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Is there any situation where an affair would be understandeable?

maryquitecontrary

By maryquitecontrary,
in The Other Man / Woman

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maryquitecontrary

maryquitecontrary

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I was with my husband 17 years. I was faithful all of those years until the last six months. By then I had become extremely depressed and was self medicating. My husband hadn't touched me in years and was sleeping in my daughter's bedroom. I had told him I wanted a divorce and spent months looking for an attorney to help me get one. Nobody would take my case since my husband was a divorce attorney that they all worked with. Finally, one woman agreed to take me as a client, but she said "If you want my advice, stick it out until your daughter is 18 because this is going to be a horrible divorce." I felt alone, desperate, and trapped in this nightmare of a marriage.

 

One night I confided in his best friend who had been a close family friend of ours since we all met at the age of 19. We confessed that we had been attracted to each other all of these years and then you can imagine what happened. After about 7 months of daily texting we finally met up for one night together. He was also unhappily married. I was actually happy to feel loved and wanted again and tbh I didn't feel any bit of guilt when I came home afterward to face my husband. I don't think there is any good excuse for cheating, but if there was one-- I thought I had it.

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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I was with my husband 17 years. I was faithful all of those years until the last six months. By then I had become extremely depressed and was self medicating. My husband hadn't touched me in years and was sleeping in my daughter's bedroom. I had told him I wanted a divorce and spent months looking for an attorney to help me get one. Nobody would take my case since my husband was a divorce attorney that they all worked with. Finally, one woman agreed to take me as a client, but she said "If you want my advice, stick it out until your daughter is 18 because this is going to be a horrible divorce." I felt alone, desperate, and trapped in this nightmare of a marriage.

 

One night I confided in his best friend who had been a close family friend of ours since we all met at the age of 19. We confessed that we had been attracted to each other all of these years and then you can imagine what happened. After about 7 months of daily texting we finally met up for one night together. He was also unhappily married. I was actually happy to feel loved and wanted again and tbh I didn't feel any bit of guilt when I came home afterward to face my husband. I don't think there is any good excuse for cheating, but if there was one-- I thought I had it.

 

It's not that I think it is cheating or so wrong because you are married, I think you are trading one heartache for another. The board is full of women who fell for an unhappy married man. Guess what? You now are making him happy and helping his marriage. Better for you to just end it and find someone available.

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maryquitecontrary

maryquitecontrary

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Why doesn't he want a divorce if you're both so miserable?

 

We have been divorced for over a year now and still have frozen assets and undecided child custody because he is making everything so difficult for me. I ended the affair after that one night years ago. My ex husband doesn't know but will find out soon in amended discoveries. I finally decided to disclose it as I should have done a long time ago, but I was protecting my friend and his family.

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maryquitecontrary

maryquitecontrary

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It's not that I think it is cheating or so wrong because you are married, I think you are trading one heartache for another. The board is full of women who fell for an unhappy married man. Guess what? You now are making him happy and helping his marriage. Better for you to just end it and find someone available.

 

We were only together that one night. We decided to end things soon after. That was several years ago. He has reached out to me since my divorce, but I told him to contact me when he decides to get his own divorce.

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Ronnie33

Ronnie33

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Understandable, yes. Acceptable, no.

 

I had my own affair and my marriage was a mess, so I understand. If I could do over though, I never would have.

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MidnightBlue1980

MidnightBlue1980

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We have been divorced for over a year now and still have frozen assets and undecided child custody because he is making everything so difficult for me. I ended the affair after that one night years ago. My ex husband doesn't know but will find out soon in amended discoveries. I finally decided to disclose it as I should have done a long time ago, but I was protecting my friend and his family.

 

Why are you here then? You should be moved on, you are single. What torments you?

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maryquitecontrary

maryquitecontrary

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Why are you here then? You should be moved on, you are single. What torments you?

 

 

Well, I am having to relive those days in court as he tries to rip me apart and take my daughter completely away from me. He has already kept her from me for two years.

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ChickiePops

ChickiePops

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Well, I am having to relive those days in court as he tries to rip me apart and take my daughter completely away from me. He has already kept her from me for two years.

 

How? Were you abusive? It's nearly impossible for a parent to keep a kid away from the other parent if abuse is not involved.

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sandylee1

sandylee1

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How? Were you abusive? It's nearly impossible for a parent to keep a kid away from the other parent if abuse is not involved.

 

I'm sure he knows all the right words to say and evidence to fabricate.

 

How old is your daughter?

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ChickiePops

ChickiePops

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I'm sure he knows all the right words to say and evidence to fabricate.

 

How old is your daughter?

 

Whoops, missed that he's a divorce attorney. Yikes..good luck OP.

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Mr_Fox

Mr_Fox

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Mary - I don't blame you at all for having an affair in your situation. No sex or love is very difficult to handle for most people and you deserve both. So don't blame yourself.

 

Though, I do not think you should have disclosed the affair. Why give him more ammo when he is being so nasty to you?

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Grapesofwrath

Grapesofwrath

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Understandable, yes. Acceptable, no.

 

I had my own affair and my marriage was a mess, so I understand. If I could do over though, I never would have.

 

Same here, Ronnie33. I have few regrets in life, but my exit A from a deeply miserable marriage is one of the rare few.,

 

I would say your situation, OP, is understandable. The thing that makes it unacceptable is the continued deception. Living with integrity means taking responsibility for one's actions. That includes your AP and you both dealing honestly about what you've done.

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