Just found out

[oak1120]

Hello, I just found these forums and wanted a place to share my story.

 

I am a soon to be 40 year old man that's been married for almost 11 years to my wife. We have 6 and 2 year old boys. I became a stay at home dad about 5 years ago because my wife started to make enough money and this is how we wanted to raise the boys.

 

About 2 weeks ago my wife returned from a work trip and was not her normal self. She told me she was depressed and she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore in life. I asked her if I could help but she said she needed to figure things out on her own.

 

I gave her some distance and left her alone and as the following week went on she seemed a little better but not back to normal. She told me she had went to a therapist and she started taking her anxiety medication again so I was hoping maybe this would work and we could get back to normal.

 

Then 3 nights ago she broke down and told me she thinks she needs a divorce because she needs to figure out who she is. I tried to be understanding and talked to her about a separation instead. Later that night i caught her texting and flirting with a work colleague that lives in a different state. I took her phone from her and read the 10 or so messages she hadn't deleted and was shocked at what I read. She told me she hasn't done anything physical with him but she likes the attention. I told her she needs to talk to her therapist about these issues and asked her if we could work it out. She couldn't give me a real answer.

 

Yesterday I logged into our phone account to discover they had sent over 1400 texts between the 2 of the in the last 10 days. I am in shock. Even after our talk the night before she continued to text him that night. I also found they've talked 4 times on the phone as well.

 

I guess I am just so depressed right now because everything is falling apart around me. We have the two young boys and I'm scared for them. She tells me they are the most important thing but then one minute later she texting this other guy. I don't really know what to do.

 

I'm also scared because I haven't had a job for so long and I don't know how I can find one that earns enough to support the kids. She told me she wants me to raise them but I think I'm just scared at doing this all alone. About a year ago we moved to a new state for my wife's job and I don't have any close friends or people to talk to about this where I live now. My family lives 10 hours away. I did talk to my mom yesterday about this and it helped, but I feel alone with these problems.

 

Thanks for letting me share my story.

[PegNosePete]

she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore in life.

she needs to figure out who she is.

These are 2 of the most classic lines of a cheater.

 

She told me she hasn't done anything physical with him

I am sorry but if you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you. She cheated physically when she was away for that "business trip" that she returned from all confused. And now you know the source of her confusion.

 

She is involved in a full blown affair and is lying to your face every day.

 

You need to go and talk to a lawyer. You are in the position that usually the woman is in, and due to gender equality laws you will be in a good position. You will get alimony and a large proportion of the home equity. Talk to a lawyer TODAY who can tell you how the laws work in your jurisdiction and what the financial outcome from a potential divorce would be.

 

When you are more informed about the laws and how a potential divorce would affect you financially, you will be in a much better position to figure out what YOU want.

[KBarletta]

Hello, Oak. Welcome to Love Shack. You will find a lot of good advice here, and, unfortunately, a lot of people who have experienced what you are going through and who can help you.

 

I am sorry to hear this, but I wish I could say I was surprised. I've been around these boards for a while and have read so many stories (and lived through my own) which are so similar to yours.

 

Sending 1400 texts over 10 days is evidence of - at least - an emotional affair on your wife's part. Given that this all came to a head after an out-of-town work trip, I would strongly suspect a physical affair as well. I think you need to get at the truth of that situation first before you decide how to proceed.

 

My advice to you would be to then ask yourself what you want. Do you love your wife and do you want to work this out? If so, then she needs to make a clean break with the other guy and commit to working on your marriage, including joint counseling and continuing with her individual therapy. If she won't do that, I think you need to separate until you can find some clarity.

 

If you don't want to work this out, which is also understandable, then I would say you should start talking to an attorney as to your options for a divorce. Depending on the laws where you live, because your wife is the sole breadwinner, she could ultimately be responsible for supporting the children financially for some time (at least partially) should you divorce, even if you do find another job. Caring for them financially should not fall solely on your shoulders. But I'd get a legal expert's opinion on your options and then start moving forward with a legal separation or divorce.

 

Just because you get the ball rolling doesn't mean you can't stop it down the line if there is a reconciliation. But getting the ball rolling accomplishes two things - 1, it means if a D is inevitable, you won't be stuck in limbo for years as some end up doing. and 2, it crystallizes in your wife's head that this is serious and that you are not going to roll over.

 

Whatever comes next for you, it is not going to be easy. I wish you luck, and keep posting.

[The_Onceler]

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through.

