My fiancé or my son.....who is right?

[Gemma1]

You're doing a lot of things wrong, but #1 is staying with this batsh*t crazy woman. Some men will just put up with anything, I'm learning. And then 20 years later they look back on their lives and wonder why it sucks so badly.

 

Save yourself man!

[JewelD]

Yes, you are a doormat. And you moved two hours away from your child for someone like that. I don't feel bad for you, I feel bad for your son about to have the stepmother from Hell because you apparently can't tell her "no" and mean it. It's like you're a glutton for punishment. You've got all these awful stories about her but you're still considering marrying her.

[tellme4truth]

tonight - i want to know. Did I do something wrong that would justify her actions tonight?

 

Because I told her that my law firm had details about laws in parking lots -- she blew up and said my legal client was a POS and the lowest of the low.

 

I don't understand???

[JewelD]

tonight - i want to know. Did I do something wrong that would justify her actions tonight?

 

Because I told her that my law firm had details about laws in parking lots -- she blew up and said my legal client was a POS and the lowest of the low.

 

I don't understand???

really, dude? Everyone on here is telling you she's nuts, you know she's nuts, why do you need validation that you're not doing anything wrong? And you are! You're with a woman who doesn't care about your child and is sucking you dry financially. It might be good for you to marry her since you seem to get a real kick out of her antics.

[anika99]

tonight - i want to know. Did I do something wrong that would justify her actions tonight?

 

Because I told her that my law firm had details about laws in parking lots -- she blew up and said my legal client was a POS and the lowest of the low.

 

I don't understand???

 

You don't understand that your fiancé is a self centred mental case? What exactly is it that you love about her?

 

I'll tell you this much. Your fiancé has no respect for you. She sees you as weak and spineless and if you marry her it will only get worse. Your son deserves as much of your time as he can get. Are you truly going to choose this controlling narcissistic woman over him?

[tellme4truth]

That's exactly how I have felt -- that maybe she is a narcissist or something. my whole life is her --

 

Tonight, she told me that she contacted a man that she knew 10 years ago -- that might be able to help her new business. she dated him --- I said WHAT?

 

She said that I am clearly trying to prevent her success and stonewall her. I said no, I just don't think a guy you used to date is someone you need as a BUSINESS PARTNER. She said again -- I have trouble realizing that this person could make her very rich and that if she had interest in him -- she would be with him now.

 

I let it go -- but I was less than happy. Then she told me I should consider going to this guy for free services.

 

I said NO thanks! I said I just didn't want this guy being in her office consistently every day -- and being her business partner if he wanted to be with her! She said I was acting insane and trying to prevent her success...

 

UMM she is not an astronaut. She can find others to do business partnerships with....aside from previous flings.

 

Would you be ok w this?

[standtall]

Dude, nut up and show her the door. I wouldn't take 5 more minutes of her BS.

[JewelD]

Now you're just trolling.

[aileD]

That's exactly how I have felt -- that maybe she is a narcissist or something. my whole life is her --

 

Tonight, she told me that she contacted a man that she knew 10 years ago -- that might be able to help her new business. she dated him --- I said WHAT?

 

She said that I am clearly trying to prevent her success and stonewall her. I said no, I just don't think a guy you used to date is someone you need as a BUSINESS PARTNER. She said again -- I have trouble realizing that this person could make her very rich and that if she had interest in him -- she would be with him now.

 

I let it go -- but I was less than happy. Then she told me I should consider going to this guy for free services.

 

I said NO thanks! I said I just didn't want this guy being in her office consistently every day -- and being her business partner if he wanted to be with her! She said I was acting insane and trying to prevent her success...

 

UMM she is not an astronaut. She can find others to do business partnerships with....aside from previous flings.

 

Would you be ok w this?

 

Dude. Everything she said here is textbook narcissist. She blamed you, she turned everything around on YOU. To take the focus off the obvious problem of her contacting an ex and bringing him back into your lives.

 

You aren't crazy, sweetie. She isn't the right woman for you. I won't say much more about her character because I already got flagged for calling my husbands mistress a sl...ut.

 

But....if you want to know honestly, what you did wrong tonight?

