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drgnflybethany

Here's the thing:

 

I'm at a 95% certainty level of interest on his part... (closest I get would be 99%)... we always seem to skate the edge of anything too personal. He keeps the conversation focused on me.. and that's good, but there are times when I seriously can't talk to him, as he looks into my eyes, and as we're talking... I'm just sooooo *cringes* dorky.

 

I'm the Communications Director for a local group... I'm majoring in marketing.. PR is my thing - I can talk to a number of people on a wide variety of topics...

 

Whenever he opens his mouth, shines those baby blues my way, I just turn into this megadork... And he constantly looks into my eyes... constantly gives total focus when we're talking, like I'm the only girl in the room... never looks away... never tries to..

 

So many people in my life will tell you how intelligent I am.. around him, it's like I suddenly took a stupidity pill.. things I KNOW, things I have KNOWN for a long time, fly out of my head... I ask dorky girlie questions about technology, when I was the Technology Manager in the State Headquarters in the Ohio Democratic Party during the last election....

 

I so act like one of those girls I was always afraid to be - always afraid I couldn't ever be in a million years... This is totally NOT planned - it's not an act... I can't talk around him..

 

I have a million questions for him - and think of a million ways the conversation could go... better... right after he leaves... HELP!!!

 

So - if you've got any advice for me... that would be appreciated... ;)

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This is sooo cute. You are not "dorky" because you are so uncomfortable around him. You just have a major crush on him. I'm sure he senses this and he either thinks it's cute or he feels the same as you. I bet you have a hard time looking him in the eye.

How old are you? Have you done much dating? Your uncomfortableness should diminish as you try to spend more time around him and make yourself talk. I think he likes you also. Love and lust are wonderful things. It can cause such biological emotions on us that we sometimes feel we are sick. These feelings will pass as you talk to him more and your shyness eases. :bunny:

 

 

To cute..... :)

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BrotherAaron

You're acting like a little girl and making him feel like a man. We like that. ;)

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Marshbear

I bet you have a hard time looking him in the eye.

How old are you? Have you done much dating?

 

Yes - a VERY hard time... his gaze is very intimidating...

 

The next answer will shock you - I'm 28 (for a few more weeks anyway...) - but, have been out of the dating/crush world for about six years... It's so strange how easily you forget some of the things that should be the most obvious...

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I so act like one of those girls I was always afraid to be - always afraid I couldn't ever be in a million years... This is totally NOT planned - it's not an act... I can't talk around him..

 

Then don't talk. The next time your alone with him and he is talking to you just make yourself stare into his eyes and give him that " God, I want him to kiss me look". There will be time for conversation later. Don't be afraid of your feelings. Just let him know...

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Marshbear

Then don't talk. The next time your alone with him and he is talking to you just make yourself stare into his eyes and give him that " God, I want him to kiss me look". There will be time for conversation later. Don't be afraid of your feelings. Just let him know...

 

Out of curiosity, and for the other men here, a couple of weeks ago, he asked me what I was doing for the weekend?

 

Immediately, I thought he was just making small talk, so I told him, truthfully - my plans... which were very boring...

 

Opinion only: (and I won't hold you to it in a court of law) Was he asking me out?

 

I only felt that was the case, when he immediately followed up with the fact that he was willing to help me out on the web page that I was working on...

 

Long ass story - Republican helping out a Democrat on a local Democratic Website... sounds soooo fishy... as in, if he didn't care about me, he wouldn't be willing to put forth this effort...

 

Made a major mistake, though,.... tonight I emailed him asking him if he would "rescue me" from boredom and/or the Democratic Party by having some fun for about an hour or two...

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Made a major mistake, though,.... tonight I emailed him asking him if he would "rescue me" from boredom and/or the Democratic Party by having some fun for about an hour or two...

 

Why do you think this is a mistake? You want him to know you like him. I'm sure by asking you what your weekend plans were he was trying to tell you that they could include him if you weren't to busy. You both need to relax and just accept that you like each other and see where it leads. There is no shame in caring about a person. It is flattering. Don't let your shyness keep you from your feelings for him. Ask him if he wants to do something with you. Just let things happen.

