Does general mistrust of people/being private indicate an individual has been abused?

[TheCurious1]

What are your thoughts?

 

Do most abuse survivors tend to be private people that have a difficult time trusting others?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

What are your thoughts?

 

Do most abuse survivors tend to be private people that have a difficult time trusting others?

 

 

 

Your two questions are worlds apart.

 

 

And thus to answer one or both is more a 'trap' than anything else.

 

 

 

Figure out a single question you want answered, and then post that alone.

[todreaminblue]

There was a study that was done that had the hypothesis that abuse survivors are different to abuse victims and that victims are actually more vulnerable people.....that predators often have a radar and find victims who have suffered abuse.....the type of abuse sufferer more likely to have abuse happen again are victims

 

abuse survivors and victims want to trust thats the thing....in this wanting to trust....lies an inherent vulnerability to trust...the wrong type......survivors are more likely to have learned a lesson from past abuse......victims are often misled...

 

that is the reason when anyone calls me a victim.....i say ...i am a survivor....

 

as a survivor ...i can trust i will make good decisions if i take the time keep my head and heart together.........that includes in relationships.....a victim...will struggle trusting the first person they need to trust which is ...themselves...

i know ill survive....if i trust my instincts.....i am a survivor..i cant speak for others......but trusting someone normally is equal to how much you can trust yourself.........deb

Edited August 22, 2016 by todreaminblue

[basil67]

Could not begin to consider an answer without more information.

[Methodical]

Like others have suggested, you need to elaborate more. Your general title question, "Does general mistrust of people/being private indicate an individual has been abused?"

 

In general, no, a lack of trust or being private indicates that a person is more selective with the company they choose to keep. And even then, that doesn't mean they share their life history. In most cases, trust is earned, not given.

[Fair]

If you can live in this world today and not have trust issues you're a phenomenon.

 

In one sense it's always a result of abuse. An abuse of trust from which we've all suffered ... but it doesn't automatically mean you have had a bad childhood.

 

There are some personality types (thinking of Carl Jung, here) naturally less inclined to trust or be social. It's best not to make assumptions, besides it's no one's business what someone else might have gone through.

[PrettyEmily77]

Trust issues, in my experience = trauma in childhood or abusive past relationship(s) that have not been dealt with, or emotionally stunted individuals (narcissists, either overt or covert and sociopaths) who shouldn't be trusted themselves.

 

You can be introverted, private or selective in your choices of partner/friends and have no trust issues (more like high boundaries or no real needs in social interactions) and you can be an abuse survivor and have no lasting trust issues.

 

Either way, a total lack of trust in anyone (friends, family, co workers, society in general) can't be healthy regardless of reasons.

[266696687]

I've actually seen the opposite of this in a friend.

 

She came out of a long term abusive relationship. Instead of healing and implementing firmer boundaries and learning about and understanding the warning signs for these relationships she's jumping straight into another one with a man who is quite clearly and obviously lying too and manipulating her.

 

I fear she is destined to re-live the same abusive relationship over and over.

 

She blindly trusts to the point of self denial. She blindly believes whatever she is told by the guy and distrusts anyone who dares to tell her his lies (which are huge and anyone with common sense or Google could discover).

 

She seems to have little or no boundaries at all.

[PrettyEmily77]

I've actually seen the opposite of this in a friend.

 

She came out of a long term abusive relationship. Instead of healing and implementing firmer boundaries and learning about and understanding the warning signs for these relationships she's jumping straight into another one with a man who is quite clearly and obviously lying too and manipulating her.

 

I fear she is destined to re-live the same abusive relationship over and over.

 

She blindly trusts to the point of self denial. She blindly believes whatever she is told by the guy and distrusts anyone who dares to tell her his lies (which are huge and anyone with common sense or Google could discover).

 

She seems to have little or no boundaries at all.

 

Empathetic people tend to trust with an open-mind - she likely thinks she's giving the underdog a chance. This has nothing to do with her own boundaries at all, and probably all to do with her self-esteem and, obviously, the fact she's being mercilessly gaslighted.

 

I know because I was there once, a long time ago.

 

I try to spend as little time as possible thinking or talking about about it now and avoid situations where I might get triggered (ironically, LS helps keep things in perspective).

 

It eventually fazes out into a bad dream, but it takes a lot of time and genuinely good, patient family and friends to help get out of that soul destroying place - lucky for me, I'm naturally a secure person so got back to my usual self when fully out, and I had that amazing support system in place (and still do).

 

I hope your friend has that too.