Do I have a right to see my nephew?

[Butterflying]

So I'm in my late 30s. I'm not married. I don't have any children. But I adore my 20 month old nephew. The last time I saw him was 6 months ago. He had just started walking. I live in a different city, over 400 miles away. And have a demanding career.

 

Since before my nephew was born (he's my only nephew, my younger brother's only child) I've bought things for him. Clothes, toys, ect. Well this weekend is our family reunion. I will be in town visiting. Neither my brother or his girlfriend (my nephew's mother) want to attend the reunion. So I suggested they allow me to take my nephew (Junior) to the reunion with me.

 

A little back story: they all live in my house. That's right. It's the house my brother & I grew up in. My brother & I inherited it when our parents died. So the girlfriend is practically my sister-in-law. She hasn't met our entire family. This reunion is a good opportunity for her as well.

 

She denied my request to keep my nephew all day Saturday & take him to the reunion because... this is where it gets interesting: I'm not married & I don't have any children. Therefore, she doesn't think I'm capable of taking care of my nephew for a few hours, let alone a whole day.

 

Junior spends every day in day care with strangers while his parents work. Her other excuse is that it's been so long since I've seen him. He doesn't know me. She doesn't think he will want to be left alone with me.

 

By this logic, since I live so far away. How will I ever get to know my nephew? I don't go home often. His parents never visit me because they don't travel. If they don't allow me to spend time with him during my visits, he will never know me.

 

Should I be offended? Hurt? A part of me just wants to forget about it. He's not my child. Maybe when he's old enough to want to know me, I can be available. But somehow that seems wrong. It feels as if they are deliberately keeping him away from me. But I don't know why. Other relatives have babysat him on occasion. I even kept him once at home for an entire day while they went shopping. But I wasn't allowed to leave the house with him. He was 11 months old then. I enjoyed keeping him. And I took great care of him by myself. I don't know how to handle this. Should I forget them, or should I insist on being allowed to take my nephew places & spend time with him?

 

In a way it feels like they are taunting me for not having children. As if to say, "Have your own child. Don't try to borrow ours."

[JewelD]

What does your brother have to say about this? He doesn't trust you either?

 

I'd be a little ticked off but I can maybe almost see why the mother doesn't want you to take him without her there. How well do you know her? She's probably just being protective.

 

I think the main issue is your relationship with your brother and his gf. Normally, when people are close, they trust each other, but for some reason it's not there between you and them.

 

I would definitely try to go through your brother next time since he's the link between you and your nephew and will be more sympathetic (hopefully). and if she still says no, maybe you could hang out at their house and get to know him a bit?

 

My niece lives all the way in Canada and we are not very close. Her mother is like the super duper helicopter parent. She didn't even really let our family members hold her for too long when she was a baby (although she looooves picking up other people's babies now that hers is 6). I've just accepted the fact that I will most likely never have any contact with my niece without her mother there.

 

So I'm just waiting on my sister to have a baby one day because she lives closer and I don't think she'd be as overprotective as my sister in law. It sucks, but unless you plan on moving back out there, I don't think you'll be able to do much about it. and it's really up to the parents to make sure their child has a relationship with family. If they don't do that, they're kinda being jerks about it.

[Butterflying]

When I asked my brother, he said the same thing she said (in so many words). But he told me to check with (the mother) to see what her plans were. Because he's going to be out of town at work anyway. But I honestly don't know if this is both their idea or just one person. When I asked her, she said that. And then she told me to check with my brother. Which is stupid since he told me to ask her.

 

So it seems neither of them want to tell me "No" plain & simple. And the excuse that the child doesn't know me is bogus since a child never knows anyone until they are forced to, or allowed to. Obviously if my nephew doesn't want to come with me, I won't take him. But the few times I've been around him, he liked me. This whole "he doesn't know you" just completely caught me off guard.

 

As for my relationship with the child's mother, we've always gotten along. For her birthday last year she brought my nephew to visit. I took them shopping. Bought her an outfit & a matching purse. I invited friends over & had a small dinner party for her. She was happy. My relationship with my brother has always been close, especially after our parents died. We rely on each other. We have no other siblings. So I really don't understand. Very easily I could walk away from this whole situation & not care. But I don't want the child to grow up thinking I never cared.

