Is this normal for shy/quiet guys

[august14]

There's this guy who appears shy and socially awkward who I'm 90% sure is interested me based on his body language alone, but whose apparent lack of interest in my life and lack of desire to share things about himself makes me wonder if I'm wrong.

 

I haven't given up on him completely because every now and then he would say something random and bizarre to me, which I interpret is his way of trying to make conversation, but I don't know if it's normal for shy/quiet guys to not know that in conversation he's supposed to (1) ask questions, and (2) share something about himself.

[madjac74]

Maybe he just isn't that into you.

[SwordofFlame]

If he's so socially awkward to the extent of not being able to have a conversation, how do you think dating him would go?

[august14]

If he's so socially awkward to the extent of not being able to have a conversation, how do you think dating him would go?

 

He has his comfort zone and has gone from keeping to himself 24/7 to being friends with a few select guys who he talks smack with. I don't know if the social skills he's learned from interacting with those guys include carrying a conversation, but even if the answer is yes, when a common dilemma among regular guys is "how to talk to girls," there is no need to expect him to get it right on his first try.

[preraph]

I'm dying to know why you are interested in him. He seems to be nearly not functional socially. You can't wave a magic wand and fix him even if he likes you. That's him. Unless he's a teen who might grow out of it in a few years, it's probably a waste of your time.

[normal person]

There's this guy who appears shy and socially awkward who I'm 90% sure is interested me based on his body language alone, but whose apparent lack of interest in my life and lack of desire to share things about himself makes me wonder if I'm wrong.

 

I haven't given up on him completely because every now and then he would say something random and bizarre to me, which I interpret is his way of trying to make conversation,

 

And what exactly do you find so appealing about this?

 

but I don't know if it's normal for shy/quiet guys to not know that in conversation he's supposed to (1) ask questions, and (2) share something about himself.

 

Whether or not it's "normal" is not really the biggest issue. The bigger problem is what on Earth is so attractive about a grown man who who's so "shy" that he doesn't know how to have a conversation? It's like you're saying, "is it normal for guys with horrible hygiene not to floss?" My question is "Why does it matter? Why are you so interested in a guy with horrible hygiene?"

 

You know you're not under some obligation to go out with a guy just because he fumbles around with some awkward lines towards you, right?

[NTV]

It is very possible to be sexually attracted to somebody but not interested in who they are as a person or having any kind of relationship with them. And I don't know about him being shy and quiet as a reason to assume that he's socially awkward... a lot of quiet guys get a lot of play just because chicks know that he will keep his mouth shut.

[preraph]

It is very possible to be sexually attracted to somebody but not interested in who they are as a person or having any kind of relationship with them. And I don't know about him being shy and quiet as a reason to assume that he's socially awkward... a lot of quiet guys get a lot of play just because chicks know that he will keep his mouth shut.

 

True, but the unsettling part is he's making strange comments to her, not a good sign of mental stability.

[NTV]

True, but the unsettling part is he's making strange comments to her, not a good sign of mental stability.

 

Eh, it depends on the context. Maybe he's just got a sense of humor she's not getting.

[SkyCourt]

It doesn't sound like he's that interested. Don't mistake shyness for disinterest. And anyway, would you want a BF who acts like that?

[Dark Horse]

I don't agree with the above poster who said he woudn't make a good boyfriend because he can't talk to you, maybe he's just shy. Maybe he doesn't know how to express himself, maybe he's been hurt in the past and doesn't like to make him vulnerable, maybe his social skills especially around women arne't his strong suit. I have a feeling the people on this thread have no idea what it's like to be shy.

 

Usually what happens is that somebody will gradually open up to you the more you talk to them. Just continue to be nice and friendly to him. You might really be helping him by getting him to come out of his shell.

 

Some guys are just really shy around women. They have no problem talking to guys but around girls, they get scared.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Dark Horse

[normal person]

I don't agree with the above poster who said he woudn't make a good boyfriend because he can't talk to you, maybe he's just shy.

 

Confidence is attractive. Shyness is on the opposite of end of the spectrum. Shyness is being afraid of other people and socially situations. That's inherently unattractive.

 

Maybe he doesn't know how to express himself, maybe he's been hurt in the past and doesn't like to make him vulnerable, maybe his social skills especially around women arne't his strong suit.

