Why you should quit online dating forever

[LookAtThisPOst]

Every bullet point is pretty much spot-on. It's become a crutch when it comes to dating and a serious disconnect. Complaints from women about every guy wanting to bed them or the pro-active "sexting" on the man's part.

 

Why I Quit Online Dating Forever & You Should Too

 

The article is spot on, esp. since it's 2016.

[Redhead14]

Every bullet point is pretty much spot-on. It's become a crutch when it comes to dating and a serious disconnect. Complaints from women about every guy wanting to bed them or the pro-active "sexting" on the man's part.

 

Why I Quit Online Dating Forever & You Should Too

 

The article is spot on, esp. since it's 2016.

 

I think it's just laziness . . . people say they want to lose weight, but they won't go to the gym or take a walk, they buy SlimFast or some other attempt at a quick fix . . .

 

Some people say they want to date and do online because they think it will be easier than actually having an active social life and and hobbies, etc. and meeting new people and just getting out there. They say they don't have time to go out, but they will spend hours combing through profiles.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think it's just laziness . . . people say they want to lose weight, but they won't go to the gym or take a walk, they buy SlimFast or some other attempt at a quick fix . . .

 

Some people say they want to date and do online because they think it will be easier than actually having an active social life and and hobbies, etc. and meeting new people and just getting out there. They say they don't have time to go out, but they will spend hours combing through profiles.

 

That's a great analogy, Redhead. :-)

[Imajerk17]

OP, I can't help but wonder: Does this mean that you're going to quit online dating forever which means, among other things, no more threads from you analyzing women's profiles

 

Seriously, I'd say the article does bring up some good points about the cons of online dating. And for many people including you OP, I do think a break from it would do you some good. But in reality, if you want to meet someone, then depending on your social environment, you should be considering BOTH online dating AND meeting people via "real life". If you live in a place where there aren't that many single people--such as a typical small town, it can be harder to meet someone via social circle or cold-approach (but if you do see a chance to meet someone that way you should go for it). The small percentage of people who are single and looking tend to be concentrated on the dating sites.

 

Contrary to what the article says, people are STILL meeting and forming relationships via OLD. Many issues w OLD may be caused by the Paradox Of Choice, but people are overcoming that and ending up w someone they met via Match, OKCupid, and even Tinder.

[SwordofFlame]

#4 isn't the same for me unfortunately. If I got anywhere near the same amount of dates offline, than I wouldn't bother with online dating either.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think it's just laziness . . . people say they want to lose weight, but they won't go to the gym or take a walk, they buy SlimFast or some other attempt at a quick fix . . .

 

Some people say they want to date and do online because they think it will be easier than actually having an active social life and and hobbies, etc. and meeting new people and just getting out there. They say they don't have time to go out, but they will spend hours combing through profiles.

 

That's a great analogy, Redhead. :-) I had run into people that PREFER online dating then real life interactions. This is why you see some women avoiding approaches in public and state they don't like being approached in public OR...if both men and women go to social events, notice people there that THEY don't consider attractive...they are kind of stuck in a rock and hard place as they may get stuck at the refreshment table talking to someone they don't want to talk to...when online dating was born, they could avoid being a captured audience.

 

Way back in the Yahoo Personal days, I saw a familiar face online, she was a woman, professional, attractive, intelligent, etc. She was an attendee to a singles group activity at a church event...she wasn't a member of the congregation, but the events were advertised all over the city (online).

 

She told me she thought online dating was better because apparently there were kind of what she considered awkward or unattractive men approaching her. Simply, none of them in the whole group appealed to her and thus stopped going and went to online dating. I think this caught on pretty quick...as there's no "delete/block" button in real life. LOL

 

I've noticed some people will only attend events if "attractive" people will be there....online dating alleviates that...but the other characteristics mentioned in the article snowballed from there.

