Finally smiling again.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Hello everyone.

 

So I haven't posted any updates in a while.

 

I hope my new story makes some people smile.

 

This site does help me, as in the insight and reality of being wrapped up in a affair. However that insight can be a little too much for a person with depression, I need a break sometimes. I have been browsing a little occasionally too.

 

So since my last post I done about 11 days NC with him. Which, I did break myself, stupidly saying I missed him, so the affair continued, so did the intimacy.

 

6 weeks ago, we met up for our last time. During this he had a phone call from his gf. It wasnt urgent but he just left me in a rush like I was nothing or no one special like all the bs he sprouted out of his butt claiming that I am...

 

He did message me the following night to say how sorry he was. I didn't reply, I was too busy bailing my eyes out.

He tried vigorously to contact me and get a response. I couldn't do this anymore. I said to myself this is the last time I'm going to get hurt. I thought he would get the message.

 

3 days after him giving up trying to contact me, he deleted me from all social media. So I assumed he deleted me from his phone too. And after that it was his vacation week with his girl. Oh how that week almost destroyed me, because I was desperately unwell. This equalled to more time off work and worrying about that also.

 

Anyway, after I overcame my illness and went back to work, I started to feel a lot better in general, and almost a feeling of feeling free. I had then the courage to delete all the messages, throw out all the gifts and block his number.

 

Shortly after this I met someone new... it's early stages but it's going really well and so far he makes me really happy.

 

This is the end of a long and painful experience.

 

I read somewhere about scientists are trying to invent a pill to block out all bad memories. Would I take it? I probably would of 6 weeks ago, but then, if my experience of this was all erased, I wouldn't be as wise as I am today.

No, no way would I take that pill now.

 

Thanks for reading x

Edited August 10, 2016 by WisdomOverEmotion

[sandylee1]

Well done on seeing the light and getting rid of him. Affairs can literally be a terrible waste of your time.

[Poppy47]

I am so very pleased you decided to delete everything and go NC.

 

Something similar happened to me 4 months ago.

 

xMM said he was unable to speak to me for 3 days. Something inside me changed. It was like a light bulb moment. I thought WTF. Why am I waiting for him to call, see me, text me????? Suddenly it was all over for me.

 

I cut all contact with him after an 8 year affair.. It took me a while to delete everything and trash all his cards and poems. All I have is a beautiful pendant. I kept it because of its beauty, not because of him.

 

I have also recently met a lovely man. He is widowed as I am and I think we will

develop a lasting relationship. Early stages yet. I had forgotten what 'NORMAL" looks like.

 

Poppy.

[Baptiste]

Well done, on remaining strong and sorting yourself out, it's never easy, but you are worth so much more than being someone's option.

 

 

I read your other thread, did you ever decide what to do about telling the girlfriend?

 

 

I'm in a very similar position now and not sure what to do, I think she has a right to know but don't want to be labelled as the homewrecker.

[Grey Cloud]

I am so very pleased you decided to delete everything and go NC.

 

Something similar happened to me 4 months ago.

 

xMM said he was unable to speak to me for 3 days. Something inside me changed. It was like a light bulb moment. I thought WTF. Why am I waiting for him to call, see me, text me????? Suddenly it was all over for me.

 

I cut all contact with him after an 8 year affair.. It took me a while to delete everything and trash all his cards and poems. All I have is a beautiful pendant. I kept it because of its beauty, not because of him.

 

I have also recently met a lovely man. He is widowed as I am and I think we will

develop a lasting relationship. Early stages yet. I had forgotten what 'NORMAL" looks like.

 

Poppy.

 

Poppy, that is awesome you are seeing someone new!!! Go you! I had my lightbulb moment with xMM 3 weeks ago. I found out something truly disturbing and I knew there was no coming back from it. It made me realise how much he lies to himself let alone his poor wife. I knew I was done. Blocked on Facebook and I have no desire or urge to ever contact him again!

 

OP - I am glad you are also moving forwards!

[Friskyone4u]

Glad you are feeling a bit better but now you have a problem, which you will probably need to address.

 

You have just gotten out of an affair where YOU have restarted it it appears more than once. You have met a new man who you appear to like who I am sure knows NOTHING of this affair and you sneaking around with a man with a partner. And at this point you do not need to bring that up.

 

But if this new relationship progresses to the point where it amounts to somewhat of an "exclusive" relationship, you better make sure you are not still pining for this OM or you will be cheating before you know it.

 

Nothing wrong with dating as many eligible guys as you can or want to, but you need to stay NC with this guy of your affair before you even contemplate getting serious.

[loveisanaction]

Good for you Wisdom....So happy for you and good luck with your new guy, i'm wishing you nothing but the very best. Now, you'll know what it feels like to be numero uno....

 

As for the drug that scientists are developing to block out pain; pain is what makes us grow and learn. If we are able to block out pain, how do we learn not to repeat mistakes that have hurt us in the past?

 

Never-the-less i'm happy for you girl...

