Author dabella Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 I'm grateful for your answers. There are some circumstances which I can't mention here that pushes me towards leaving even more. I'm a commoner her x ain't. (lets put it like that) I can't see anything salvageable after this threat happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 I'm grateful for your answers. There are some circumstances which I can't mention here that pushes me towards leaving even more. I'm a commoner her x ain't. (lets put it like that) I can't see anything salvageable after this threat happened. whenever i am in a situation like yours i tell myself, keeping doing the next right thing. at times, the most i could manage was to get up and brush my teeth. then splash cold water on my face. do the next right thing. stay, leave, go, work it out. don't just do nothing. things we bury wiggle around in their graves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 (edited) get help. you and she can not do this alone. and it's got to be done. it's your blood. But I know her beliefs and views on how a family is or should be, its like a rock, not moveable. She understand with the brain that how it is(should be), what has happened is bad and how it should be but her heart says different. She thinks that if you want to build new family you give up on the old, in a way where you still can see this part of you but like in the shadows. Or You dedicate your life to this lost family(thereby being alone) I don't think she'll ever accept it or how it should be. Seemed like either solution will hurt someone and my child and I are already hurting due to what my x choose to do. It's a huge mess Edited August 16, 2016 by dabella Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 whenever i am in a situation like yours i tell myself, keeping doing the next right thing. at times, the most i could manage was to get up and brush my teeth. then splash cold water on my face. do the next right thing. stay, leave, go, work it out. don't just do nothing. things we bury wiggle around in their graves. True. These things are in my head: 1; leave, but what's I everything works out right ? 2; stay, and its another huge mistake? I see all errors brightly, miss my child, know I've neglected it. But I also see potential in the relationship. But this threat yesterday is the worst I've ever seen. A person able to dedicate all time and funds(more or less unlimited) staff and more towards one point; ruining the relationship between me and my wife. (its no joke) Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 It is quite simple, the child come first as it was you who decided to have a child. The child had no say in whether it was born or not. So it is up to you to give it a safe and healthy place to live, to feed and clothe it, to give it an education, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 True. These things are in my head: 1; leave, but what's I everything works out right ? 2; stay, and its another huge mistake? I see all errors brightly, miss my child, know I've neglected it. But I also see potential in the relationship. But this threat yesterday is the worst I've ever seen. A person able to dedicate all time and funds(more or less unlimited) staff and more towards one point; ruining the relationship between me and my wife. (its no joke) Only a complete selfish a-hole punishes an innocent child because of their own insecurities. Your wife is that a-hole. This is scarring him/her for life. Your child comes first. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 Only a complete selfish a-hole punishes an innocent child because of their own insecurities. Your wife is that a-hole. This is scarring him/her for life. Your child comes first. Always. Time for an update. Im thinking alot of ending the relationship. It's not easy when you love a person. She was everything I've been looking for, but after son time she changed personality and then she wanted to change things so it fitted her fantasy. It has broken me and ofc my child. She wants me to be as in the start but doesn't understand why I were a different person in the start and I'm changed now due to circumstances. We've had a few verbal arguments, she is lost. She's been thinking of how to escape, in a permanent way, guess you can imagine what I'm referring to when I say permanent. I feel sad due to this, and sad due to circumstances. Am I thinking wrong when I think I want out? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Time for an update. Im thinking alot of ending the relationship. It's not easy when you love a person. She was everything I've been looking for, but after son time she changed personality and then she wanted to change things so it fitted her fantasy. It has broken me and ofc my child. She wants me to be as in the start but doesn't understand why I were a different person in the start and I'm changed now due to circumstances. We've had a few verbal arguments, she is lost. She's been thinking of how to escape, in a permanent way, guess you can imagine what I'm referring to when I say permanent. I feel sad due to this, and sad due to circumstances. Am I thinking wrong when I think I want out? No, you're not thinking wrong when you want out. It's what we all advised from the beginning. As for your wife's suicide threats - my god, what a manipulative woman! Telling you that she'd rather die than agree to you seeing your child. You say you love her, but how can you love someone who openly manipulates you and rejects your child? I suggest you start seeing your child even while you are married. If she blows up at you, tell her that you were wrong to listen to her and will not cease seeing your child. If she continues, tell her to move out. If she threatens suicide, call emergency services. But above all, STOP being her puppet. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 How can your wife say she loves you or even cares about you then try and prevent you from seeing your daughter? WTF Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) How can your wife say she loves you or even cares about you then try and prevent you from seeing your daughter? WTF Well she wasn't against us seeing my child, 4-5 days every second week. But my x ****ed it up by moving far away making mornings impossible (school/my job). And the x wanted a shorter ****ed up schedule. So we in unity(wife and i) tried to fight for a common working solution. X dragged out time and mentally exhausted us. Due to no normality she(wife) pulled the brake asking for this ****ty solution, things settled down, child doesn't want to see us at all. And I'm very unhappy/broken. (just to clear it up) My wife knows I'm unhappy and sad and she can guess why. But im going to let her know, im just worrying about many things now. Will my child see us?(if my wife is there) Will my wife finally understand my loss? Is there anything for the marriage to continue building on? Edited August 22, 2016 by dabella Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 So your saying your ex is making it difficult to see your daughter? F her, you have rights too. What in particular has influenced your daughter to not want to see you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 So your saying your ex is making it difficult to see your daughter? F her, you have rights too. What in particular has influenced your daughter to not want to see you? Yes she made it very difficult. I know I have. Well, I guess this: My child feels its more calm at mom's, activities that I can't offer(expensive) child is spoiled away by x, her new man and x's family(allways been like that). I/we got forgotten by the child, life full of activities, and so on. And in my eyes most of all, dad(me) got in a bad situation between two women and forced to choose by my x. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 If I were in your shoes I would seek some sort of visitation, I would also go and get a photographer and get a family portrait with u and daughter and wife, if she won't do it, do it without her. Get 2. 8 x 10 frame them and give one to your daughter. Remind her that you are her father. Call her on the phone, say hi how are you. But you have to create a stable environment for her to be in! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dabella Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) If I were in your shoes I would seek some sort of visitation, I would also go and get a photographer and get a family portrait with u and daughter and wife, if she won't do it, do it without her. Get 2. 8 x 10 frame them and give one to your daughter. Remind her that you are her father. Call her on the phone, say hi how are you. But you have to create a stable environment for her to be in! Could do that, not a bad idea. I already have visitation, but the chip expresses that it does not want to see us. But I wonder if a stable environment is without my wife due to what child has been through and our marriage been through. Edited August 22, 2016 by dabella Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts