My Girlfriend blacked out.

[gorf]

I have the whole story. the story was my gf got blacked out, started dancing with another guy, and my mutual friend saw the situation elevate to a kiss (she was super drunk as well but remembers this) and immediately removed her from that guy. The rest of the night they left the club and she threw up everywhere at the hotel room and didn't know a thing that happened the back half of the night, they told her in the morning, she texted me, now I'm here. this is what happened.

 

Look, this is the problem with being drunk. Anyone. Deep intentions and desires come out and the conscience is dulled. Its not like she was drinking a lot at home. She was at a club. Its not like she drinks often. But here you go, one isolated rare time and see what 'started' to happen?

 

What would have happened if her friend was not there to pull her away? Think what could have happened. Lets be honest, it was heading that way. After all, she was there without you, dancing with some guy, the a kiss... then luckily her friend broke it up. But honestly dude look at the big picture. She was letting herself go, her friend there to stop it or not, shows what she thinks of the relationship with you. I hate using the overused forum red flag term, I prefer other ways of saying foreshadow, but here you have a big one.

[h0000]

Yeah I gave her benefit of doubt because she is not a huge drinker and she had been really drunk plenty of times throughout the 4 years when I wasn't there and nothing like this has happened. Of course thats up to speculation but she told me this time. I think alot of you are right in breaking up with her and it is 100% her fault for getting that wasted along with the repercussions after which would be (the kiss) and I doubt she would have made it out of the club with some guy that wasted because our mutual friend told me it was the most drunk she had ever seen her and she was throwing up all night. I don't think our friends would lie in some "girl code" bs cause I have been friends with the mutual friends long before we started dating.

 

I appreciate everyones advice at the moment, we are broken up.. But I can't help but think am I throwing a good thing away for a blackout mistake. If that blackout mistake involved sex, then obviously it would be different. Cheating is cheating but to me there are degrees of it and also elements such as coming clean about it. So I'm taking everything everyone (who is obviously more experienced than me) into account in the upcoming months and appreciate you guys responding at the very least! Im trying to do what my gut is telling me

I don't know why you think she is a "good thing" and the blackout kiss is a "mistake". If she was a good thing you wouldn't have broken up so many times already. I can already tell ya a relationship that is on and off WILL NOT WORK OUT IN THE END.

Also the kiss was not a mistake. It's her decision, intentionally. Yes, your GF did intentionally kiss someone else. She chose to interact with him, chose to drink more,chose to dance with him,chose to drink even more, then chose to kiss him, and possibly more but your friend stopped it. She let things escalate. There were so many times she could have stopped but she didn't. She let things escalate.

 

Why do you think your friend had to step in? Because Your GF showed no sign of stopping. Ask your friend if she hadn't pulled her away, does it really look like your GF will stop herself? (I doubt it. It more looks like they would go all the way) Or does it look like they would have done more. Ask your friend to be brutally honest with you.

 

If you want to get back with her, how many more blackouts and "accidents" do you want to put up with? Or do you think you won't be able to find a better girl?

[h0000]

I have the whole story. the story was my gf got blacked out, started dancing with another guy, and my mutual friend saw the situation elevate to a kiss (she was super drunk as well but remembers this) and immediately removed her from that guy. The rest of the night they left the club and she threw up everywhere at the hotel room and didn't know a thing that happened the back half of the night, they told her in the morning, she texted me, now I'm here. this is what happened.

 

Wow after hearing the full story it was so much worse than I thought. It wasn't just a drunk kiss after all. It was a full on interaction, flirting, dancing , getting close, touching and kissing . It was a full on make out

[drifter777]

I made an account just to get another opinion on this subject from people who are not biased as most of my friends will obviously just take my side but I wanted advice from more experienced people and people who have dealt with this before.

 

So my girlfriend (22) and I (22) have been together for 4 years, we have broken up a few times but besides that things have been so good. We were really good friends before we dated, and we are still good friends now and I love her and like her alot too. She doesn't go out very often especially since she just graduated and she's about to start her Masters degree so she is not in anyway an alcoholic or a party girl really.

