My boyfriend flirted with two girls in front of me.

[Sweetescape910]

My boyfriend and I were at a party and he was clearly very drunk. When I went inside the bathroom, I overheard him outside the bathroom talking to this girl asking her where her boyfriend is. The girl said he couldn't make it to the party and as I was coming out my boyfriends like "oh your gorgeous though" I was so suprised. He went into the bathroom and I was left with the girl and she said to me "that was weird" as if she didn't know him. I was really hurt about it but decided to confront him later. I confronted him at the party because I couldn't hold it in and he was just downplaying the situation acting like he wasn't flirting. I went to hang out with my cousin and when I sat down I see him at the pool with a random girl and guy and he fed the girl a peice of fruit. I quickly gathered my stuff and went up to him and said what are you doing? He's like oh I'm teaching this girl a lesson (the girl he fed fruit to) and I said what are you talking about and he said it's a game called zest or zesh( I honestly don't know) so I pulled him aside alone and confronted him two minutes later and he said he has no idea what I'm talking about and never fed a girl. I slapped him in the face which I have never done and I apologized to him last night. I felt horrible for doing that but later that night when we talked over the phone.. (I went home) )he said he doesn't remember feeding a girl anything and he kept saying "what are you talking about" "I don't know what you're saying" and I kept repeating myself saying YOU FED A GIRL FRUIT IN THE POOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. And he kept saying he doesn't know what I'm talking about. As for the girl outside the bathroom he said the girl looked lonely and he was trying to make her "feel better". I called him a peice of **** and said he's disgusting, all words I have never said to him and it really hurts me how I let myself just get to the point of being abusive and it's not like me but I couldn't hold it in. I feel so hurt by his actions. He later apologized after an hour of denying it but said if I did that then I'm sorry. He was REALLY wasted. So at 9:45 pm I hung up the phone and said I want you to think about what you did and how you made me feel and how you'd feel if I did that. Give me space. So we hung up and he hasn't called me back since. I thought he'd run after me at this point. It's 8:45 in the morning and I can't sleep and I'm really upset I don't know how he can't even call me once or wake up and try to call me. He's an amazing boyfriend treats me so well and I'm so shocked by his behavior. I don't know how to cope or react or trust him after this. Can somebody please help me sort this out?

Edited August 14, 2016 by Sweetescape910

[laka23]

My boyfriend and I were at a party and he was clearly very drunk. When I went inside the bathroom, I overheard him outside the bathroom talking to this girl asking her where her boyfriend is. The girl said he couldn't make it to the party and as I was coming out my boyfriends like "oh your gorgeous though" I was so suprised. He went into the bathroom and I was left with the girl and she said to me "that was weird" as if she didn't know him. I was really hurt about it but decided to confront him later. I confronted him at the party because I couldn't hold it in and he was just downplaying the situation acting like he wasn't flirting. I went to hang out with my cousin and when I sat down I see him at the pool with a random girl and guy and he fed the girl a peice of fruit. I quickly gathered my stuff and went up to him and said what are you doing? He's like oh I'm teaching this girl a lesson (the girl he fed fruit to) and I said what are you talking about and he said it's a game called zest or zesh( I honestly don't know) so I pulled him aside alone and confronted him two minutes later and he said he has no idea what I'm talking about and never fed a girl. I slapped him in the face which I have never done and I apologized to him last night. I felt horrible for doing that but later that night when we talked over the phone.. (I went home) )he said he doesn't remember feeding a girl anything and he kept saying "what are you talking about" "I don't know what you're saying" and I kept repeating myself saying YOU FED A GIRL FRUIT IN THE POOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. And he kept saying he doesn't know what I'm talking about. As for the girl outside the bathroom he said the girl looked lonely and he was trying to make her "feel better". I called him a peice of **** and said he's disgusting, all words I have never said to him and it really hurts me how I let myself just get to the point of being abusive and it's not like me but I couldn't hold it in. I feel so hurt by his actions. He later apologized after an hour of denying it but said if I did that then I'm sorry. He was REALLY wasted. So at 9:45 pm I hung up the phone and said I want you to think about what you did and how you made me feel and how you'd feel if I did that. Give me space. So we hung up and he hasn't called me back since. I thought he'd run after me at this point. It's 8:45 in the morning and I can't sleep and I'm really upset I don't know how he can't even call me once or wake up and try to call me. He's an amazing boyfriend treats me so well and I'm so shocked by his behavior. I don't know how to cope or react or trust him after this. Can somebody please help me sort this out?

