so no, it's not entirely gone.

 

Being a darkish magenta colour, I don't know what else it could possibly be.

 

I was trying to imagine a red product which would partially come off with water and can't come up with anything.

[h0000]

h0000, thanks and I completely understand where you're coming from about asking. The reason I haven't asked is because I don't believe cheaters will ever tell the truth when asked. I don't think asking will bring me any peace - in fact, it'll be the opposite. Asking may just alert the partner to your suspicion and they might just take their activities underground. I've read so many threads on here where people have queried their partners and have come away more confused than ever.

 

We live together in a rented property. And yes, I agree that the recording stuff (it'd be just audio, not visual) does not sit well with me, at this stage.

well you just sound like you already see him as a cheater...

 

Look , it really comes down to trust. If you don't trust him , you will not believe whatever he says.

You know he may have a very easy explainable reason to his scratches and red stains. I sometimes scratch myself during sleep. Sometimes I found red stain at my own place especially around kitchen/bathroom and I don't even know where they are from. Could be plastic bags? Tags? Who knows.

If your BF gives shady answer, or you just don't believe his answer , then this relationship has no trust and cannot survive. Today it will be lipstick, tomorrow there will be blood hair.

And to answer your question about fear of finding out the truth - at this stage I'm more afraid of falsely accusing him and losing a great relationship, than being cheated on. IMO (and I know this will sound strange) being cheated on is not the worst thing in the world. It is not something within our control. It says nothing about me and everything about him. It will suck nonetheless, but I can always pick myself up eventually and start again. Cheating is never forgivable (in my books) however, and I need to find out so I know whether to stay in my relationship or leave.

You raise your concern doesn't mean you interrogate him/accuse him for cheating. You can do it in a calm way and I don't believe it's gonna ruin your relationship. If he is innocent he shouldn't be angry because of few of your questions, as long as they are not accusations. And As I said if he blows up , OK he is no innocent and you don't need a camera to know it!

Edited August 15, 2016 by h0000

[NomiMalone]

Me too.... I am completely miffed. I still think it is lipstick. I can't think of anything else that can be that colour.

 

 

I was trying to imagine a red product which would partially come off with water and can't come up with anything.

[smackie9]

Me too.... I am completely miffed. I still think it is lipstick. I can't think of anything else that can be that colour.

 

Felt pen? A leaking felt pen left in one's pocket, then sitting on the bed would leave a seeping stain.

[NomiMalone]

Thanks smackie9. Good thinking... but I doubt it. The colour, a darkish magenta was quite distinctive to cosmetics. I'm almost sure it's lipstick. Maybe one of the liquid ones that I'm not familiar with the consistency of.

[elaine567]

Maybe you should test your own lipstick on the bed first.

Dried in and on a fabric it may take on a different hue.

[NomiMalone]

Thanks Elaine, that was one of the first things I did. The hue I wear is a nude with a slightly brownish tint, which was distinguishable from the magenta hue of the stain.

 

Maybe you should test your own lipstick on the bed first.

Dried in and on a fabric it may take on a different hue.

[Dis]

I'm sorry you're going through this hun...but like another poster mentioned....where theres smoke theres fire

 

If you are actually going to the extreme of testing your own lipstick to compare it with the stain...I think you've reached the point of no return because....even if he's not cheating....you dont trust him....without trust there can be no relationship

 

Also...if you're going to these lengths...you might as well set up a microphone in the bedroom like another poster mentioned.

 

The way I see it is you have 2 options:

 

#1-Get to the bottom of it. With some deep digging like hidden microphones maybe putting a tracker on his car etc etc....you will find out the truth

 

#2-Leave now and stop torturing yourself

 

I wish you the very best hun. We're here for you

[h0000]

 

The way I see it is you have 2 options:

 

#1-Get to the bottom of it. With some deep digging like hidden microphones maybe putting a tracker on his car etc etc....you will find out the truth

 

 

 

To what end though, spy on him for a month, 2 months, or forever?

If she cant find anything after a month, will she never doubt him again ever after? What if later on she finds something else, should she start spying again?

 

 

I think if she is not willing to give him a chance to explain, if she doesn't trust whatever he is going to say, end it.

