"I don't do relationships"

[LookAtThisPOst]

Though this category falls in "relationships", but the topic more about deliberately avoiding them. So I am guessing it goes here? Not sure.

 

Anyway, there's this woman...mid-40s. No kids, never married. I know her in real life and talked with her. Just casually. She's cute, but have no interest in her because she's a booze-head. Every FB photo you see of her is her living a Happy Hour lifestyle.

 

It's actually become a joke among our friends, and she can joke about it too, because you see her having a photo taken with a different guy at a bar(s) she frequents.

 

One time she went traveling by herself, road trip...and in every state she stopped, she had a guy friend she'd be sitting on his lap or selfies taken with each one.

 

I recall once someone commented, "You got a NEW guy this time?" and she said, "Nah, he's just a friend"" and I said "Flavor of the month?" and she joked back, "More like flavor of the night...I don't do relationships."

 

I didn't respond , "Oh so you do the FWB?" but...nah didn't want to post that to her page.

 

But this got me thinking usually I rarely meet women that admit this, but I went to look this up as this may be some kind of issue called "Dismissive Avoidant" attachment issues.

 

A female commitment-phobe? Of course, men are doing it all the time, so I'm thinking any man like that comes across her hit jack pot.

 

Thoughts on these types?

[Larryville]

On dating sites you see more women who have the subject line no commitment. Bottom line is women don't really need men. With all relationships there is a cost and benefit. In the good old days after a woman decides to be with a guy she did so because he provided certain benefits money safety security that's no longer the case. A good number of women already have active lives and usually a good circle of friends, many make good money so what would she need from a dude? Sex maybe?

With online dating even the marginal women get some play. The attention seekers like your friend gets her needs met in other ways.

Also being in a full fledged relationship is something that you learn it's about compromises and if you are talking about a woman in her 40' having never been married or in any long-term relationship you don't just change that mentality.

[Redhead14]

Though this category falls in "relationships", but the topic more about deliberately avoiding them. So I am guessing it goes here? Not sure.

 

Anyway, there's this woman...mid-40s. No kids, never married. I know her in real life and talked with her. Just casually. She's cute, but have no interest in her because she's a booze-head. Every FB photo you see of her is her living a Happy Hour lifestyle.

 

It's actually become a joke among our friends, and she can joke about it too, because you see her having a photo taken with a different guy at a bar(s) she frequents.

 

One time she went traveling by herself, road trip...and in every state she stopped, she had a guy friend she'd be sitting on his lap or selfies taken with each one.

 

I recall once someone commented, "You got a NEW guy this time?" and she said, "Nah, he's just a friend"" and I said "Flavor of the month?" and she joked back, "More like flavor of the night...."

 

I didn't respond , "Oh so you do the FWB?" but...nah didn't want to post that to her page.

 

But this got me thinking usually I rarely meet women that admit this, but I went to look this up as this may be some kind of issue called "Dismissive Avoidant" attachment issues.

 

A female commitment-phobe? Of course, men are doing it all the time, so I'm thinking any man like that comes across her hit jack pot.

 

Thoughts on these types?

 

I don't do relationships -- That's likely because no one wants one with her . . . I doubt it's a choice She doesn't do relationships, but she'll "do" anything that walks . . .

[l8estnews]

Dismissive Avoidant <-- I have recently encountered this term in one of my therapy sessions. My therapist believe I am categorized here, but I don't agree since I can be close to my friends, and family. Not just to a relationship partner.

 

It really depends, though. On my case, I just don't believe majority of people can be trusted (relationship-wise) so I avoid it. I mean, why let yourself be deluded with promises of love, partnership and companion when eventually one will go astray/find someone better? I have learned 1st hand how the detachment/moving on process can be very difficult. It took me two dark years to forget the last person I have loved deeply and seriously. I suffered self-esteem issues, depression, abandoned, betrayed, inferior, "not enough" during those times basically everything that makes me feel like I am worthless.