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drgnflybethany

Wow - I should post more often when I'm drunk... I'm much more succinct and provide all the correct information...

 

Why was it a mistake? Good question. I only have the following answer:

 

Things like this NEVER work out for me... I know each person is different... BUT... I have been hurt so much lately that my courage is really wavering... and feel that I'm just setting myself up for another rejection, which is something that I felt like I couldn't possibly tackle again this year...

 

I've never been lucky in love...

 

Also... he is entirely too good looking to ever possibly be interested in me...

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Bethany, don't feed yourself with self-defeating thoughts.

 

Good looking men / women don't necessarily feel high above the less good looking men / women, in terms of starting a relationship. It is but one quality, and nothing more.

 

The decision is yours to make. But if you do the rejecting for him, you don't give yourself a chance.

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I've never been lucky in love...

 

Also... he is entirely too good looking to ever possibly be interested in me...

 

You can't shut the door because your scared. If you don't find out his feelings you will always wonder what might have happened if you took a chance. I consider myself attractive but I don't just look for women that are hot. I like many things about a women, personality, smarts, communication, attire and if I enjoy being around her she becomes very attractive to me. I have never seen you but by your posts I can tell you are an intelligent women who has many things going for her and I/like your guy would find that very attractive and sexy.

 

Take the chance and let us know what happens. He just might say yes....

 

I'm at a 95% certainty level of interest on his part... (closest I get would be 99%)...

 

Do you remember this statement? If you don't feel he is interested why did you say it? You have to be bold to get what you want in life. Be bold Bethany....

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Things like this NEVER work out for me

 

That something happened in the past is no guarantee that it will happen in the future. This is the way to think yourself into failure.

 

he is entirely too good looking to ever possibly be interested in me...

 

It's entirely possible he's not shallow. He's a Democrat, isn't he? :p

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by d'Arthez

As I understood it moimeme, he was Republican.

 

Yes - he's a Republican who worked in the Bush White House...

 

I'm the Democrat... ;)

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drgnflybethany
Be bold Bethany....

 

There are more than a few people in my life that would tell you I'm normally the boldest person in the room... (FYI, I share my birthday w/ Madonna (not the year, but the day)..

 

The decision to leave the hubby - and ultimately seeing that situation as one big long rejection plays into everything. Add to that, crush #1 after the break up turned into one big long scenario of a nightmare.

 

Haven't heard back from him today - am hoping that he took the day away from his computer, as he has been really busy lately.. It is a long weekend, and if my parents didn't live at their Lake House on the weekends, chances are, I'd have spent the day with them. I'm also hoping that he would prefer to speak to me in person, rather than return an email response, as this is what he did once before... He just doesn't seem to be that into email...

 

I'm egocentric, something I am trying to rectify.. (but it's part of the whole Leo thing - if you're into Astrology) in other words, when he isn't around the coffee shop we met at, I immediately think I've said or done something to make him disappear.

 

I would really like to believe that he has some interest there but in my past, I've always put a positive spin on the reactions I've gotten (it's a big part of why I crashed and burned with crush #1). Add to the fact that the boy is totally hot - blue eyes and dark brown hair - a combination I have always loved... and that he's sweet, intelligent, knows about politics... even if he is a Bushie... good with finances - he makes the list I put together when I was getting over the ex-hubby and crush #1... although, I had to modify number 2 on the list from Democrat to Moderate Republican/Democrat...

 

He's always been the one to initiate the greetings and the talking - save one time - and that was after I think he thought I rejected him... Whenever he sees me, he greets me with a wave... his face brightens (although, I'm trying very hard to convince myself that that's all in my imagination...) Right in the beginning - (this began in April - and has been progressing really slowly, as well - which is good) - but there was one day when I looked awful... We met at this coffee shop I frequent - and I had to get the weekly newsletter out for the Young Democrat club I belong to. I looked HORRIBLE - not my imagination, a good friend at work asked me if I was feeling okay, because I looked sick.. (was in fact, catching a cold...) - I saw his car in the parking lot, begged the Gods to be kind and put him in the atrium. No such luck - he was sitting almost front and center.. had to walk by him to get to the counter to order. He waved at me... and spoke with me as he was leaving...