 

Is this a joke? Not knowing how to express yourself and not having strong social skills (especially around women) are qualities that make you less desirable, not more desirable. Do you think a woman will go running to her friends and say "You'll never believe it, I met the best guy! He's a grown adult who cowers in fear of other people, he doesn't know how to express himself, and his social skills are awful!"

"Wow! What a catch!"

 

I have a feeling the people on this thread have no idea what it's like to be shy.

 

Regardless of whether or not you're right, does it matter? Do people give you the benefit of the doubt because they can't empathize with your circumstances? No, they don't. It's like you try and walk on to your college basketball team at a height of 5'6", they cut you after 10 minutes when they see you're totally useless, and you complain "I have a feeling the people on this team have no idea what it's like to be short!" You're probably right -- they don't. But that doesn't change anything. They're not just going to let you take the spot on the team of someone more deserving and disadvantage themselves just to be "fair" to you. Just like some girl isn't going to feel obliged to go out with some guy who's shyness and awkwardness she finds totally unappealing just to be "fair" to him. You're living in a fantasy world.

 

Usually what happens is that somebody will gradually open up to you the more you talk to them.

Why even bother wasting her time when there are plenty of other men who are perfectly well adjusted already?

 

Just continue to be nice and friendly to him. You might really be helping him by getting him to come out of his shell.

 

Just what a woman wants -- an insecure grown man who needs to be "helped out of his shell" like a scared toddler. Can't believe what I'm reading.

 

Some guys are just really shy around women. They have no problem talking to guys but around girls, they get scared.

 

Why on Earth would a woman want a grown man who is literally scared of her?

 

Your whole post makes absolutely no sense.

Edited August 22, 2016 by normal person

[Osmium13]

There are weird people (like me!) around.

 

Strangers - perfectly fine

People I know well - perfectly fine

People I have to deal with on a business level - perfectly fine

 

Girls I've met a couple of times and might like - terrified of them. No idea how to make conversation. If they're equally as challenged in those circumstances, no hope of anything coming of it

[AceCutty]

Regardless of whether or not you're right, does it matter? Do people give you the benefit of the doubt because they can't empathize with your circumstances? No, they don't. It's like you try and walk on to your college basketball team at a height of 5'6", they cut you after 10 minutes when they see you're totally useless, and you complain "I have a feeling the people on this team have no idea what it's like to be short!" You're probably right -- they don't. But that doesn't change anything. They're not just going to let you take the spot on the team of someone more deserving and disadvantage themselves just to be "fair" to you. Just like some girl isn't going to feel obliged to go out with some guy who's shyness and awkwardness she finds totally unappealing just to be "fair" to him. You're living in a fantasy world.

 

Wow. By all means, make sure you take this opportunity to crap on short guys, even though height has nothing to do with this discussion.

[normal person]

Wow. By all means, make sure you take this opportunity to crap on short guys, even though height has nothing to do with this discussion.

 

That went straight over your head. It's just an analogy, and a useful one. I'm not tall myself -- it doesn't mean I'm delusional, or think that sports should cater to me because I'm not the best equipped person for them. The same way that women aren't obliged to cater to men who have unattractive qualities that don't appeal to them (in this case, shyness, awkwardness, and social ineptitude). The world isn't fair, guys. Women will not be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt and deal with your shortcomings they find unappealing just "to be fair." The sooner you realize that, the better.

Edited August 22, 2016 by normal person

[AceCutty]

That went straight over your head. It's just an analogy, and a useful one. I'm not tall myself -- it doesn't mean I'm delusional, or think that sports should cater to me because I'm not the best equipped person for them. The same way that women aren't obliged to cater to men who have unattractive qualities that don't appeal to them (in this case, shyness, awkwardness, and social ineptitude). The world isn't fair, guys. Women will not be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt and deal with your shortcomings they find unappealing just "to be fair." The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

Oh trust me, I know. Women want perfection.

 

Them not wanting shyness is one thing (since that can be changed), but my personal issue has nothing to do with that, but with something that I'm unable to change.

 

And if you think I don't know how nasty women can be about things, well, I know more about it than you can possibly imagine. Probably more than most men.

[normal person]

Oh trust me, I know. Women want perfection.

 

A lot do. You have some women who want it all and that's great. However, there are plenty that don't. The type that get insecure when a guy is "too" perfect because they feel bad about themselves ("I want to be the pretty one!") or think he might leave them for someone better. Regardless, shyness is still never desirable in either of these types of women.

[august14]

There are weird people (like me!) around.

