A1 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I need to know if I am totally missing something...? My Dad past away in January and my wife invited my Mom to move in with us and our 9 year old girl and 16 year old boy. I was never against it, but I had long discussions with my wife about the negative sides. She seemed to be really sure. To make a long story short, my Mom has been with us for 2 months; sold her house and gave most of her belongings to charity. My wife is miserable! She wants my Mom out! Though my Mom has done nothing wrong....she actually makes things easier by cooking, shopping and running my daughter around. My wife has no problem with that, but can't stand having her in the house. Just her presence in the house is aggravating to my wife. They won't really talk because my Mom is intimidated by my wife and my wife refuses to put her best foot forward and try to have a relationship with my mother. It is really bad!!! My Mom is eighty but in good health. She has lost her husband of 56 years and her house of 50 years. Now my wife wants to send her packing without even trying to work it out. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Tell your wife that this is unacceptable; that she cannot be so rotten as to go back on her word having insisted that she wanted your mother there. Tell her to grow up and accept her responsiblities. Start looking for a new home with an 'in-law suite' or perhaps look into having one built. Since your mom gave up her possessions, it will be very expensive for her to try to re-establish herself in a brand new place. The other alternative might be to have her see a good financial analyst to invest the proceeds of her house sale and to live in a rental; sometimes that's actually better financially. But until you have a new living situation set up, your wife has to step up to the plate, acknowledge that this is a promise she made and that she can't just go back on her word. If she doesn't get it, haul her butt to a counsellor - or to the Dr. Phil show. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Women... do they ever stop competing? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Sounds really bad... Is it possible for your mom to buy a house and live on her own again? Not to satisfy your quirky wife, but for your mom's sake. I wonder if your wife hoped that she would benefit from your mom's money. Do you have any siblings? I'd think about the financial aspects of this problem if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Your wife is being unreasonable. Back before your Mom moved in (or was asked to do so), your wife refused to discuss the impact of your Mom moving in.....but lo and behold, here we are and now she wants to toss her out, like she's some old pair of shoes. The poor woman is 80, just lost her lifelong partner of 56 yrs - and a home filled with 50 yrs of memories (that can never be replaced).........is your wife even considering the grief she must be going through or is she only thinking about herself? I think the suggestion of seeing if you could build some kind of addition onto your house (where I live, they call them 'mother inlaw suites') for your Mom.....or find a new home that already has a self-contained suite within it, for her - she could use the money (or part of) from the proceeds of her previous home (assuming there was money) - that way you all have your "space" and she's not alone - which she likely feels very much of right now. I feel badly for your Mom - if she's getting the sense your wife doesn't want her there, that would make her feel so awkward and sad and not knowing which way to turn. Have you sat down with your wife face to face and privately - and asked her why she's had this sudden change of heart? Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Women... do they ever stop competing? was that comment really necessary? OP - did you and your wife set down the ground rules for your mom? Was your mom part of this conversatin and did you all agree on those rules? Its easy to step on others toes no matter how good the intentions. It can work, but it is going to take some time. Has your mom got any grief counseling for her loss? Have you? Perhaps instead of telling your wife you want marriage counseling, you could tell her that you and your mom are going for some grief counseling and don't forget the kids need that too. Then you could ask your wife to join you because she is part of the family. Honestly, if your wife won't or can't be specific in why she is having such problems, she is never going to be able to address them. Link to post Share on other sites
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