Husband not stable

[AnneA]

Husband not stable

Hi all

 

I hope you can give me some advice. My husband and I have always had our ups and downs but recently after having some time off for the holiday period I am beginning to see that basically he's just not a nice person, but especially towards me.

 

We returned from a long holiday last week and because where we live full time is a holiday type destination there are a lot of people here at the moment that we know and socialise with. On one particular day last weekend some friends asked to meet so we agreed and made arrangements. Both of us were still a bit jet lagged. Before we went out, I noticed my husband did look tired, I asked him if he was ok and he said that he was still tired. I suggested cancelling the plans because I could see his heart wasn't in it to go out but he insisted no that he would be fine.

 

A week later, he keeps telling me it's my fault we went last week and that I should have cancelled it?! It's a no win situation with him.

 

Yesterday, at a birthday function we were with a big group of friends. One of them started to suggest for all of us to go and see a particular band later this week, they asked my husband if he liked them, which he said he does and other people offered to share lifts there Etc. He wouldn't commit saying he didn't know what we are doing this week that we have a few plans etc, which in turn sent everyone to gang up on him slightly and push him to make a decision for both of us. It got too much, and I just blurted out that we are free but would have to see how the week and the finances go..just to make them all stop really. It occurred to me then that these friends must see that it's my husband who makes the decisions about where we go and that is why they were applying pressure.

 

I could tell he wasn't over happy but the night continued. After quite a bit to drink when we got home he went crazy about the situation, saying I hadn't backed him up, that I'm a selfish cow and we only do what I want to do and he really lost it. The truth is, he makes the decisions most of the time. He had no good reason not to want to go to see the band this weekend, he likes them and the transport was all there. He kept on last night about how I made him go out last week when he was really tired etc.

 

He seems to be envious of me. I'm a teacher and have done very well in my job recently. Last night he just kept on saying how everyone thinks I'm so wonderful and pretty and lovely and that they don't have a clue. It's hit me hard. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. He's not awake yet today.

 

This summer, I have realised that he hasn't said one nice thing to me in the 7 weeks that I've been off work. Not once. After dressing up for the birthday party last night his comment to me was, "be careful how you bend over in that dress"(it was a short-ish summery dress) and that was all he had to say. I would really appreciate your opinions on the situation it's so difficult at the moment.

 

ThankS

[basil67]

Hi Anne, it's a good start that you've been able to identify how you feel. So often we can spend so long telling ourselves that we love our partner or excusing their behaviour that we hide from the truth of our feelings and reality.

 

I don't have any great advice for you except that you'd be wise to allow yourself to continue questioning how you really feel. Don't mak any quick decisions. Just give yourself permission to look outside the things you've been telling yourself.

 

Be brave