Delusional Bf not Coping Well?

[McConaughey]

My boyfriend's father committed suicide on his 18th birthday, and he had witnessed a good portion of it. He is 21 now and had been coping well until recently, we've been fighting a bit on some other issues I talked about here and it may have struck a little something within him. My boyfriend and I go through each others phones all the time because we are both nosey and like reading convos for the fun of it. I always knew he coped by texting his fathers old number and sending pictures of us to the number, but recently he started calling the number as well (it's disconnected so this all doesn't really go anywhere), and speaking about his father using present tense as if he were still around. This has been escalating a bit and the other day he asked me if I'd like to "Hang out with my dad at his place for a bit next month before you go back to class" which really rose a red flag for me, but wanting to avoid him getting upset I agreed to it. He hasn't brought it up again since.

His mother has been in and out of a mental care center his whole life and suffers from schizophrenia and split personality.

I'm wondering if I'm doing more harm than good by going along with his idea his father is still around? We don't really have the funds for doctor visits, and he hasn't raised many other red flags for me to be too nervous.

[madjac74]

My boyfriend's father committed suicide on his 18th birthday, and he had witnessed a good portion of it. He is 21 now and had been coping well until recently, we've been fighting a bit on some other issues I talked about here and it may have struck a little something within him. My boyfriend and I go through each others phones all the time because we are both nosey and like reading convos for the fun of it. I always knew he coped by texting his fathers old number and sending pictures of us to the number, but recently he started calling the number as well (it's disconnected so this all doesn't really go anywhere), and speaking about his father using present tense as if he were still around. This has been escalating a bit and the other day he asked me if I'd like to "Hang out with my dad at his place for a bit next month before you go back to class" which really rose a red flag for me, but wanting to avoid him getting upset I agreed to it. He hasn't brought it up again since.

His mother has been in and out of a mental care center his whole life and suffers from schizophrenia and split personality.

I'm wondering if I'm doing more harm than good by going along with his idea his father is still around? We don't really have the funds for doctor visits, and he hasn't raised many other red flags for me to be too nervous.

 

Ummm have you watched the movie Psycho...get him help and/or get away

[Redhead14]

My boyfriend's father committed suicide on his 18th birthday, and he had witnessed a good portion of it. He is 21 now and had been coping well until recently, we've been fighting a bit on some other issues I talked about here and it may have struck a little something within him. My boyfriend and I go through each others phones all the time because we are both nosey and like reading convos for the fun of it. I always knew he coped by texting his fathers old number and sending pictures of us to the number, but recently he started calling the number as well (it's disconnected so this all doesn't really go anywhere), and speaking about his father using present tense as if he were still around. This has been escalating a bit and the other day he asked me if I'd like to "Hang out with my dad at his place for a bit next month before you go back to class" which really rose a red flag for me, but wanting to avoid him getting upset I agreed to it. He hasn't brought it up again since.

His mother has been in and out of a mental care center his whole life and suffers from schizophrenia and split personality.

I'm wondering if I'm doing more harm than good by going along with his idea his father is still around? We don't really have the funds for doctor visits, and he hasn't raised many other red flags for me to be too nervous.

 

I would encourage him to seek help immediately and you two go your separate ways. This is way over your head as a young person.

 

he hasn't raised many other red flags for me to be too nervous. -- You don't need any other red flags -- this is a very big one.

 

Be a supportive friend, do not entertain his delusions. When he talks like this, redirect his attention or thoughts to something else. That is all you should do. Don't try to remind or convince him of the reality of his situation. That needs to be done, but in a therapeutic environment. Triggering him back to the event may cause him to be re-traumatized and behave in ways that could be frightening or unmanageable for you.

 

This is a very serious result of the trauma he suffered and he must seek professional help.

[Bialy]

He needs professional help ASAP --- therapy and potentially medication.

 

How is it that he has not been seeing a professional since that traumatic event??? Does he have any family members who have expressed concern or care about him? This is very scary.

[Bialy]

A good starting point might be a Mental Health Hotline --- I have to think there is at least one government or hospital program in your area for people like your boyfriend who need help subsidizing therapy visits and medication.

