How To Find Long-term Relationship?

[dcarney]

Hey all.

 

I'm 29, male , white, and short with a good-looking face. I'm also a professional. I recently got out of the military and moved to a new city 2 months ago.

 

I haven't had many romantic relationships and none since college. I do attract women, but, in the past, it was merely a few dates or one night stands.

 

I'm not so great with regular relationships either. My oldest friends that I actually see have been in my life about 3-4 years, though I still talk to some college friends on Facebook from time to time (however, I've moved frequently over the past few years so that may explain it).

 

In any event, I'm looking to settle down, but I don't really know how to do it. I can go to a bar and easily make out with multiple women and sleep with them, but I can't seem to get into relationships.

 

In fact, whenever I start trying to be a relationship guy, I usually get frustrated and end up hitting the bars for easy sex.

 

Some compounding issues:

- I'm short (and, therefore, limited on who will date me)

- I was laid off last week (though, I already have interviews and have a passive income stream to survive on)

- I'm considering going for my MBA from a top school (none of which are in my current state)

 

To be honest, I've passed on multiple women in the past either due to my insecurities or because they made it too difficult and I didn't want to put the work in. I realize the errors in my ways and I would like to change and settle down.

 

Any tips?

[bummer]

You answer your own question repeatedly why you are failing.

 

You prefer going for easy sex. You're insecure. You don't maintain other relationships. You don't want to put in effort if it seems difficult...

 

Bars are not your friend for LTR women. Mutual interests with a club, sport, or other activity will present real women to you.

 

Are you serious about wanting to "settle down" if you may leave the state anyways for your MBA?

 

Most important question is, are you a real man? Not trying to squash your ego, but reflect on this deeply and start fixing what you can and make the effort where it matters. Good luck.

Edited August 17, 2016 by bummer

[dpass]

I usually get frustrated and end up hitting the bars for easy sex.

 

I didn't want to put the work in.

 

A) You are not going to find a quality woman in a bar while looking for easy sex.

 

B) Relationships take work, if you aren't willing to put the work in then get out of the game.

[preraph]

Well, sounds like before you just pick someone to settled own with, you first need to successfully date and see if you are able to control the urges that have been making you walk away and go back to just getting sex. There's no magical "right woman" that will put you right, because you do have work to do. The good thing is you are of a mindset now that you want to change. But start dating and see if wanting to translates into being able to do so and don't put pressure on yourself to find a keeper until that is within your capabilities.

 

You can meet women at bars, but don't just take them home and sleep with them. That's now what most of them only want. Get a phone number and ask for a date. Meet women at all activities, sports, music events, church, school, etc. Maybe while you're unemployed, take a fun retail job in the interim and meet people that way. Good luck. And thank you for your service!

[theone101]

Visit my site for extra help on dating tips and places to go!

 

https://onlinedatingentertainment.wordpress.com/

[Giaesquire]

First, you have to understand you will be fine. People are staying single longer and longer, so don't worry that the pool is drying up. As for being short and unemployed, also no big. I'm very short and so prefer smaller men. I doubt I'm that unusual in that preference. Not having steady work will alarm normal women only until they learn more about you; it is not as though you are a lazy person with no marketable skills.

 

The reason you probably feel you "don't know how" to do a long-term relationship is likely that you haven't met the right person. It's cliche, but true: when you meet the right person, it feels natural. I wish you very good luck!

[dcarney]

You answer your own question repeatedly why you are failing.

 

You prefer going for easy sex. You're insecure. You don't maintain other relationships. You don't want to put in effort if it seems difficult...

 

Bars are not your friend for LTR women. Mutual interests with a club, sport, or other activity will present real women to you.

 

Are you serious about wanting to "settle down" if you may leave the state anyways for your MBA?

 

Most important question is, are you a real man? Not trying to squash your ego, but reflect on this deeply and start fixing what you can and make the effort where it matters. Good luck.

 

I don't understand the question. What do you mean by "real man"? I support myself, go to the gym, and have male genitalia.

 

Not trying to be sarcastic, but I really don't know what that means.

 

A) You are not going to find a quality woman in a bar while looking for easy sex.

 

B) Relationships take work, if you aren't willing to put the work in then get out of the game.

 

Sorry. I realize that I misrepresented myself in my OP. I haven't done that in some time, but I also haven't really been attempting to meet women. I haven't had sex in over 2 years by choice.

 

But I also haven't really pursued relationships in that time either. I did make a few half-hearted attempts here and there, went on a few dates, etc.

 

Well, sounds like before you just pick someone to settled own with, you first need to successfully date and see if you are able to control the urges that have been making you walk away and go back to just getting sex. There's no magical "right woman" that will put you right, because you do have work to do. The good thing is you are of a mindset now that you want to change. But start dating and see if wanting to translates into being able to do so and don't put pressure on yourself to find a keeper until that is within your capabilities.

 

You can meet women at bars, but don't just take them home and sleep with them. That's now what most of them only want. Get a phone number and ask for a date. Meet women at all activities, sports, music events, church, school, etc. Maybe while you're unemployed, take a fun retail job in the interim and meet people that way. Good luck. And thank you for your service!

 

I actually already landed a job and start in a few days (long story, but it was through a connection). I guess I could take a retail job on the weekends and just hit on girls there lol.

 

I've tried doing the cold approach, getting number thing. It worked occasionally, but not most of the time.

 

Visit my site for extra help on dating tips and places to go!

 

https://onlinedatingentertainment.wordpress.com/

 

LOL

 

First, you have to understand you will be fine. People are staying single longer and longer, so don't worry that the pool is drying up. As for being short and unemployed, also no big. I'm very short and so prefer smaller men. I doubt I'm that unusual in that preference. Not having steady work will alarm normal women only until they learn more about you; it is not as though you are a lazy person with no marketable skills.

 

I'm good. I have a job now.

 

The reason you probably feel you "don't know how" to do a long-term relationship is likely that you haven't met the right person. It's cliche, but true: when you meet the right person, it feels natural. I wish you very good luck!

 

Yeah, I have no idea how to get into relationships. My last actual official girlfriend was like 10 years ago. Most women since then were either flings, women that wanted a relationship (but I didn't reciprocate), and women whose intentions I've never figured out (the vast majority of my interactions lol).

[ZA Dater]

The fact you get sex easily suggests you are not without charm, use that charm more effectively.

 

Trust me many of us here wish we could find anything "easy" when it comes to dating.

[darkbloom]

Just a thought-- maybe you have a reputation as someone who just goes for easy sex. The perception might not be doing you any favors. Quality LTR girls probably think you're just a player looking for sex. Your actions have to line up with what you're saying if you want this to work.

[dcarney]

The fact you get sex easily suggests you are not without charm, use that charm more effectively.

 

Trust me many of us here wish we could find anything "easy" when it comes to dating.

 

I wouldn't say it's "easy". Like I'm not standing around having women constantly preposition me (lol).

 

But if I go out to a bar and put in 3-4 hours of work, I'll most likely get SOMETHING.

 

Just a thought-- maybe you have a reputation as someone who just goes for easy sex. The perception might not be doing you any favors. Quality LTR girls probably think you're just a player looking for sex. Your actions have to line up with what you're saying if you want this to work.

 

I've changed cities multiple in the past 4 years. In the past, when I was in college, I definitely had that reputation. But no one knows me where I am now.

 

Although, people have told me numerous times in the past that I come off like "I'm up to no good". Women have randomly called me a "bad boy" and I'm not sure why that is. I have a job, no debt. I don't leach off of people. I've never been arrested. I don't have a motorcycle or tattoos or anything like that.