[grays]

The "excuse" that he doesn't know you is 100% legit. As a mom I would never have sent one of my babies off with someone at that age. Some people do, but I think that's mostly out of necessity or desperation. I wouldn't have let a grandparent take them out for a whole day. Three hours at home, where baby will feel more comfortable, in a situation where I could come back if they needed me, probably. I never did that tho partly bc my kids' g'parents all lived far away and only saw my kids a couple of times a year. And I do think that at 20 months, not having been around you for four months, you'd have felt like a stranger to him.

 

It sounds like if you really want to spend time w him and get to know him you can. You just have to do it on their terms. And their terms are not crazy. They are the parents and it is their right (and I applaud them for it!) to not put their child in a situation they don't feel comfortable with. You should respect it and not take it personally. Extend your trip by a couple of days do you can spend some time with the family at their home.

[JewelD]

When I asked my brother, he said the same thing she said (in so many words). But he told me to check with (the mother) to see what her plans were. Because he's going to be out of town at work anyway. But I honestly don't know if this is both their idea or just one person. When I asked her, she said that. And then she told me to check with my brother. Which is stupid since he told me to ask her.

 

So it seems neither of them want to tell me "No" plain & simple. And the excuse that the child doesn't know me is bogus since a child never knows anyone until they are forced to, or allowed to. Obviously if my nephew doesn't want to come with me, I won't take him. But the few times I've been around him, he liked me. This whole "he doesn't know you" just completely caught me off guard.

 

As for my relationship with the child's mother, we've always gotten along. For her birthday last year she brought my nephew to visit. I took them shopping. Bought her an outfit & a matching purse. I invited friends over & had a small dinner party for her. She was happy. My relationship with my brother has always been close, especially after our parents died. We rely on each other. We have no other siblings. So I really don't understand. Very easily I could walk away from this whole situation & not care. But I don't want the child to grow up thinking I never cared.

 

 

In that case, yeah, this is bs. She knows you well enough to accept gifts from you but doesn't trust you with her son? I think you should certainly stop going all out for her birthday if she thinks you're such an untrustworthy person.

 

I'm really surprised your brother is going along with this. He should be the one to fight for this unless there is something you've done in the past that makes them think you are not responsible?

 

You don't have to walk away from the situation, just accept it for what it is. Visit him when you can. You can also send things to him in the mail, and as he gets older, you can talk on the phone, skype, text. They're not completely barring you from seeing him so that's a good sign! They may loosen the reigns as he gets older.

[Butterflying]

The "excuse" that he doesn't know you is 100% legit. As a mom I would never have sent one of my babies off with someone at that age. Some people do, but I think that's mostly out of necessity or desperation. I wouldn't have let a grandparent take them out for a whole day. Three hours at home, where baby will feel more comfortable, in a situation where I could come back if they needed me, probably. I never did that tho partly bc my kids' g'parents all lived far away and only saw my kids a couple of times a year. And I do think that at 20 months, not having been around you for four months, you'd have felt like a stranger to him.

 

It sounds like if you really want to spend time w him and get to know him you can. You just have to do it on their terms. And their terms are not crazy. They are the parents and it is their right (and I applaud them for it!) to not put their child in a situation they don't feel comfortable with. You should respect it and not take it personally. Extend your trip by a couple of days do you can spend some time with the family at their home.

 

Extending my trip isn't possible. The fact that I want to spend time with him so he can remember me the next time should be applauded. Obviously I wouldn't want to take him if he doesn't want to come with me. But before they know, they have already denied the opportunity. Furthermore, I saw on Facebook that the mother is planning a day trip to an amusement park with friends Saturday. Her first statement was, "I have to find a babysitter first." So I'm like, "meeeeee. I would love to keep him." She's denying me. But she seems open to anyone else on FB besides me, if her mother can't do it. It's not fair. It's not applaudable.