 

After he finished two of the three forms for the website, I gave him some green apples - with a thank you card... when I gave them to him, he seemed genuinely touched.... (again, trying very hard to convince myself that's in my imagination) and asked for a hug...

 

Felt sort of selfish giving him the hug... had been wanting to be that close to him for some time...

 

I just so wish I wasn't in this place... if this one doesn't work out, I'm taking myself off the market for a while...

 

(I'm also hormonal right now... I hate being a woman sometimes...)

 

As positive a spin as I try to put on it - the whole 95% - I'm still this frightened child... and I used to not be this way..

 

Love/lust/crushes definitely get worse as you get older - less inclined to take risks - realize more and more the pain...

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I would really like to believe that he has some interest there but in my past, I've always put a positive spin on the reactions I've gotten (it's a big part of why I crashed and burned with crush #1). Add to the fact that the boy is totally hot - blue eyes and dark brown hair - a combination I have always loved... and that he's sweet, intelligent, knows about politics... even if he is a Bushie... good with finances - he makes the list I put together when I was getting over the ex-hubby and crush #1... although, I had to modify number 2 on the list from Democrat to Moderate Republican/Democrat...

 

I understand the fear of rejection. Some people are good at making you think they have interest ( other than friends ) and you look for signs that they feel as you. I have been fooled also by women who showed all the signs of interest but when I asked for a date they declined. The heart is a fragile thing and we get hurt so easily by people we care for. I am 32 years old so I know, even better than you, the problems of putting yourself out there and sometimes getting nothing back. This business of love is hard but the payoff is huge if both parties are on the same page.

 

I just think you will not be happy just being his friend. You have this crush and it must be seen to conclusion. You need to ask yourself if you can be happy with things as they are? You can withdraw and save your heart.

 

You know, there are some tests you can do to see if he has a romantic interest or just friendship. When I want to test whither a gal has interest and I am not sure I will talk about a gal that I find interesting to her and gauge her reaction. If she acts jealous and upset about this other gal then I am almost 100% sure of her interest. You could try the same with you guy. If you see a man in the coffee shop make a comment about how you think he is cute and see how he reacts.

It might seem a little dishonest but to save feelings sometimes it is necessary.

 

I am not trying to force you to do anything but I remember your posts on this guy from before and you really seem to like him. I don't think I answered your other posts so I wanted to answer this one. Just decide what is best for you and go with it. Only you know your situation and your emotional condition.

 

I wish you the best.... :bunny::bunny:

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Marshbear

 

I just think you will not be happy just being his friend.

 

You know, there are some tests you can do to see if he has a romantic interest or just friendship. When I want to test whither a gal has interest and I am not sure I will talk about a gal that I find interesting to her and gauge her reaction. If she acts jealous and upset about this other gal then I am almost 100% sure of her interest. You could try the same with you guy. If you see a man in the coffee shop make a comment about how you think he is cute and see how he reacts.

It might seem a little dishonest but to save feelings sometimes it is necessary.

 

 

Actually - the email I sent him said, if he wasn't up for anything, just to pretend that I never sent it..

 

I would not say this a lot in my life... would never have said it about crush #1 - that friendship would be enough.. but with Jack, friendship would be enough.. partly b/c I think that's a level we're at now - and it's totally cool. I'm mostly just trying to figure out if he has an interest in me... Because men confuse the crap out of me and if he did have an interest, at this point... it would be a wonderful reward to the crap recently.

 

I'm not the type to comment on other men with men I'm talking with - partly because I'm usually giving that person my focus and I don't see other men - or I just think it would be rude, but I'm not above using that test, in a different way. Truth be told, the President of our Club keeps wanting to meet with me. The President is an extremely good looking guy.. Prez Rick works at the school directly across the street from the coffee shop and comes here quite often on his own - but mostly in the mornings..

 

I keep trying to schedule this meeting for a time when I know Jack will be around - just to guage his reaction.. b/c I know if he is interested, it will drive him crazy to see Rick and I sitting together talking.. and not know who this guy is..

 

However, the meeting keeps getting postponed.. for one reason or another...

 

I wanted to tell you - be careful using that test.. I would not necessarily show my jealousy... then again, I flunk the turn around test, too..

