One year NC

[Bialy]

Stay strong! You're an inspiration.

[2005tahoe]

I am 3 years NC from a 14 year relationship. not a call, text, letter from her. Heard she was getting remarried, I'm sure she will cheat on him too, good luck to her.

[BC1980]

But no, im not over it. And i still miss her very much, almost everyday.

 

And i think that will never change.

 

You might surprise yourself. If I've learned anything, it's how adaptable we are to change if we are open to it. Feelings fluctuate during your lifetime. Something that seemed so important at one time becomes a footnote in your life as a whole. I used to think I would never stop missing my ex or never stop being sad that we were strangers. It seems that way sometimes. But now it's like my time with him was another life, and I don't remember a lot about it. I don't feel anything when I think of him. I knew I had moved on when I didn't miss, and I didn't find that fact sad.

 

At one year NC, I was better but still struggling. I saw him from a distance after 1 year NC, and I cried about it. So I was still feeling a lot, but I was making strides. Stay open to change, and you will realize that you may surprise yourself the most. You may be shocked to find that in another year, you don't miss her or barely think about her.

[BC1980]

I wish her a good life, but i really don't want to follow her through it.

 

She is not the person I knew and loved anymore. Neither am I.

 

It's time to release the pause button in my life, and press play again ?

 

You're right. You don't want to follow her through her life. You want to create your own. The best thing you can do is to accept that change is the only constant in life.

[Lifeissomething]

Everyone in this thread and especially OP, thank you.

My relationship up 15 months pales in comparison to 14 years. My 1 year passed in July and I still have my good days and bad days.

 

Today was a bad day. The hardest things are the dreams. I still see her in them, in some capacity, on a regular basis.

 

It also didn't help that up until recently, we worked together in the same office...don't dip your pen in company ink!

 

I don't think I'm ready to see her 'with someone else' even though it would be the final nail in the coffin and would further push me to move on. I envy that you weren't bothered by that.

 

Anyways, reading this thread was inspirational. Thank you.

[Humantk]

My first great love of almost 5 years left me 6 weeks ago. I loved her with every molecule of my being. Nothing made me happier then making her feel special and doing romantic things for her. OP your story gives me strength.

 

Oct 4th would have been our 5 year anniversary. I know that day is gonna be a heartbreak when either she texts me or ignores me and I have to stick to NC. I blocked her on social media and FB. Her Birthday is June 14th. Its a long way away, but I know its going to be a day where I have to lock my phone in a safe. Dreading it already.

 

She gave me the "love you but not IN love with you" speech last monday when we met up for coffee (i had been doing NC for 3 weeks but needed answers. Didnt get any. Bad idea.) one of her reasons for justifying leaving me is that "a lot of people have long term relationships" it just seems like she is so different from the girl that couldnt wait to be married to me.

 

The first 5 weeks of our break I didnt purge social media. I saw snaps of her at bars, down in Atlantic City, even just going out to lakes and lunches with her friends. She seemed to be doing great. She told me she was much happier without me during that cup of coffee. I thought we had a strong, great relationship. It left me crushed. She never used to even want to hang out with her friends as weird as that seems. Like they had been a burden to her, she didnt want to seem mean but they invited her tobars and she wasnt into it. Now its a 180 and Im lost for words.

 

I have trouble with NC. I want her back so bad. But like you said OP. She gave up on us. Something I could never, ever have done. To quote my favorite band Thrice "Love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment." Its from their song The Weight. I look at the lyrics of the whole song and its something that really, really conects with me. Id recommend listening to it. I thought I found her, but the search continues to find someone who'll haul the weight. Good luck and stay strong everyone.

Edited September 24, 2016 by Humantk

[NoMoreShadows]

My ex and I had been apart for about 1 and ahalf years now, we were in a long distance relationship, both of us are separated by ocean. She was everything to me and I loved her very much with all my heart and soul, and I still do to this very day. The reason for our break up was because of a fight that got out of control, we were so angry we couldn't control our emotions and couldn't think straight, said things we did not mean which hurt each other, and broke up after that, I really did not want to break up, but at the time it was best, We just needed sometime apart no matter how long it will take.

 

Promises I have made I have still kept, even if there were consequences of losing her, I knew, even if she would forget me, doesn't love me anymore, or hates me, I could never bring myself to hate or forget her, I will stay strong and true to my words no matter what. Back then I promised "If anything was to happen no matter how bad it would be, I would still come looking for you".

 

Time has passed, I have not forgotten, I still remembered. I was ready to return to her and contact her in person to see how she was doing, but at the time I was too busy with many things, studying, moving houses. This was last x-mas, I really wanted to fly over to her, I couldn't.. I whispered "I'm sorry... please wait a little longer...".