 

Strangers - perfectly fine

People I know well - perfectly fine

People I have to deal with on a business level - perfectly fine

 

Girls I've met a couple of times and might like - terrified of them. No idea how to make conversation. If they're equally as challenged in those circumstances, no hope of anything coming of it

 

I wish I'd hear more from people like you.

[Osmium13]

I wish I'd hear more from people like you.

 

 

Ha, I wouldn't know what to say

 

Speaking as a socially-backward idiot that could possibly empathise with this chap, could I recommend that you attempt to take the initiative? Find some common ground to talk to him (preferably on his own), or via FB/email/etc if it's easier... some kind of medium that he can respond in his own time, on his terms.

 

I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on a potential relationship, if the barrier was simply that between the pair of them they couldn't find a way to break the ice. Life's too short, as they say.

[anthonyflame]

There's this guy who appears shy and socially awkward who I'm 90% sure is interested me based on his body language alone, but whose apparent lack of interest in my life and lack of desire to share things about himself makes me wonder if I'm wrong.

 

I haven't given up on him completely because every now and then he would say something random and bizarre to me, which I interpret is his way of trying to make conversation, but I don't know if it's normal for shy/quiet guys to not know that in conversation he's supposed to (1) ask questions, and (2) share something about himself.

I find it weird that posters here are commenting on whether they would find this shy guy attractive or not. She didn't come here posting on whether we find shyness attractive or off putting, she came here asking on whether we can tell if he likes or not. So whether we say shyness is off putting it doesn't really matter cause she already decided she likes this guy.

 

OP my advice to you is to just keep talking to this guy and just be friendly. Since he's shy you might have to take the lead a little but if you gain his trust I got the feeling he'll open up to you more. Just know it can take some time. But the benefit is, if he's attractive to you and is very shy then he'll probably be loyal since he isn't very open to people he doesn't know well.

 

Good luck OP

[SevenCity]

Confidence is attractive. Shyness is on the opposite of end of the spectrum. Shyness is being afraid of other people and socially situations. That's inherently unattractive.

 

 

 

Is this a joke? Not knowing how to express yourself and not having strong social skills (especially around women) are qualities that make you less desirable, not more desirable. Do you think a woman will go running to her friends and say "You'll never believe it, I met the best guy! He's a grown adult who cowers in fear of other people, he doesn't know how to express himself, and his social skills are awful!"

"Wow! What a catch!"

 

 

 

Regardless of whether or not you're right, does it matter? Do people give you the benefit of the doubt because they can't empathize with your circumstances? No, they don't. It's like you try and walk on to your college basketball team at a height of 5'6", they cut you after 10 minutes when they see you're totally useless, and you complain "I have a feeling the people on this team have no idea what it's like to be short!" You're probably right -- they don't. But that doesn't change anything. They're not just going to let you take the spot on the team of someone more deserving and disadvantage themselves just to be "fair" to you. Just like some girl isn't going to feel obliged to go out with some guy who's shyness and awkwardness she finds totally unappealing just to be "fair" to him. You're living in a fantasy world.

 

 

Why even bother wasting her time when there are plenty of other men who are perfectly well adjusted already?

 

 

 

Just what a woman wants -- an insecure grown man who needs to be "helped out of his shell" like a scared toddler. Can't believe what I'm reading.

 

 

 

Why on Earth would a woman want a grown man who is literally scared of her?

 

Your whole post makes absolutely no sense.

 

That statement sure makes a lot of assumptions about the entire population based upon your feelings. I find shy women attractive. I find ones that are super outgoing always wanting to be the center of attention extremely unattractive.

 

That's the same as me saying fat is unattractive. That may be my opinion but I can tell you there are MANY men who like large women.

 

Your preference does not make an axiom.

[preraph]

That statement sure makes a lot of assumptions about the entire population based upon your feelings. I find shy women attractive. I find ones that are super outgoing always wanting to be the center of attention extremely unattractive.

 

That's the same as me saying fat is unattractive. That may be my opinion but I can tell you there are MANY men who like large women.

 

Your preference does not make an axiom.

 

 

A LOT of guys find shy women attractive though, especially ones who aren't all that confident themselves. Few women find shy scared men attractive, and that's a fact. This dude is blurting out stuff and sounds like he has no social skills whatever, so that's why I can't figure out what she is attracted to, but I'm guessing it's just physical.

[normal person]

She didn't come here posting on whether we find shyness attractive or off putting, she came here asking on whether we can tell if he likes or not. So whether we say shyness is off putting it doesn't really matter cause she already decided she likes this guy.

