Poppy47 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 The birthday will be on Friday. I have been feeling very miserable for the last week . It is an event that was celebrated during the A. Today, I have felt a certain amount of acceptance about never seeing him or speaking to him again. It's a good feeling because it strengthens my resolve to be out of the relationship that took away my life for many years. Certainly it was my fault too, but my strength had been taken away by a loss and once I was involved with xMM, it was a very easy option to continue. If you are in an A, get out before it takes away too many years of your life. Poppy. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 I'm so sorry you're hurting this week Poppy. I'm glad you're moving towards acceptance. Your posts are usually very direct and to the point and I think of you as one who is pretty much over all of the drama. It was a bit startling to see you start a thread and acknowledge that you still feel sad over this. I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable here. And you're right that your story should serve as a warning to all of us. Take care of yourself. You are so strong and admirable. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 There will always be triggers. It will be a sad day on Friday but don't wish him a happy birthday. I think you are strong enough now to keep going and know NC is working. Sending you strength! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 The birthday will be on Friday. I have been feeling very miserable for the last week . It is an event that was celebrated during the A. Today, I have felt a certain amount of acceptance about never seeing him or speaking to him again. It's a good feeling because it strengthens my resolve to be out of the relationship that took away my life for many years. Certainly it was my fault too, but my strength had been taken away by a loss and once I was involved with xMM, it was a very easy option to continue. If you are in an A, get out before it takes away too many years of your life. Poppy. I think you should celebrate with a day for yourself. Go to a spa, get a facial and massage. Meet some friends. Buy a new dress or lipstick. I relate to that feeling of never seeing or speaking to him again. It's hard to get to that point where you don't care. I'm not there yet 100%. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 I thought that was somebody famous's b-day. John Stamos? Bill Clinton? Is that a payday Friday? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Good luck. I don't find bdays trigger me, we never celebrated and I never ever got a happy bday text or anything. It always used to bother me but now I'm thankful Try and keep busy. Get your nails done, get our hair did, eat a bath tub full of chocolate whatever you have to do to get through the day Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgirl186 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Love reading your posts and I admire your strength Poppy. Just know a lot of us struggling ladies here look up to you. ❤️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 How awesome that you get the most valuable GIFT on his birthday which is...YOUR FREEDOM! PRICELESS! I agree to do something nice for you! Buy yourself roses, go on a day trip, get an expensive bottle of wine...Beautiful carry out or take yourself to dinner alone or with a friend. I rearranged every single room in my house recently and threw away lots of things just to feel a new flow and new energy. Lavender baths help in the evening and burning a bay leaf is helpful too. If you feel anxious that day find an ocean or lake and go by the water and write a letter with anger, or forgiveness, or anything you want to get out and tear it up and toss it in the waves. You got this Poppy xo 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Englishman Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Hey Poppy, Be strong and don't wish Happy Birthday, I'm on the other side it's my 50th next week and me and mAP have agreed to stick to NC... but I know I'll check my email to see if she does break NC and I know I'll be sad if she hasn't e-mailed me a happy birthday message despite that being the wrong thing to do 3 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Hey Poppy, Be strong and don't wish Happy Birthday, I'm on the other side it's my 50th next week and me and mAP have agreed to stick to NC... but I know I'll check my email to see if she does break NC and I know I'll be sad if she hasn't e-mailed me a happy birthday message despite that being the wrong thing to do Want you to know, if she doesn't, she thought to or wanted to and weighed it out if it would cause more harm than good. I know with my xeap I didn't and I cried because of it. I didn't ignore it to be spiteful or because I didn't care, I just KNEW I had to stick to NC. I know you've been going through he'll trying to do the right thing. I'm so sorry and sympathetic to what you are going through. It's HE'LL to let go. Even if it's "right" doing what is right SUCKS When we were programmed to care. It's going to take awhile for all of us in long term affairs to condition ourselves to indifference. It's been a struggle. I'm committed. But it's AWFUL. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 If there's any day that he'll expect you to break, it will be that one. Don't be predictable. And just imagine how you would feel the day after breaking NC...after all your progress, you are just right back where you started. Ugh. It's just a day. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Share Posted August 18, 2016 Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. You are all a great support network for me and each other. It is 4 months NC out of an 8 year affair. That's not long. I am expecting many memories to come along before the twelve months are over. I think going through the annual cycle of events helps us to move on with this or any loss. Working through the disenfranchised grief of leaving an affair is hard work. LS has been my place of support as there is nowhere else I can go. None of my friends or family know the truth. Southern Sun.... I know he will be expecting me to break NC and he would jump at the opportunity. Tomorrow is just another day at work. I might go out for a nice dinner tomorrow evening. Again thank you from my heart, Poppy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Hi Doll ExMM turned 50 a few min ago and it was a hard one as we'd planned to be on a super holiday. I consoled myself with the thought that no matter what he was doing it wasn't as good as what we had planned, and that I hoped he was happy with his subpar birthday. X 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Stay strong. You're doing great. I'm a few months NC after 4 years with xmm. Although the addiction is overwhelming to overcome...I envy you and your strength and find comfort in your post. Thank you and keep up the good job. We can no longer be their crutch and solace in their poor marriage. Let them deal with their choices they make. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Same as Englishman, I celebrated my 50th a few weeks ago. I wondered (and secretly hoped) if xMM would break NC to wish me a happy birthday. He didn't. Part of me was angry and disappointed. Figured he forgot about my birthday already and didn't care, etc. Now that the dust has settled on the whole big celebration, I realize it was the best thing that he didn't do it and re-open that can of worms. Nothing good could come from it. I've made so much progress over the last 4 months of NC. I don't want to go backward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Share Posted August 18, 2016 Grapes , you can be sure he didn't forget. Just be thankful left you alone. It only takes on small slip and you are rabbit stew again!!!!! Those months keep rolling by and before you know it, it will be a year NC. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 (((((((Poppy))))))) Make yourself a cake or buy yourself a gift (or both!) and celebrate it as an antiversary 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 (((((((Poppy))))))) Make yourself a cake or buy yourself a gift (or both!) and celebrate it as an antiversary Thanks Lobe, Just sitting here having a glass of good white wine. It is soooo good to be away from the toxicity of the affair. It was sucking the life out of me. Cheers, Poppy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 Thanks Lobe, Just sitting here having a glass of good white wine. It is soooo good to be away from the toxicity of the affair. It was sucking the life out of me. Cheers, Poppy. Cheers Poppy! An 'antiversary' over, and here you are, still heading in the right direction and a trigger stronger! Bravo! Cuckoo Link to post Share on other sites
AngeliqueC Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Poppy, ((hugs)). Glad you made it thru with your head up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 I DID make it through xMM's birthday. No Worries. I don't feel sentimental about him at all. It is my opinion that he was abominable to his wife and me for 8 years. I knew she didn't. Either way, he was the winner. It took a long , long time for the rose coloured glasses to shatter but they have. Poppy. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
lilacwine Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 I DID make it through xMM's birthday. No Worries. I don't feel sentimental about him at all. It is my opinion that he was abominable to his wife and me for 8 years. I knew she didn't. Either way, he was the winner. It took a long , long time for the rose coloured glasses to shatter but they have. Poppy. Wow, Good for you Poppy. I'm really really happy to hear that. His huge ego must have been badly bruised. I'm sure he must have expected a text or email from you. He deserved to be ignored forever. Now YOU are the winner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 thanks Lilac I don't want to be the winner, nor do I wish him any harm. He needs to stay firmly in his place, far far away from me. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 It's his birthday tomorrow. So, I guess I can relate to this. Last year I was sad we were not able to see each other that day. This year.....he said some really hurtful things two or so weeks ago when we saw each other last time. He said those things in response to my reaction of him being away on his birthday this year as well. I find it hard to go through the day tomorrow. I also find myself not wanting to say anything anymore to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poppy47 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 It's his birthday tomorrow. So, I guess I can relate to this. Last year I was sad we were not able to see each other that day. This year.....he said some really hurtful things two or so weeks ago when we saw each other last time. He said those things in response to my reaction of him being away on his birthday this year as well. I find it hard to go through the day tomorrow. I also find myself not wanting to say anything anymore to him again. If you feel that way, you don't have to say anything to him ever again. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
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