[grays]

You're being defensive without listening to and really trying to understand what I'm saying. It might be true that they've singled you out for some reason. But you're first post didn't really make that case. If it's true that she really would let anyone on Facebook take the kid, then maybe you're right. But I doubt that's true. I would definitely not have let an aunt/uncle take one of my kids under similar circumstances. And I'm not overprotective compared to the other parents I know.

 

I don't think I've ever said to anyone "you can't know bc you're not a parent," but the only thing I can imagine in this case is that you really don't get it bc you've never had someone approaching you wanting to take your toddler away for a whole day. Parents have every right to be as protective of their babies as they want to be.

[Butterflying]

In that case, yeah, this is bs. She knows you well enough to accept gifts from you but doesn't trust you with her son? I think you should certainly stop going all out for her birthday if she thinks you're such an untrustworthy person.

 

I'm really surprised your brother is going along with this. He should be the one to fight for this unless there is something you've done in the past that makes them think you are not responsible?

 

You don't have to walk away from the situation, just accept it for what it is. Visit him when you can. You can also send things to him in the mail, and as he gets older, you can talk on the phone, skype, text. They're not completely barring you from seeing him so that's a good sign! They may loosen the reigns as he gets older.

 

I thought about my brother having an issue. But I can't imagine what it is. Neither of us have ever had children. We were both excited & terrified about raising a child when we discovered the girlfriend was excepting. My brother & I talk all the time about the values we want Juior to have. Financially, I'm capable of giving him things & exposing him to things they can't. It was me who bought him a silver spoon from Tiffany & Co. the day he was born. I even stayed with them the first week after he was born in order to help around the house while they adjusted to being new parents. It was quite funny. The three of us with this new born baby. None of us knew what we were doing! But we all learned quickly. And when he started teething, it was me who suggested putting the tweeting rings in the refrigerator because he liked the coldness on his gums.

 

I doubt the child has completely forgotten me as they claim. It was only a few months ago. I video recorded him walking to me with my phone the last time I was there. He was laughing & playing with me the whole time. They left him there alone with me for a while. He never knew they were gone. Easily I could have put him into the car seat & taken him anywhere. He loves going for drives. But I stayed there. This time it's a special occasion. I want our family to meet him, even if his parents don't care to be involved with family. And if they are afraid of what our relatives might do; that's bogus too. Because I am the one who has protected my brother from anyone in our family who has ever caused confusion. I am OVERprotective of my nephew in that regard. Lol.

 

Thanks for replying. This has helped a lot as I didn't know who else to express this to that might have experience.

[Butterflying]

You're being defensive without listening to and really trying to understand what I'm saying. It might be true that they've singled you out for some reason. But you're first post didn't really make that case. If it's true that she really would let anyone on Facebook take the kid, then maybe you're right. But I doubt that's true. I would definitely not have let an aunt/uncle take one of my kids under similar circumstances. And I'm not overprotective compared to the other parents I know.

 

I don't think I've ever said to anyone "you can't know bc you're not a parent," but the only thing I can imagine in this case is that you really don't get it bc you've never had someone approaching you wanting to take your toddler away for a whole day. Parents have every right to be as protective of their babies as they want to be.

Yes I do get it. And no I don't have to have a child to understand how protective parents are about SOMEONE approaching them & wanting to keep the child for a day. If SOMEONE randomly offered to keep him, I would be suspicious too!

 

The problem is, I'm not just SOMEONE to them. I am literally the closest relative on my brothers side of the family to them. Not physically. But financially (did I mention they all live in my house, mortgage free) & emotionally. They can't expect me to visit more than twice a year. And he stays at a daycare center with strangers several days a week (which he recently started by the way). Certainly he can spend a day with his aunt and be okay. I just think if I wait until he's older, it will be harder to make a connection then. Spending a few hours with him in their presence is not the same as truly being responsible for him. Allowing him to establish an authoritative relationship with me so he understands my role in his life as much as his parents. Originally I invited the mother to come too. It's a special occasion. She has other plans. SOMEONE is going to babysit my nephew this weekend. Why not me? Especially since I'm going to be with family, lots of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and many other children my nephew's age.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Butterflying

[Tayla]

I think you make a reasonable argue ment for allowing him in your care.