 

You were not firm with the ticket thing. Men do this sometimes and do women. They only partially say what they want/don't want without really coming out and saying it...hoping the other person will get the hint. They never get the hint and that causes misunderstandings. You should have said "no, I have to work I cannot go to a concert". Every single time she kept asking. "No, if you want to get a ticket for yoursel that's fine but I have to work" and stand your ground.

 

The parking lot thing? I have no effing clue dude. I'm starting to feel like she only likes you for your money and her real feelings about you come out after a few beers.

 

I'm sorry. Don't screw up a good thing with your son for this relationship that is failing before it's even a marriage. It's only going to get worse

[Mr. Lucky]

That I know -- and we both make about the same amount.

 

The math is starting to seem really strange.

 

You make $200K a year but only pay $800/month in child support?

 

Between the two of you there's $400K in annual earnings, but no savings?

 

On that income, she says you can't afford school uniforms?

 

At the very least, I'd get a financial advisor involved to more successfully manage your money...

 

Mr. Lucky

[standtall]

Now you're just trolling.

 

Who is trolling?

[JoeSmith357-1]

So let me get this straight... you make 200k, your fiance controls all your money, and flips out when you have an emergency family expense, and are living paycheck to paycheck??

 

And is controlling / jealous over your ex and the time you spend with your kid??

 

BIG red flags... hit the brakes!!

 

What exactly does she contribute to this relationship financially if I may ask (maybe I missed this?)

[CarrieT]

What exactly does she contribute to this relationship financially if I may ask (maybe I missed this?)

Well, the OP says she *has* a job that she is leaving to start some new business - which it seems she is financing.

 

I also have a feeling she has been putting tons and tons of money into this upcoming wedding (the only excuse I can see for there to be no savings).

 

This is becoming a travesty thread; the OP is clearly being used and abused by this woman with no concerns for the child, a pre-nup, or any sort of stable future.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Reading the OP's posts, it almost sounds like he gets off on being walked all over by this crazy chick. That is the only conclusion I am about to come to that could explain why an adult man would move away from his child for a woman who has no interest in compromise; hand over control of his 200k salary to her; and state that he really really loves her and wouldn't "be able to deal" with a breakup in the same breath as describing a night wherein she continually berates him. is this some kind of misguided bdsm thing or something? If you can't see this relationship is causing harm to the one you have with your young, impressionable, vulnerable son, then I feel bad for the kid.

 

The right thing to do here is change your direct deposit, call off the wedding, move back, and never look back. Are you able to do that?

Edited August 15, 2016 by lucy_in_disguise

[tellme4truth]

Yes -- I think the money is going toward the wedding. It continues to grow in size and become more and more elaborate. I have also told her no on several expenses and she does it anyway. She will accuse me of not being clear enough - but I know for a FACT. I said "no, I don't think we should do xyz -- we can not afford that right now." Then, 3 hours later, I see her looking at xyz on the internet again -- and then buys whatever it was that I said I didn't support.

 

When I question it -- she will say that I either did not say not to do xyz OR -- that I was not clear enough. I am not stupid - I know when i am too delicate (like last night with the concert) and when I am deliberate.

 

Yes, last night I should have been firm -- but I simply thought it would be best to just not have a fight. And it still ended in a fight. I don't understand how that happened. I was having fun and not argumentative at all. It appeared that SHE just wanted to fight with me. When I said I had a good time and I didn't understand why she was acting this way -- she said "oh after you had 3 drinks you were fine..." and accused me of drinking too much. 3 drinks? Over the course of 6 hours?

 

Then she laid into me for drinking 2-3 drinks a night and suggested that I had a drinking problem. She said maybe your ex was okay with it --- but I am not!

 

Honestly, there are nights where I have a couple of drinks to relax...because she has so much tension-- that I try to just focus on something else.

 

I love her -- I know she loves me -- but you are right, maybe she just wants my money?

 

This morning she woke up and told me that she was concerned because I felt distant while we slept. Normally, we cuddle and sleep fairly close. Apparently I was not doing that (while sleeping) and she said "something was very wrong...with my behavior."

 

I was just sleeping!

 

Well, the OP says she *has* a job that she is leaving to start some new business - which it seems she is financing.