 

However this is the situation, my girlfriend went to Vegas with two of her friends who are ALSO my friends. One of the them was turning 22 and they decided to have a girls trip. I did expect for her to get drunk I did not expect for her to get blackout drunk which is exactly what happened. There was a whole night of not remembering which did not sit well with me the next morning. I told her I didn't feel right about her blacking out and uncomfortable and asked if there was any speculation something happened last night? She admitted to me yes that there was a possibility that she had kissed someone because her friend (my friend too) told her that she pulled her away from a guy kissing her.

 

So I got angry. I got mad. We argued. I wanted to break up with her, and I had to ask her friend what happened because my girlfriend didn't remember and our friend told me that it was the drunkest she interpreted it as a guy was taking advantage of her drunkness and kissing her and immediately she removed her from the situation and the guy got mad she took her away from him and she told him "she has a boyfriend that I know and respect" and the rest of the night my gf was puking and glazed eyes over and they had to hold her up (to say how drunk she was). The next morning they told her what happened and she was devastated and guilty and told me what happened that day because I asked her about it.

 

Right now we are broken up, but our friend that was there brought up an interesting point as to yeah it was her responsibility she blacked out and got that drunk but what if she got raped, what if something worse happened, how would you feel then? Her point being she was literally not knowing what she was doing at all.

 

My question to everyone is obviously cheating is cheating. But what defines that line. Obviously being drunk is no excuse at all, my heart hurts but not as bad as when i actually consciously got cheated on by my first gf ever (she left me for another guy and had sex with him back in high school). So I am so confused. I am so angry with her but at same time sympathize a tiny bit with her because I know she would not kiss anyone intentionally she loves me very much.

 

If this story is truly the extent of what happened - and you will never know the truth - I would really not have much problem with a kiss. Making out, groping, sex of any flavor and I would dump her.

 

You say she isn't much of a drinker yet you figured she would get drunk in Vegas and she proceeded to get blackout drunk. Things like this are warning signs of addiction.

 

Girls use the "I was drunk and don't remember anything" story all the time when it's in no way true. When they do this they are disrespecting every girl who does get drunk and then sexually assaulted. Guys will just straight up lie about what they did and say they maybe talked to some chick but that's it. They know the guy code will protect them. But for some reason when a girl sobers up in a random guys room and her friends know she went off with him she panics and goes to the "I don't remember anything" place. They know that if even one friend knows it's going to get back to her guy.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Taking the story at face value, I say give her a pass. IF the relationship was on shaky ground and there have been trust issues in the past, then move on.

[h0000]

If this story is truly the extent of what happened - and you will never know the truth - I would really not have much problem with a kiss. Making out, groping, sex of any flavor and I would dump her.

Except that it wasnt just "a kiss.". They were "kissing" ,also dancing . In my book that's called a make out. And if the friend hadn't stopped them, I'd believe they would do more

[redbaron007]

I have the whole story. the story was my gf got blacked out, started dancing with another guy, and my mutual friend saw the situation elevate to a kiss (she was super drunk as well but remembers this) and immediately removed her from that guy. The rest of the night they left the club and she threw up everywhere at the hotel room and didn't know a thing that happened the back half of the night, they told her in the morning, she texted me, now I'm here. this is what happened.

 

If one is "blacked out", they are in no position to stand, let alone dance or kiss. Your GF was not black out drunk. Yes, she was drunk, she danced with a guy, she kissed him, would have probably done more had your other friend not pulled her away (atleast that is what is being reported).

 

You are so freakin' young...if it causes you anxiety, do the standard "I need my space for a while and have a rethink" thing and take a break, that's all. There's no house, mortgage, kids, dog to worry about...do whatever makes you happy, young man!

[maryquitecontrary]

I would take some time and tell her you need some space for a while to think about things. She does need to suffer the consequences. However, I had this same exact situation happen to me four years into our marriage. It was only a kiss, I was extremely wasted, and I told him as soon as I got home from vacation. He threatened to divorce me and cried for several weeks over it. BUT, once he decided to forgive me we worked on the relationship and actually were a lot stronger for a time. The marriage ended 8 years later, but for very different reasons.