 

Contrary to what the article says, people are STILL meeting and forming relationships via OLD. Many issues w OLD may be caused by the Paradox Of Choice, but people are overcoming that and ending up w someone they met via Match, OKCupid, and even Tinder.

 

True...and it does happen, but I am wondering if the good vs. negative reviews or articles outweigh each other or kind of an even balance of both positive and negative experiences...I think I'm hearing more negative articles being written up...esp. in these past few years.

[carhill]

For the most part, I agree with Andrea, though I was around when online dating was in its infancy and there were, predominantly in my experience, sincere people involved, mainly because internet and computer use was only available to a certain segment of the population. Until I met my exW a few years down the road, all the women I dated through OLD were white collar and most were professionals and they were easily equal to the quality of any woman met 'organically'.

 

Bottom line though, Andrea is right....if one can meet date-worthy individuals in everyday life, don't bother. I used it because I didn't meet date worthy women in everyday life, rather, mostly, married women. No woman I met through online dating, whether a relationship developed or not, ever was found to be married. For myself, that was like nirvana. If, today, presuming I wanted to date, I was meeting single women in everyday life well I'd be pursuing dates with them. Easy peasy. It's not hard.

 

The one thing that never IME happened in the old days was the sex talk and explicit picture stuff that apparently is commonplace now. Sex talk was for sexual partners and surrounding having sex with sexual partners, meaning people who knew each other in real life and interacted and had sex. I can't recall a woman ever complaining about guys doing that and I certainly didn't. Progress I guess, apparently not well received by some.

 

Last time I had an OLD profile was in 2010. Met a couple ladies while my divorce was going on, normal folks, dated a bit, said meh to the whole deal, not because of them at all, and trashed the profile and have never been back. Can't imagine ever going back in any serious way.

 

The closest I saw to her point #7 was with women I dated in the FSU where they'd complain about men, since e-mail was now available, or in some cases chat like ICQ or AIM or similar, that men would 'romance' them from the keyboard instead of putting shoe leather to pavement and visiting them. They called the guys 'keyboard romeos'. So, from their perspective, even back then, they were showing frustration with online dating.

 

I noticed where I'm moving to that people aren't buried in their phones as much and there's more community and interaction. More 'real'. That was another reason for moving. Sometimes I'm at friends and everyone is sitting around with their heads in their phones and I feel like a dope watching the scenery or the TV, not wanting to interrupt their virtual world or whatever it is. Interesting what's become of us.

[LookAtThisPOst]

#4 isn't the same for me unfortunately. If I got anywhere near the same amount of dates offline, than I wouldn't bother with online dating either.

 

You mean the opportunity of meeting AVAILABLE singles in real life are slime to none? I think that's how I started online dating, I couldn't go to any event without seeing only couples.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The closest I saw to her point #7 was with women I dated in the FSU where they'd complain about men, since e-mail was now available, or in some cases chat like ICQ or AIM or similar

 

AIM, I remember the days of AOL. You could actually look people up geographically in your area, look at their profiles and if they had a personal website, you could see their photos and send them an IM.

[normal person]

This is a little more than a forced clickbait article from some content farm.

 

1. IT’S NOT AUTHENTIC ANYMORE.

Dating online has never been an organic way to meet someone, but it’s even more apparent now than ever before. Many users aren’t looking for anything real, and are mostly trying to kill their boredom or sexual urges.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I've never gone on a date and spent money on some girl I wasn't interested because I was "bored," nor did I do the other thing. If you want something real, look on Match or one of the paid sites. If you don't stick to the superficial ones. The term "many" can be deceiving, as in, it might be a large number, but insignificant relative to the rest.

 

2. CONVERSATIONS ARE SO CLICHE.

If you have no natural curiosity and can't carry on a conversation with someone whose whole life is a complete story yet to be told to you, that's your problem. I don't see how meeting someone online and being bad at conversations is somehow different than meeting someone in person and being bad at conversations.

