My wife wants my ex to "die alone" [update: Sleeping with ex fiancé]

[aileD]

My wife said she wanted to go to the guys apartment, invite my ex over and let her walk in to them screwing.

 

Wait, what?

 

In other words she would have went so far as to cheat on YOU to hurt your ex?

 

Dude. keep your kids far far away from this woman ASAP.

[elaine567]

You posted this sad story in August and got some very long and insightful replies from posters here, but what has actually changed?

What have you actually done to protect your ex and your children from this woman's pathological jealousy?

Apart from complain about it again.

[GorillaTheater]

My wife said she wanted to go to the guys apartment, invite my ex over and let her walk in to them screwing. How does anyone think that is OK.

 

 

Just to make sure I understand this right, was your wife telling you that she, your wife, would be screwing this guy when your ex walked in?

 

 

I fully support you taking the appropriate steps to getting this woman out of your life. I just want to make sure I'm seeing the full scope of her dysfunction.

[hoellein]

You posted this sad story in August and got some very long and insightful replies from posters here, but what has actually changed?

What have you actually done to protect your ex and your children from this woman's pathological jealousy?

Apart from complain about it again.

 

I did, and at the time it wasn't this bad. She wasn't directly hurting anyone like this. It was mostly words in our own home.

 

We went to counseling, she said she would work on it. We discussed having kids and as soon as I said we could she said she didn't want them. She said she would try and get along with my ex, or at least not bash her. Then she turns around and does this. No amount of counseling can fix this. She doesn't even see any of it as wrong.

 

Just to make sure I understand this right, was your wife telling you that she, your wife, would be screwing this guy when your ex walked in?

I fully support you taking the appropriate steps to getting this woman out of your life. I just want to make sure I'm seeing the full scope of her dysfunction.

 

You are correct. My WIFE thought it would be okay if she banged (or at least looked like she was doing it) my ex's date/boyfriend whatever he was. Then have my ex walk in and see it. Her reasoning, so my ex has another man chose her (my wife) instead. Apparently it's not cheating if it's done to hurt someone? I'd rather she cheat than do it to hurt someone.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, she went to the venue were I was supposed to marry my ex to watch her hurt and make sure I ended it. She's a nutcase and I enabled her for a long time. Kept brushing it under the rug. Who knows if this is even the worst of it.

 

At this point I'd much rather have stayed with my ex than be married to this woman. At least she was sane and a normal human.

 

I'm very thankful we don't have kids together, it makes it easier to get out of this mess. Unfortunately we work together so that will have to be resolved somehow. I can see her acting out worse to my ex and myself when I leave. I'm going to have to tell my ex which won't be fun. Right now she doesn't know half of it.

 

I just found out about this and I'm done at this point. My wife said she wanted to go to the guys apartment, invite my ex over and let her walk in to them screwing. How does anyone think that is OK.

 

She's screwing with me, my kids, my ex. What next? She kidnaps the kids or something? I can't believe I didn't see it sooner.

 

She sounds like a sociopath.

 

Read about them. Other people's pain is like drugs to them.

[anna121]

She sounds dangerous, and unhinged. If you leave, which you should seriously consider, be sure to get all your ducks in row re: finances, valuables, workplace security, and a place to stay where she can't track you. Your wife might very well turn violent towards your ex.

 

Personally, I think you owe it to your ex to tell her of your wife's behaviour right now. You are the reason she is exposed to this vile monster who derives pleasure from messing with her life and causing her pain. How can you possibly leave her vulnerable like that?

[Michelle ma Belle]

 

When I was engaged to my ex I had an affair with my (current) wife. I have never cheated on my wife. I left my ex-fiance for my wife, basically. Hopefully that makes sense. All I can think about is that I married a nutcase.

 

And all I can think about is how karma is a b*tch

[aileD]

And all I can think about is how karma is a b*tch

 

Yeah but that's open bad it's the poor ex fiancée that keeps getting hurt

[adna89]

That's so interesting that you said that. I had an uncle who said that about his wife. He was born in about 1920 so those were different times and he married the women he "bred" with (that's how he said it). He kept a mistress across the street in a second house for decades, well, until he died. Anyway, I just thought I'd point that out. I'd never heard anyone but him say anything like that. And that thinking definitely had a deep effect on everyone in the family. I'm willing to bet that is a a crucial part of your wife's discontent and jealousy.

 

Interesting sure different Times but you still had freedom to marry who you want,Did uncles Wife know about the affair?How Did She cope With it?

[hoellein]

She sounds like a sociopath.

 

Read about them. Other people's pain is like drugs to them.

 

After spending a few minutes on websites titled 10, 7, 8, 11 signs of a sociopath, all I could think was "check, check, check, check...". When she was telling me about what she had done, it was like a high for her.

