Logistics of Shared Custody

[Gemma1]

I just have a question - why are you paying child support? You're splitting them 50/50. Why is she entitled to child support and you are not?

[anna121]

I just have a question - why are you paying child support? You're splitting them 50/50. Why is she entitled to child support and you are not?

 

OP has already answered this - state rules consider financial position of each parent, and seek to equalize in order to give consistent std of living for kids.

[grays]

And this will sound shallow, but it is all sexually frustrating as well. I still find her incredibly attractive, and she spends most evenings in tight fitting yoga pants with just a tank top on. Why, just last night, as was coaching the girls to brush their teeth, my STBX hiked her summer dress up past her waist so that she could reach under and unhook her bra, which she then wiggled out of, all while standing next to where I was sitting on the floor.

 

So, on the one hand, I am angry with her, and hurt over her affair. On the other hand, I still respond physically to my attraction, and we are still living under the same roof, where I continue to receive many of the old, familiar cues of our shared life and shared intimacy. I find myself thinking about her sexually, and then remembering that she already has a new boyfriend, she essentially cheated on me, and she has decided to leave me.

 

I will be *so* relieved when I can come home at night and she won't be there.

 

This doesn't sound shallow at all. I remember the same kind of feelings. My ex and I were together for 25 years. We had a terrible sex life for the first 23, but about a year and a half before the end he all the sudden stepped up. Looking back I realize it wasn't so romantic. I'm pretty sure he was already in love w the OW and realizing he had never properly f*cked a woman and wanted to figure out how to do it. Of course, I didn't know that and I ended up really falling for him all over again.

 

So there was this period of time where I was feeling so hurt and angry and betrayed but also like I wanted him so badly. I had had a life time of bad sex and felt like I had just woken up sexually and I was starved for it. And, I suppose bc we had been together for so long and because being his wife was such a huge part of my identity, I could hardly fathom the idea of being with someone else. The good news is that at some point those feelings just suddenly turned off. It was like one day I looked at him and had no feelings for him other than disgust. Now I look at him and I'm shocked I was ever attracted to him at all. The other good news is there's lots of people out there I actually am attracted to and they don't look or act like him! ? Just think of how much fun you're gonna have when you get back out there!

[Tayla]

Generally when it's 50/50 the courts rarely interject a support order. They consider that each is contributing. Unsure how that can change in the state of residency...

 

I'm questioning the advice the Op is getting thru the attorney. Doesn't sound like valid advice is being garnered to protect what assets are in question.

 

Any thing in the individuals name remains theirs to be accountable ( vendor/)creditor wise.

[EdibleWoman]

I did approach an attorney, but only so far as to determine that I didn't really need an attorney. She and I were never married. I wrote the check to her, and she signed the deed over to me. The new deed has been registered with the state.

 

But you make a good point about the LOC - that could certainly become a legal liability in some scenarios. I hadn't thought of that.

 

The thing is, I am currently making the payments for the furniture, but it is an account in her name. She wants me to clear the account now, which I cannot yet do. So, that is why she wants me to open a LOC for her - she in effect has one open for me, though it is only a side effect of her deciding to leave. If we were in this for the long haul, as planned, then we would still be together long after we had paid that account off.

 

Just please promise to go to the men's divorce forum for a second opinion. Even if you're not married they will be able to help. (Are you sure you're not common law married?) I know it's easy to avoid issues right now but you don't deserve to get raked here - think of your kids - the $$ for her excess could be used towards their development and education. Stated another way, at this point $$ is finite, and it either goes to her or the kids. I wish you the best.