 

3. I’M SICK OF THE UNWANTED SEX TALK.

Sorry that happens? If you want to take a chance, you have to accept the good with the bad. If some bad apples are enough to deter you from what the good, well then, that's your prerogative. It's like saying "cars break down sometimes so I'm quitting driving forever."

 

4. THE ODDS ARE THE SAME IN REAL LIFE.

Wrong. Online dating is supplemental and auxiliary. All those people you can connect with are now in your dating pool in addition to the people that you'll meet in real life. By online dating, you increase your odds of finding someone dramatically.

 

5. SEARCHING FOR MR. RIGHT IN A LAZY WAY IS CONTRADICTING

What a moronic argument. It's efficient, not "lazy." This writer is really struggling to hit her 1000 word quota and collect her $50 for writing this.

 

6. IT DISCONNECTED ME FROM REAL LIFE.

Like I said, when I was constantly searching for love online, I would be out and about constantly distracted by my phone and all the dating apps I had. “You’ve got a new match!” and “You’ve got a new message” was always captivating my attention. Now that I’ve set myself free from the chaos, I’m actually fully aware of what’s happening around me all the time, and you’d be surprised how many opportunities for connection are right under your nose everyday.

 

If you're incapable of managing some aps, your attention, and your emotions when you get a notification, maybe you've got other problems. I've never been "unaware" of the world around me to the point that I missed something important, or had it have a detrimental affect on my life.

 

7. I’M SICK OF COMPETING FOR AFFECTIONS IN A SHALLOW ONLINE WORLD.

I’ve dated plenty of men who are constantly keeping their options open and continuing to persue and even date other women they meet online even after months of us dating. And then they tell me **** like, “Well, we haven’t made anything official yet” even though I’ve met their whole family and have a toothbrush at their place.

 

This is a fair criticism, but it just sounds like the author doesn't apply any pressure to the guy. If you're dating someone for months and he doesn't consider exclusivity, and you don't pressure him to, maybe he's kind of a dick, and maybe you're too forgiving and naive.

 

8. I’M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DATING THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

It might take me longer without all the options I used to have right at my fingertips, but that’s OK. I can honestly say my life is a happier one without the constant and daily rejections, rude comments and anxieties that come with looking for love online. I might meet less men this way, but the ones I do meet feel meaningful right from the start and I’m confident that I’m still going to find love, even if I don’t look for it online.

 

So why even do OLD in the first place, if you're so capable?

 

Sidenote: I just spent the weekend at a friend's wedding. He's a very capable, down-to-Earth, hilarious, loving, pharmacist. They make a perfect pair. They met on Match. They would've never met without it. Had one of them taken the advice "quit online dating forever" because of a few bad experiences, their lives would be infinitely less amazing than they are right now. Terrible article.

Edited August 15, 2016 by normal person

[SoThatHappened]

^^ normal person... nicely done.

 

Also, I think this woman is bitter and cusses too much... that's why she's still single. It's not OLD's fault.

 

I completely got off OLD a month ago, and I'm feeling better. However, through all the BS, I actually met some great women. Still seeing one of them now, although it has moved at a snail's pace.

 

To summarize, I agree with some of her points, but it's not OLD's fault she's single... it's her fault. Stop blaming everything and look at the common denominator sweetheart.

[Aniela]

AIM, I remember the days of AOL. You could actually look people up geographically in your area, look at their profiles and if they had a personal website, you could see their photos and send them an IM.