 

She sounds dangerous, and unhinged. If you leave, which you should seriously consider, be sure to get all your ducks in row re: finances, valuables, workplace security, and a place to stay where she can't track you. Your wife might very well turn violent towards your ex.

 

Personally, I think you owe it to your ex to tell her of your wife's behaviour right now. You are the reason she is exposed to this vile monster who derives pleasure from messing with her life and causing her pain. How can you possibly leave her vulnerable like that?

 

I do need to tell my ex about what is going on. As far as I know, she doesn't know what my wife did. I don't want her to be hurting because of something my wife did and she needs a heads up that it may very well get worse.

 

My wife physically hurting my ex or my kids is terrifying. I need to start looking into divorce and make sure I do it right. My ex can probably get a restraining order at this point.

 

It's embarrassing to talk to my ex about. This is what I left her for. A lot of the pain she has felt is entirely my fault. Either for doing it directly or allowing it to happen. My wife has been screwing with her life for a long time.

 

I'm going to contact a lawyer tomorrow and go from there.

 

And all I can think about is how karma is a b*tch

 

Yes it is. This is what I traded a normal, good woman for. Yet it is my ex who is getting hurt the most here.

[whichwayisup]

Your current wife is very cruel and not a compassionate person. She's intentionally messing with your ex, doesn't care at all and she is enjoying the pain she's causing.

 

Looks like a possible 2nd divorce is on the way. Really ask yourself why you want a woman like this around your children, influencing them and trying to get them to hate their mom.

[hoellein]

I definitely do not want her around my kids anymore. She has never treated them like this, but lord knows what she could do. I would like to have this resolved before I have my kids again, even if that means leaving them with my ex longer.

 

I looked on my wife's computer and she had a file listing usernames and passwords for 16 online dating profiles. I checked her history and she is constantly on that website. I logged into the accounts and the only messages are to and from my ex (and a few randoms that she didnt respond to). My wife took the time to write out and make 16 (at least) very detailed profiles. Stole images. Made a lot of build up with my ex for dates. Went and watched some of the dates crumble when no one showed up.

 

The guy that she found to go on actual dates with my ex, lord knows where she found him. PsychopathsUnite.com. I don't know if she knew him or not. Who knows what she told him. It could have been an extremely dangerous situation for my ex. And my kids if they had ever gotten involved. I know my ex doesn't introduce the kids to new men, but still who knows how long it could have played out. My ex had sex with that a-hole (apparently) and sex for her is a big deal. I want to kill the guy.

 

Seeing my wife's satisfaction is terrifying. She is happy that my ex is hurting. Apparently my ex recently said she is giving up on dating, nothing could have made my wife happier. Well except finding ways to hurt her more.

[minimariah]

don't allow her ANYWHERE near the kids ever again + do not sleep in the same house (let alone room, bed) with this woman. get a restraining order and (not sure if this is an option in your state) file for involuntary treatment for the wife based on the reasonable doubt she might physically harm you or your family. it's an option in my country, of there is enough evidence + of the psyhc evaluatioj confirms it so... this woman is not far away from torturing and killing -- based on everything you wrote. tell your X everything, so she can be informed and protect herself - this is your chance to react!

[l8estnews]

This is one of those moments where I regret the community guidelines. I'll make a proper post later but please tell all this to your ex and go as far away as possible from your crazy wife.

[MissG]

In addition to the insanity I have to ask myself, "who's got time to create 16 (SIXTEEN!!!) detailed OLD profiles just to spite someone?" ---- and then showing up at the venue to watch???? That's just beyond crazy. Be very afraid, OP. That's movie material.

[hoellein]

My state allows involuntary assessment with a hold for 48 hours. If they decided she has a condition, they'd keep her for 15 days than in increments of 60 days. Involuntary holds can only be used if the person is a threat to themselves or others, and I'd definitely say she is. I know she is going to lie about it all, she's a very good liar and believes whatever comes out of her own mouth.

 

I'm going to ask to talk about it again and record what she says. It should be easy since she loves bragging.

 

I can't try and have her committed until I have everything for the divorce, it'll be a **** show.

 

She literally spent full days on this crap. She'd day she was sick and stay home from work, stay up all night. Taking more breaks at work to send messages. She has been on her phone a lot lately, almost 24/7. She wouldn't let me use it and moved away when I looked. I questioned it but didn't ever think it would be this.

 

I want to make some time to go and talk to my ex. She needs to know what is going on, and needs to know my wife was behind those profiles. I looked through the conversations and some kept trying to get her to send nudes (wtf) and others made it seem like "they" really had a connection. Right now my ex probably thinks she has been stood up by what 16+ men right now. She also needs to know that it might get a lot crazier.