 

It sounds as if you are experiencing a long standing cliche, only in reverse. Your wife seems to come to strongly identify with her job/career, and in the process, has formed an attachment with a coworker. In the process, she has taken you largely for granted.

 

Her feelings of depression and "not knowing what she wants" are probably sincere. She is likely depressed as part of mourning the death of your relationship with her. Meanwhile, she is excited about her new relationhsip - henc the "not knowing" part. She doesn't know with a certainty whether she should stay with you or move on.

 

Whether my assessment is right or wrong is probably of little consolation to you, but perhaps will provide some perspective.

 

I don't know your line of work or background, but my stbx recently jumped back into the workforce after a hiatus. She was a SAHM for about 5 years, then spent 3 years working as a teachers assistant, but has now jumped back into a career position. It can be done.

 

On the other hand, you are likely in a good position to flip the script on your wife: sue her for alimony and child support. You are a married couple, and you agreed that she would be the earner and you would stay at home with the kids. She has reneged on that agreement, and she has broken her marriage vows with her affair. I would attempt to record what you can about her affair for use in court, and then get a lawyer immediately.

 

I imagine that you are worried about your future, and wanting to save your marriage, but based on my experiences and everything I have seen here, it is most likely that any possible reconciliation in your future will come only AFTER having separated from your wife.

 

I wish that I was wrong, but I worry that I am right. Looking out for your own best interests at this stage of the game is really looking out for your boys, so you owe it to yourself and to THEM to take action.

 

Best of luck.

[Steen719]

 

I'm also scared because I haven't had a job for so long and I don't know how I can find one that earns enough to support the kids. She told me she wants me to raise them but I think I'm just scared at doing this all alone. About a year ago we moved to a new state for my wife's job and I don't have any close friends or people to talk to about this where I live now. My family lives 10 hours away. I did talk to my mom yesterday about this and it helped, but I feel alone with these problems.

 

Thanks for letting me share my story.

 

Does this mean she wants you to have custody?

[Lowrider93]

Hi Bud, I'm sorry to hear about what your going thru.

All of us here have either been thru a divorce or are going thru one now, or relationship breakup. You have come to the right place to just get your feelings out, but you will learn by all our past experiences, and mistakes too.

You may say that your life sucks right now and believe me we feel your pain, but no matter what, you will come thru this.

 

It's ok to get angry if you need to, but you just got to keep your cool, so many people blow up and then everything will escalate from there.

 

If she does decide to split, never ever be her second choice, that will come back and bite you in the ass, don't be her safety net.

 

Consider yourself fortunate that you will get the children, she won't have any choice in supporting you financially.

 

I know that your head is probably spinning right now as your feet have been kicked out from under you, but now is the time where you could be taken advantage of so protect your interests.

 

No pleading or begging, that will for sure drive her away, show her you don't give a Damm, it may make her think twice, no promises though.

 

Stay tough

[oak1120]

Does this mean she wants you to have custody?

 

She has some idea that I can continue to be a stay home dad and take care of the kids like nothings changed. She said she would support me financially to do this. She makes good money but she doesn't make that good of money. She also knows that Monday-Friday is almost impossible for her to take care of the kids because of her work hours and the fact they are so young. She often leaves by 7:00 am and doesn't get home until after 8:00 pm. She won't be there for them much.

[CarrieT]

OP, get tested for STDs immediately because I can guarantee she has already had sex with him... The line that it isn't physical yet is known as "trickle truth" and the fact that she has traveled for work probably means that they met up and were physical then.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Read through our Infidelity forum and realize that you are not alone in this and what you are experiencing is beyond classic infidelity...

[oak1120]

I think I really need to talk to her again about everything. I need to see if she thinks there is any chance of getting back together or not. I am open to counseling but I don't know if she thinks its worth it. I think I want to tell her to separate for a while to see if this is what she wants. The last couple nights we have slept in separate rooms, but I don't think that will work. We didn't communicate with each other last night or this morning and I hardly saw her but I think we need to be living separate. Especially if she continues to text him. Everytime her phone beeps I think its him. I know she texted him last night while she was sitting outside with our kids and it upset me so much.

 

I do know she is still texting him today as much as normal. I told myself not to check the phone records because it would upset me but I did anyway. I know she is texting him so I need to just accept that and not keep checking because it drives me crazy thinking about it.

[The_Onceler]

Everytime her phone beeps I think its him. I know she texted him last night while she was sitting outside with our kids and it upset me so much.

 

I have experienced this very thing over these last few weeks. It is TERRIBLE. It hurts you, it makes you crazy, and it robs you of your ability to be present for your kids.

