I can't get thru to my husband

[Dlucio1]

No matter what, I cannot communicate w my husband. He is so nervous when I approach him or when around him. He has built this wall and don't know what I did that made him this way. Every time I want to talk he gets mad and says I want to argue again. He always raises his voice and calls me names. He no longer sleeps w me. 1 yr now. He nvr texts nor calls me ever. He never approaches me to "fix" things ever between us. I have always bn loyal, hard working mom, and my family was my priority. I'm the one who still loves him after all he's put me thru. I have forgiven him but every argument ends w me mentioning his affair. I know I should nvr mention it again but it makes me so mad when he treats me so bad and I tell him I'm still wishing that he would one day speak to me the way he spoke w that other woman. I mean is it me? Why do I believe him when he tells me I'm evil, he had the affair cause of me, blames me for it all. He constantly tell me he is tired and stressed and that I don't appreciate what he's done for his family. I do, I told him but my heart hurts when he calls me a B word, fat and ugly, even tried to stab me once in front of my son (he said he was bluffing and was so angry) He has a bad temper. History of hitting me but stopped after I called the police. When I enter the house he goes in the back yard to do yard work. Avoids me all the time. Our home is emaculate front & back yard. He cares so much about the home but has emotially abandoned me. I'm lonely and hurting so much. He NEVER approaches me. I went to a lawyer for advice and told me I can't leave my house and my husband gets half my pension. He has no pension. I need to come up with $2500 to start a divorce. It's hard cause I give him 2 checks a month to pay the mortgage and he pays the bills. I buy groceries and I also pay $250 every other mos for the utilities. I can't even ask him what he pays he gets mad. My kids r big. My dtr is 15 and my son will b 21 in two weeks. My dtr has told me I'm too nice and that her dad doesn't love me. I was shocked hearing this from her. This is a example of him not caring for my needs, I tried to speak w him yesterday and he got upset. So then I told him to lower his voice. Then he screams and calls me names. Then I told him I'm very unhappy and want him to move out. He leaves. 4 hrs later he comes and purchased a $600 weight exercise machine. OMG. HES ALWAYS STATING HE IS UNHAPPY W ME and why is he purchasing? I'm so confused and going crazy.

Edited August 16, 2016 by Dlucio1

[ChickiePops]

He's a disgusting, abusive sub-human. Divorce is literally your only option. Have you called a new, non-psychotic lawyer yet?

[Mr. Lucky]

My dtr has told me I'm too nice and that her dad doesn't love me. I was shocked hearing this from her.

 

From the mouths of babes.

 

Your kids are old enough, get out and save yourself...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tayla]

This has been taking a toll on you and your well being.

Please consider the following:

1: open your own financial account.

2: pay your half as agreed , directly to the mortgage company and utility place.

3: choose to be well.

4: He had an E.A. , well over a yr ago. What are you doing to heal?

5: Get counseling. You may need to have a sounding board... Your husband is not it.,

6: How is your social support? Friends... family?

[Miss Clavel]

I went to a lawyer for advice and told me I can't leave my house and my husband gets half my pension. He has no pension. I need to come up with $2500 to start a divorce. It's hard cause I give him 2 checks a month to pay the mortgage and he pays the bills. I buy groceries and I also pay $250 every other mos for the utilities. I can't even ask him what he pays he gets mad. My kids r big. My dtr is 15 and my son will b 21 in two weeks. My dtr has told me I'm too nice and that her dad doesn't love me. I was shocked hearing this from her. This is a example of him not caring for my needs, I tried to speak w him yesterday and he got upset. So then I told him to lower his voice. Then he screams and calls me names. Then I told him I'm very unhappy and want him to move out. He leaves. 4 hrs later he comes and purchased a $600 weight exercise machine. OMG. HES ALWAYS STATING HE IS UNHAPPY W ME and why is he purchasing? I'm so confused and going crazy.

 

next time he leaves, change the locks. get that done.

 

i got a "family" divorce for much less. it means you have to do the "settlement" yourselves.

 

if you can not get him to argue with you on the phone for free then maybe after you change the locks take back the exercise machine and put that money toward the divorce.

 

he needs exercise at this juncture of his life? cuz like your dd told you, he doesn't love you. someone else is seeing his body or is about to?

[Dlucio1]

I guess whats holding me back is the house. I was told if i leave i abandon the house/family. I want my half. Our finances are separated since the EA. Dont trust and i nvr healed. Im a complete mess. Why doesnt he leave? Why would he want to stay? Ive told him to get out but he doesnt take me serious. Plan #2 is not giving him any more money and i find a place to stay for me n my daughter. Lose the house.