 

Honestly. Now I'm paranoid about everything. I want to go talk to my ex but I know my wife will throw a fit. She'd probably follow me. Or get more crazy and hide a recorder in my jacket or something. At one point after had a tracking app on my phone so she could see where I went.

[GorillaTheater]

Honestly. Now I'm paranoid about everything. I want to go talk to my ex but I know my wife will throw a fit. She'd probably follow me. Or get more crazy and hide a recorder in my jacket or something. At one point after had a tracking app on my phone so she could see where I went.

 

 

If nobody has mentioned it yet, you need to be carrying a VAR (voice-activated recorder) whenever you are or even might be around her. That's pretty standard advice and even more vital in your situation, where if her vindictiveness gets turned on you (which it most assuredly will), you'll likely be seeing allegations of domestic abuse. There are 10 states where it is illegal to record a conversation without all parties being aware of it, but I know which charge I'd want to fight.

[BlueIris]

Interesting sure different Times but you still had freedom to marry who you want,Did uncles Wife know about the affair?How Did She cope With it?

 

Yes, different times with different dependencies and stigmas. But viewing someone as a "breeder" is about individual personality.

[S2B]

Yeah, she went to the venue were I was supposed to marry my ex to watch her hurt and make sure I ended it. She's a nutcase and I enabled her for a long time. Kept brushing it under the rug. Who knows if this is even the worst of it.

 

At this point I'd much rather have stayed with my ex than be married to this woman. At least she was sane and a normal human.

 

I'm very thankful we don't have kids together, it makes it easier to get out of this mess. Unfortunately we work together so that will have to be resolved somehow. I can see her acting out worse to my ex and myself when I leave. I'm going to have to tell my ex which won't be fun. Right now she doesn't know half of it.

 

I just found out about this and I'm done at this point. My wife said she wanted to go to the guys apartment, invite my ex over and let her walk in to them screwing. How does anyone think that is OK.

 

She's screwing with me, my kids, my ex. What next? She kidnaps the kids or something? I can't believe I didn't see it sooner.

 

Are you planning to divorce her?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yes it is. This is what I traded a normal, good woman for. Yet it is my ex who is getting hurt the most here.

 

So what are you doing about it???

[l8estnews]

okay, I just came home went straight to my PC to post this one. I am brimming with emotions right now.

 

Your story is one of those that really stuck with me. I just can't get the point why a really good woman has to suffer for falling in love with the wrong man (sorry, but I am referring to you Hoellein) but what I am really baffled at is the fact that you were able to let this thing going and just stood there without doing anything.

 

Wanting to let your ex know all about this and doing it are two very different things.

 

What your crazy wife did you your ex is beyond inhumane. It is PURE EVIL. Making someone hurt like that, making someone become hopeless in love, feel inferior, left alone on the day of her wedding by you.... she could've killed herself, you know that? Your wife is slowly killing the mother of your kids, while you are standing by and doing nothing

 

I hope somebody can sense the danger and evilness of this situation because I really feel sad that the only thing I can do is type this message in this forum. An innocent woman is suffering out there and the people who is supposed to be making her well-informed about her real situation is still idling by. This is not about your divorce, this is not about your relationship with her, the first thing that you should do is inform the ex right away. No one knows how deep the damage this situation has done to her and letting even one second go by without informing her about this is basically neglect.

 

Tell her as soon as possible.

[anna121]

Make sure you get print outs of those fake accounts.

 

Better yet, take the computer with you when you leave.

 

I wouldn't spend another night with her.

[BettyDraper]

Why are you surprised that your wife did something so monstrous to your ex?

She's the same woman who wanted to watch you leave your ex at the altar.

If that didn't show you how sick your wife was, then I don't know what other signs you needed that your current wife is mentally unstable.

 

When you divorce your wife, please stay away from dating for at least two years and seek counseling.

You need time to understand why you felt the need to leave your decent bride in a very hurtful way for a vicious and cruel woman.

[vla1120]

Are you still living with this wife of yours? Have you warned your ex about the psychotic behavior of your wife? You have an obligation to do the right thing for your children and their mother. Earlier posters talked about karma. You've made some mistakes. In hindsight, you are probably realizing just how cruel and manipulative your wife really is, and the adverse affect it has had on your life. You're lucky if it hasn't adversely affected you kids yet (you don't know what she says to them when she is alone with them) - and you better take action before it does. The longer you let this ride, the more you are leaving everyone open for serious damage. Do the right thing. Now.

[S2B]

Did you have your wife move out yet? Or have you had her committed for her harmful and inhumane behavior?

 

We don't need more details - I'd like to know what YOU are DOING to change this?

 

Be specific!