pathology/rejection/lies pleae read!

[greypen]

Hello,

 

 

For the past week, I have been shattered into a million pieces by a guy I recently broke up with. We dated for about 4 months. We spend almost all of our time together, and for the most part, I felt incredibly in love with this person and so happy with him. But, towards the end he started acting hot and cold. Just being overall not the greatest, but nothing he did was specific. When I first started dating him, I felt this little itch of mistrust, and throughout the relationship that feeling would start to grow, and I'd freak out convinced that he was seeing other people. He would calm down my fears, and I would feel crazy for acting out and all would be okay.

 

So, when he started acting strange, I broke up with him. I already have issues with trust, so if I didn't feel like he was with me 100%, I didn''t want to be with him. He took it badly and wanted to make sure that ther was a possibility of us getting back toether. He made me turn around the break-up and make it a "time apart" to think. So we did. In my mind we had broken-up though, and it really hurt.

 

I am not someone who would ever read anyone's email, ever. But last week, I thought why not, we are broken up and it will just quench my fears about him and make my decision more easy to deal with. Yet, when I opened his email, I couldn't believe what I saw. He was dating at least six other women while he was with me. Each one of them is like, please level with me, be honest with me, and then he talks them out of it, they feel crazy for acting up and all is okay again. Lord knows how he has the time to manage all of these relationships. These girls are even more ****ed up than me by this person, who is a pathological liar. His feeling may be genuine for all of these women, but for him there always has to be another. He obviously feels a very deep rejection from his father, and has become an emotional black hole that sucks everything towards it in order to fill the gaping hole inside of him.

 

So I went to get checked for stds the next day. When we first started dating we had the monogomy talk. I got tested and he told me he got tested too. Turns out he may gave given me chlamydia/PID. Thi is really scary and may cause infertility in women. My doctor thinks we caught it early, but I am very scared and spent one day this week in the ER. I mean I hope this is all I have, but to think I may even have HIV since we were having unprotected sex and he was coming inside of me. I feel very stupid for letting myself trust someone like this. I know know that that kind of sex is just not possible these days. Condoms are necessry, even if you are married. How do you truly know your partner isn't cheating on you?

 

So, I have told him that I know, not that I read his email. He continues to lie. With the std, he thinks that he can say that he may have had it all along and that he did not cheat on me that he had it from before, even though I pointed out to him that he told me he got tested early on the relationship. It is just unblievable and really, really scary.

 

I am not a stupid girl. I do not trust easily. I have a rgeat career and many men pursuing me. This person shattered me in a way no one has ever before. I feel ike I am becoming myself again, but I have been traumatized by everything I have said in here and would love any feedback you may give.

 

g

[moimeme]

Needless to say, you should not have been having unprotected sex. As for him having chlamydia from before, it's entirely possible. I don't believe men are routinely tested for chlamydia. If you just got it, chill; it takes a long time to turn into anything serious. And hopefully you haven't gotten HIV but it will be some months before you know for sure.

 

This only illustrates yet again why 'falling in love' when you haven't known someone very long is such a dangerous thing to do. You have to try to resist the urge to be infatuated early in a relationship because too often you find out later that the 'dream' person is more like a nightmare. You may have learned your lesson; I hope others reading will, too.

 

By the way, posters are asked to post their question ONCE only.

[LoveNoLoss]

that you were with him for only 4 months... I don't know for sure but he sure sounds like a Narcissist to me. I was married for 8 years to a man that had 7 girlfriends in the mean time.... maybe more... I was devestated and still am... He didnt use a condom with some these women.... I was lucky in that I didn't catch anything...

 

Let this loser go.. heal yourself and USE A CONDOM the next time you meet someone... please.. nobody is worth your health.

[lindya]

As a result of breaking into his email account, you have information that suggests that this man is not only seriously deceiving several women, but significantly increasing their chances of contracting an STD.

 

On the basis that the interests and wellbeing of those other women outweigh this man's right to privacy, I would therefore be making up a new email account. From that account I would email every one of those other women. It would be a short email, and would state: "Here is X's email account password. What you do with it is entirely up to you."

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by lindya

As a result of breaking into his email account, you have information that suggests that this man is not only seriously deceiving several women, but significantly increasing their chances of contracting an STD.

 

On the basis that the interests and wellbeing of those other women outweigh this man's right to privacy, I would therefore be making up a new email account. From that account I would email every one of those other women. It would be a short email, and would state: "Here is X's email account password. What you do with it is entirely up to you."

 

I agree, other than I would also make sure that they all have each others e-mail so they can contact each other and compare the stories.. You will not only do the right thing in the interests of each of the other woman but you will also provide some closure for what they are about to deal with.

[lindya]

It's drastic action which shouldn't be entered into lightly - so consider it carefully, check out the legal implications and proceed with caution. If you do decide to do it, best use an internet cafe.

 

PS Worth noting that people have had criminal charges pressed on them for accessing ex-lover's email accounts (eg to delete emails from new lovers).

[d'Arthez]

Yes, but given the fact that the ex has chlamydia in all likelihood, might also mean that the health of these women is at stake.

 

Perhaps writing down the email-addresses of these women down, and email them from another account is a suggestion?

 

You need to explain then, why you are emailing them, and what health risks they are running. What they do with that information is up to them.

[fanou22]

Originally posted by lindya

It's drastic action which shouldn't be entered into lightly - so consider it carefully, check out the legal implications and proceed with caution. If you do decide to do it, best use an internet cafe.

 

PS Worth noting that people have had criminal charges pressed on them for accessing ex-lover's email accounts (eg to delete emails from new lovers).

 

 

And knowingly infecting other people with STD without their knowledge falls under "Assault & Battery".

She can contact her county's health department who will know better what to do in regards to informing others.

[VirginiaBob]

" heal yourself and USE A CONDOM the next time you meet someone."

 

or better yet, wait until you are married to give your body to someone again. Just because society says it is ok to have sex with 100 random guys, doesn't mean you should.

[lindya]

Originally posted by fanou22

And knowingly infecting other people with STD without their knowledge falls under "Assault & Battery".

 

Which is why, as I said, I wouldn't just sit on this information - but her ex's wrong doesn't automatically excuse the OP for gaining unauthorised access into his email account in the first place (assuming, from the circumstances, that it was unauthorised access). If she passed this information onto an official body, she'd probably be asked to explain how she came by it.

 

No doubt it would be against the public interest to penalise someone for passing the relevant information on in these circumstances. Still, even when you're absolutely sure that the law is on your side, it's always a good idea to prevent the stressful and expensive scenario of having to stand up in court and explain to everybody exactly WHY you're right. Therefore, in this situation I'd be inclined to follow the less official route.