 

Sadly the bottom line is the parents are not legally required to have their child visit or be associated with any kin.

 

I encourage family bonding... Particularly with direct relatives... My kids were cradled by their grandparents and aunts and uncles from day one. I appreciated their loving ways and the pride they showed in being such titled kin.

 

You sound like a responsible adult . Sorry that they are not as cooperative to your kindness.

[anika99]

Why do you keep telling us it's your house? You said both you and your brother inherited the house so it's as much his as yours.

 

 

Sorry but I'm going to side with your nephew's mom on this one. I wouldn't let someone take my toddler out all day either. Especially not to a busy family reunion with a relative he rarely sees.

 

 

The way to build a relationship with a child is to do it slowly. You have to earn both the child's trust and the parent's trust as well. You start off by spending time with child in the home and then maybe for short trips away from his parents. Like say spend an hour in the park with him or something like that. It sounds like your brother doesn't really socialize with any of the family very much so I really can't see his toddler enjoying being taken away from home for a whole day to be surrounded by people who are mostly strangers to him. That sounds like it would be overwhelming and scary for a little guy.

[Gemma1]

I'm about as lax of a parent as you can be, and I'd be a little weird with letting anyone who didn't have a lot of experience with kids take my kid out all day, especially if it required driving, and especially if that person didn't have a close relationship with my son. Babysitting at my home or theirs is one thing. But taking him for an outing is quite different. Unless you have a lot of experience with toddlers, you just aren't automatically aware of all the potential dangers you have to be constantly looking out for when watching a child that age. I'd be WAY more relaxed about letting my four year old go out with someone than my 1.5 year old.

 

And just FYI, there's zero chance he remembers you. The fact that you think he does shows how little you know about tha age group. I'm not trying to criticize you or anything. Also, I know you may feel like none of you knew anything about babies at first, even the child's own mother, so it is a shock to you that she suddenly doesn't trust you. But she's had over a year and a half of dealing with her child day in and day out. I'm telling you, there are challenges that you might not even know to plan for on an all-day outing.

 

Him going to a daycare is quite irrelevant of all of this. Daycare workers aren't strangers. They are qualified childcare providers who usually have extensive experience and they work in pairs, with supervision. And they don't leave the site, don't drive the kids around, take them in public, etc. It's just not the same.

 

I think your post really betrays some naïveté with regards to children and it is very clear that you don't have kids. I think she's right to be a bit nervous about it. And like I said, I am a VERY lax parent. And I know you're worried about not being able to form a close relationship with him, but their not letting you take him to this one family reunion is not what's going to prevent that. What's going to prevent that is that you're only planning on seeing him twice per year. It doesn't matter what you do on those 2x per year occasions, you're just not going to have a super close relationship with him. It's impossible to "establish an authoritative relationship" with a child you only see a few times per year. It's sad for you, but it's the truth.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Gemma1

[SammySammy]

I have to side with the parents on this also. I understand your points, but none of them give you a right to someone's child.

 

When my daughter was twenty months old, I don't recall my wife and I letting our mothers take our daughter for a whole day. Much less someone the child doesn't know and who I don't know can handle all the situations that may arise. That's not something I think any prudent parent would do.

 

It's not personal. They are just doing what's best for their child.

[heartfeltlove]

This isn't about you, or what you think.

It's about them, and what they think, and what they want. Period.

Don't take it personally, seriously. They're not doing it AGAINST you, they're doing it FOR them and their son. He is too young to be left with you without warning. He's 20 months old, and 6 months in his life that you haven't seen him, is a third of it, so don't expect him to enjoy being with someone who is a stranger to him.

Your perception of their comments is skewed. There is no question that a young professional woman who has been living an independent life completely disconnected from the day-to-day requirements of caring for a child, will be less experienced, capable, (possibly) patient or knowledgeable of how to adequately care for and attend to a child who isn't even 2 yet. And it is at this stage of his life that he is likely to be more truculent, demanding and complicated. They don't call them 'the terrible twos' for nothing. You have no idea what they may be saving you from! If you've never been used to dealing with a 2-year-old for 24 hours, they may be doing you a favour!