 

For me, the only way to cope was to accept that my relationship with her was over. That may have been relatively easy for me to do, since she and I have been having troubles for so long. Where it sounds like you still love your wife, this must be agony. You need to arrange for her to get out of the house. Tell the kids what is coming, and give her a week or two to make arrangements.

 

With that done, you might be able to get some clarity. Her too.

 

No matter how you slice it, this is terrible. I am so sorry, truly. But I don't see how you remain under the same roof at this point.

[Steen719]

Is she planning on moving out and letting you stay there?

 

Would it be possible to move into somewhere cheaper that she could pay for you and boys for a while and then you could afford when working? Or, is that necessary (comparing costs)?

 

If she is moving out and you are staying there to take care of boys, I think you might have to just admit that she is having an affair that has allowed her to think that leaving her children is acceptable. I don't believe that to be the usual way a mother thinks. (Not that I am a shining example of motherhood, but never in a million years could I have imagined leaving my son unless I was dying)

 

I think the sooner you can look at the situation for what it is, the more prepared you can make things for you and your boys. If you can make it work with her alimony and child support, maybe you can start with a part time job and the three of you can live somewhere that is affordable.

 

I am really so very sorry that you are in this situation and particularly that you are so far from family who could help you out with children. It is such a helpless feeling to know that she can make these decisions and you have no choice in it. However, you can protect yourself and your children legally and do it soon. Don't tick her off and strike while she feels guilt. Someone else said in another thread - the one that strikes first with the divorce when someone feels guilty, comes out better than if they had waited. I'm not sure if that is true with everyone, but it definitely was with my situation. My XH's anger with me later, when he wanted more from me, was evidence of that. While he was feeling guilty about what he was doing to me and my son, I went forward. It is hard, I know, and I had already been through it once with him, but I do think it is worth considering.

 

Call your mom again, to talk to someone who loves you and will be supportive. Get as much support for yourself as you can. Get counseling if you can, if for no other reason to be able to talk to someone and get it off your chest.

 

Best to you. I really am sorry you are in this situation.

[oak1120]

I have experienced this very thing over these last few weeks. It is TERRIBLE. It hurts you, it makes you crazy, and it robs you of your ability to be present for your kids.

 

For me, the only way to cope was to accept that my relationship with her was over. That may have been relatively easy for me to do, since she and I have been having troubles for so long. Where it sounds like you still love your wife, this must be agony. You need to arrange for her to get out of the house. Tell the kids what is coming, and give her a week or two to make arrangements.

 

With that done, you might be able to get some clarity. Her too.

 

No matter how you slice it, this is terrible. I am so sorry, truly. But I don't see how you remain under the same roof at this point.

 

It's almost like I don't care at this point (although I do care) if she texts him while she is away, but it just hurts to know that she has texted him while the kids or I have have been with her. It just shows she doesn't respect me or the kids at all. I mean at least sneak away somewhere and send the text but not when my kids or I are there.

[notbroken]

Your wife is having an affair. You are in a very bad situation. Get a job (or applicable skills) ASAP. Don't procrastinate on this. She has all the cards right now and you are playing poker for your and your kid's future.

 

See a lawyer yesterday (ASAP).

 

Get in a gym and start improving yourself as fast as you can. If for no other reason than your own sanity, but there are plenty of other benefits.

 

All of this is difficult, but you have no choice. It takes two to marry and one to divorce. You've already been divorced - it just isn't official yet. I know that is harsh, but you have to accept the truth and act accordingly to protect yourself and your children.

 

A lot of people won't agree, but you should read some of the 'redpill' material on the internet. Yes, some of it is absolute #$%^, but some of it definitely applies to you and your situation. Study it. Quick. Certainly can't hurt to understand your situation.

[Jeff1690]

oak my wife did the same thing. Starting last year around march to june, over 6000 minutes on the phone with OM and hundreds and hundreds of texts. Cut me off from communication, intimacy and sex. I can not prove the PA but I printed off the phone records and they don't lie. I found this sight and everyone was spot on with their advice. Wish I would have found it sooner.

 

My wife works out of town and travels a lot. She has taken that as free ride for her freedom. For 22 years we had a happy marriage. Now the last year has been hell for me mentally. Cut off form my best friend and then finding out about definite EA. Won't answer any questions I put to her. Denies everything and says I am spying on her when I bring up facts.

 

Move on brother unless you really want her back. I feel so betrayed I don't want her back. The woman who used to share everything with me turned to another man.