[ChickiePops]

It's just a house. Isn't yours and your daughters safety more important?

 

Why haven't you found a competent lawyer yet?

[Dlucio1]

I know. Money money problem. I have a day off soon. I can go to the courthouse. I heard i can get the paper work there? I have to find the cheapest.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have to find the cheapest.

 

Stephenson Family Law - Home

 

That is but one of many Sacramento divorce lawyers offering a free initial consultation, a quick search will give you more. Make an appointment and some informed decisions...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BluesPower]

First, glad you realize that t you have to divorce.

 

First, you have to get you head together and calm down. Breath!!!

 

The house is community property, it will be split in half. It may suck to lose it be really it is just a house.

 

Assets are community property, your concern is if he is hiding cash, and with his behavior, he probably is.

 

Your husband is nuts, I don't know for how long, but if you are describing his behavior correctly and honestly, he is gone.

 

He is more that likely still having the affair, or another one.

 

None of this is your fault, he is abusive, and trying to control you because he lost the power in the relationship when he got caught.

 

From what you are describing I am guessing some type of Bi-Polar or something along those lines. I am not a doctor, and it is just a guess, either way, you have to be strong and get out now.

 

Then, in order to protect yourself, you need to take him to the cleaners, no matter how much you think you may love him. Sweetie, no offense, I am not really sure you really know what love is. You can still find out one day if you are lucky, but this is a situation that you have to remove yourself and your kids from.

 

Here another thing, if you have to miss a mortgage payment or 2 to get an apartment, then too bad, he can take back the exercise machine.

 

Hang tough and post as often as you can so we know you are OK.

[Dlucio1]

First,

None of this is your fault, he is abusive, and trying to control you because he lost the power in the relationship when he got caught.

 

Can a man be soooo angry from getting caught? This is when things got worst. He wants so bad to find fault in me. Blame, accuse, im not good enough, I don't do this for him or that, etc. Why can't he admit it happend and sorry. So much anger. He just called me at work (he never calls me) returning my email I sent him about "stonewalling" because he has been doing this to me for a long time. Harrasing me telling me he's been unhappy for a long time and thats why he had the affair. He hates me because I talk back and brake things so he is so scared of me. I admit I do that on average once a year, but he said the cruelest things to me and even spit on my face in front of my daughter. That is so painful for me. How can a husband spit on his wifes face.

We'll I just told him Im done with the abuse and give up. I just called my best friend (she's a realtor) to sell our house asap. I don't know if thatss best right now or wait and go to a lawyer about it? I have a feeling he wants me to leave first. This is the most stressful time in my life right now. So much pain/stress. I feel like going to the ER for a med to relax. I just made a appointment to psych to talk to someone. Thank u all for listening. If it wan't for this forum, idk, thanks for all this advice. I am too nice and naive. I think this is worst than my last husband of 1 yr 30yrs ago who stuck a gun in my neck. I left him and annulled my marriage. I've only been with 2 men in my entire life. Both tramatic events, but this one is worst. I'll nvr marry again. Its said cause I am over 50 now and will be alone. Its ok, overall I am a happy person, love my job and have family and friends. Thx again.

Edited August 17, 2016 by Dlucio1

[desertfunguy]

I kind of get the same treatment, minus the violence, from my wife. She is in the other room sleeping off one of her headaches, which I caused, due to stress, for being alive. She spends, does crazy things, says crazy things, avoids therapy, and basically lives in avoidance. I agree that you need to leave your home. He is violent, and that is it. If my wife hit me or threatened me, I would send her elsewhere. Protect your daughter. Just take the next paycheck, plan a move, don't tell anyone, grab your daughter and go. Leave a note and tell him you are fine, will be in touch to set-up a parenting plan. Then get a lawyer to write restraining order, for the violence, include the school where your daughter attends, give them a copy. Don't send her to school until you have it, as he can pick her up. Then divorce him.

 

If the house has equity, the lender will work with your attorney to hold payments and just accrue interest. It will take some time, and there will be some legal fees, and you may need to BK, but that is okay to escape from this situation. There are good men out there. I am pretty sure that I and many others on here, facing the same insanity as you, will soon be available. It would be nice to have a fun, sane, confident, loyal companion once again, who actually thinks the world of you. It will happen if you make it happen. It is my mission too. And, protect the kids. He sounds like a really messed up individual. He will find someone equally messed up to cohabitate with as well.