 

My sister and I were both hit on that way, although a couple of the men who contacted her, were in different states. One guy who contacted me was close by; I don't know if that's how he met his wife, or if that happened when he photographed kids at the college she attended, but as they dated, and then married, he updated his AOL profile to include her name. They're still happily married something like eighteen/nineteen years later, with three children.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Agree with normal person's post 1000X

 

The below from the article struck me as ironic:

 

." I’m sick of the unwanted sex talk. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a seemingly innocent conversation with a guy and he suddenly starts talking about my boobs or makes completely uncalled for sexual comments — or even worse, he sends an unsolicited dick pic. Is it too much to ****ing ask that you talk to me like a normal human being and not some object for you to stick your dick into? I know you’re practically salivating at the idea of getting a woman into bed, but calm down — you’re a grown up, act like one. Ugh." (italics, mine)

 

I dunno, the above italicized seems not only crass but also uninspired to me...possibly why she's got so much unwanted sex talk and cliched conversations coming her way?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Agree with normal person's post 1000X

 

The below from the article struck me as ironic:

 

." I’m sick of the unwanted sex talk. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a seemingly innocent conversation with a guy and he suddenly starts talking about my boobs or makes completely uncalled for sexual comments — or even worse, he sends an unsolicited dick pic. Is it too much to ****ing ask that you talk to me like a normal human being and not some object for you to stick your dick into? I know you’re practically salivating at the idea of getting a woman into bed, but calm down — you’re a grown up, act like one. Ugh." (italics, mine)

 

I dunno, the above italicized seems not only crass but also uninspired to me...possibly why she's got so much unwanted sex talk and cliched conversations coming her way?

 

Actually, this is probably a BIG problem with women online. Even women in real life said they deleted their accounts because of too many sexual comments made by men that were in touch with them.

 

In fact, I think I could throw a rock and hit a profile that mentions something to the effect of, "Not here for one night stands or sex." I seen a few woman go into a tirade IN their profiles talking about the rude, perverse initial emails they get.

 

It was enough to chase some of them off the site.

 

So it is a legit concern.

[Toodaloo]

Totally with Normal Person here.

 

As for the unwanted sex talk? I just shut it down.

 

Just because someone is saying something doesn't mean I have to listen!!!

 

On line dating is a tool. That is all.

 

If you are in a pub and you do not like the people you just go to another pub or you don't talk to those people. Exactly the same principle applies.

 

Once I learnt how to use the tool it got much easier for me.

 

As the old saying goes. A bad workman blames his tools...

 

When I was using it I took regular breaks, if I didn't want to speak to someone I didn't. If I was having a bad time and needed to concentrate on other stuff then I shut it down. I did not down load the apps to my phone and only used it when logged into a computer.

 

I go out regularly and get involved in all sorts but I was not meeting suitable matches. OLD helped me to meet a broader ranger of people. Some of it was fun, some of it weird but as I got better for the most part it was productive and worked for me.

[Redhead14]

Totally with Normal Person here.

 

As for the unwanted sex talk? I just shut it down.

 

Just because someone is saying something doesn't mean I have to listen!!!

 

On line dating is a tool. That is all.

 

If you are in a pub and you do not like the people you just go to another pub or you don't talk to those people. Exactly the same principle applies.

 

Once I learnt how to use the tool it got much easier for me.

 

As the old saying goes. A bad workman blames his tools...

 

When I was using it I took regular breaks, if I didn't want to speak to someone I didn't. If I was having a bad time and needed to concentrate on other stuff then I shut it down. I did not down load the apps to my phone and only used it when logged into a computer.

 

I go out regularly and get involved in all sorts but I was not meeting suitable matches. OLD helped me to meet a broader ranger of people. Some of it was fun, some of it weird but as I got better for the most part it was productive and worked for me.

 

In regards to the unwanted sex talk . . . guess what, if the guys only want sex, they will likely be getting dates with women who will give them sex because they are desperate and there are lots online or women who only want sex too.

 

They do it because it works . . . so if they get a few women who are put off by it, so what, the next one might be a go.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I go out regularly and get involved in all sorts but I was not meeting suitable matches. OLD helped me to meet a broader ranger of people. Some of it was fun, some of it weird but as I got better for the most part it was productive and worked for me.

 

The need for online dating came to play when people didn't have time to meet others going out socially. They were too busy with work, school, kids or all the above. Online dating is their only means of meeting other singles and apparently, is their main means considering their situation that's keeping them from going out and meeting others organically.