[S2B]

Best way to shock her into the reality of what she is creating is to see an attorney to understand what kind of rights you have and what kind of money to expect should you divorce.

 

Expose to all her family! Tell them what she's planning! Th n speed it up!!! Pack her a bag and set it by the front door and change the locks today! She can go figure out what she "thinks" she confused about!

 

Move all available money into your name only. If you don't she will!

 

Impose consequences! She's cheating on you and ruining your kids lives! Since she's acting single then treat her as such!

 

After seeing an attorney then show her on paper what she's going to pay out to you every month.

 

Start asking around about work... Protect yourself by getting a plan together!

[oak1120]

Is she planning on moving out and letting you stay there?

 

Would it be possible to move into somewhere cheaper that she could pay for you and boys for a while and then you could afford when working? Or, is that necessary (comparing costs)?

 

If she is moving out and you are staying there to take care of boys, I think you might have to just admit that she is having an affair that has allowed her to think that leaving her children is acceptable. I don't believe that to be the usual way a mother thinks. (Not that I am a shining example of motherhood, but never in a million years could I have imagined leaving my son unless I was dying)

 

I think the sooner you can look at the situation for what it is, the more prepared you can make things for you and your boys. If you can make it work with her alimony and child support, maybe you can start with a part time job and the three of you can live somewhere that is affordable.

 

I am really so very sorry that you are in this situation and particularly that you are so far from family who could help you out with children. It is such a helpless feeling to know that she can make these decisions and you have no choice in it. However, you can protect yourself and your children legally and do it soon. Don't tick her off and strike while she feels guilt. Someone else said in another thread - the one that strikes first with the divorce when someone feels guilty, comes out better than if they had waited. I'm not sure if that is true with everyone, but it definitely was with my situation. My XH's anger with me later, when he wanted more from me, was evidence of that. While he was feeling guilty about what he was doing to me and my son, I went forward. It is hard, I know, and I had already been through it once with him, but I do think it is worth considering.

 

Call your mom again, to talk to someone who loves you and will be supportive. Get as much support for yourself as you can. Get counseling if you can, if for no other reason to be able to talk to someone and get it off your chest.

 

Best to you. I really am sorry you are in this situation.

 

Its going to be hard to move out. I was looking at rent in the area and its high. That's really the main reason I hate being away from my family. If i was in the same city as my family the boys and I would have left already.

 

Also, I can't believe I forgot to add in my original post but we just bought a house about 6 or 7 weeks ago and its in her name. This really sucks. We also bought new furniture that we are financing and cost a bunch. The furniture is financed in my name.

 

I know she loves the boys but for some reason the other night she was basically talking about giving me custody and her having them on weekends because she knows with her work hours it would be unhealthy for the boys to be away from their parents all day. I will see if she still feels that way. She might just be so willing to give me so much right now because she feels such guilt.

 

I am going to try to do some research tonight and hopefully contact some lawyers tomorrow.

[S2B]

Demand to stay in the house and have HER move!

 

Stop being so nice to her - she is screwing you over - no time to be agreeable at all!

 

Start blowing up her world by making strong and unreasonable demands if she wants out!!!

 

She signs the house over to you and she still pays!

 

Call her parents and tell them she's been cheating!

 

Stop protecting her! Stop being so nice!

[oldshirt]

 

I know she loves the boys but for some reason the other night she was basically talking about giving me custody and her having them on weekends because she knows with her work hours it would be unhealthy for the boys to be away from their parents all day.

 

No, she wants you to take the boys so she can carry on unimpeded with the OM. In other words she wants you to be her babysitter and beta boy while she screws the 'real man,'

 

You gotta wake up man. You are being manipulated and taken for a ride....big time.

 

You are being accommodating and making it easy and comfortable for her.

 

Affairs need two things to survive. They need the marriage so that the WS can have their comfortable home, family life, standing in the community, clean laundry, family meals etc.

 

And affairs need an accommodating BS that allows the WS to carry on the A and doesn't shake things up.

 

You are providing both of those things. You are rolling out the red carpet and making it easy and comfortable for her to continue to have her cake and eat it too. She gets have her new house and her kids taken care of and out of the way while she goes to see OM and have wild, porno sex. She has her beta boy to take care of the kids and make sure the bills are caught up and the house is clean so she can wrap her legs around the OM's shoulders.

 

By separating all you are giving her is unimpeded access to OM while she leisurely plots and figures out how to have a clean house and fed kids at home and continued orgasms with OM.