[Butterflying]

Why do you keep telling us it's your house? You said both you and your brother inherited the house so it's as much his as yours.

 

 

Sorry but I'm going to side with your nephew's mom on this one. I wouldn't let someone take my toddler out all day either. Especially not to a busy family reunion with a relative he rarely sees.

 

 

The way to build a relationship with a child is to do it slowly. You have to earn both the child's trust and the parent's trust as well. You start off by spending time with child in the home and then maybe for short trips away from his parents. Like say spend an hour in the park with him or something like that. It sounds like your brother doesn't really socialize with any of the family very much so I really can't see his toddler enjoying being taken away from home for a whole day to be surrounded by people who are mostly strangers to him. That sounds like it would be overwhelming and scary for a little guy.

I say "my house" because I'm the one who pays the mortgage & taxes. Our parents left it to both of us. But my brother didn't want to be responsible financially. Both he & his girlfriend have great jobs. But they each have lavish spending habits (which is an entirely different topic altogether). She's an only child, spoiled by her parents. My brother, being the youngest, was spoiled by ours. So I don't question any of that. I support it because I promised my mother I'd take care of my brother when she died. No matter what. So I'm doing that.

 

As for the child needing to spend time with me & building trust. That's rational & I totally agree. But there will be relatives at this reunion who see him regularly. They've babysat him & taken him places. One is our aunt who is on her 60s. Another is a 19 yo cousin who recently had a child of her own.

 

Frequently I see photos on Facebook that relatives post of birthdays & random get togethers. And I'll happen to notice my nephew with someone I don't recognize. His parents are not there. Once I called my brother to ask if that really was my nephew at this event. And he's like "Oh yeah. That was cousin 'whoever' on dad's side of the family. They were watching him. They're cool."

 

So this further ignites my concern about why they won't allow me to take him to this event. It's not even an entire day. Obviously I can leave the reunion whenever I want, especially if Junior gets scared or cranky. We're not trapped there. And it's not far from where they live. It's being held at a local park.

[Butterflying]

This isn't about you, or what you think.

It's about them, and what they think, and what they want. Period.

Don't take it personally, seriously. They're not doing it AGAINST you, they're doing it FOR them and their son. He is too young to be left with you without warning. He's 20 months old, and 6 months in his life that you haven't seen him, is a third of it, so don't expect him to enjoy being with someone who is a stranger to him.

Your perception of their comments is skewed. There is no question that a young professional woman who has been living an independent life completely disconnected from the day-to-day requirements of caring for a child, will be less experienced, capable, (possibly) patient or knowledgeable of how to adequately care for and attend to a child who isn't even 2 yet. And it is at this stage of his life that he is likely to be more truculent, demanding and complicated. They don't call them 'the terrible twos' for nothing. You have no idea what they may be saving you from! If you've never been used to dealing with a 2-year-old for 24 hours, they may be doing you a favour!

I communicate with my brother & the girlfriend often. At least every other day. No I don't have children of my own. But I've cared for many. I worked as a caretaker in a daycare center when I was in high school. My mother owned a childcare center. That was her career. I've babysat relatives children at all ages (except newborns). My nephew was the first newborn I ever spent more than a few hours with.

 

Last year during a trip to Toronto, I met my best friends 2 yo son for the first time ever. I was there for a week. He liked me immediately. He was scheduled to go to daycare the week I was vacationing there. But somehow he got an ear infection & fever. So he had to stay home. Ordinary, one of his parents would've had to take off work. But since I was there, I volunteered to keep him. "It will be good practice for me since I have a nephew now," I said. They were worried. But they let me keep him for a day. And they called almost every hour between the two of them.

 

After that one day, I ended up keeping him for the rest of the week. I took the child sightseeing with me, to museums, the park, and several other places. He did well. He had one temper tantrum at the mall. When I told his parents how I resolved it, they were impressed. I spent a majority of my vacation in another country babysitting a child who was a complete stranger to me. And it was fine. I'm not saying I'm perfect. But I'm saying I should be able to handle my 20 month old nephew whom I love dearly for a few hours at a family reunion. He might not remember me. But I know him. He's not a stranger. And I'm offended by his mother calling me one.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Butterflying

[GunslingerRoland]

As far as I know there is no such thing as a legal right to see your nephew, and they aren't denying you access to see him, just to take him.