 

She didn't say she likes him. She just seemed confused by his odd, erratic behavior. And if someone's behavior is odd and erratic, I think it's safe to assume there is little appeal until there's confirmation otherwise. She hasn't said anything about it one way or the other. What, if anything, is appealing about this guy, OP?

 

That statement sure makes a lot of assumptions about the entire population based upon your feelings. I find shy women attractive. I find ones that are super outgoing always wanting to be the center of attention extremely unattractive.

 

Some guys find shy women attractive (not me, personally). But most women don't think the same thing about shy men. Aggression and confidence are "masculine" qualities. Shyness is the opposite of that.

 

That's the same as me saying fat is unattractive. That may be my opinion but I can tell you there are MANY men who like large women. Your preference does not make an axiom.

 

Of course there are exceptions. We're speaking in broad terms here without having to put asterisks after every statement and cite a bunch of scientific studies. I think fat is unattractive too. I don't think it's an axiom because it's my opinion, but for the sake of argument it's pretty much the majority opinion that just so happens to coincide with my own. This is an informal discussion, no?Shyness in men is, for the most part, unappealing to women. Maybe I should've clarified.

[todreaminblue]

Confidence is attractive. Shyness is on the opposite of end of the spectrum. Shyness is being afraid of other people and socially situations. That's inherently unattractive.

 

 

 

Is this a joke? Not knowing how to express yourself and not having strong social skills (especially around women) are qualities that make you less desirable, not more desirable. Do you think a woman will go running to her friends and say "You'll never believe it, I met the best guy! He's a grown adult who cowers in fear of other people, he doesn't know how to express himself, and his social skills are awful!"

"Wow! What a catch!"

 

 

 

Regardless of whether or not you're right, does it matter? Do people give you the benefit of the doubt because they can't empathize with your circumstances? No, they don't. It's like you try and walk on to your college basketball team at a height of 5'6", they cut you after 10 minutes when they see you're totally useless, and you complain "I have a feeling the people on this team have no idea what it's like to be short!" You're probably right -- they don't. But that doesn't change anything. They're not just going to let you take the spot on the team of someone more deserving and disadvantage themselves just to be "fair" to you. Just like some girl isn't going to feel obliged to go out with some guy who's shyness and awkwardness she finds totally unappealing just to be "fair" to him. You're living in a fantasy world.

 

 

Why even bother wasting her time when there are plenty of other men who are perfectly well adjusted already?

 

 

 

Just what a woman wants -- an insecure grown man who needs to be "helped out of his shell" like a scared toddler. Can't believe what I'm reading.

 

 

 

Why on Earth would a woman want a grown man who is literally scared of her?

 

Your whole post makes absolutely no sense.

 

actually it makes perfect sense to me.....out of all the posts on this thread dark horsees is the most coherent and empathetic...in my opinion...closest to the mark.....

 

you think shyness is fear.......mistake...i am a shy person.....talking to certain people normally those i feel something for......i also once said something really random to a guy i am attracted to about hypnotising chickens....thats how i opened the conversation....chickens......now if i had a prepared speech i would have knocked him for six.....i excel at writing ...poetry....introverted things....shy people things.....

 

iam a scaredy cat...i can face two guys one with a machete the other with a boing knife....men have hidden behind me...ive cvered a guys body who was gettign hsi head stomped in by a drunk guy..and yeah i was scared as crap in those situations.....but no one sees me that way

 

you are making a monumental by thinking shy people arent brave.....just because they dont go strutting... dont underestimate their ability to kick ass....or to stand up for themselves or others.....shyness has an inhearnt awkwardness....but....once a shy person feels comfortable you meet the metal of that person......you can see their hearts....

i like shy guys.......i am attracted to shy guys......i am shy at times and i understand shyness......and off the cuff conversations that start with the ability to hypnotize chickens....its often the more you like someone when you are shy ...opening conversations become harder....but we still try..even if we make fools of ourselves..that is known as courage...friend.....

 

dark horse....rock on.....deb

[SwordofFlame]

A LOT of guys find shy women attractive though, especially ones who aren't all that confident themselves. Few women find shy scared men attractive, and that's a fact. This dude is blurting out stuff and sounds like he has no social skills whatever, so that's why I can't figure out what she is attracted to, but I'm guessing it's just physical.

 

Hmm, I thought to have any success with shy women you need to be really outgoing to offset that.