 

It's time to nut-up and take action and protect yourself, protect your home, protect your relationship with you children and maintain some semblance of dignity.

 

Get a lawyer ASAP and get a divorce plan and file on her as soon as you possibly can. Take your life back. Start moving forward on your own life.

 

File for divorce and go for her throat. Go for full alimony and child support and housing and every cent and every pot and pan in the house.

 

Trust me and the other posters when we tell you this - once she is faced with the reality of fighting for her house and her income/assets and her access to her children, the OM is going to look a whole lot less sexy.

 

And once she gets that distraction and work and becomes less "fun" and sexy, the OM is going to drop her like a hot potato. Once she starts having custodial weekends and court mandated overnights with the kids, he won't be able to get away from her fast enough.

 

Very very very few affairs survive divorce.

 

Ditch her. Take her to the cleaners. Start living your own life for you.

 

 

If you start accommodating her and allowing her affair to flourish and thrive and start doing the "Pick-Me! Dance" you will be teaching your boys to be manipulated, mistreated and cheated on by women. and you will teach them that when women mistreat and cheat on them, that their course of action is lay down and let women wipe their shoes on them and come home to them with other men's semen dripping out of them for them to clean up.

[Mr. Lucky]

Once she starts having custodial weekends and court mandated overnights with the kids, he won't be able to get away from her fast enough.

 

Good advice. oak1120, I'd also take some steps to get back in the workforce so she can deal with the realities of joint custody. She needs to understand the life of a single parent with two small kids...

 

Mr. Lucky

[PegNosePete]

Demand to stay in the house and have HER move!

 

Stop being so nice to her - she is screwing you over - no time to be agreeable at all!

 

Start blowing up her world by making strong and unreasonable demands if she wants out!!!

 

She signs the house over to you and she still pays!

 

Call her parents and tell them she's been cheating!

 

Stop protecting her! Stop being so nice!

Yes - exactly this! Do you think she would be so nice to you if the positions were reversed? No, I guarantee you'd be kicked out, divorce papers served and receiving letters from lawyers demanding alimony payments. Just because you're the man, changes nothing. Stop acting like a doormat! Act like a man scorned, because that's exactly what you are!

 

If you want to save the marriage then you need to law down the law. She is actively involved in an affair and has made it clear that she has no intention of stopping. You need to tell her the conditions under which you will take her back. If she doesn't agree to them, or agrees but later breaks them, then it's OVER and you go straight to divorce. No "trial separation" junk.

 

1) She will tell you EVERYTHING, right now. The whole truth. If you later find out she lied or missed out anything, then it's OVER.

 

2) She will call this guy up right now, with you there and listening. She will tell him it's over and that they will never communicate ever again. If she ever talks, texts, emails or contacts him again then it is OVER. If he contacts her, she will not respond in any way, she will bring it to you immediately.

 

3) She will give you all passwords, unlock codes and access to all of her communication methods. Phone, email, etc. Right now your trust in her is ZERO. She has no right to privacy. In time that will be built back up again but right now you don't trust her, and rightly so. She will show you her phone right now and you will check it. Right now, not in 5 minutes, not just after popping to the loo (to delete evidence no doubt).

 

4) You will have marriage counselling

 

If she complains or whines about any of these, then she is not truly invested in fixing the marriage. If she disagrees, or doesn't agree to follow them under her own free will, then she is not committed to fixing the marriage. Make it clear that this is her one and only chance, if she agrees to follow them but breaks them, she has blown it for good.

[BluesPower]

Please let us know that you understand what we are telling you.

 

OldShirt is totally correct as well as the other posters. And, I am going to be even more blunt.

 

You have to tell her to get the F*** OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW. Don't ask, TELL HER.

 

You have to understand that YOUR WIFE IS SCREWING ANOTHER MAN. You have no idea how long or HOW MANY MEN SHE IS SEEING.

 

You are acting like a wimp, sorry to say, but it is true. Is that how you want your boys to be when they grow up. IT IS TIME TO BE A REAL MAN AND SCREW HER OVER.

 

She it texting her lover in front of you, short of her bringing him home and screwing him in front of you, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO GET PISSED OFF AND KICK HER OUT OF THE HOUSE?

 

Right now, SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU IN ANY WAY, SHE HAS A NEW LOVER and it is not you. She DOES NOT RESPECT YOU IN ANY WAY, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR MARRIAGE, AND SHE DOES NOT EVER RESPECT HER CHILDREN, RIGHT NOW THEY ARE AN INCONVIENCE.