 

 

I see where they are coming from to at least some degree, you haven't seen him in a long time he might not remember you and he might not do well with an almost stranger taking him to a place with a whole bunch of complete strangers. They may be his family but he doesn't know/realize that.

 

 

My advise, is go to the reunion by yourself, have fun (trust me you wouldn't have fun chasing around a 20 month old the whole time), and find time in your busy schedule to actually go visit him in his environment to rebuild that relationship.

 

 

As for the house, you are crazy paying a mortgage on your brother's house. You need to get out of that arrangement ASAP.

[heartfeltlove]

I see. This is all new information we had no clue about, so we cannot be blamed for trying to expand on the circumstances, and being incorrect. We can only go by information received up to that point..... In that case, I don't know what to tell you, except I don't think they're being malicious, just overly protective. I would still try to not take it personally. Parents can act in very odd ways where their children are concerned. And in my experience, even in the process of realising they're possibly wrong, they will still dig their heels in and insist they're definitely right. Misgivings have no place where principles are concerned.

[anika99]

I say "my house" because I'm the one who pays the mortgage & taxes. Our parents left it to both of us. But my brother didn't want to be responsible financially. Both he & his girlfriend have great jobs. But they each have lavish spending habits (which is an entirely different topic altogether). She's an only child, spoiled by her parents. My brother, being the youngest, was spoiled by ours. So I don't question any of that. I support it because I promised my mother I'd take care of my brother when she died. No matter what. So I'm doing that.

 

As for the child needing to spend time with me & building trust. That's rational & I totally agree. But there will be relatives at this reunion who see him regularly. They've babysat him & taken him places. One is our aunt who is on her 60s. Another is a 19 yo cousin who recently had a child of her own.

 

Frequently I see photos on Facebook that relatives post of birthdays & random get togethers. And I'll happen to notice my nephew with someone I don't recognize. His parents are not there. Once I called my brother to ask if that really was my nephew at this event. And he's like "Oh yeah. That was cousin 'whoever' on dad's side of the family. They were watching him. They're cool."

 

So this further ignites my concern about why they won't allow me to take him to this event. It's not even an entire day. Obviously I can leave the reunion whenever I want, especially if Junior gets scared or cranky. We're not trapped there. And it's not far from where they live. It's being held at a local park.

 

Okay, well hell would freeze over before I would be paying the mortgage and taxes on another healthy adults' living quarters but that's not what this thread is about.

 

I still think the boy's mom is just being protective and it's nothing personal against you. You did say in your first that you wanted him for the whole day. They may let him go with other family members from time to time and you feel like that's no different but perhaps there are slight differences that you aren't aware of or don't think are important. Like maybe those family members have young children of their own and so they are well trained in looking after an active toddler, maybe they are better known to the child as they live nearby, maybe they only had him for an hour or two as opposed to all day.

 

I have three young grandchildren who love spending the day with me and sleeping over at my place but as I recall I didn't really start taking them out until they were at least 2-3 yrs old. Prior to that I did all my visiting and babysitting at their house where I would only take them a couple of blocks to the park. 20 months is a challenging age fraught with danger, temper tantrums, etc. Also at that age they still need a quiet place to nap.

 

There is no reason for your brother and his gf to have turned on you, I really think it's just the mom feeling uncomfortable with handing her baby over to someone he barely knows for the entire day. Try to compromise with her. Maybe suggest visiting him before or after the reunion. Or ask if you could take him for just an hour or two and then bring him right home. If you have only seen him a few times and it's been six months since you last saw him then you are a stranger to him. Be patient, there is still lots of time to foster a relationship with him but as you don't live nearby it will take more time.

[ChickiePops]

Sorry, I know your feelings are hurt, but you're coming off a bit bratty here.