 

The turn around test - if you like a girl/guy - and they're leaving the room after talking to you, if they turn around while they're walking away, it's a pretty huge indicator that she/he is interested.. I NEVER do this...

 

There was one time when he was talking to another girl - who sat down next to him - and he seemed aggravated by her presence after five minutes... I will never admit it to him, but I was incredibly curious as to what was going on with them before he started getting aggravated.. I didn't let my eyes stray far when she was around... but, I never would have shown an outward sign of jealousy - partly b/c I would feel that it was wrong to act that way..

 

As I feel I have already given him the impression that I rejected him once, commenting on another guy at the coffee shop would totally be a bad thing.. but again, I'm not above using Rick as a guinea pig (if he will ever get the point that he needs to help a girl out...) - partly b/c the minute Rick leaves, I want to turn to Jack, give him my total attention - and wait for him to ask the question...

 

Girls are such screwy creatures - we have the plan in our heads - but the players/actors never get the directions...

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RecordProducer

It's a dangerous test you're doing, Marshbear. In such a situation I would perfectly pretend that I am not jealous (I would smile, make comments that she is cute, etc.) and at the same time I would see it as a signal that you don't care about me so I would withdraw my hopes.

I think a good test is to tell her a very sweet complimet. If she seems moved - she probably cares; if she seems uncomfortable then she doesn't like it.

The best means is to observe the way somebody looks at you.

I usually have a problem with every guy wanting to be with me while I don't.

 

In any case, Marshbear, if you look like your avatar then I can't imagine how someone wouldn't be interested in you. ;)

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Marshbear

Why do you think this is a mistake? You want him to know you like him. I'm sure by asking you what your weekend plans were he was trying to tell you that they could include him if you weren't to busy. You both need to relax and just accept that you like each other and see where it leads. There is no shame in caring about a person. It is flattering. Don't let your shyness keep you from your feelings for him. Ask him if he wants to do something with you. Just let things happen.

 

Well... for those of you that are curious to know - he replied this a.m. - with an apology, saying he was out all weekend... and that he's gotten a new client that requires his attention in their offices... so his time at our coffee house has to diminish as a result...

 

Good news about the client - bummer about the other...

 

Was shocked, honestly to hear from him... and to get basically an "I'm not ignoring you..." answer... was so perfect...

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also, can you please elaborate what you mean by "I think he might have thought I rejected him." because that can be very important.

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by blue16

What's the plan now bethany?

 

Sent him a congratulatory email on the new client - I know how hard he works, how generous he is - so, it's really a good thing to see someone you care about get something they really want - or have something they are working towards come closer to fruition.

 

Past that, I'm really hoping to run into him at our spot this weekend... wish I knew if he was hoping so, too...

 

Too cute - couple just stood up near me - and he's short - probably 5'5" - she's tall - like 6'. You don't often see that combination in life - and it's kind of nice when it appears.

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by blue16

also, can you please elaborate what you mean by "I think he might have thought I rejected him." because that can be very important.

 

It seems silly to say this out loud...

 

Let me first start off by saying I was absolutely shocked the first time he spoke to me... let alone the second...

 

The first time has been rather well documented on this site - I sat down next to him - he saw my laptop - has sticker that I made saying, "Stitches for Kerry/Edwards.." he asked what that meant.. explained Lilo... Stitch - from the Disney movie.. he didn't know what I was talking about - (he's younger than me - how on earth could he not know what I was talking about.... *geeez*) he left with a friend shortly thereafter..

 

Most men don't talk to me... it's either a fear of the breasts.. j/k - or the vibe I give off - which I've been working on - but generally, I've been told in the past that I give off either a snobby vibe or a very shy, goody- goody vibe..

 

I actually like the goody-goody vibe, as it keeps a lot of jerks at bay...

 

But, I was honestly shocked when he asked me about it..

 

We met April 8th - and the reason I can remember it was b/c the next time we spoke was April 11th - and I remember that b/c I had to leave, rather quickly and upbruptly to go to an Officer's meeting for the Young Dems.

 

I also have a wicked memory - sad but true. I can't even drink to forget... not that I've tried...