[McConaughey]

A good starting point might be a Mental Health Hotline --- I have to think there is at least one government or hospital program in your area for people like your boyfriend who need help subsidizing therapy visits and medication.

 

Thank you all for really opening my eyes that this is a bigger deal than I thought before, I'm setting him up with my universities counselor to see if that's any good of a start. Although this may be over my head I won't be breaking up with him, but I may spend time at my parents for a bit to let him take some time alone

[anika99]

I'm surprised you haven't even had a discussion with him regarding what is going on in his head. Did his dad own a house or an apartment that your bf is still able to visit? Maybe he meant that just going to his dad's house makes him feel like he is hanging out with his dad. Or maybe he really is delusional and thinks his dad is alive. Why don't you start by asking him what he thinks? If it becomes clear that he doesn't believe his father is gone then start rounding up some help. Get his family involved too.

[Bialy]

I'm setting him up with my universities counselor to see if that's any good of a start. Although this may be over my head I won't be breaking up with him, but I may spend time at my parents for a bit to let him take some time alone

That's a GREAT start. You have a good, caring heart, McConaughey.

[Hailiee7]

I understand where you are coming from, wanting to do what is right for your boyfriend. Perhaps your boyfriend is doing this in order to cope with his emotions and what is happening in his life. There is a American Association of Suicidology website -> http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors; which might be helpful.

 

Check out the left side of the page is a column of info choices, chose "Suicide Loss Survivors" and there you will find a fact sheet entitled: Survivors of Suicide Fact Sheet [PDF] - which discusses common experiences and reactions of those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

 

It might be helpful for you to read it to understand what your boyfriend is going through.

 

Also, there is an organization called, Nami.org for more general mental health information.

 

Just a thought. Take care and <hugs> to both of you.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Re-pasted

My God, I couldn't even imagine, get help for him RIGHT AWAY,

His mind is coping in ways that need professional help, I pray,

You are a true angel in looking for ways to help him, really, it's true,

To be one of the only people trying to help, you are amazing person too.

 

(I'm not a professional!)

I don't know if a break from him is the best thing for him right now,

He needs continuity and stability before he realizes what's gone down,

Being delusional in the face of a traumatic event like this, he isn't weak,

His mind is beautiful to find a way to exist with the situation being bleak.

 

Being one of the only people who is willing to be there for him,

When and if he realized what's happened, your absence may turn him grim,

Again, I'm not a professional, but this is how I'd handle it I say,

Be the rock that he will absolutely need when he realizes this, okay?

[Hailiee7]

Hi McConaughey,

 

I was just wondering how you and your boyfriend are doing? You okay?

[McConaughey]

Hi McConaughey,

 

I was just wondering how you and your boyfriend are doing? You okay?

 

Thank you for asking, and I have used the resources you gave in your earlier comment!

 

It has been incredibly rough, I've probably only gotten 10 hours of sleep in the past couple days. I'm just glad I haven't gone back to class yet and I can afford this exhaustion. And after evaluation and testing, it is confirmed that he has Schizophrenia. He's going to be getting medicine and bi-monthly therapy sessions. I met with the psychiatrist this morning by myself, he refused to meet her, and she seemed very kind and open. There's also the possibility of him having a form of PTSD. I've had people on all my topics talk about how having children with him would be a mistake, and how I'm not fit to care for him, or that I shouldn't be helping him and that that's shouldn't be what our relationship is. And that I will get into thinking about more once the storm calms, but right now I'm sticking around.

 

As for how he is handling this, that's the biggest obstacle and problem. His initial reaction to being brought in for the testing was anger. This whole thing has just made him angry. Ugh I'm so tired I'm sorry all my sentences are jumbled. He refused a lot of the tests, won't meet the psych, and just his attitude has been terrible and difficult. We're back home from the hospital, he won't talk to me, has been locking himself in the bathroom for hours, almost got in a fight with his friend when he stopped by without saying he was coming. Just. Being difficult. He's always had a little bit of low self esteem, and I think this news is just throwing him off and he resorts to being a miserable angry mope.

[Buddhist]

He's angry because he's not in touch with reality. Medication will manage it and it will take a couple of months for him to really be back in the real world 100%. But as long as he maintains good management of his condition there is no reason he can't live a normal, healthy life afterwards.