Things aren't the same

[Kyoung02]

Some background,

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and 4 months now. We both started the relationship because we haven't felt this way for anyone else, and we still do believe that we love each other. We live together and spend a lot of time together unless I'm on nights (2 weeks of the month).

 

7 months into the relationship something minor happened that began making me have trust issues. After a few months I began to feel more normal but I've realized that I've became more protective.

 

She's told me she feels like I hold her back, and that she misses the perks of being single. Yet, She says she doesn't want to be with anyone else.

 

I myself think we smother each other to much and some time away is what we need. Since our last talk about this 2 weeks ago I've tried to give her some space and let her think. Today she told me that she still has thoughts and is confused.

 

We do love each other a lot, but how do we go about fixing our problem? There's not spark or connection right now, just hope. We both are committed to giving it a shot to work things out, we just don't know how to go about doing it.

 

I'm on nights for 2 weeks now and I've been feeling like doing small gestures. I got her flowers recently to brighten the mood a little and she really appreciated them.

 

Thanks in advance for taking your time to read this. How do I go get a spark going again, or is it time to let go?

[kgcolonel]

We need more details on the "small event" however, I see the need for time apart. I'd bet money that someone has caught your girlfriends eye or that she has friends who are single and she feels tied down by being in a R.

[aileD]

This is what happens.

 

You "fall in love" Which is really limerence which is really a rush of chemicals that make you feel good. You suddenly think you're found your soul mate.

 

Those feelings wane after 2mos to 2 years then and only then can you realize if it's really going to work. You have to put in the hard work, deal with reality and see if you can work through the power struggle phase .

 

You moved in together too quickly. Reality has set in.

 

I don't know what to give you for advice, but that's what happened.

[NTV]

Why do you want it to work out? If she did something at the beginning of the relationship that gave you trust issues (conscious or subconscious ones), then than should be a big freakin red flag from the jump.

[Kyoung02]

The event was, I caught her texting an ex who wants her back. I confronted her on it and she admitted to it and apologized. Deleted him of all social media and lost his numbe after texting him to leave her alone. One day (a week after the incident) I was at work and he shows up at our place, chats for a few minutes, goes in for a kiss then leaves.

She told me 2 days after it happened saying " she shouldn't have ever let it happen, I don't wanna lose you" things like that. Since then when I'm on nights I can't help but think horrible thoughts, and when we talk about it or I ask her she proofs that she's not sneaking around or anything. I believe her.

 

She does have single friends and a sister who loves to party, but most times she turns them away because she doesn't want to party anyways, although I said I didn't care if she goes. I should also mention she's going to college for a small program in the fall.

 

I wanna make this work because of the time we have together and we've honestly both agree we're best friends and don't want to ruin anything.

 

Today I called her in the morning because I noticed she seemed off. She says she keeps having bad thoughts no matter how good we seem to get at times.

 

I can't help but miss her and the way we were, throughout these 2 weeks sex and our time together have been really enjoyable.

[NTV]

Okay, I can see how you feel about her. I wouldn't trust her. Maybe it is time to let it go.

 

 

Thing about letting go, is that it never feels like it's the right time to do it until it's too late. There is no good time to breakup.

 

 

But if you're with the wrong person, then it's better to break up now than to let it continue to marriage.

[bummer]

She's having doubts herself. Especially if she is starting some new college program. New starts and transitions are always good excuses to purge the old and bring in the new... Sorry man.

 

One of the hardest lessons I've learned this year was that you truly honestly CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU. You can't. If they don't want to love you, you can buy as many flowers and have the best sex ever, but you cannot make someone suddenly want to spend the rest of their life with you.

 

Tread carefully and enjoy as much as you can!

[NTV]

She's having doubts herself. Especially if she is starting some new college program. New starts and transitions are always good excuses to purge the old and bring in the new... Sorry man.

 

One of the hardest lessons I've learned this year was that you truly honestly CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU. You can't. If they don't want to love you, you can buy as many flowers and have the best sex ever, but you cannot make someone suddenly want to spend the rest of their life with you.

 

Tread carefully and enjoy as much as you can!

 

I can't make some one love me ??!!?!?! ... man... that's a bummer....

[FrenchToast]

Kyoung02,

 

Let her go. If she worries that she is being held back or that she is going to "miss out" on the single life then your time together right now is not the right time or maybe ever. It may not be about her dating other people either. It may be more about her growing up and finding herself.

 

If you have to worry about what she is up to while you work at night then you should let her go! She should not have to provide proof that she is "behaving" and you should not have to ask for it. You are not her parent.

[basil67]

Quick question from me: are the two of you still having enough sex? Or has that gone down the tube too?