[loveisanaction]

I'm in a very similar position now and not sure what to do, I think she has a right to know but don't want to be labelled as the homewrecker.

 

JMPO!

 

If the person you are seeing lied to you about being married or lied about being in a committed relationship, i'm all for outing them to their spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

However, if from the very beginning the person was honest with you about being married or being in a relationship yet you still chose to get involved with the person, why would you out them to their significant other?

 

Whenever a person wants to out their affair partner to their significant other, they should always ask themselves what is my motive?

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Well done, on remaining strong and sorting yourself out, it's never easy, but you are worth so much more than being someone's option.

 

 

I read your other thread, did you ever decide what to do about telling the girlfriend?

 

 

I'm in a very similar position now and not sure what to do, I think she has a right to know but don't want to be labelled as the homewrecker.

 

No I'm not saying a word. I don't want any more drama.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Glad you are feeling a bit better but now you have a problem, which you will probably need to address.

 

You have just gotten out of an affair where YOU have restarted it it appears more than once. You have met a new man who you appear to like who I am sure knows NOTHING of this affair and you sneaking around with a man with a partner. And at this point you do not need to bring that up.

 

But if this new relationship progresses to the point where it amounts to somewhat of an "exclusive" relationship, you better make sure you are not still pining for this OM or you will be cheating before you know it.

 

Nothing wrong with dating as many eligible guys as you can or want to, but you need to stay NC with this guy of your affair before you even contemplate getting serious.

 

Thing is with me, I know myself well enough to know when I like someone, I don't want anyone else. I'm totally devoted. If I'm not devoted, it won't happen. It's all or nothing, which is why I struggled so hard to be his side plate. I wanted to be his everything, like he was to me.

 

Anyway. I wouldn't get serious about someone if the feeling wasn't there. So we will see how it goes.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Hello everyone.

 

So I haven't posted any updates in a while.

 

I hope my new story makes some people smile.

 

This site does help me, as in the insight and reality of being wrapped up in a affair. However that insight can be a little too much for a person with depression, I need a break sometimes. I have been browsing a little occasionally too.

 

So since my last post I done about 11 days NC with him. Which, I did break myself, stupidly saying I missed him, so the affair continued, so did the intimacy.

 

6 weeks ago, we met up for our last time. During this he had a phone call from his gf. It wasnt urgent but he just left me in a rush like I was nothing or no one special like all the bs he sprouted out of his butt claiming that I am...

 

He did message me the following night to say how sorry he was. I didn't reply, I was too busy bailing my eyes out.

He tried vigorously to contact me and get a response. I couldn't do this anymore. I said to myself this is the last time I'm going to get hurt. I thought he would get the message.

 

3 days after him giving up trying to contact me, he deleted me from all social media. So I assumed he deleted me from his phone too. And after that it was his vacation week with his girl. Oh how that week almost destroyed me, because I was desperately unwell. This equalled to more time off work and worrying about that also.

 

Anyway, after I overcame my illness and went back to work, I started to feel a lot better in general, and almost a feeling of feeling free. I had then the courage to delete all the messages, throw out all the gifts and block his number.

 

Shortly after this I met someone new... it's early stages but it's going really well and so far he makes me really happy.

 

This is the end of a long and painful experience.

 

I read somewhere about scientists are trying to invent a pill to block out all bad memories. Would I take it? I probably would of 6 weeks ago, but then, if my experience of this was all erased, I wouldn't be as wise as I am today.

No, no way would I take that pill now.

 

Thanks for reading x

 

I am so very pleased you decided to delete everything and go NC.

 

Something similar happened to me 4 months ago.

 

xMM said he was unable to speak to me for 3 days. Something inside me changed. It was like a light bulb moment. I thought WTF. Why am I waiting for him to call, see me, text me????? Suddenly it was all over for me.

 

I cut all contact with him after an 8 year affair.. It took me a while to delete everything and trash all his cards and poems. All I have is a beautiful pendant. I kept it because of its beauty, not because of him.

 

I have also recently met a lovely man. He is widowed as I am and I think we will

develop a lasting relationship. Early stages yet. I had forgotten what 'NORMAL" looks like.

 

Poppy.

 

 

You ladies rock!! Kudos to you for moving on. You have given me HOPE that there is someone out there that will make me smile....without the deep dark crashing after he goes home.

 

Caught MM red-handed in a lie on Saturday night. Like busted wide open. Tried to lie about his lie. What an *sshat.

 

You are free of this purgatory.

 

Each day is a step into your new life :-)

[WisdomOverEmotion]

JMPO!

 

If the person you are seeing lied to you about being married or lied about being in a committed relationship, i'm all for outing them to their spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

However, if from the very beginning the person was honest with you about being married or being in a relationship yet you still chose to get involved with the person, why would you out them to their significant other?

 

Whenever a person wants to out their affair partner to their significant other, they should always ask themselves what is my motive?