 

 

 

 

 

Is this the first time he has done something like this? does he get drunk very often?

[Sweetescape910]

Is this the first time he has done something like this? does he get drunk very often?

 

 

 

Yes first time. When we first started dating he went to a wedding in Miami and was talking to a girl in a bar and asked her if she wanted a drink. He told me about it later when he got back to NEW York where I live but that was the only time. I'm really hurt

[Sweetescape910]

Also he was reaaaally drunk. We only get drunk together he rarely gets drunk without me

[doyathinkso]

I'm sorry but he has officially failed the boyfriend test.

 

Try and find a decent guy next time.

[Sweetescape910]

I'm sorry but he has officially failed the boyfriend test.

 

Try and find a decent guy next time.

 

This is why I hate asking for advice online sometimes because people come to conclusions about a relationship they don't even know of. I just said he's an amazing boyfriend and he treats me well. So please, try and think a little before jumping to conclusions next time.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This is why I hate asking for advice online sometimes because people come to conclusions about a relationship they don't even know of. I just said he's an amazing boyfriend and he treats me well. So please, try and think a little before jumping to conclusions next time.

 

Sweetescape910,

 

You are on an online relationship forum full of total strangers asking how you should feel about an incident that YOU clearly are uncomfortable with. YOU admit that you now have questions regarding trust. YOU provide us with ONLY the information presented on the post and then want us to help YOU decide what to think. What did you expect?!

 

Our conclusions are primarily based on the information you provide. You say he is great, but provided NO details on why. You, did, of course, provide us with the "dirty", so we can only comment based on that information.

 

Here are my thoughts based on what you provided:

 

1. This is general observation...too many people sugar-coat relationships, etc. ignoring negative behaviors that have also been apparent. I have long learned to ignore when people say that they gf/bf or husband/wife are great, but come onto a forum full of strangers to share something that is obviously bothering them regarding that person....

 

2. He may have been drunk, but I seriously question whether he "forgot" the incidences you mentioned to him. After the flirting, he goes out and feeds cake to another girl. Hmmm.....he forgets about the cake, but remembers precisely why he flirted and complimented the girl by the bathroom??? He didn't deny the bathroom incident.

 

3. I have to say that his drinking is an issue. I am not suggesting that he is an alcoholic, but you say that he only (usually) gets drunk when the two of you are together. Well, you don't see a problem with this? Does he find a reason to get wasted at every party you two frequent? Believe me, he's doing w/o you too and some day, it will lead to something worse than flirting.

 

4. Yes, your response was rough and violent. Yes, you were angry, but this was his first (and second) offense and you do try to emphasize that he was wasted.

 

If I were YOU, I would say "good bye." He hasn't called back, but it has barely been 12-hrs since you excoriated, slapped, and cussed him out! I suspect he's thinking about you, how I don't know, but likely measuring how he's going to respond to this. BTW, you are the one who asked for SPACE. How do you think he is supposed to guage that? Perhaps waiting for YOU to call him?

 

Good luck.

[smackie9]

He may not be what most think of as an alcoholic, but he does has behavior issues from drinking...he is a problem drinker. He has no boundaries when he drinks and that is concerning. The only way to fix this is that he stops getting intoxicated, and only limits himself to maybe two drinks. If he doesn't accept he needs to cut back, then he has no respect for you or your relationship.

 

Heed my words: Myself growing up in a family of problem drinkers.....issues with drinking, over time it only gets worse not better.

 

I agree with the other poster, eventually this will elevate to infidelity.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you told him to give you space. Of course he's not going to call. Don't tell someone to give you space if what you really want is for them to come running after you. That's game-playing. If you want to talk to him, you need to put on your Big Girl Pants and communicate that.

