My wife wants my ex to "die alone" [update: Sleeping with ex fiancé]

[hoellein]

As selfish as it sounds, I haven't told my ex all of the details about my wife and divorce. She knows to stay away from her, that she could be dangerous and to call the police if she comes over. She knows what she needs to know. She is a relationship person. She is at her happiest when she has someone to touch and love and share her life with. Last night we were talking and she said "I just want someone to want me, but no one does. I don't know why I'm so terrible." I stupidly made a "nice girls finish last" comment.

 

She wants to be with someone and at this point she looking because she doesn't think there is a point. If she knew the truth, that the last 2 dozen men she talked to were fake, then maybe she would keep looking. I want her to wait, so we can have a chance. I don't want her to find someone who can appreciate her, then lose her for good. Leaving her for my wife was a mistake. Right now I have a chance to reverse that. We've slept together 4 times in the past week, that door it open.

[BluesPower]

Have you told her that you love her or not?

 

Look, you have to realize that you are really being selfish if you have not.

 

If you are divorcing your wife and going back to your ex, why even take a chance of her finding someone new?

 

Look, I have spent my life with a woman that did not love me. I am putting an end to that. I know what that is like.

 

One of my GF's is one of the women that have loved me. She makes me feel loved. I can tell you that when a woman really loves you, like your ex seems to, man you just got to grab it.

 

For the longest time, I thought that my love for my wife was enough until I figured out that, you know she does not really love me.

 

If you care for your ex, finish the divorce and let her know that you love her and love her properly. If she really loves you, I really fell like you could have a great love story.

[dreamingoftigers]

As selfish as it sounds, I haven't told my ex all of the details about my wife and divorce. She knows to stay away from her, that she could be dangerous and to call the police if she comes over. She knows what she needs to know. She is a relationship person. She is at her happiest when she has someone to touch and love and share her life with. Last night we were talking and she said "I just want someone to want me, but no one does. I don't know why I'm so terrible." I stupidly made a "nice girls finish last" comment.

 

She wants to be with someone and at this point she looking because she doesn't think there is a point. If she knew the truth, that the last 2 dozen men she talked to were fake, then maybe she would keep looking. I want her to wait, so we can have a chance. I don't want her to find someone who can appreciate her, then lose her for good. Leaving her for my wife was a mistake. Right now I have a chance to reverse that. We've slept together 4 times in the past week, that door it open.

 

That doesn't sound at all like love.

 

You are encouraging her to habour those "unwanted" feelings which were artificially created by your wife (whom you are still married to btw) to work the situation to your own advatange.

 

That sounds only like manipulation.

 

I think you should tell your ex, finish your divorce and not oit yourself into a new relationship so fast as it would be confusing to your children.

[elaine567]

We've slept together 4 times in the past week, that door it open.

 

Of course the door is open, she is desperate for attention and she mistakenly thinks that you care for her.

 

There was no chemistry. I was never excited to go home to her (I wasn't not excited either). I never had those "I want to rip your clothes off and F you right now" feelings. She's pretty but isn't the sexy type and has no idea how to be. There was no, crazy hot sex with her.

 

You are now just using her for sex to fill the void your wife left.

YOU are no better than your bad and "mad" wife, though I guess when you leave your ex again for someone you ARE excited about, you will do a lot more damage than some fake OLD profiles ever did.

Please leave her alone to find a man who truly has her best interests at heart.

[anika99]

You and your wife are both so sick. You destroyed your ex by leaving her for your whacko wife, then your crazy wife further destroyed her with her stupid psycho games and now you are going back to your ex to use her some more and leave her destroyed again. You don't care about her. You were very clear in your your early posts that your ex is not the woman for you and you don't love her. What did that poor woman do to deserve this treatment?

 

You actually want to continue to let her believe that all those fake men used and rejected her so you can manipulate her into being with you. You want her to continue to feel horrible and worthless so that she remains available to you. It's true that you and your wife are two peas in a pod, you are no better. Personally I think you should just stay with your wife, you were truly made for each other.

[hoellein]

I love her. I'm not in love with her, but I could get there. I could learn to really love her. She's a really good person, I'd be lucky to have her. I could learn to be happy with her and not need excitement or chemistry. She's trying so I should try. I have an amazing woman who wants me and loves me, I shouldn't let that go.

 

I know it's unfair that she doesn't know. Ok, I know that. Right now she thinks that she is totally worthless to every man on the planet. She's clinging to me because I am giving her attention. She thinks I'm the only person who might want her. It feels like she thinks I'm her last chance.

 

In her mind, she had a dozen men no-show on her and proceed to tell her that she was stupid to think she had a chance or that they showed up and quickly left when they saw her. She had a dozen more just chat with her and bring her self esteem even lower. It made her feel like she wasn't good enough for anyone. She thinks she isn't even good enough to settle for.

 

To be honest the man who went out with her, had sex with her then dumped her probably did the most damage. I know they went out 4-5 times and he acted like the perfect guy. He convinced her to have sex and afterwards he vanished and told her she was terrible in bed, no wonder no one wanted her, she was the worst he'd had, she was loose, had no sex appeal and promiscuous for sleeping with him. I say convinced because she is very uptight about sex. She had always been against hook ups and only had sex with a very small number of men (under 5). These last few times that we've had sex she has tried to hide her body by keeping the lights off, keeping her clothes on until the last second, stopping me from doing some things, wanting blankets, etc. Then a lot of asking if it's okay/good. Uncertainty written all over her face. She's cried during sex a couple times. It's been obvious that she's trying to be better. She's awkward as hell about it but she tries to do different things. She's not a sexy person, she doesn't know how to be.

 

Seeing her hurting, hurts me. Thinking about how she feels literally makes me hurt. I don't want her to hurt, I also don't want to lose her again. In time I will tell her the truth, but right now I can't. I need her to wait a little while longer to see if we have a chance. I'm not using her for sex, I could get better sex elsewhere. She isn't the kind of person you use for sex. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just how it is. I don't want to lose her without giving it another chance. Maybe there is a reason why she is still single. If we could work it out and be happy, that is far better for our kids. Right now they have no idea.

 

If we give it time I could learn to love and appreciate her. She has always been good to me and always would. Yeah, she isn't exciting or sexy and she's too nice and predictable. But she would be a good wife and she is an amazing mother to our kids. I saw her internet history and it led me to believe that she wants another baby, which I've let the ship sail on that idea but who knows with her maybe we could work it out.

Edited December 24, 2016 by hoellein

[BluesPower]

Look buddy...

 

This is where you are being a douche bag.

 

Dude, if you are such a great lover why don't you know how to teach her how to make love. I mean good grief.

 

Look, I am not any kind of stud at all, but it is so easy to teach an inexperienced woman how to make love. It just takes a little time.

 

It is actually so easy to help a woman feel confident about herself. I can hardly count the time I have done that for one of my GF's.

 

This is where I will bang you for being a jerk. If she has hang ups help her with them. Take the time to show her about her body. Almost any one is capable of being a good lover with a little teaching.

 

You are doing her a really disservice by not helping her understand what sex is all about.

 

Come on man!!!

[BettyDraper]

I love her. I'm not in love with her, but I could get there. I could learn to really love her. She's a really good person, I'd be lucky to have her. I could learn to be happy with her and not need excitement or chemistry. She's trying so I should try. I have an amazing woman who wants me and loves me, I shouldn't let that go.

 

I know it's unfair that she doesn't know. Ok, I know that. Right now she thinks that she is totally worthless to every man on the planet. She's clinging to me because I am giving her attention. She thinks I'm the only person who might want her. It feels like she thinks I'm her last chance.

 

In her mind, she had a dozen men no-show on her and proceed to tell her that she was stupid to think she had a chance or that they showed up and quickly left when they saw her. She had a dozen more just chat with her and bring her self esteem even lower. It made her feel like she wasn't good enough for anyone. She thinks she isn't even good enough to settle for.

 

To be honest the man who went out with her, had sex with her then dumped her probably did the most damage. I know they went out 4-5 times and he acted like the perfect guy. He convinced her to have sex and afterwards he vanished and told her she was terrible in bed, no wonder no one wanted her, she was the worst he'd had, she was loose, had no sex appeal and promiscuous for sleeping with him. I say convinced because she is very uptight about sex. She had always been against hook ups and only had sex with a very small number of men (under 5). These last few times that we've had sex she has tried to hide her body by keeping the lights off, keeping her clothes on until the last second, stopping me from doing some things, wanting blankets, etc. Then a lot of asking if it's okay/good. Uncertainty written all over her face. She's cried during sex a couple times. It's been obvious that she's trying to be better. She's awkward as hell about it but she tries to do different things. She's not a sexy person, she doesn't know how to be.

 

Seeing her hurting, hurts me. Thinking about how she feels literally makes me hurt. I don't want her to hurt, I also don't want to lose her again. In time I will tell her the truth, but right now I can't. I need her to wait a little while longer to see if we have a chance. I'm not using her for sex, I could get better sex elsewhere. She isn't the kind of person you use for sex. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just how it is. I don't want to lose her without giving it another chance. Maybe there is a reason why she is still single. If we could work it out and be happy, that is far better for our kids. Right now they have no idea.

 

If we give it time I could learn to love and appreciate her. She has always been good to me and always would. Yeah, she isn't exciting or sexy and she's too nice and predictable. But she would be a good wife and she is an amazing mother to our kids. I saw her internet history and it led me to believe that she wants another baby, which I've let the ship sail on that idea but who knows with her maybe we could work it out.

 

 

You have put your ex through more than enough and you need to stop preying on her vulnerabilities. We know that as soon as you become bored with your ex, you're just going to start stepping out on her again because you don't love or respect her. Your ex is just your safety net and she makes you feel important.

 

How would you feel if someone was this cruel to one of your children?

 

I implore you to consider how you would process the guilt if the mother of your children developed severe mental illness because of the games you played with her emotions.

[BettyDraper]

Look buddy...

 

This is where you are being a douche bag.

 

Dude, if you are such a great lover why don't you know how to teach her how to make love. I mean good grief.

 

Look, I am not any kind of stud at all, but it is so easy to teach an inexperienced woman how to make love. It just takes a little time.

 

It is actually so easy to help a woman feel confident about herself. I can hardly count the time I have done that for one of my GF's.

 

This is where I will bang you for being a jerk. If she has hang ups help her with them. Take the time to show her about her body. Almost any one is capable of being a good lover with a little teaching.

 

You are doing her a really disservice by not helping her understand what sex is all about.

 

Come on man!!!

 

I agree with you. There were many sexual acts that I never tried or I was disgusted by before I met my husband. I was also fearful of certain things because of my history of sexual abuse. My husband's love for me and ability to help me relax has made me blossom into a passionate woman.

 

The problem is that teaching a woman how to be a good lover requires tenderness, patience and respect.

I doubt the OP experiences those emotions for his ex.

[BluesPower]

You know any experienced man that cares for a woman can teach her about making love and help her to be passionate and help her learn.

 

I frankly enjoy teaching when I have to.

 

But you are right, our OP is probably a really selfish lover and can't be bothered to take the time to help her feel comfortable and help her learn about sex.

 

Why are people that way?

[S2B]

As selfish as it sounds, I haven't told my ex all of the details about my wife and divorce. She knows to stay away from her, that she could be dangerous and to call the police if she comes over. She knows what she needs to know. She is a relationship person. She is at her happiest when she has someone to touch and love and share her life with. Last night we were talking and she said "I just want someone to want me, but no one does. I don't know why I'm so terrible." I stupidly made a "nice girls finish last" comment.

 

She wants to be with someone and at this point she looking because she doesn't think there is a point. If she knew the truth, that the last 2 dozen men she talked to were fake, then maybe she would keep looking. I want her to wait, so we can have a chance. I don't want her to find someone who can appreciate her, then lose her for good. Leaving her for my wife was a mistake. Right now I have a chance to reverse that. We've slept together 4 times in the past week, that door it open.

 

Just leave her alone!

 

Being cruel after what she's been through makes you just as bad as your wife!

 

Now you're using her and I think you have serious issues to address.

 

Ask a professional to help you.

 

 

Don't be surprised when your ex shows up pregnant.

[bluefeather]

I love her. I'm not in love with her, but I could get there. I could learn to really love her. She's a really good person, I'd be lucky to have her. I could learn to be happy with her and not need excitement or chemistry. She's trying so I should try. I have an amazing woman who wants me and loves me, I shouldn't let that go.

 

I know it's unfair that she doesn't know. Ok, I know that. Right now she thinks that she is totally worthless to every man on the planet. She's clinging to me because I am giving her attention. She thinks I'm the only person who might want her. It feels like she thinks I'm her last chance.

 

In her mind, she had a dozen men no-show on her and proceed to tell her that she was stupid to think she had a chance or that they showed up and quickly left when they saw her. She had a dozen more just chat with her and bring her self esteem even lower. It made her feel like she wasn't good enough for anyone. She thinks she isn't even good enough to settle for.

 

To be honest the man who went out with her, had sex with her then dumped her probably did the most damage. I know they went out 4-5 times and he acted like the perfect guy. He convinced her to have sex and afterwards he vanished and told her she was terrible in bed, no wonder no one wanted her, she was the worst he'd had, she was loose, had no sex appeal and promiscuous for sleeping with him. I say convinced because she is very uptight about sex. She had always been against hook ups and only had sex with a very small number of men (under 5). These last few times that we've had sex she has tried to hide her body by keeping the lights off, keeping her clothes on until the last second, stopping me from doing some things, wanting blankets, etc. Then a lot of asking if it's okay/good. Uncertainty written all over her face. She's cried during sex a couple times. It's been obvious that she's trying to be better. She's awkward as hell about it but she tries to do different things. She's not a sexy person, she doesn't know how to be.

 

Seeing her hurting, hurts me. Thinking about how she feels literally makes me hurt. I don't want her to hurt, I also don't want to lose her again. In time I will tell her the truth, but right now I can't. I need her to wait a little while longer to see if we have a chance. I'm not using her for sex, I could get better sex elsewhere. She isn't the kind of person you use for sex. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just how it is. I don't want to lose her without giving it another chance. Maybe there is a reason why she is still single. If we could work it out and be happy, that is far better for our kids. Right now they have no idea.

 

If we give it time I could learn to love and appreciate her. She has always been good to me and always would. Yeah, she isn't exciting or sexy and she's too nice and predictable. But she would be a good wife and she is an amazing mother to our kids. I saw her internet history and it led me to believe that she wants another baby, which I've let the ship sail on that idea but who knows with her maybe we could work it out.

 

hoellein... your words sound disturbing

 

 

Every day you are dishonest with her, you are hurting her.