 

True true!! I knew before I got involved. I've been tempted to tell a few times, as people have suggested I tell his significant other before he marries her, to 'save her'.

 

It does make me sad, and I do feel ashamed for everything we done behind her back, because she seemed like a decent lady.

However I don't feel as though it's my place to tell, I'm not seeking revenge. It could all back fire on myself and cause drama, not good for my own healing process.

 

I suggest not creating your own d day, LoveIsAnAction. You wont get anything you want out of it, unless you want to hurt people. That is my opinion.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

I am so very pleased you decided to delete everything and go NC.

 

Something similar happened to me 4 months ago.

 

xMM said he was unable to speak to me for 3 days. Something inside me changed. It was like a light bulb moment. I thought WTF. Why am I waiting for him to call, see me, text me????? Suddenly it was all over for me.

 

I cut all contact with him after an 8 year affair.. It took me a while to delete everything and trash all his cards and poems. All I have is a beautiful pendant. I kept it because of its beauty, not because of him.

 

I have also recently met a lovely man. He is widowed as I am and I think we will

develop a lasting relationship. Early stages yet. I had forgotten what 'NORMAL" looks like.

 

Poppy.

 

You're a spiration Poppy!

 

Lovely to hear this after your 8 year affair. Best of luck!

[Baptiste]

No I'm not saying a word. I don't want any more drama.

 

That's my thinking, I'm not out for revenge and as much as I think she has a right to know what a lowlife he is, it's not my place. I was unwittingly the OW I didn't know he was married and finished it as soon as I did.

 

 

Keep going wisdom, you're doing an amazing job of staying strong.

[WisdomOverEmotion]

True true!! I knew before I got involved. I've been tempted to tell a few times, as people have suggested I tell his significant other before he marries her, to 'save her'.

 

It does make me sad, and I do feel ashamed for everything we done behind her back, because she seemed like a decent lady.

However I don't feel as though it's my place to tell, I'm not seeking revenge. It could all back fire on myself and cause drama, not good for my own healing process.

 

I suggest not creating your own d day, LoveIsAnAction. You wont get anything you want out of it, unless you want to hurt people. That is my opinion.

 

baptiste* not LoveIsAnAction haha. Sorry

[Ana-Iva]

JMPO!

 

If the person you are seeing lied to you about being married or lied about being in a committed relationship, i'm all for outing them to their spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

However, if from the very beginning the person was honest with you about being married or being in a relationship yet you still chose to get involved with the person, why would you out them to their significant other?

 

Whenever a person wants to out their affair partner to their significant other, they should always ask themselves what is my motive?

 

Does the motive really matter? The end result is that if you tell the BS will find out. They will not care what was your motive. Having "the right" motive is a selfish thing so that YOU can live with yourself.

 

Funny part is that all the polls here on LS where people are asking "should I tell his/her BS or not" are in favour of not telling but when the question is turned around and people are asked "would you like to know if your married partner is cheating" everyone would want to know. We are a bit of hypocrites aren't we.

[ShatteredLady]

If you were the bs, planning your life based on your partner & your family, based on lies, would you want to know?

 

The bs is almost always already living in a perpetual state of emotional turmoil. Instincts tell us that something is very wrong but our H's gaslight so well it's insane making!! If the OW had told me it would of saved me months & months & months of crippling pain.

 

Most bs aren't dumb! They love, they trust. That's why they don't know. I blamed myself for the sudden dysfunction in my marriage. It destroyed my selfesteem. I hated myself for being such a crap wife. No matter how hard I tried everything wrong with the world was still my fault! Ugh!

 

 

To those in a situation where a marriage is being planned....HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL? Is a far better question. I couldn't allow an innocent woman to make that huge life changing decision knowing that it's all a lie. It's called empathy.

 

Can you imagine discovering that your H was cheating when he got down on blended knee & asked you to spend your life with him? Can you imagine your 'perfect' wedding day? Making vows with your friends & family there? Ugh! That would damage you for life. Fundamentally change the woman you are.

 

Imagine, for the rest of your life, explaining to people that you're divorced, you were only married for a short time (people heavily judge that!) & explaining why. Brutal!! What if they have kids? Ugh!!

 

I couldn't keep quiet!!

[WisdomOverEmotion]

Nothing will convince me to tell the bs right at the moment of time.

 

I've thought and thought it through, cried about it, felt ashamed and guilty. I've been so close to telling.

 

Every situation is different. In mine I found out they have been engaged for years. I didn't know this until half way through the affair. They haven't planned a wedding, and both have agreed they never want kids. They've been together for years and I'm sure all of that would of happened by now if they wanted it to.

This hasn't just came from his mouth. I found out information from her fb. Yes.. of course I stalked it.

 

If it even happens that they do decided to marry, maybe by then I will have my bipolar uncontrol, and I could handle the drama of it. Right now, I need to sort my own life out and become happy, healthy and stable again. I'm getting there. It may sound selfish towards the bs. But I'm sorting my life out for my families sake too.