Girlfriend and I broke up before college, what can I do to get her back?

[CLP]

Sorry this is really long, I need to go into detail...

 

My Girlfriend of 15 months broke things off with me around a month ago. The primary reason being because she is going off to college (FAU), which is about two hours away from where her and I live. She doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship. She is 18 and I am 19, we became friends during my senior year of HS and her Junior year, and about three months later we started dating (May 2015). She was obsessed with me when she first started talking to me. Even sort of taking me away from the other girl I was talking to before. We would talk for hours on end in her car after school.

 

The relationship was great, we had our ups and downs of course, but we were learning each other very quickly. We are both weird and quirky and not afraid to be ourselves or be weird around each other. We both have similar senses of humor, we'd make each other laugh, our music tastes were half and half, we did everything together, we really did. Now, this was my first official girlfriend, I had been "things" with a few girls before, but never officially dating. So it's fair to say I was a little inexperienced, but she didn't have much more experience than I had, only when it came to sex I would say. We saw each other around 4 times a week.

 

She was the first girl I had slept with (First time was after a party bus lol). When it comes to our personalities, I'll admit, they are a little different. I am more laid back and positive about things but am still outgoing and loud at times. She on the other hand is pretty loud most of the time and even obnoxious sometimes, and sarcastic, but I think because of my impact on her, she toned down a little. But I think having some differences in personality helps each other grow as people. She didn't have the best reputation in HS, everyone called and still to this day call her "Crazy", so going into the relationship I was well aware of this, but I just didn't care because she was beautiful and funny and we got along well. Though I soon found out, she was pretty crazy lol. Not crazy like key your car crazy, but crazy as in very emotional and gets upset easily. This is why there was a good amount of fighting in the beginning of the relationship, it was really bad on her part however. She said things to me that no girlfriend should. Things like "You're a Piece of ****" "Go to hell" things like that. And she'd say it through text and while screaming in my face. And I'm being honest, 90% of the time I didn't deserve it. Simply being 45 minutes late and having her wait in her car in my driveway for me because I was at my Baccalaureate dinner is not a reason to scream in my face. She was a little verbally/emotionally abusive. Now, because I was inexperienced, one thing that I now know and should've done is to just say sorry, even if it's BS or I did noting wrong. Most of the fights wouldn't have continued if I would've just said sorry. Later in the relationship I started saying sorry more often.

 

Okay so fast forward a few months and everything is improving. We were barely fighting at all, we had gone on multiple trips together for vacation and we had gotten very comfortable around each other very fast, to the extent where she didn't mind going to the bathroom right in front of me, things like that. We had still been buying each other nice gifts and I was still bringing her flowers every couple of weeks ever since the very beginning. I took her back to homecoming and we were still going out on dates/dinner usually once a week etc. She also cooked for me constantly which was amazing. As the new year came, she started bringing up the colleges she was considering. I was and still am currently going to Florida Southwestern State College which is in our home town. She also started seeing me as her best friend, which is indeed a good thing. We did a lot of things together, keep in mind that she also became much less social with friends throughout the relationship. This is mostly because all her friends ever did was party and get drunk, and that's not something she was really into anymore. So it was mostly just me she'd hang out with and occasionally one other friend. She also told me I was the only person who truly understands her and accepts her for who she is.

 

She is also a Vegan (Something she is made fun of by others as well) and so she started having a big influence on my diet and she inspired me to go Pescatarian, which is a small step but still something new. I am still pescatarian to this day, even considering going Vegan. Food is something we bonded over and discussed a lot. We have a few different passions, which didn't really bother me nor I think her. I like cars and she doesn't. She likes health and nature and stuff like that. I like that stuff too though. I also started working out again and gaining some muscle. (One thing she would sort of mock is that I was skinny) I prefer the word "Lean" but whatever. She is also a fitness addict, I've never seen anything like it, she is so determined and it is very inspiring. So throughout the relationship, she had lost 35 lbs and is quite skinny now. So she looks really good in my eye, not that she didn't before.

 

Okay so time for the breakup... we had discussed me going over to FAU (Where she eventually decided to commit to) and she really pushed me and really wanted me to go, I ended up getting denied due to low test scores, so then I thought about the community college nearby FAU and then transferring into FAU later on, after many talks with friends and family, I decided it was dumb to follow a girl to college, especially just to go to a community college. FAU is only 2 hours from home but still. So once I told her I was going to stay in Fort Myers, I could sense everything going downhill a little. She was sort of mentally preparing herself to break apart from me in a couple of months, basically ever since she graduated HS. We had a few talks and we kind of decided to break it off once she went off to college. She then was saying she doesn't want to be tied down in college, but I think the "Long distance thing" (even though it's not really long distance) got to her head.