[NomiMalone]

Disillusionment - thank you. I agree very much with the essence of what you said - that you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone you don't trust.

 

I recognise in my case however, that an issue at hand is that I find it difficult to trust men in general, and a tendency towards being paranoid. I think I'm pretty good at distinguishing between reality and my own "crazy thoughts". I've been using CBT techniques to subdue the paranoid thoughts and help to retrain my way of thinking. What worries me with the scratches, bruise and "lipstick" is that they present as real evidence, and not just crazy thoughts in my head.

 

I also recognise that I have a great guy here as a partner, who goes to the ends of the earth to make me happy and always prioritises our relationship. The only thing that "bothers" me about my partner is that he is a man of few words. Apart from that, I feel that our relationship is close to perfect, and not something I would walk away from in the absence of cold hard proof that he is cheating.

 

And even if I did choose to leave him over this "lipstick" discovery, I'll continue to distrust men and the same issue will arise in my next relationship and the next, and so on.

 

 

I'm sorry you're going through this hun...but like another poster mentioned....where theres smoke theres fire

 

If you are actually going to the extreme of testing your own lipstick to compare it with the stain...I think you've reached the point of no return because....even if he's not cheating....you dont trust him....without trust there can be no relationship

 

Also...if you're going to these lengths...you might as well set up a microphone in the bedroom like another poster mentioned.

 

The way I see it is you have 2 options:

 

#1-Get to the bottom of it. With some deep digging like hidden microphones maybe putting a tracker on his car etc etc....you will find out the truth

 

#2-Leave now and stop torturing yourself

 

I wish you the very best hun. We're here for you

[MidwestUSA]

Does your guy polish his work shoes?

 

Cream polish comes in oxblood, burgundy or cordovan. Sorta purplish.

[Redhead14]

I saw scratches on my boyfriend's chest and a bruise in the middle of his lower back. The scratches have been present for a good few days, but the bruise I have just discovered (which is not to say that it hasn't been there for a few days).

 

Apart from that, I have no real concerns as to his faithfulness.

 

He shaves in chest regularly so the scratches may have come from shaving.

 

I'm hesitant to ask him about the scratches and bruise in fear of being offensive and out of line. (He is a kind, loving, good natured person.)

 

Should I raise it with him? And if so, how do I do it in a non-accusatory manner? Or am I just being paranoid? What would you guys do?

 

"oh, my goodness, Xname, are you aware of the bruise you have on your back. It looks painful. How did that happen?"

[NomiMalone]

Enigma - thanks for sharing this. I agree that bruises and scratches can come from anywhere, hence I've not looked at them as "proof" of infidelity in the absence of other clues. I think it's great that you took the initiative to explain your workout wounds to your girlfriend - open communication is so important in a relationship. I really believe that poor communication between partners is at bottom of many relationship problems.

 

 

While lifting weights in the gym, I often end up with bruises and scratches. Evidently, some of them look guilty. When I do squats, I regularly end up with bruises and scratches all along my neck and shoulders. The first time I took my shirt off for a girl I was recently dating, she noticed those scratches and bruises, and immediately thought I was having sex with someone else. I explained it off to her as workout wounds, but I could tell she remained skeptical. Point is, unless your guy gives you a reason to blame him, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he plays sports or something. Either way, it doesn't hurt to ask the guy and see what he says.

[NomiMalone]

MidwestUSA, thank you! But unfortunately he doesn't use cream polish!

 

 

Does your guy polish his work shoes?

 

Cream polish comes in oxblood, burgundy or cordovan. Sorta purplish.

[NomiMalone]

Yeah I guess it must be puzzling to someone not familiar with weights why a lower body exercise would lead to bruises on one's shoulder! The accusatory tone I'd say was completely to do with her being upset, rather than any intention to upset you. I know when I've been falsely accused of cheating in the past, it was always done in an accusing way. Now that the shoe's on the other foot, I totally understand how frustrating and hurtful it can feel.

 

Thanks! I try. She asked me in a bit of an accusatory way, but I let it go since the bruises did look like sex marks on the sides of my neck and shoulders. She finally believed me after a few trips to the gym with the same marks each time.