 

Time passed once more, nearing the time I can fly to her. I still care... so I contacted her first. She had forgotten, she thought I hated her, thought I did not love her anymore, thought I had someone else. I told her "I have not forgotten, I still remember, and still kept my love for you from then til now". She did not expect I would come looking, she had forgotten everything. She said "it's too late now, everything is over, I'm happy with my life", I replied "I'm sorry I'm late..". Reminisce of emotions hit me, the joy of being able to talk to her again after so long and that she replied and didn't ignore me made me happy, I cried tears of joy, Even if she said she was over everything I replied back "If you are happy now, then that is enough for me" and told her "There's not a day that goes by where I do not think about you, some things were said back then I did not mean, I'm sorry, deep down in my heart I still love and miss you". She sent me a smiley face... and replied back to me asking "If we can, could we be friends?", I agreed happily. I asked "When I go on holidays to her this x-mas, would she still like to meet me?", she replied "up to you", I said yes. She also said yes.

 

END

 

- My Love Story.

Edited September 25, 2016 by NoMoreShadows

[Densel]

After 18 months, today i almost bumped into my ex. For the first time. Amazing. And our parents live 500m apart, and we go there almost every weekend.

 

It was in a shopping mall, i was entering a store, and she was 50m away from me. With a guy. Holding her hand. Looked way younger than her and me.

 

I think she didnt saw me. It was for the best. Had we crossed paths, i think i would have ignored her.

 

Yesterday, for the first time also, i was driving my car, and when i noticed, her brother was driving the car behind me. First time I saw him. In all these months. He was one of my best friends.

 

This didn't wreck me, but it still hurts.

We want to move on, we do everything in our power to let go and move along.

 

But we can't control everything. And these kind of things, even if I try to avoid them at all costs, still can happen.

 

Really, sometimes life really sucks!

 

Agree with what you said. I stopped eating our favourite food, stopped going to places we went before and yet keep bumping into my ex's friends. It even happened right outside my home.

 

It sucks. I feel like god is punishing me. They keep appearing like a ghost and i cant forget her.

[jonesey0]

Hey there.

 

Another little update. Feeling great after I blocked her on facebook, realized I should have done it a lot sooner.

 

All this time, everytime i logged on facebook I was terrified that something would pop up on my screen regarding her, and ruin my day. And it indeed happened a couple of times. Also the overanalyzing of everything she posted, in the first months it drove me crazy.

 

So, my advice to all of you going through a breakup: block, immediately.

 

It will do wonders to your healing.

 

The day after I blocked her, her father run into my parents (this happens every week, since they live 500m apart in a small town) and as usual they greeted and smalltalked (her parents are great folks, who i have in high regard and miss them a lot).

 

The thing is, in these 18 months, never have my parents or hers mentioned anything about the breakup or even about us.

 

This time, when they were about to leave, her father told my parents that I should come by to visit her grandfather (they talked about him), because he likes me alot and misses my company.

 

Wtf?!

 

Her grandfather is one of the most amazing persons i met in my life, and i liked him more than my own grandparents.

 

But, to go visit him? In their house? In HER house?

 

Isnt this just awkward, after all this time?

 

Honestly, can't understand this. Any input?

[jonesey0]

Well, a little update on this thread.

It's now almost 18 months of NC and I'm doing great.

My life really took a huge turn for the best in the past 5 months, and im in a really fulfilling and positive moment.

Also kinda started dating again, and that feels great (even though after 16 years, I'm kinda rusty! ?)

 

The reason I'm updating this thread is because, after 18 months, i met my ex for the first time.

I was on vacation in my parents hometown for NYE, and the next day I was told that her grandmother had past away.

It was sad to hear, her grandmother was a great women, who was always very kind and supportive of me and our relationship.

Since I was in my hometown, i knew that out of respect and consideration to the family and especially her father, I had to go and send my condolences.

 

The gathering was 150m away from my parents house, and I went there without any hesitation.

 

Her entire family was there, people who had been on my life for 14 years, who saw me grow up from a boy to a man, and who last saw me two years ago.

 

Even in such a difficult moment, I can say they all were happy to see me. And i was too.

Her father gave me a big hug and was really touched that there.

Then her mother entered, and went straight to me, gave me a huge hug, and we catched up a little. Really missed her, she is a great person who I really care for.

Then her brother, who was one of my closest friends and who I haven't contacted since the break up came by, and joined me and her mother. I could tell he was happy to see me and talk to me, and it wasn't awkward at all.

 

After a while, I noticed that some entered the room, hesitated for a while and the walked in. It seemed to me that it was my ex, but i wasn't sure.

After a while, someone comes from behind, and greets me with two kisses on the cheeks and leaves right away. It was her.

 

Since this is getting way too long, let me summarize what I learned from all of this:

 

1. i am now completely indifferent to my ex. She was like a stranger to me. If I passed by her on the street tomorrow and never knew her before, i wouldn't noticed her. And i must say, that although a little sad that someone who the most important thing in your life is now completely irrelevant, it's a great feeling to know that I've made it through all of this. And came out stronger and better than before.

 

2. It was great to be with her family. They were such a huge influence in my life and in me growing up, that it did sadden me to try to avoid them every time I went to my hometown. Hopefully this event, even if it was a sad one, will allow that we can have a more relaxed interaction with eachother when we cross paths. I know they wish me well, and they know i feel the same.

 

All in all, now i know I'm 100% over the breakup.

It took me almost 2 YEARS(!!!) but I believe these things have their own sense of time, and can't be rushed.

[divegrl]

Thank you for sharing this story. It's an amazing feeling when you get to the point of indifference. It's gives the rest of us hope.