 

You have to PROCEED AS IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER. FILE FOR DIVORCE, PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS.

 

I am sorry to be so loud and blunt but OAK you HAVE TO BE A MAN about this. You have to get pissed off and protect your kids.

 

Good luck and keep posting, let us know how you are doing.

Edited August 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[oak1120]

Well we had a conversation last night. It was a good conversation, actually probably the best conversation we have ever had. I learned things about her that I never knew (both good and bad). I learned about what started this texting affair. She is going to find a place and get out of the house. She is going to therapy every week. She is concerned about the kids and keeps telling me she wants me to stay home and raise them and she would support us. I don't really understand where her head is at though. I know she loves the kids and doesn't want them hurt, but all she has done for 2 weeks is hurt the family.

 

I know I can't trust her even after this conversation. Part of me wonders if she was telling me all of this to manipulate me into something. I'm more confused now than I was before. I asked for marriage counseling and she told me she can't right now. Not until she gets herself worked out with her personal therapy (she has been to 2 sessions). I don't trust her and I have reached out to a lawyer. I'm hoping to get to talk to the lawyer either today or tomorrow.

 

Right now I need to quit looking at phone records. I have to accept that she is going to keep texting him and not keep looking up the records several times a day. All it does is depress me and I need to stay positive for myself and the kids.

 

She says there has been nothing physical between them. I think I believe her, but I don't know. He lives 3 or 4 hours from here and I'm pretty sure they haven't met up anywhere in the last couple of weeks since this started. I guess it doesn't really matter though. Texting affair and a physical affair are still affairs.

 

I want everyone to know that I appreciate the advice. Reading the posts has helped me cope with this. I may need to seek therapy myself but I don't know if I can afford it with everything going on. As hard as this is on me, it just kills me what it could do to my kids. I think my 6 year old knows things are not right because he has been more quiet than normal the last few days. He loves his mom so much (he is a momma's boy). I've been trying to keep him busy after school to keep his mind on fun things, but I worry what he might be thinking inside.

[PegNosePete]

I asked for marriage counseling and she told me she can't right now. Not until she gets herself worked out

What a crock. If she was interested in saving the marriage and the family then she would drop EVERYTHING to attend marriage counselling. And she wouldn't still be lying about a physical affair. Don't kid yourself: it has happened.

 

I think this attitude speaks volumes. She prefers to make excuses and carry on her affair than try to repair the damage she has done.

 

Well done for making the lawyer appointment. I think you need to file for divorce and get her promises to look after you financially, into writing and stamped by the court ASAP.

[BluesPower]

Oak,

 

Man I know you are hurting so much, so many people are feeling this pain or have felt it before.

 

It sounds like you are taking some good steps. I hate to keep telling you things that I know you don't want to hear. But, I really want for you to understand.

 

1) You know that she has been sleeping with this guy! You have to. At the very least, she sleep with him the whole time she was on the last trip. How long was she gone? Yeah, they were having wild porno sex the whole time.

 

And honestly, you really have no idea how long it has been going on, odds are that it has been going on far longer than you can even imagine.

 

I realize how much that hurts you, but you have to face the reality. She does not want you anymore, at all. She has refused to stop the affair she is moving out. I am sorry to say that your marriage is over, done, ended.

 

2) You cannot believe one word that comes out of her mouth, not even hello. You need to start "no contact" with her as soon as possible.

 

3) She does not want to be bothered with the kids, she has you for that. She is busy sleeping around and she does not want the sex to stop.

 

4) When you talk to the lawyer, you need to have him file for divorce ASAP. You need spousal support as well as child support. You have got to put the screws to her in order to protect yourself.

 

5) You have to accept that it is OVER Oak, I know it sucks but you are more than young enough to start a new life. And, you have your boys to raise.

 

Look, I raised 3 kids almost completely by myself, a girl and 2 boys. They are wonderful, successful people and I am very proud of them.

 

I am nothing special, you can do it as well.

 

Please keep us posted and let us know what is going on. Know that, ,if I can speak for everyone, everyone's heart here at LS is bleeding for you.

 

Get strong and stay strong.

[oak1120]

I just want to say thank you to everyone. I am listening to all your advice. It's just really hard. I think I need to stay busy and try to keep my mind off this as much as I can. The more I sit around and think about this the more depressed I get. I haven't been eating well or sleeping well this week, and I think its taking a toll on me. I'm going to try to get strong and not let this beat me up. Once again, I appreciate everything everyone has told me.