 

Having said that, your boyfriend has poor boundaries. He was hitting on other women right in front of you. That is not good and I would be very wary about what he does when you're not around and his inhibitions are lowered because he's had a few drinks. Take this as a warning sign.

 

Your response to it - slapping - also indicates that you have some work to do too. Would it be okay for him to slap you when he's angry? While you had every right to be upset with him, you need to think hard about why you gave yourself permission to strike him.

 

From where I stand, there is maturing that needs to be done on both sides of this relationship.

[stillafool]

This is why I hate asking for advice online sometimes because people come to conclusions about a relationship they don't even know of. I just said he's an amazing boyfriend and he treats me well. So please, try and think a little before jumping to conclusions next time.

 

Um, no one here knows your situation but you and your bf. TBH, if I were him I would never call you again after you slapped my face. How would you feel if he slapped your face? You can always get off line and work this out yourself ya know.

[ChickiePops]

Everyone flirts. Honestly I'm more worried about the fact that you apparently get physically violent when you drink.

 

Both of you should just slow down with the drinking and not get wasted anymore.

[Trinity_84]

My boyfriend and I were at a party and he was clearly very drunk. When I went inside the bathroom, I overheard him outside the bathroom talking to this girl asking her where her boyfriend is. The girl said he couldn't make it to the party and as I was coming out my boyfriends like "oh your gorgeous though" I was so suprised. He went into the bathroom and I was left with the girl and she said to me "that was weird" as if she didn't know him. I was really hurt about it but decided to confront him later. I confronted him at the party because I couldn't hold it in and he was just downplaying the situation acting like he wasn't flirting. I went to hang out with my cousin and when I sat down I see him at the pool with a random girl and guy and he fed the girl a peice of fruit. I quickly gathered my stuff and went up to him and said what are you doing? He's like oh I'm teaching this girl a lesson (the girl he fed fruit to) and I said what are you talking about and he said it's a game called zest or zesh( I honestly don't know) so I pulled him aside alone and confronted him two minutes later and he said he has no idea what I'm talking about and never fed a girl. I slapped him in the face which I have never done and I apologized to him last night. I felt horrible for doing that but later that night when we talked over the phone.. (I went home) )he said he doesn't remember feeding a girl anything and he kept saying "what are you talking about" "I don't know what you're saying" and I kept repeating myself saying YOU FED A GIRL FRUIT IN THE POOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. And he kept saying he doesn't know what I'm talking about. As for the girl outside the bathroom he said the girl looked lonely and he was trying to make her "feel better". I called him a peice of **** and said he's disgusting, all words I have never said to him and it really hurts me how I let myself just get to the point of being abusive and it's not like me but I couldn't hold it in. I feel so hurt by his actions. He later apologized after an hour of denying it but said if I did that then I'm sorry. He was REALLY wasted. So at 9:45 pm I hung up the phone and said I want you to think about what you did and how you made me feel and how you'd feel if I did that. Give me space. So we hung up and he hasn't called me back since. I thought he'd run after me at this point. It's 8:45 in the morning and I can't sleep and I'm really upset I don't know how he can't even call me once or wake up and try to call me. He's an amazing boyfriend treats me so well and I'm so shocked by his behavior. I don't know how to cope or react or trust him after this. Can somebody please help me sort this out?

 

How old are you two? I'm guessing on the young scale, late teens, early 20's?

 

I hope so. Otherwise I don't see how you haven't set boundaries for this kind of behavior and also it would explain his immaturity regarding open flirting while drunk. It would also explain why you'd expect a man to chase you after a fight after clearly stating you need space. Slapping, name calling....This is all stuff that most inexperienced people do. Games some young people play.

 

What kind of relationship do you want? Cause you don't have a mature relationship from what I read...

 

Just as a piece of advice, be more assertive. Tell him you are not going to put up with him openly flirting with other women in public. And mean it. If he does it again, break up with him. Because if it bothers you that much, it should be a deal breaker after the first warning.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Trinity_84

[Darren Steez]

This is why I hate asking for advice online sometimes because people come to conclusions about a relationship they don't even know of. I just said he's an amazing boyfriend and he treats me well. So please, try and think a little before jumping to conclusions next time.