 

She also said that whatever happens that I promise we"ll still be friends, and she was tearing up while saying that. She definitely still wanted me in her life. I should've communicated better with her about staying together during college because I didn't want to break up but just was sort of accepting the fact that it was probably going to happen. So I didn't ever talk about it. I regret that. So, shortly before we were all going to California for a second time with my family, she ended things with me and said that we're just friends. I wasn't expecting to break up until about another month and a half. She ended up still going on the trip because it was too late to get a refund on her ticket, so it was weird, but we still got along for the most part there. She's friends with my sister so she hung out with her most of the time. We got into a big argument in Cali, she was being a complete B**** about the whole thing, I don't like that word btw. We were discussing the breakup and I wanted answers. I ended up telling her I made out with this one girl a few days earlier and she said "I'm wayyy ahead of you if you think that's going to make me jealous (With the laughing emoji), so clearly that made her a little jealous if she would even say that. She was saying she'd been having great sex with these two guys after "15 months of terrible sex". She was saying that she fell out of love with me ever since December, keep in mind this is July at the time of this convo. If that's true all it means is that it was rebound sex, or she was texting them towards the end of the relationship. And she said she's still attracted to me but not sexually attracted to me anymore. Like she is attracted to my face and personality, that's good at least. Now some of this stuff I don't really buy, she probably was saying she's been having sex to get a reaction out of me. And if she fell out of love with me, why was she pushing me to go to college with her? Her mom even said the main reason is that she doesn't want to be tied down in college. She also said that I'm boring, even though I was pushing her to go Kayaking and mini golfing and to see the blue springs. She said she wanted to do those things, just not with me. ??

 

She said she fell out of love because I don't make her happy anymore. Even though I still took her out on dates, buy her things from time to time like clothes, give her massages and rub her feet without her even asking, I simply would do it because I know she likes it. I would carry things for her and make her laugh all the time. I complimented her at least once a day, calling her beautiful etc, and sending long goodnight texts. She would send me those too btw. (I was a little whipped from time to time, but I don't care) I was incredibly sweet to her and never once cheated on her. She didn't cheat on me either. I treated her so well, and I'm not just saying that, I really did. I never let her go about not thinking she was amazing and beautiful. She says I didn't appreciate her in the beginning and that once I did it was too late. I actually did appreciate her in the beginning, I just wasn't good at showing it because I was inexperienced, and why should I appreciate someone who calls me a POS and all that other stuff. I eventually did take a step back and realized she is one hell of a GF (Besides the negative comments) and I started becoming incredibly lovey with her about 7 months in.

 

Let's talk about the sex since that is an important part...

 

In the beginning, like most new relationships, we were having sex a lot. Like 3-4 times a week. Once summer ended it went down to 1-2 times a week because school made her stressed. Keep in mind we only had sex at my house, not hers because of her dad. Then eventually it started being once every 2 weeks, and then 3 weeks. And I'd sometimes even have to remind her to have sex. I was worried maybe she was cheating on me, but she wasn't. I think maybe she was mentally preparing herself for us to break up by having less sex, so maybe the break up was easier? During that argument in Cali, she said I wasn't good at sex, but more so the lead up to sex. She said I stopped turning her on and was awkward. I guess being tall (6'4), attractive, always smelling good, dressing well, being sweet and contemplative, massaging her and lighting candles isn't enough? She says I'm not with her on an emotional level, can someone please clarify what that means? I think I am. And she says physical things don't really turn her on, it's more mental and emotional things. So then why did she say that if I gained like 10 pounds (Which I did) that it would be a turn on in bed. I know it seems like I'm glorifying myself but trust me. I also think I am better in bed than she is. She doesn't realize that girls can be good at sex too, and not just lay there doing and saying nothing. It's supposed to be fun, so who cares if something goes slightly wrong. Before we officially broke up, we hadn't done it in almost 2 months. Now, I know guys are much easier to turn on but she really turns me on a lot of things she does, so easily, only not when she's being rude. I'll admit, the sex could get boring/repetitive at times. We did from time to time change things up by doing it in new locations and what not. We even got a sex toy and some other things. So I wouldn't say the sex was amazing, but it wasn't bad either. But that shouldn't be the main factor to break things off with me.

 

Sorry this was so long. I am so confused about the whole thing so I felt like I needed to go into detail. Again, not trying to sound like I'm perfect because no one is, but I was so good to her and did things that I think any girl would love and not want to lose. So the question is, what can I do to get her back? Don't say there's no chance, because I know there's a chance. We broke it off on good terms and we are still very close. It's not like one of us cheated or something. She told me I am very special to her. I appreciated her so much, but now that she's gone, I appreciate and miss her even more. Maybe I need to show her that, I don't know. She gave up on someone who would've never given up on her. She is still the most beautiful and funniest girl I have ever laid my eyes on and I am still in love with her, I am so unbelievably attracted to her. She still loves me too. She even left me a note in my room that said "I love you :)", just the other day. I still look at other girls and don't find them nearly as attractive as her. I do get jealous very easily, I was and still am a little territorial/protective of her, and the thought of someone else, especially a frat guy in college (since all they seem to care about is smashing) being with her makes me furious. I did tell her that if she's ever hurt or needs me, I will drive down to FAU and beat someones head in.

