Reconciling. Went well but got clingy/desperate. now?

[zubat]

Backstory

-3 months ago, broke up with my gf of 1.5 yrs

-she was into me more than i was into her. it became one sided and i started picturing single life. i ended the relationship.

-realize how immature i handled the relationship and break up. i gave her excuses why the relationship wouldnt work when in reality it was quite minor and fixable. we needed more communication (and effort on my part).

-we are compatible with each other emotionally and physically. i know if we get back together this could mean marriage down the line.

 

Previous attempts at getting back together

-NC for 3 weeks. she msgs me first and we start talking more, hanging out, but she would break down and end it after 1 week. Reason: she doesnt feel i have a plan, and doesn't want to be strung along

-NC for 2 weeks. i msg her first and repeat above breakdown/ending. this time i realize i was the problem (above reason plus i was being selfish)

-immediately after second ending, and realization (no NC), i decide to try harder, treat her better. she accepts and we are talking again

-each time we got back together, we've slept

 

Current attempt

-i try harder...we text more and talk on phone. started meeting for lunch and after work. at first it was going well, we're attracted, upbeat and happy

-been about 3 weeks now, and we had moments of uncertainty/old problems spring up, but we stuck it out and decide there's a plan to address it

-recently, i started getting more clingy and desperate. things are moving fast and i dont want to lose her again. vicious cycle. she starts mentioning the feeling isn't the same (another way of saying shes not attracted to my clingyness, but doesnt admit it..remmeber in her mind i didnt treat her well before)

 

Moving too fast

-finally we had a date 3 days ago. i showed bigger signs of cling that date like holding her like bf/gf, bringing up smaller annoying/jealousy things. she was not receptive to those advances and was clear she wasnt comfortable. at the same time, she teases and tempts me (sexually)...for her own ego?

-i text her after the date apologizing for coming off too strong. she ignores it. i dont follow up or call her hoping to give her space/avoid running the risk of more cling.

 

Now...

-today, we had a fitness class (scheduled last week, before the bad date) and i txt her to confirm time and place. she responds right away (good?). i keep it lighthearted, funny, no pressure, no mentioning of ignoring texts, no holding her, no kissing. it went well. i also made sure it wasn't totally platonic and we made some flirty jokes and created some tension. she is still guarded.

-it's only been a day but still don't text. is it right to go LC to avoid cling/give her time to miss me? did i already screw it up, and she lost attraction from the cling? how long do i wait? i want to give this a serious shot before i totally give up. i know i can find someone/move on if i have to.

 

thanks for reading and help. can provide more info if needed

Edited August 15, 2016 by zubat

[benpom]

Good luck!

[loveiswar101]

Backstory i want to give this a serious shot before i totally give up. i know i can find someone/move on if i have to.

 

Unfortunately that sentence in m eyes says it all!!!

 

If was to give any advice, leave her be. Let her contact you, when she does, make a date. That's it, get away from the deep and meaningful. If she brings it up change subject. Just have fun...

[ShootingStarlet]

you broke up with her because she felt more for you, and now you're the one feeling more for her so why would she make it easy for you? You had her, you left her, because she really liked you....you're lucky she still wants to even talk to you, because you seem too scared to take a hit to your ego , which is what it is, you're all about her ignoring a text when you broke up with her.... her trust in you has faltered, you can't just expect her to take you back like that....would you even respect her if she did? If she was so easy to win back. I feel that if you're thinking of giving up, then you should, because she is worthy of someone to actually try harder after hurting her....and I think if you got her back, a few months later you'll probably just get bored and want to break up again. It's only because she's not around and your ego isn't being boosted and you're not getting the emotional support or physical affection from her that you miss it, but truth is, you didn't appreciate it then and you just won't in the future. She's probably a really nice girl, but you might need a girl who challenges you a bit more, a girl who you're totally happy with....or maybe you actually should be single and date many people right now because you're not ready for the committment which is fine. All I'm saying is, she sounds more serious and she seems to be testing you to see if she can trust you, but you're on here treating it like a game and you're clueless about how you can really win her back, or you wouldn't have to be on here..and you're not that into it..