 

So their tool has become their primary tool, and going out in public has become secondary considering opportunities to meet people out and about are limited.

 

Back in the days before the internet there were matchmakers and they advertised "No time to meet people? Then here's your chance to be matched up!"

[carhill]

The need for online dating came to play when people didn't have time to meet others going out socially. They were too busy with work, school, kids or all the above. Online dating is their only means of meeting other singles and apparently, is their main means considering their situation that's keeping them from going out and meeting others organically.

As the internet began to connect people, online dating became an obvious outgrowth of the 'personals' which existed before it, generally in print media. Electronic personals were more efficient, cheaper and could quickly span distances which prior were nearly unimaginable. Just like the internet connected the world, it connected the dating world, at least potentially

 

So their tool has become their primary tool, and going out in public has become secondary considering opportunities to meet people out and about are limited.

I'm sure that's possible; my remembrance of OLD was it was generally a replacement for other non-social meeting avenues rather than replacing real world interaction. Perhaps that experience was an anomaly or the trends have changed. However, the women I met through OLD, including more recently, I'd never have met socially. Too many variables that wouldn't have aligned.

 

Back in the days before the internet there were matchmakers and they advertised "No time to meet people? Then here's your chance to be matched up!"

I'd read of that stuff but it seemed more like something people who had no time for plowing through endless strangers in pursuit of 'the one' used, and those who had the money to afford such a service. Regular folks socialized, met people at parties, bars, weddings, funerals, church, etc.

 

I remember, at the point OLD became viable in my demographic, probably in '94 or so, I was in the midst of one of my busiest social periods in life, between work, volunteering, socializing, having parties at my house, etc, etc.... Still, I wasn't meeting single, available women. They were either married, had a boyfriend, interested in an affair, or dating someone else and not interested in multi-dating, etc. These were real, press the flesh folks whom I asked out on dates in person socially. I figured, hey, adapt or die so I tried the then new online idea because it seemed to have more variety and I had learned a lot of harsh lessons about vetting women (the married ones) so wasn't worried too much about the pitfalls.

 

Nowadays, who knows? It's a bizarre world out there. I guess that's part of getting older. Keep up or get run over

[LookAtThisPOst]

I remember, at the point OLD became viable in my demographic, probably in '94 or so, I was in the midst of one of my busiest social periods in life, between work, volunteering, socializing, having parties at my house, etc, etc.... Still, I wasn't meeting single, available women. They were either married, had a boyfriend, interested in an affair, or dating someone else and not interested in multi-dating, etc. These were real, press the flesh folks whom I asked out on dates in person socially. I figured, hey, adapt or die so I tried the then new online idea because it seemed to have more variety and I had learned a lot of harsh lessons about vetting women (the married ones) so wasn't worried too much about the pitfalls.

 

Some good feedback, Carhill!

 

I second your final paragraph...about how just going out in the general public you run into couples or most of your friends are married or coupled up.

 

Let's say if I go to a county fair now...all I'll meet are hot moms pushing baby carriages and the dad with the toddler on his shoulders.

 

At the mall, I would not even NOTICE the dad because the mom was a looker. LOL Then I'd see "some dude" next to her chasing their 2nd kid around and go "oh crap!"

 

One time, I was at a cafe court in the early 90s with a male single friend. We saw this woman sitting by herself at the the open dining area. We debated on approaching cold turkey and my friend was like "Don't do it, I bet her boyfriend/husband shows up"...within a couple of mins. RIGHT on Que! LOL

 

Some communities I even refer to as "Incubator Alley", as people around here don't explore dating options, they get engaged either as Seniors in High School (not joking) or at least engaged by their first year of college...then married a short time later. Before the age of 25, they are on their 2nd kid.

 

I recall working part-time at a computer lab...this one woman I worked with, like 8 mos. pregnant, barely 22...her 2nd child already.

 

Seems all they like to do is get married and make babies around here. lol. For those who aren't on the marriage mike, illegitimate kids.