 

After we got back from Cali, keep in mind we were broken up, I went out to her car to say what I thought may have been to last goodbye, we hugged for a couple of minutes straight, and then hugged again. I was quite sad, and she then kissed me on the cheek a couple of times and then on the lips. I didn't really kiss back though because it was unexpected. So I don't really know what that was all about. Just a bit before that she had told me that she wanted to get lunch one last time before she went off to FAU. I told her I wasn't sure yet. She had also told me that she loves me as a person and for who I am.

 

So after that night I gave her the No Contact rule for about 3 weeks. I even stopped liking her Instagram pics and ignored her snaps she'd send, basically trying to see if she'd notice. After a few days she texted me saying "I miss talking to you, I wish you texted me more often." I took a few hours to respond and just said that I don't think it was the best idea right now. She proceeded to say "You seem happy without me I figured you'd want to talk." I knew that was a trick statement. She was definitely trying to get me to say I missed her (Which of course, I did) but I responded neutrally, and then she responded with a joke that her and I laugh at, but I ignored it. About a week later of more NC, she sent me snap with ":(" of a surprise "I love you" note that I wrote her a while back, and I guess she kept it in her car and still had it. Then a few minutes later she texted me "I miss u." but I ignored it. Now, I did want to have lunch one last time, just to catch up a little after the 3 weeks of NC, I had been trying new things that she had inspired me to do, so I figured it'd be good to share that with her.

 

I texted her about Lunch. She had texted me asking if we were still meeting up and few days earlier but I just said "Idk yet". We ended up meeting for dinner at one of her favorite places that I suggested. Last minute, she called me and told me her parents wanted to go to dinner since she was leaving for FAU the next day. So she asked if it was ok if her parents went along, It's weird I know but even though I wanted it to be her and I, I just said "sure I guess." We all had dinner, this was just 3 days ago, and we all laughed and caught up on things. Her and I talked a lot and got along and made each other laugh, I could still tell she's attracted to me by the way she'd look at me. I told her that I have been eating a lot of vegan foods and coconut oil pulling and being healthier. She texted me later saying she wishes I would've done this stuff when we were together, she says she pushed me to do all this stuff. We still have great chemistry. Afterwards, I gave her one last long hug, she said she's gonna miss me. Letting her out of my arms was the hardest thing I had done in a long time.

 

So, she just moved into her dorm yesterday, I had told her that I'd see her once she was in town and she agreed. I will be doing more NC for a while, which is so hard for me. Thank you for reading all of this, please let me know what you think of this. It's hard to really get advice from people because they don't truly know the relationship. But I am curious to hear people's responses. I wonder if I would've gone to community college by her, if things would be different, if her and I would still be together. She is still my best friend and I will do whatever it takes to get her back. Thank you

Edited August 19, 2016 by CLP

[bummer]

Firsts are rarely the last.

 

Lots of telling clues in there, but honestly come to grips with the reality that this modern age isn't suited for eternal first loves.

 

The faster you try real NC and stop meeting her when she comes home, the faster you'll adapt and move on. You must move on, she's done.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't start multiple threads because you aren't getting the answers you want in the other thread.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's only 18, going off to college for the first time, just starting to get a taste of life as an independent adult. She did the right thing, hurtful as it feels now. If you'd stayed together, chances are that it would have ended in a few months anyway. I can't tell you how many couples I saw fall apart those first few months of school, because well, you are surrounded by new and exciting people and events and life and people at home all seem a bit dull in comparison.

 

Also, there is never a reason to accept verbal and emotional abuse. You most certainly should not have just put your head down and said sorry in the face of this. It's unacceptable. This girl has a lot of maturing to do. Her getting upset that you don't really want to talk to her is an indication of that, too. Her ego is bruised that you aren't pining away for her, but she can't have realistically expected any other outcome. She hasn't yet learned that an ex is not to be treated as Plan B.

 

Her telling you that you're not good in bed is her way of lashing out and blaming you for this break-up. She isn't necessarily wrong that women like an emotional connection in addition to the physical (I'm a woman, too) but my suspicion is that she lacked the emotional union because she had already checked out. There's not much you could have done there, because based on your description you were quite an attentive boyfriend. She just lost interest over time and is trying to make it sound like it's your fault.

 

Hard as it will be, the best thing is to go No Contact. She is going to have so many distractions in the upcoming weeks that trying to maintain any sort of friendship is going to bring you heartache. And do you really want to be hearing about new guys, parties, nights out with her new friends? I doubt it.