 

What? You asked for advice, so why don't you fill in the gaps about how the relationship really is because based on what YOU wrote and the way he's treated you after..from what YOU'VE said I'd say dump him.

 

No one is jumping to conclusions, only going off what you've written. So why not tell us how he truly is?

[madjac74]

Also he was reaaaally drunk. We only get drunk together he rarely gets drunk without me

 

You are already condoning his behavior. He will cheat on you and you will probably just say " but he was reaallly really drunk!"

[mrs rubble]

I think you're completely over reacting.

You're lucky he didn't slap you back!!

[smackie9]

The slap in the face is over reacting but being upset at his behavior is not. If my husband was doing any of that, he would be sleeping in the dog house.

[Mr. Bond]

Do you want him in your life?

 

If my girl was your friend, she'll tell you stop tripping.

 

 

She had the same complain when we started dating way back 2013.

 

But she jst got to put up to my ways.

 

Its no competition though. I believe your man loves you but cant help being a sexy man.

 

Call him. Get back to the way you used to be.

 

Try to get use to that part of him.

 

Flirting is something a man can't do without.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Do you want him in your life?

 

If my girl was your friend, she'll tell you stop tripping.

 

 

She had the same complain when we started dating way back 2013.

 

But she jst got to put up to my ways.

 

Its no competition though. I believe your man loves you but cant help being a sexy man.

 

Call him. Get back to the way you used to be.

 

Try to get use to that part of him.

 

Flirting is something a man can't do without.

 

I totally disagree! Ugh, what poor advice...

[Sweetescape910]

Thank you guys. As for the people who say I didn't elaborate on how amazing this guy is- I was in a rush to find advice. I was really distraught. He's an AMAZING boyfriend. He has so much patience, treats me well, is always very kind and a gentleman despite this one incident. I'm not condoning his behavior, he was very drunk so that's a factor that did play into it. He's not an *******. I've dated far too many dicks to know who's real and whos not. He's always there for me. We are working on things. He understands how upset I am. I wouldn't go as far as breaking up with him. I think that he got too drunk and openly showed way too much affection towards women. I know he loves me and I love him I just am trying to see a way to get past it.

[Sweetescape910]

I totally disagree! Ugh, what poor advice...

 

Same. Sounds like the girlfriends too insecure if she is ok with him flirting. Yes it is human nature to flirt and you can slip by accident but to think its ok is another thing. It's not ok. U r clearly not loyal

[Sweetescape910]

Do you want him in your life?

 

If my girl was your friend, she'll tell you stop tripping.

 

 

She had the same complain when we started dating way back 2013.

 

But she jst got to put up to my ways.

 

Its no competition though. I believe your man loves you but cant help being a sexy man.

 

Call him. Get back to the way you used to be.

 

Try to get use to that part of him.

 

Flirting is something a man can't do without.

 

It's not a "part" of him. My boyfriend is not like that AT ALL. This is the only time this happened.

[smackie9]

That you know of..............

[Trinity_84]

He has so much patience, treats me well, is always very kind and a gentleman

 

These are just basic decent human traits. It doesn't excuse his awful behavior.

 

 

Or yours.

[LaurenP15]

Thank you guys. As for the people who say I didn't elaborate on how amazing this guy is- I was in a rush to find advice. I was really distraught. He's an AMAZING boyfriend. He has so much patience, treats me well, is always very kind and a gentleman despite this one incident. I'm not condoning his behavior, he was very drunk so that's a factor that did play into it. He's not an *******. I've dated far too many dicks to know who's real and whos not. He's always there for me. We are working on things. He understands how upset I am. I wouldn't go as far as breaking up with him. I think that he got too drunk and openly showed way too much affection towards women. I know he loves me and I love him I just am trying to see a way to get past it.

 

I'm actually more concerned about him getting too drunk in public. That's never a good idea. If he was a gentleman, he would keep himself sober enough to look out for you and fend off those who are too drunk. Next time if he controls his drinking, you shouldn't have this "flirting" problem.