 

Okay - so on Monday, April 11th, he felt the need - desire, whatever - to come up to me and say, "I've been meaning to tell you - I worked for Bush... "

 

And... being a Democrat that went all the way to Ohio (from Texas) to work on the Kerry campaign... that's not the sort of thing you want to hear. And I think he sensed my - confusion... so - rejection number 1 - I told hiim - that's not that unusual - around here... I thought he meant he worked for Bush - as in worked on the campaign.. Being from Texas - that truly isn't remarkable... He clarified it later - by working in the White House - then, as he saw how uncomfortable that made me - he changed it from White House to Congressional Committee...

 

Approximately a month went by - and I really didn't see him - I also sort of checked out another coffee shop... and then, I came in on a Tuesday - I remember clearly, b/c I HAD to get our newsletter out - I was a day behind... and I felt really bad.. My boss even told me earlier in the day that I looked really sick... I drove to the coffee shop, pulled up - and saw his car. I prayed - prayed that he would be in the atrium - which is away from the cash register, away from the doors - and I prayed I could get my coffee - and hide, b/c I did look like I was sick.. No such luck - he waved at me - and that was the day I found out his name...

 

A couple of days later - is when I found out the whole story about the whole White House experience...

 

So - we're going along - I have an interest - even though, I'm struggling with the fact that this is a serious Republican.. There's a scene from the West Wing - in which Ainsley Hayes is offered a position by Leo McGarry - and she says, "It has to be this White House?" - I know, irony of a Republican saying that about a Democratic White House versus a Democrat saying that about a Republican White House... I hear that all the time in my head.

 

I'm a serious Democrat - I went to school w/ a very prominent Congress member's neice.. We had a class together during the 1992 election - and we had to be pulled apart a number of times by our teacher... (Obviously she's a Republican.) So, I have been having a hard time trying to work out in my head whether this could work out if he had an interest in me.

 

I thought - he's kind to me, but there just couldn't be anything on his part...

 

And I know I've taken a long time to get to the point of this whole rejection thing.

 

I walked in one Friday afternoon - I get off work early on Fridays... and he was sitting there - and we talked for a moment... and then he asked me, "So, what are you doing this weekend?"

 

Now, I'm not going to absolutely say that this was a guy asking me out... at the very moment it was asked, I was sort of stunned, thought, why does he want to know? And on top of that, I thought it was just conversation... so I answered it like a conversation... this was the weekend before Memorial Day weekend - and I had a friend coming in from Australia for that weekend - so, my plan for that weekend - and I feel so foolish in repeating this - but I told him, that i had a friend coming in - and I had to clean, paint a wall - and work on the website.

 

His answer was - I usually clean five minutes before someone arrives.. and - somehow it got worked into the conversation that my friend was a girl - not a guy... and, I think he seemed a little relieved.. b/c he didn't want to assume either way... (He said something else... if I sit here and think about it, I can remember the entire conversation..., but otherwise this will have to do.., but that's how I knew he didn't want to assume either way...)

 

So, things didn't click into my head... until he said, well, if you want help with the website, don't hesitate to ask... To which I replied, I couldn't ask him to do that - it wasn't his responsibility - and that, I felt was asking too much...

 

In my head, I put two and two together... and realized - the possibility had existed that if I had recognized it correctly - and answered, "I'm doing nothing this weekend.. why?" Things may have turned out a bit differently...

 

So - then - to make things worse - I saw him on Sunday - he again offered help on the website - and I again turned it down... And, he asked me if I had had a chance to paint the wall, which I hadn't... and I told him no.. I was shocked he actually remembered about that...

 

But, in retrospect, it then looked like I lied to him about needing to paint the wall..

 

The wall had a symbolism, you see - and I had discussed this with a dear friend prior to anything having to do with this guy. About six months prior to my divorce, I finally picked out the colors I wanted to paint the inside of my house... When I moved out, I knew what colors I wanted to use - b/c I had already spent years deciding on them... and so I began to paint the leaving room during the separation - but before the divorce...

 

The last bit of wall, symbolized to me in my head - that I was now living away from my house - it made my divorce final. So, it was a hard wall to paint - and one that I avoided for a long time - months... Until I was finished with that wall, I couldn't move forward...

 

That Sunday, I went home and painted it...

 

But, he disappeared for a week and a half - and the next time I saw him... he didn't wave at me - didn't show me any recognition... and that hurt.. because all along, he would wave at me - and tell me hi - and his face would light up when I walked by.. so I said hi to him... and got my drink - and then had to take a phone call b/c I was meeting my Dad to go see Star Wars... he was actually on his way to the coffee shop - my Dad has actually met the crush... and he opened up after I spoke to him - but he wasn't going to speak first this one time, so I truly feel that he thought I rejected him... when, if on Friday - I had had a clue - or if he had said, well, if you want to take a break from cleaning - etc... maybe we could do something? I would have jumped at the chance.

 

I don't play games - when I answer, it's an honest answer.

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I think he is TOTALLY attracted to your intelligence and your personality.

 

Why dont you start back at point #1 and invite him out for a burger /beer/ect. ?

 

Girls need to be BOLD too. We can ask them out and we should . I think they like it. So why not give it a try ?

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Mary3

Why dont you start back at point #1 and invite him out for a burger /beer/ect. ?

 

Girls need to be BOLD too. We can ask them out and we should . I think they like it.

 

So why not give it a try ?

 

Oh goodness... is there time to list all the reasons?

 

Okay - really get the feeling this boy is old school - and considering that's what really melts my butter... I don't mind waiting for the question...

 

It's actually refreshing, b/c most times in my life, I would have made the definite move and have made it in the past. I also feel like he's rejected me as well, so - I'm just waiting, I guess...

 

And how I feel he rejected me:

 

After everything happened above - I finally got back into his good graces by asking him to do some work for the Young Dem website. Actually, I asked him for some help, and he offered to create the forms I needed help with - that's how he got my email address. (In any other relationship, he would have had that a long time ago...) And, he said he would email me what i needed to ask my web site company... (Shameful admmission: I asked him for help once before - but I wanted to do things my way - and he went on and on about how I should do it - and I didn't listen to him for two reasons - first off, I kept looking in his eyes and just sort of getting lost in thought - and second, he wasn't answering my question - just telling me how I should do something... he was right, but still...)

 

Anyhow, so I didn't expect to hear from him..

 

I gave him my email address on Sunday afternoon.

 

By Monday, mid-morning, he had replied. And we traded emails that day.

 

I had my forms by Tuesday afternoon.

 

We traded emails back and forth for the next couple of days, while I tried to find some time to get everything uploaded and to have time to fix necessary glitches. Some girls get flowers - I get electronic forms for a website I'm responsible for..

 

Rejection #1 - his part: I offered to take him to lunch or buy him large quantities of coffee at our coffee house as a Thank You - and he replied back with: "Let's make sure everything works first..." (Yes, this was after the nightmare of the whole "So, what are you doing this weekend?") And no, once the forms were working, I did not ask him again. I did give him a basket of green apples.. (apparently his favourites) - and he asked for a hug in return..

 

Rejection #2:

 

This past weekend (Saturday), I emailed him to ask him if he wasn't busy, he could rescue me from boredom and/or the Democratic Party for about one to two hours... on Sunday...

 

Got no response to that one - until Tuesday, when he did reply - apologizing first for his delay in geting back with me, and then telling me that he had been out all weekend (was a Holiday weekend) - and how he has a new client, who requires him to be at their location, so he can't spend time in our coffee house - well, not as much as before. And that he hopes all is well.

 

He didn't respond to my request to do something, though.

 

So - I'm pretty sure he got the message that I'm interested...

 

Part of me feels that, since he's a numbers guy - he's not so good w/ the written word... I don't believe he was avoiding me.. still don't.. I'm scared as all get out to phone him... even though he did give me his phone number... and we haven't seen each other for nearing two weeks. This happened around the time of Memorial Day weekend, as well - so.. it's a holiday thing...

 

Part of me also feels that he doesn't want me to feel like he's rejected me, as that may make things go badly - so he didn't bring it up... And he may think that I wasn't truly asking him out - or something - I dunno..

 

And then, part of me feels like I'm making excuses.... This is the part I fear the most, as I did that recently with crush #1...

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