 

Obviously you're not a stranger to your brother and his gf, but you are very much a stranger to the child (as another poster said, there is zero chance he remembers you), and I completely understand his parents reluctance to let you be alone with him. Many kids his age still have separation anxiety when their parents leave, even when they're with people they know well.

 

Stop thinking about yourself and think about your nephew and what's best for him.

 

You do not have any rights at all here, regardless of money, living arrangements, or blood relations. Instead of throwing a fit before you even get there, why don't you go, see if you can develop a relationship with the boy, and then worry about getting him alone? If you truly love him and want to spend time with him, who cares who else is present?

[Lois_Griffin]

I find it amusing that you're a 'stranger' - yet these two ungrateful fools have no problem taking money from a 'stranger' by letting YOU pay for the house they live in.

 

From a mother standpoint, I can understand being very hesitant to hand my kid off to someone they really don't know. I get it.

 

But when I'm such a complete LOSER that I allow another grown adult - who doesn't owe me a damned thing - PAY for the house I live in, then I'd be making sure to try to accommodate said benefactor.

 

Your mother did your brother NO favors by sticking you with the financial responsibility for his ungrateful ass. All she taught him was to expect handouts because the world owes him something.

[minimariah]

The "excuse" that he doesn't know you is 100% legit.

 

not at all. as a mother -- the OP is right: the child (at that age) doesn't really know anyone. the mother is looking for a babysitter -- i assume the child doesn't know and won't know the babysitter AT ALL & it will probably be an unknown woman... but THAT isn't a problem... WHY? so yes - it is just an excuse. this was the perfect opportunity for the child to meet his aunt, the bond is created during that one on one time. it seems as if the parents don't trust the OP because she doesn't have children of her own so they probably assume she won't know how to take care of the nephew.

 

They are the parents...

 

that's certainly true.

 

in my personal opinion - the parents don't care, don't encourage or prioritize the relationship between the child & close family members (in this particular case -- aunt)... so OP -- just... let it go. you have 2 options -- you can try to talk it out with the parents, let them know how you feel, let them know that you want to build a significant relationship with the child & you can hope that they'll understand. OR you can just let this go & use another opportunity and try to get close to your nephew again. if you want to build a relationship with the child - be patient and persistent. ask again to babysit and spend time with him... at one point "he doesn't know you" will stop being relevant.

[ChickiePops]

I find it amusing that you're a 'stranger' - yet these two ungrateful fools have no problem taking money from a 'stranger' by letting YOU pay for the house they live in.

 

From a mother standpoint, I can understand being very hesitant to hand my kid off to someone they really don't know. I get it.

 

But when I'm such a complete LOSER that I allow another grown adult - who doesn't owe me a damned thing - PAY for the house I live in, then I'd be making sure to try to accommodate said benefactor.

 

Your mother did your brother NO favors by sticking you with the financial responsibility for his ungrateful ass. All she taught him was to expect handouts because the world owes him something.

 

A stranger to the child, not to the loser slacker brother. But that's a completely different issue than the original post is asking about.

[turnera]

If the reunion were at your other relatives' house, I might consider letting my sibling who had never had kids take my child for about two hours. No more than two hours. But the fact that it's in a park? No freaking way would I allow anyone, other than possibly my mother, take my 20 month old - who can wiggle free and dart across a road or into a ditch faster than you could catch him - to a park with a ton of people.

 

That said, why don't you call back and offer to take him for just one hour, and then you'll return him? Or instead of spending all your time at the family reunion - and you SAID you can leave it at any time - stop by your brother's place first and visit with the kid, and THEN go to the reunion?

[BettyDraper]

While I agree that it isn't your decision who looks after your nephew, I can see why you would be very hurt about your brother and his girlfriend not allowing you to take care of your nephew. I am childfree but I enjoy my niece and nephew. Seeing their little faces light up when we get together and hearing them laugh warms my heart. You sound like a caring auntie so unless there are legitimate concerns that you have not shared, I'm also nonplussed about why other family members can babysit your nephew but you cannot.

 

I have been responsible of many young family members for days on end since I was 13. I have also been a childcare provider as a profession. The fact that I am not a parent was never a problem.