 

I vowed to myself never to let anyone do that to me. So, I forced myself to learn to appreciate my own companionship. And I genuinely do so now. Singlehood has a power many people find difficult to appreciate. Waking up in the morning, enjoying a day with single friends, binge-watching Netflix at night with hot cocoa or a good book, then sleep whenever you want.

 

No drama.

No betrayal.

[Redhead14]

It's the hat she wears to justify in her mind the fact that she is a loose woman . . . I'm sorry to say that because I do feel that a woman can sleep with whomever she wants, but if she does it indiscriminately and boldly, that changes the face of things.

[xxoo]

She said the guy is just a friend.

 

Radical interpretation, but maybe he's just a friend?

[Bialy]

I believe it's all perception --- NOT about being loose. They want others to perceive them as friendly, flirty, and "living life" --- particularly if they're posting these things on social media. Both men and women do this.

 

I worked with a woman like this - any time there was a handsome man around, she'd pull out her phone and take a selfie, and up it went on FB. And her status would be something like, "Hanging with this guy..."

[LookAtThisPOst]

I believe it's all perception --- NOT about being loose. They want others to perceive them as friendly, flirty, and "living life" --- particularly if they're posting these things on social media. Both men and women do this.

 

I worked with a woman like this - any time there was a handsome man around, she'd pull out her phone and take a selfie, and up it went on FB. And her status would be something like, "Hanging with this guy..."

 

Would she sit on his lap, too?

 

It's the hat she wears to justify in her mind the fact that she is a loose woman

 

Yep, I even saw pics of a guy with her in a public pool party, hand on her arse with one hand, and the other hand on her boob. Yes, she even posted it to FB.

[elaine567]

IME, women like this are all show, the women who are really sleeping with every man in sight are saying nothing about it.

[Bialy]

Probably not -- I don't think I remember seeing a photo of her on someone's lap. She just takes selfies with folks.

 

This is just an idea --- why don't you unfriend her? It sounds like she posts a lot of innane, attention-seeking photos. It's easier to unfriend than analyzing her reasoning and behaviors.

[xxoo]

Would she sit on his lap, too?

 

 

 

Yep, I even saw pics of a guy with her in a public pool party, hand on her arse with one hand, and the other hand on her boob. Yes, she even posted it to FB.

 

Sounds like me and my gay friends

[Taramere]

Thoughts on these types?

 

They don't do relationships.

[Imajerk17]

Though this category falls in "relationships", but the topic more about deliberately avoiding them. So I am guessing it goes here? Not sure.

 

Anyway, there's this woman...mid-40s. No kids, never married. I know her in real life and talked with her. Just casually. She's cute, but have no interest in her because she's a booze-head. Every FB photo you see of her is her living a Happy Hour lifestyle.

 

It's actually become a joke among our friends, and she can joke about it too, because you see her having a photo taken with a different guy at a bar(s) she frequents.

 

One time she went traveling by herself, road trip...and in every state she stopped, she had a guy friend she'd be sitting on his lap or selfies taken with each one.

 

I recall once someone commented, "You got a NEW guy this time?" and she said, "Nah, he's just a friend"" and I said "Flavor of the month?" and she joked back, "More like flavor of the night...I don't do relationships."

 

I didn't respond , "Oh so you do the FWB?" but...nah didn't want to post that to her page.

 

But this got me thinking usually I rarely meet women that admit this, but I went to look this up as this may be some kind of issue called "Dismissive Avoidant" attachment issues.

 

A female commitment-phobe? Of course, men are doing it all the time, so I'm thinking any man like that comes across her hit jack pot.

 

Thoughts on these types?

 

But, you still care enough to post a thread about her here and keep track of her on Facebook

 

I agree w Taramere. I'm not sure why you need to say it is an "issue" on her part though, or even why you're "concerned" for her in the first place....it sounds like she is enjoying her life as is, she doesn't owe it to anyone to be looking for a nice guy to settle down.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Imajerk17