 

I also have a feeling she has been putting tons and tons of money into this upcoming wedding (the only excuse I can see for there to be no savings).

 

This is becoming a travesty thread; the OP is clearly being used and abused by this woman with no concerns for the child, a pre-nup, or any sort of stable future.

[whichwayisup]

Dump the fiancee. Sorry but your ten year old son should come first. Your fiancee has jealously issues and isn't going to accept that your ex wife will ALWAYS be around on some level because of your son. She gets upset too easily and doesn't want to be put out or put in effort or allow you the space to be with your son. Trust me, you'll regret seeing your son less as the years go by and it will turn into resentment towards your (fiancee) later.

 

There are so many issues between you two, I hope you see this?

[aileD]

Please read this and tell us how you feel and if you relate any of her behavior to this article

 

http://https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/five-powerful-ways-abusive-narcissists-get-inside-your-head/

[hotgurl]

yes, the bills are being paid. That I know -- and we both make about the same amount. HOWEVER, she is about to leave her company. It got sold and she has 30 days left of income. She wants to start her own business and is trying to take out a big business loan. She's a smart cookie and will probably do very well. But, she's banking on my money to keep us afloat.

 

If I pull out now - she will definitely be up a creek and it will look bad is so many ways. It's not my fault this happened to her, but it will look bad if I just say -- hey, good luck...let's split up our bank accounts.

 

I am a provider -- I love her and I want to provide for her -- but now every dime is about to be imperative....to her, especially.

 

So if she has only 30 days left in her company and is starting her own business. there is really no reason she can't move to son's town.

[tellme4truth]

Exactly -- but she won't. She says that she has a name in her industry in her town and that she simply can't start a new business in a place where she knows no one....

 

She says that is exactly why she can't move to my son's town.

So if she has only 30 days left in her company and is starting her own business. there is really no reason she can't move to son's town.

[CarrieT]

I'm sorry, OP, you are being used and manipulated to an Nth degree.

 

The first thing is to call off the wedding. If you *think* you might want to still get married, ask for a detailed budget of what HAS been spent already and what she still intends to spend.

 

Then start the discussion regarding the business she wants to start (how is it being financed? Are you being listed as a partner if you are an investor? What will the return on those monies be?)

 

I dunno.... There is so much here that seems wrong and off.

[VeveCakes]

I would be seriously concerned that you make 400k a year but live paycheck to paycheck.

 

She's a psycho who is using your money to finance her dream wedding and business. She already has her ex lined up to replace you should you leave her.

 

She must be one hell of a lay for you to deal with this.

 

Get out and get out now. Do you want to live your whole life like this?

[clia]

The other issue here is money. Every dime is controlled by her and we agreed to combine finances when I moved in with her. However, we are engaged - not married as of now. I have zero in savings. She is putting all of my money and hers to her bills (including previous debt) and toward the wedding.

 

I gently said that I wanted to try splitting up finances and she went ballistic and said it was clear I didn't want to marry her and I am clearly trying to separate myself.

 

My point is -- If we hold off on the wedding -- even 6 months --- I have no money. And if I ask to separate finances it will look like even more of a separation from her and I think I would lose her.

 

She is controlling -- and i've known that. This will probably be the end of us and id on't know if I can deal with that. I love her very, very much -- I moved to be with her -- and even changed up my professional obligations to do this...

 

Why do you have to split everything up? Why are your finances completely combined at this point anyway, before you are even married? How did that even happen? What happened to the bank accounts you had before you met her? Did you close them all and just open a joint account with her?

 

I just cannot fathom why a grown man with a child would simply start handing over his paycheck and complete control of his money over to a woman who isn't even his wife, and then allow her to dictate how much he is allowed to spend on his son. It makes no logical sense. Don't you have access to the bank account where your paycheck is being deposited? What are we missing? Just open your own bank account and start having your paychecks deposited in your own account.

 

I have to say, though, this story sounds awfully familiar....

[TrustedthenBusted]

Dude, nut up and show her the door. I wouldn't take 5 more minutes of her BS.

 

This.

 

 

Or more likely....check back with us in like three years, when you have TWO expensive ex wives to discuss.

 

Because that's where you're headed.