 

Can these people at least hold off until they are PAST their mid-20's to only start THINKING of marriage?

[Popsicle]

Every bullet point is pretty much spot-on. It's become a crutch when it comes to dating and a serious disconnect. Complaints from women about every guy wanting to bed them or the pro-active "sexting" on the man's part.

 

Why I Quit Online Dating Forever & You Should Too

 

The article is spot on, esp. since it's 2016.

 

So, are you going to quit?

[LookAtThisPOst]

So, are you going to quit?

 

Yeah, I've been taking a break from it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I could have written this too, except I had an easier time with OLD, went through the bad dates and everything else you mentioned only for 18 months and then met my SO. I hate OLD but I'd do it again. It was worth the pain. Hopefully I'm done with it but as they say, no pain no gain so yeah, I'm for it.

 

I'm lucky I can actually get a woman from OLD to MEET with me. I can count no more than 5 in one year. If THAT. Sometimes it'll be less than that.

 

The last date I went on from OLD was a few months ago. We actually went out twice...I was really feeling a good about it as things were going well and I was pretty sure I'd see future dates with this woman in the future.

 

Thought I was over that hump.

 

Then I got a "Sorry, I can only be friends with you.", but we never continued any friendship. Turns out she took an interest in another man that she was seeing, but probably didn't tell me about.

 

Chances she was just tolerating our 2nd date as she was committed to it. What was weird was, we had someone take a picture of us together and she asked me to text it to her, which I thought was a sure sign of continued interest.

 

She was very attractive for a 48 year old in the area as most women in this area look like 3 am Wal-Mart dwellers. lol

[salparadise]

This is a little more than a forced clickbait article from some content farm.

 

Sidenote: I just spent the weekend at a friend's wedding. He's a very capable, down-to-Earth, hilarious, loving, pharmacist. They make a perfect pair. They met on Match. They would've never met without it. Had one of them taken the advice "quit online dating forever" because of a few bad experiences, their lives would be infinitely less amazing than they are right now. Terrible article.

 

I know quite a few couples who met online, married, and living happy lives together. My brother is one of them. It's probably different for twenty-somethings, but for mature folks on their second go round it's total game changer.

 

1. IT'S NOT AUTHENTIC ANYMORE.

2. CONVERSATIONS ARE SO CLICHE.

3. I'M SICK OF THE UNWANTED SEX TALK.

4. THE ODDS ARE THE SAME IN REAL LIFE.

5. SEARCHING FOR MR. RIGHT IN A LAZY WAY IS CONTRADICTING

6. IT DISCONNECTED ME FROM REAL LIFE.

7. I'M SICK OF COMPETING FOR AFFECTIONS IN A SHALLOW ONLINE WORLD.

8. I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DATING THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

 

1. It was never authentic if what you mean is the same as meeting someone by happenstance. I think what she means is novel.

 

2. Agree with this. Damn it's hard to have an interesting conversation without either being cliché or crossing boundaries. It also requires way too much effort for the rather low odds... if you're the guy. Women don't have to make any effort, so they just get bored.

 

3. Pffft. If you get one of those and don't shut him down or block him, then it's on you.

 

4. Not true. Not even a little bit. The odds are exponentially greater online.

 

6. You have to manage sh*t all the time. Manage this too.

 

7. Valid point. I hate that part too. However, I managed to find plenty who didn't like multi-dating, and those were the ones I had relationships with. Based on #6 I think she was playing the field and complaining that the guys were doing the same.

[blackcat777]

The secret to receiving 0 sex talk in OLD is to keep your profile business casual, and cute. The slightest hint of sexy will... surprise, invite sex talk.

 

Never received one dick pic and I got 100s of messages per day. (I also used OKC and not Tinder... umm, don't use a hookup app if you don't want sexual attention.)

 

Market yourself wisely.

 

I think this is good advice for the real world, too, that too many people have lost sight of...