TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hello. I've been married a little over a year, and he and I have a daughter. But I am very unhappy in my marriage. We married for her. He is a very laid back person, and that I can mostly deal with. But in the bedroom it drives me crazy. He is a sweet, gentle lover and I want passion. But he says he cannot bring himself to do that. I handle my own needs often as sex leaves me unsatisfied. He's good with his daughter, he's very attentive to her, but I feel very displeased throughout.
DKT3 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Hello. I've been married a little over a year, and he and I have a daughter. But I am very unhappy in my marriage. We married for her. He is a very laid back person, and that I can mostly deal with. But in the bedroom it drives me crazy. He is a sweet, gentle lover and I want passion. But he says he cannot bring himself to do that. I handle my own needs often as sex leaves me unsatisfied. He's good with his daughter, he's very attentive to her, but I feel very displeased throughout. So, is there a question? 1
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 So, is there a question? How can I get what I want, being married to this man? I ask for passion, and he says that's not in him.
bummer Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 How can I get what I want, being married to this man? I ask for passion, and he says that's not in him. Some people aren't "passionate" rabbits. The real issue is that he isn't willing to try being passionate. He isn't willing to fake it to satisfy you? If he won't try, then there isn't really love in this marriage to raise your child. If he's great otherwise, just try to bring little things into the bedroom to help you out and just be satisfied by satisfying yourself at the end. You two aren't sexually compatible...
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Some people aren't "passionate" rabbits. The real issue is that he isn't willing to try being passionate. He isn't willing to fake it to satisfy you? If he won't try, then there isn't really love in this marriage to raise your child. If he's great otherwise, just try to bring little things into the bedroom to help you out and just be satisfied by satisfying yourself at the end. You two aren't sexually compatible... No, he is not willing to fake it. It's not really satisfying to satisfy myself at the end, I can do that without him.
xxoo Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 If you want exciting, be exciting. What have you tried to ignite his fire? 1
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 How can I get what I want, being married to this man? I ask for passion, and he says that's not in him. What are some examples of the things you've asked him to do? What is "passion" to you? Mr. Lucky 1
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 What are some examples of the things you've asked him to do? What is "passion" to you? Mr. Lucky I'm not asking for kinks really, just more force and aggression during sex. I don't like tender love making.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'm not asking for kinks really, just more force and aggression during sex. Has he ever been like this? You may simply be pounding the proverbial square peg into a round hole... Mr. Lucky 1
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Has he ever been like this? You may simply be pounding the proverbial square peg into a round hole... Mr. Lucky Yes, this is how he's always been.
xxoo Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Has he ever been like this? You may simply be pounding the proverbial square peg into a round hole... Mr. Lucky It'd probably help if he would pound whatever peg he's got :/ 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Are you in love with your husband? Do you find him attractive? Do you get turned on by him at all? How about before you got married? If not, then the problem runs much deeper than just getting him to be more passionate or aggressive in bed with you. This might be something where a professional's input and counsel might be helpful. Either a marriage therapist or a sex therapist depending on where the real problem stems from.
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Are you in love with your husband? Do you find him attractive? Do you get turned on by him at all? How about before you got married? If not, then the problem runs much deeper than just getting him to be more passionate or aggressive in bed with you. This might be something where a professional's input and counsel might be helpful. Either a marriage therapist or a sex therapist depending on where the real problem stems from. He is attractive, and he can turn me on, but no I don't love him.
NTV Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 The problem is probably likely that you guys think different things when you say the word "passion". He's probably thinking he's gonna have to dance around in a mariachi outfit with a flower in his mouth. lol Most women I know don't really know what they say by saying passion or romance. It's like a female code word for hot steamy sex. But in a guy's mind, it's poetry and flower petals on the floor and doing a whole lot of buttering up with compliments. The best compliments are the honest ones.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 It'd probably help if he would pound whatever peg he's got :/ Agreed but I see where the OP's H is coming from. Women post here frequently that their partner wants them to do or try something they're uncomfortable with, guess Mr. TastyTreat sees this the same way. Most husband's would be happy to oblige, not sure why he's so reticent... Mr. Lucky 1
central Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You married for the wrong reason. He can't be what you want and need. You can accept this, or divorce. I think divorce is the best option here, as you can still be great co-parents while hoping to eventually find someone who is compatible and whom you can love without reservation. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 but no I don't love him. And there's your answer... Mr. Lucky 7
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 And there's your answer... Mr. Lucky Yes, I know it's a big problem, but I would hope you don't need love to have passion.
DKT3 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 How can I get what I want, being married to this man? I ask for passion, and he says that's not in him. Marriage is about compromising, accepting your spouses good and bad qualities. It's not about getting what you want, it's about getting what you've earned. A marriage has two people involved, you want what he is uncomfortable with sexually. What are you willing to settle for so that you don't lose out on his other qualities? BTW I'm not sure what tv shows you've been watching but rough sex isn't passion.
RecentChange Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You don't need love to have sexual passion. But I would imagine being married to someone who doesn't love you could kill that real quick. In my experience love creates passion, or burning desire, LUST creates passion. Sounds like you two have neither Loveless marriages - a mix of familiarity which can kill lust, and a lack of emotional bond - I don't see how he could get too excited about it. 1
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Marriage is about compromising, accepting your spouses good and bad qualities. It's not about getting what you want, it's about getting what you've earned. A marriage has two people involved, you want what he is uncomfortable with sexually. What are you willing to settle for so that you don't lose out on his other qualities? BTW I'm not sure what tv shows you've been watching but rough sex isn't passion. I've settled for a lot for this man. I have given him everything he asks, and all I ask is something in the bedroom.
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 You don't need love to have sexual passion. But I would imagine being married to someone who doesn't love you could kill that real quick. In my experience love creates passion, or burning desire, LUST creates passion. Sounds like you two have neither Loveless marriages - a mix of familiarity which can kill lust, and a lack of emotional bond - I don't see how he could get too excited about it. Even before marriage he was a gentle lover, but thank you.
GorillaTheater Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've settled for a lot for this man. I have given him everything he asks, and all I ask is something in the bedroom. Have you ever loved him? Does he know that you don't love him? Finally, rather than use the word "passion", which can mean different things to different people, have you flat out told him that you want him to be, as I understand it, forceful and aggressive, specifically using those words?
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Have you ever loved him? Does he know that you don't love him? Finally, rather than use the word "passion", which can mean different things to different people, have you flat out told him that you want him to be, as I understand it, forceful and aggressive, specifically using those words? No, I haven't, and he knows that. I think part of the reason he wanted to get married was he hopes I will love him. I have asked for that in those words and more, and he insists that's not who he is.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 So let me see if I understand this... You married a man you do NOT love because you had a child together. Even before you married he was never the kind of passionate/aggressive lover you craved. You are one year into your loveless marriage and you're bored silly sexually. You want or will remain married provided he ravages you in the bedroom. Did I get this right? So all you're looking for is how to turn him into a beast in bed so you can get through your marriage for the sake of your child? 1
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