she does not want me to see my child

[dabella]

Hi.

 

I'm having a hard time.

 

I have a child from a former relationship, this child is 6. I love the child and have spent a few years alone and roughly 50-60 % of my time with my child.

 

I meet a woman who is amazing, but she cannot cope with my previous family. She want her own, me for herself totally and build a new family with me.

I understand her thought, but I have a child! We are married, been together a few years, newly married and living together roughly 6months now. She knew how I care for my child, how often I see my child and so on.

She barely would let my child sleep one night every second week in my house. My child adored me and my new wife and misses me and can't understand what has happened.

 

The waves about my love or being with the child has lead to uncertainties between us. Arguments is mostly her way or nothing. Threatening to leave me and so on. She has hit me several times due to anger.

 

I haven't seen my child for a period now(not over a year)

I miss to see my child.

 

I'm scared of my wife, her reactions, her actions and so on. I drawn myself away from my family.

We have talked about divorce, neither want it.

Deep inside I'm sad now, before my child were pushed away from me(by all three parties) I were for as a rock, stable, happy and proud.

Most is now fear.

 

What should I do? I adore this woman, she is amazing. But I'm scared that the relationship is over due to what we have been through, my feelings and our different wishes. Should I set us free? Or should I put my heart in a strongbox and live a new life?

[CarrieT]

Divorce your wife immediately.

 

Please.

[PegNosePete]

Wow, why on earth would you marry a woman so controlling who doesn't let you see your child?

 

I guess you have to choose, your child or your new wife? But I don't think things will end well if you choose the new wife. She is controlling and manipulative and after you lose touch with your child she will no doubt start to control other aspects of your life.

[SoleMate]

Whatever factors or forces in your life lead you to consider abandoning your child, reject them. Your child needs you. Start caring for your child in a practical way, right now.

[heartfeltlove]

Divorce your wife immediately.

 

Please.

 

^^This^^.

 

This, this, this, this, and this again and again, and again. And even then, I can't say it enough.

[BluesPower]

Get out now! Divorce her yesterday.

 

 

No one has the right to think, feel, or act the way that she is.

 

 

Bud, you need to grow a pair like right now.

 

 

Please wake up.

[JewelD]

You should have never married her. This is mostly your own fault because you knew she didn't like your child and you still married her.

 

Now you haven't seen your child for months because you decided not to see her. Even if your wife didn't want her in the house, it's your house, too and you could have at least visited the child at her home and taken her on outings that didn't involve ur wife. But you just said fk it all and cut off contact with her entirely.

 

and still, your focus is on saving this relationship and not your relationship with your child. Sounds like you don't really want to parent that much anyway, so you may as well just pay child support and stay with your 'controlling' wife.

[GorillaTheater]

A choice between your child and the woman you married?

 

 

It's not even close. Offer to help your wife pack.

[ladydesigner]

Ditch the wife! That's ludacris she expects that of you! And if you are afraid of her reactions that's pretty bad too it means you have no way to communicate. Seems like a dead end and I would chose my kid first ALWAYS!

[Timshel]

Also dabella, whether you stay with your wife or not....do not EVER leave this woman alone, for any reason, with your child.

 

Even if she changes her tune and says she's ok with visits now.....never trust her to care for your kid.

 

Just divorce her, you made a horrible mistake, wear protection to prevent pregnancy. Do not allow your wife to abuse you anymore either. It's time for you to RUN away from this woman.

[Lowrider93]

I don't care what kind of issues your wife has, she's cold hearted, Don't follow her down that path. I wonder what my daughter would think of me now if I had done that to her as a child. Blood is thicker than water, it's unanimous here.

 

Where in your marriage vows did it say no contact with your daughter

If any woman told me I had to stop seeing my daughter I'd show her the door!

 

You bring them into this world, be responsible!

[KBarletta]

Your wife needs to respect your relationship with your child and allow you time with her. Period. If she isn't willing or able to do that, then you need to walk away.

 

If you both love each other and don't want divorce, as you say, then perhaps you need marriage counseling to discuss the issue. But it seems pretty clear cut to me - unless there is some aspect that you are not sharing, some legitimate reason why your wife has issues with your daughter? But barring anything missing from the story, you need to either work it out with your wife and be a part of your child's life, or say goodbye to this marriage.

 

Good luck.

[Jersey born raised]

Really, you love your daughter? Look around you and see chaos and wreakage "daddy issues cause". Your current wife wants to inflict this on your daughter?

 

Get a clue, get a grip, get a life !

[dabella]

First of all thanks to all who took time to read and answer.

 

First period my wife were loving and caring towards the child 6months

Then she wanted more time, more firm rules(I can understand both since it were extremely jumping) giving my wife a few days more.

 

But my x put a stick in the wheel by deciding to move further away making everyday life impossible with child only weekends left. I couldn't do anything.

 

My wife and I tried to settle it, but only became worse, ending from being 12 days a month to 4.

 

Now my chip directly says it does not want to visit me. As stated earlier I haven't seen or hear from my child.

 

My wife sees me as a single man, no past ect. But she wasn't against me to spend 10 days with my child. But had a hard time accepting it, expressed that she hates when my chip is there, when I'm happy with it, when spenttime with it. My wife wanted as little as possible 4 days a mont and no overnight.

 

I am broken inside.

Edited August 12, 2016 by dabella

[NopeNah]

First of all thanks to all who took time to read and answer.

 

First period my wife were loving and caring towards the child 6months

Then she wanted more time, more firm rules(I can understand both since it were extremely jumping) giving my wife a few days more.

