Hiatus? Second Chances? Just Friends?

[Nichodemus]

My ex gf and I were together for a year before we broke up. It was initiated by her, but we both knew deep down it was coming because in the past few months we were just arguing, not doing couple things together, or even when we were, it was very sullen. The relationship was growing stale for months, and every meeting devolved into arguments. The love at the start was gone. Well, after the break up call, we called again that very night, and I told her I accepted where she was coming from.

 

Surprisingly, we somehow hit it off again just like old times. We talked and laughed about our mistakes, agreed that we were both to blame. I'm really not sure what overcame us, but it felt like we had cast off our baggage and ill-feelings that we had harboured for months. We somehow talked for hours about everything. We were very honest with ourselves, and suddenly it felt like any inhibitions we had in the past few months were gone. It felt like....dare I say, chemistry.

 

I'm not sure if this is how normal break ups would go? During the conversation, my ex wistfully said that the deep and fun connection we had when talking was what she wanted when we were in a r/s. It was just ironic that it occurred after we broke and cast off any baggage. She was completely surprised after speaking to me, that we clicked again, just like the start of our relationship when we were in love, though now with the added hindsight that we both have seen the worse of each other a year later. She told me she realised that I had changed alot for the better since the start of our relationship.

 

She even mused about potentially situations if we got back together. She told me that she feared deeply that she would regret the choice, but we agreed that it was good that we put a stop to our r/s as it was getting into a toxic spiral of forced chances and negativity. We agreed that we would stay as friends, talk, and see how it goes, where fate takes us. I don't think we're going to date anyone for a long time, it hurt both of us quite badly.

 

I'm not sure how to feel now. My friends laughed and told me it seems like the shortest breakup. Both my ex and I had a mad day, we were angry in the morning, sad when we broke up, and somehow bizarrely bittersweet happy at the end of the night. She told me that

 

I'm not sure if it's because we're happy that it's over or if it's because we came really clean with each other, talked our differences over, and agreed on what mistakes me made. That old cliche, "If you can still be friends with your ex, you've either never been in love, or still are in love" still haunts me. If we had felt so much better together after the relationship was over, does it mean that we never loved each other, were suited to be good friends, or does it mean that we still love each other deep down, but need time to heal from the past few months' of negativity. Sort of like time to heal and regroup of thoughts. A test period.

 

It wasn't a relationship broken by cheating or trust issues; we had both been faithful to each other, even when she was out of the country for half the time. She's a great girl with great character and she told me that I had alot of qualities she wanted in a guy. It was as if the old chemistry had sparked back during the conversation.

 

We sort of left the door open to each other in a way I think. We're meeting up on the weekends just to study (College kids), and plan to do so more in the future. She even told me I could crash her house at times, something she never let's any guy do.

 

I'm not even sure if this should be in second chances, break ups, or etc. Is this even a break up or a hiatus? I could do with some good advice here.

 

Ps, Not sure if it was clear enough, but when we were talking, I did confess that I would still harbour feelings for her, maybe not full fledged feelings, but enough to make me consider dating her again. She was fine with that, and didn't push me away or put her foot down on being friends forever.

Edited August 17, 2016 by Nichodemus

[bummer]

Tread carefully. No sleepovers unless you two are sleeping together.

 

The nice thing about nice reconciliations is that even 100 nice things will never outweigh 1 more bad thing that will drag up the much stronger, uglier negative emotions which are lingering just below the surface.

 

Be a nice guy, but don't push your luck. Act uninterested and don't make the first move for anything. Let her come back to you.

 

 

OR, go find a new college gf. That's the best advice.