 

But my x put a stick in the wheel by deciding to move further away making everyday life impossible with child only weekends left. I couldn't do anything.

 

My wife and I tried to settle it, but only became worse, ending from being 12 days a month to 4.

 

Now my chip directly says it does not want to visit me. As stated earlier I haven't seen or hear from my child.

 

My wife sees me as a single man, no past ect. But she wasn't against me to spend 10 days with my child. But had a hard time accepting it, expressed that she hates when my chip is there, when I'm happy with it, when spenttime with it. My wife wanted as little as possible 4 days a mont and no overnight.

 

I am broken inside.

As a single father,who got full custody of my daughter when she was 4...There was NEVER any women that I would let come between us(including her insane mother!)...It's time to prioritize your life to what really matters and fight for it! It took me four years and thousands,upon thousands of dollars in legal fees to get what was in the best interest of my daughter. She's now 20,in college full time(I pay for it), I'm owed over $45k in back child support that I could care less about...Priorities.

[Lowrider93]

I understand that you cannot see your daughter everyday because of distance between you and her now, for God sake make an effort regardless of what your wife thinks, just because she don't care about your daughter doesn't give you that right.

 

No one here is going to tell you it's ok to abandon your child, in America it is customary to get visitation every other weekend so if you can do that you will be doing your part.

 

It sounds like you are letting other people decide what's right for you, BE A MAN

Don't ask for permission to visit your daughter, JUST DO IT.

[sandylee1]

Why do you even need to post here, when the obvious thing to do is get rid of your wife.

 

Be a man.

Be a father.

Be sensible.

[elaine567]

No-one who really loves you would make it difficult for you to see your child, so please just get rid of her.

She is being totally selfish and uncaring.

Is that really the type of woman you want to spend your life with?

[ChickiePops]

So you are choosing your wife over your child. You don't think your child is worth fighting for. Got it.

[CarrieT]

OP, why are you letting your wife dictate your life and your relationship with your child in this manner?

[Miss Clavel]

Hi.

 

I'm having a hard time.

 

I have a child from a former relationship, this child is 6. I love the child and have spent a few years alone and roughly 50-60 % of my time with my child.

 

I meet a woman who is amazing, but she cannot cope with my previous family. She want her own, me for herself totally and build a new family with me.

I understand her thought, but I have a child! We are married, been together a few years, newly married and living together roughly 6months now. She knew how I care for my child, how often I see my child and so on.

She barely would let my child sleep one night every second week in my house. My child adored me and my new wife and misses me and can't understand what has happened.

 

The waves about my love or being with the child has lead to uncertainties between us. Arguments is mostly her way or nothing. Threatening to leave me and so on. She has hit me several times due to anger.

 

I haven't seen my child for a period now(not over a year)

I miss to see my child.

 

I'm scared of my wife, her reactions, her actions and so on. I drawn myself away from my family.

We have talked about divorce, neither want it.

Deep inside I'm sad now, before my child were pushed away from me(by all three parties) I were for as a rock, stable, happy and proud.

Most is now fear.

 

What should I do? I adore this woman, she is amazing. But I'm scared that the relationship is over due to what we have been through, my feelings and our different wishes. Should I set us free? Or should I put my heart in a strongbox and live a new life?

 

 

she needs help to figure out why she's so afraid of the very real fact that you love someone other than her. that you are responsible for someone other than her.

 

there are only two emotions in the world, imo. love and fear.

 

she's very very afraid of something.

 

if you love her. make her tell. if she loves you, she will.

 

if she doesn't get help, the fact is, you gotta leave her. for your own safety.

 

good luck

[Aloha808808]

I’m so sorry to hear about the position you’ve been put in with your wife and child, I can’t imagine how hard things are for you right now. Have you considered maybe going to counseling with your wife? It sounds like she may have some insecurities of her own that she needs to work through in order to be able to see the 3 of you as a family rather then a competition for your time and attention. It also might be helpful for your child and wife to do some actives just the two of them so they could spend some time bonding together.

 

I know of some resources and counseling tools that deal specifically with building stronger families and relationships, I’d be happy to pass them along to you if you were interested in taking a look. I hope some of this advice has been helpful for you and I really hope you can reach a place where everyone involved is happy!

[TennisGal]

"Arguments is mostly her way or nothing. Threatening to leave me and so on. She has hit me several times due to anger.

I haven't seen my child for a period now(not over a year)."

*************************************

 

 

Get out, now. This woman is controlling, abusive and is acting very much against your best interests and your child's best interests. There is nothing salvageable under these circumstances.

[dabella]

she needs help to figure out why she's so afraid of the very real fact that you love someone other than her. that you are responsible for someone other than her.

 

there are only two emotions in the world, imo. love and fear.

 

she's very very afraid of something.

 

if you love her. make her tell. if she loves you, she will.

 

if she doesn't get help, the fact is, you gotta leave her. for your own safety.

 

good luck

 

She thinks that having a child I a relationship that broke is a mistake and it doesn't need two families...

She I afraid of many things, loosing the relationship but shows she loves me.

She knows what she has done(pushing chip away and its killing her from the inside, the guilt.

[Miss Clavel]

She thinks that having a child I a relationship that broke is a mistake and it doesn't need two families...

She I afraid of many things, loosing the relationship but shows she loves me.

She knows what she has done(pushing chip away and its killing her from the inside, the guilt.

 

get help. you and she can not do this alone. and it's got to be done. it's your blood.